diff --git a/.gitignore b/.gitignore
index b1bb6c4b6..b6539ad4f 100644
--- a/.gitignore
+++ b/.gitignore
@@ -5,7 +5,6 @@
 /.vscode
 /.DS_Store
 /.eslintcache
-/.lint-docs-cache
 
 # These are artifacts from various scripts
 /dist
diff --git a/package-lock.json b/package-lock.json
index bd72f42d3..15cab0416 100644
--- a/package-lock.json
+++ b/package-lock.json
@@ -21,13 +21,11 @@
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-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/http-signature/-/http-signature-1.2.0.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha1-muzZJRFHcvPZW2WmCruPfBj7rOE=",
-      "dev": true,
-      "requires": {
-        "assert-plus": "^1.0.0",
-        "jsprim": "^1.2.2",
-        "sshpk": "^1.7.0"
-      }
-    },
     "human-signals": {
       "version": "4.3.1",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/human-signals/-/human-signals-4.3.1.tgz",
@@ -5317,24 +4706,12 @@
         "has-symbols": "^1.0.0"
       }
     },
-    "is-typedarray": {
-      "version": "1.0.0",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/is-typedarray/-/is-typedarray-1.0.0.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha1-5HnICFjfDBsR3dppQPlgEfzaSpo=",
-      "dev": true
-    },
     "isexe": {
       "version": "2.0.0",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/isexe/-/isexe-2.0.0.tgz",
       "integrity": "sha1-6PvzdNxVb/iUehDcsFctYz8s+hA=",
       "dev": true
     },
-    "isstream": {
-      "version": "0.1.2",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/isstream/-/isstream-0.1.2.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha1-R+Y/evVa+m+S4VAOaQ64uFKcCZo=",
-      "dev": true
-    },
     "istanbul": {
       "version": "0.4.5",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/istanbul/-/istanbul-0.4.5.tgz",
@@ -5409,24 +4786,12 @@
         "esprima": "^4.0.0"
       }
     },
-    "jsbn": {
-      "version": "0.1.1",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/jsbn/-/jsbn-0.1.1.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha1-peZUwuWi3rXyAdls77yoDA7y9RM=",
-      "dev": true
-    },
     "json-parse-better-errors": {
       "version": "1.0.2",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/json-parse-better-errors/-/json-parse-better-errors-1.0.2.tgz",
       "integrity": "sha512-mrqyZKfX5EhL7hvqcV6WG1yYjnjeuYDzDhhcAAUrq8Po85NBQBJP+ZDUT75qZQ98IkUoBqdkExkukOU7Ts2wrw==",
       "dev": true
     },
-    "json-schema": {
-      "version": "0.4.0",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/json-schema/-/json-schema-0.4.0.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-es94M3nTIfsEPisRafak+HDLfHXnKBhV3vU5eqPcS3flIWqcxJWgXHXiey3YrpaNsanY5ei1VoYEbOzijuq9BA==",
-      "dev": true
-    },
     "json-schema-traverse": {
       "version": "0.4.1",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/json-schema-traverse/-/json-schema-traverse-0.4.1.tgz",
@@ -5439,12 +4804,6 @@
       "integrity": "sha1-nbe1lJatPzz+8wp1FC0tkwrXJlE=",
       "dev": true
     },
-    "json-stringify-safe": {
-      "version": "5.0.1",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/json-stringify-safe/-/json-stringify-safe-5.0.1.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha1-Epai1Y/UXxmg9s4B1lcB4sc1tus=",
-      "dev": true
-    },
     "jsonfile": {
       "version": "4.0.0",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/jsonfile/-/jsonfile-4.0.0.tgz",
@@ -5454,18 +4813,6 @@
         "graceful-fs": "^4.1.6"
       }
     },
-    "jsprim": {
-      "version": "1.4.2",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/jsprim/-/jsprim-1.4.2.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-P2bSOMAc/ciLz6DzgjVlGJP9+BrJWu5UDGK70C2iweC5QBIeFf0ZXRvGjEj2uYgrY2MkAAhsSWHDWlFtEroZWw==",
-      "dev": true,
-      "requires": {
-        "assert-plus": "1.0.0",
-        "extsprintf": "1.3.0",
-        "json-schema": "0.4.0",
-        "verror": "1.10.0"
-      }
-    },
     "levn": {
       "version": "0.3.0",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/levn/-/levn-0.3.0.tgz",
@@ -5755,9 +5102,9 @@
       }
     },
     "marked": {
-      "version": "4.0.10",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/marked/-/marked-4.0.10.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-+QvuFj0nGgO970fySghXGmuw+Fd0gD2x3+MqCWLIPf5oxdv1Ka6b2q+z9RP01P/IaKPMEramy+7cNy/Lw8c3hw==",
+      "version": "14.1.0",
+      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/marked/-/marked-14.1.0.tgz",
+      "integrity": "sha512-P93GikH/Pde0hM5TAXEd8I4JAYi8IB03n8qzW8Bh1BIEFpEyBoYxi/XWZA53LSpTeLBiMQOoSMj0u5E/tiVYTA==",
       "dev": true
     },
     "memorystream": {
@@ -5782,21 +5129,6 @@
         "picomatch": "^2.3.1"
       }
     },
-    "mime-db": {
-      "version": "1.40.0",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/mime-db/-/mime-db-1.40.0.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-jYdeOMPy9vnxEqFRRo6ZvTZ8d9oPb+k18PKoYNYUe2stVEBPPwsln/qWzdbmaIvnhZ9v2P+CuecK+fpUfsV2mA==",
-      "dev": true
-    },
-    "mime-types": {
-      "version": "2.1.24",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/mime-types/-/mime-types-2.1.24.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-WaFHS3MCl5fapm3oLxU4eYDw77IQM2ACcxQ9RIxfaC3ooc6PFuBMGZZsYpvoXS5D5QTWPieo1jjLdAm3TBP3cQ==",
-      "dev": true,
-      "requires": {
-        "mime-db": "1.40.0"
-      }
-    },
     "mimic-fn": {
       "version": "4.0.0",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/mimic-fn/-/mimic-fn-4.0.0.tgz",
@@ -5938,12 +5270,6 @@
         }
       }
     },
-    "oauth-sign": {
-      "version": "0.9.0",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/oauth-sign/-/oauth-sign-0.9.0.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-fexhUFFPTGV8ybAtSIGbV6gOkSv8UtRbDBnAyLQw4QPKkgNlsH2ByPGtMUqdWkos6YCRmAqViwgZrJc/mRDzZQ==",
-      "dev": true
-    },
     "object-assign": {
       "version": "4.1.1",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/object-assign/-/object-assign-4.1.1.tgz",
@@ -6088,12 +5414,6 @@
       "integrity": "sha512-LDJzPVEEEPR+y48z93A0Ed0yXb8pAByGWo/k5YYdYgpY2/2EsOsksJrq7lOHxryrVOn1ejG6oAp8ahvOIQD8sw==",
       "dev": true
     },
-    "performance-now": {
-      "version": "2.1.0",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/performance-now/-/performance-now-2.1.0.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha1-Ywn04OX6kT7BxpMHrjZLSzd8nns=",
-      "dev": true
-    },
     "picomatch": {
       "version": "2.3.1",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/picomatch/-/picomatch-2.3.1.tgz",
@@ -6154,24 +5474,12 @@
       "integrity": "sha1-IZMqVJ9eUv/ZqCf1cOBL5iqX2lQ=",
       "dev": true
     },
-    "psl": {
-      "version": "1.4.0",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/psl/-/psl-1.4.0.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-HZzqCGPecFLyoRj5HLfuDSKYTJkAfB5thKBIkRHtGjWwY7p1dAyveIbXIq4tO0KYfDF2tHqPUgY9SDnGm00uFw==",
-      "dev": true
-    },
     "punycode": {
       "version": "2.1.1",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/punycode/-/punycode-2.1.1.tgz",
       "integrity": "sha512-XRsRjdf+j5ml+y/6GKHPZbrF/8p2Yga0JPtdqTIY2Xe5ohJPD9saDJJLPvp9+NSBprVvevdXZybnj2cv8OEd0A==",
       "dev": true
     },
-    "qs": {
-      "version": "6.5.3",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/qs/-/qs-6.5.3.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-qxXIEh4pCGfHICj1mAJQ2/2XVZkjCDTcEgfoSQxc/fYivUZxTkk7L3bDBJSoNrEzXI17oUO5Dp07ktqE5KzczA==",
-      "dev": true
-    },
     "read-pkg": {
       "version": "3.0.0",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/read-pkg/-/read-pkg-3.0.0.tgz",
@@ -6221,54 +5529,6 @@
       "integrity": "sha1-VNvzd+UUQKypCkzSdGANP/LYiKk=",
       "dev": true
     },
-    "request": {
-      "version": "2.88.0",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/request/-/request-2.88.0.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-NAqBSrijGLZdM0WZNsInLJpkJokL72XYjUpnB0iwsRgxh7dB6COrHnTBNwN0E+lHDAJzu7kLAkDeY08z2/A0hg==",
-      "dev": true,
-      "requires": {
-        "aws-sign2": "~0.7.0",
-        "aws4": "^1.8.0",
-        "caseless": "~0.12.0",
-        "combined-stream": "~1.0.6",
-        "extend": "~3.0.2",
-        "forever-agent": "~0.6.1",
-        "form-data": "~2.3.2",
-        "har-validator": "~5.1.0",
-        "http-signature": "~1.2.0",
-        "is-typedarray": "~1.0.0",
-        "isstream": "~0.1.2",
-        "json-stringify-safe": "~5.0.1",
-        "mime-types": "~2.1.19",
-        "oauth-sign": "~0.9.0",
-        "performance-now": "^2.1.0",
-        "qs": "~6.5.2",
-        "safe-buffer": "^5.1.2",
-        "tough-cookie": "~2.4.3",
-        "tunnel-agent": "^0.6.0",
-        "uuid": "^3.3.2"
-      }
-    },
-    "request-promise-core": {
-      "version": "1.1.2",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/request-promise-core/-/request-promise-core-1.1.2.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-UHYyq1MO8GsefGEt7EprS8UrXsm1TxEvFUX1IMTuSLU2Rh7fTIdFtl8xD7JiEYiWU2dl+NYAjCTksTehQUxPag==",
-      "dev": true,
-      "requires": {
-        "lodash": "^4.17.11"
-      }
-    },
-    "request-promise-native": {
-      "version": "1.0.7",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/request-promise-native/-/request-promise-native-1.0.7.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-rIMnbBdgNViL37nZ1b3L/VfPOpSi0TqVDQPAvO6U14lMzOLrt5nilxCQqtDKhZeDiW0/hkCXGoQjhgJd/tCh6w==",
-      "dev": true,
-      "requires": {
-        "request-promise-core": "1.1.2",
-        "stealthy-require": "^1.1.1",
-        "tough-cookie": "^2.3.3"
-      }
-    },
     "resolve": {
       "version": "1.1.7",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/resolve/-/resolve-1.1.7.tgz",
@@ -6332,18 +5592,6 @@
         "tslib": "^2.1.0"
       }
     },
-    "safe-buffer": {
-      "version": "5.2.0",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/safe-buffer/-/safe-buffer-5.2.0.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-fZEwUGbVl7kouZs1jCdMLdt95hdIv0ZeHg6L7qPeciMZhZ+/gdesW4wgTARkrFWEpspjEATAzUGPG8N2jJiwbg==",
-      "dev": true
-    },
-    "safer-buffer": {
-      "version": "2.1.2",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/safer-buffer/-/safer-buffer-2.1.2.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-YZo3K82SD7Riyi0E1EQPojLz7kpepnSQI9IyPbHHg1XXXevb5dJI7tpyN2ADxGcQbHG7vcyRHk0cbwqcQriUtg==",
-      "dev": true
-    },
     "semver": {
       "version": "6.3.0",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/semver/-/semver-6.3.0.tgz",
@@ -6449,29 +5697,6 @@
       "integrity": "sha1-BOaSb2YolTVPPdAVIDYzuFcpfiw=",
       "dev": true
     },
-    "sshpk": {
-      "version": "1.16.1",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/sshpk/-/sshpk-1.16.1.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-HXXqVUq7+pcKeLqqZj6mHFUMvXtOJt1uoUx09pFW6011inTMxqI8BA8PM95myrIyyKwdnzjdFjLiE6KBPVtJIg==",
-      "dev": true,
-      "requires": {
-        "asn1": "~0.2.3",
-        "assert-plus": "^1.0.0",
-        "bcrypt-pbkdf": "^1.0.0",
-        "dashdash": "^1.12.0",
-        "ecc-jsbn": "~0.1.1",
-        "getpass": "^0.1.1",
-        "jsbn": "~0.1.0",
-        "safer-buffer": "^2.0.2",
-        "tweetnacl": "~0.14.0"
-      }
-    },
-    "stealthy-require": {
-      "version": "1.1.1",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/stealthy-require/-/stealthy-require-1.1.1.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha1-NbCYdbT/SfJqd35QmzCQoyJr8ks=",
-      "dev": true
-    },
     "string-argv": {
       "version": "0.3.1",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/string-argv/-/string-argv-0.3.1.tgz",
@@ -6622,24 +5847,6 @@
         "is-number": "^7.0.0"
       }
     },
-    "tough-cookie": {
-      "version": "2.4.3",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/tough-cookie/-/tough-cookie-2.4.3.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-Q5srk/4vDM54WJsJio3XNn6K2sCG+CQ8G5Wz6bZhRZoAe/+TxjWB/GlFAnYEbkYVlON9FMk/fE3h2RLpPXo4lQ==",
-      "dev": true,
-      "requires": {
-        "psl": "^1.1.24",
-        "punycode": "^1.4.1"
-      },
-      "dependencies": {
-        "punycode": {
-          "version": "1.4.1",
-          "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/punycode/-/punycode-1.4.1.tgz",
-          "integrity": "sha1-wNWmOycYgArY4esPpSachN1BhF4=",
-          "dev": true
-        }
-      }
-    },
     "trim-repeated": {
       "version": "1.0.0",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/trim-repeated/-/trim-repeated-1.0.0.tgz",
@@ -6663,21 +5870,6 @@
       "integrity": "sha512-336iVw3rtn2BUK7ORdIAHTyxHGRIHVReokCR3XjbckJMK7ms8FysBfhLR8IXnAgy7T0PTPNBWKiH514FOW/WSg==",
       "dev": true
     },
-    "tunnel-agent": {
-      "version": "0.6.0",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/tunnel-agent/-/tunnel-agent-0.6.0.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha1-J6XeoGs2sEoKmWZ3SykIaPD8QP0=",
-      "dev": true,
-      "requires": {
-        "safe-buffer": "^5.0.1"
-      }
-    },
-    "tweetnacl": {
-      "version": "0.14.5",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/tweetnacl/-/tweetnacl-0.14.5.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha1-WuaBd/GS1EViadEIr6k/+HQ/T2Q=",
-      "dev": true
-    },
     "type-check": {
       "version": "0.3.2",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/type-check/-/type-check-0.3.2.tgz",
@@ -6724,12 +5916,6 @@
         "punycode": "^2.1.0"
       }
     },
-    "uuid": {
-      "version": "3.3.3",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/uuid/-/uuid-3.3.3.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha512-pW0No1RGHgzlpHJO1nsVrHKpOEIxkGg1xB+v0ZmdNH5OAeAwzAVrCnI2/6Mtx+Uys6iaylxa+D3g4j63IKKjSQ==",
-      "dev": true
-    },
     "v8-compile-cache": {
       "version": "2.1.0",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/v8-compile-cache/-/v8-compile-cache-2.1.0.tgz",
@@ -6746,17 +5932,6 @@
         "spdx-expression-parse": "^3.0.0"
       }
     },
-    "verror": {
-      "version": "1.10.0",
-      "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/verror/-/verror-1.10.0.tgz",
-      "integrity": "sha1-OhBcoXBTr1XW4nDB+CiGguGNpAA=",
-      "dev": true,
-      "requires": {
-        "assert-plus": "^1.0.0",
-        "core-util-is": "1.0.2",
-        "extsprintf": "^1.2.0"
-      }
-    },
     "which": {
       "version": "1.3.1",
       "resolved": "https://registry.npmjs.org/which/-/which-1.3.1.tgz",
diff --git a/package.json b/package.json
index 01e90bd0f..9e9c8ca8b 100644
--- a/package.json
+++ b/package.json
@@ -17,10 +17,10 @@
     "build:docs": "node scripts/generate-docs",
     "build:min": "node scripts/bundler browser.js -output mithril.min.js -minify -save",
     "build:stream-min": "node scripts/minify-stream",
-    "cleanup:lint": "rimraf .eslintcache .lint-docs-cache",
+    "cleanup:lint": "rimraf .eslintcache",
     "lint": "run-s -cn lint:**",
     "lint:js": "eslint . --cache",
-    "lint:docs": "node scripts/lint-docs --cache",
+    "lint:docs": "node scripts/lint-docs",
     "perf": "node performance/test-perf.js",
     "pretest": "npm run lint",
     "test": "run-s test:js",
@@ -40,13 +40,11 @@
     "istanbul": "^0.4.5",
     "lint-staged": "^13.2.1",
     "locater": "^1.3.0",
-    "marked": "^4.0.10",
+    "marked": "^14.1.0",
     "minimist": "^1.2.0",
     "npm-run-all": "^4.1.5",
     "ospec": "4.1.6",
     "pinpoint": "^1.1.0",
-    "request": "^2.88.0",
-    "request-promise-native": "^1.0.7",
     "rimraf": "^3.0.0",
     "semver": "^6.3.0",
     "terser": "^4.3.4"
diff --git a/scripts/.eslintrc.js b/scripts/.eslintrc.js
index 444d2b5ae..9e7393319 100644
--- a/scripts/.eslintrc.js
+++ b/scripts/.eslintrc.js
@@ -4,9 +4,11 @@ module.exports = {
 	"extends": "../.eslintrc.js",
 	"env": {
 		"browser": null,
+		"node": true,
+		"es2022": true,
 	},
 	"parserOptions": {
-		"ecmaVersion": 2019,
+		"ecmaVersion": 2022,
 	},
 	"rules": {
 		"no-process-env": "off",
diff --git a/scripts/_improve-rejection-crashing.js b/scripts/_improve-rejection-crashing.js
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..03a9d4741
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/_improve-rejection-crashing.js
@@ -0,0 +1,20 @@
+"use strict"
+
+process.on("unhandledRejection", (e) => {
+	process.exitCode = 1
+
+	if (!e.stdout || !e.stderr) throw e
+
+	console.error(e.stack)
+
+	if (e.stdout?.length) {
+		console.error(e.stdout.toString("utf-8"))
+	}
+
+	if (e.stderr?.length) {
+		console.error(e.stderr.toString("utf-8"))
+	}
+
+	// eslint-disable-next-line no-process-exit
+	process.exit()
+})
diff --git a/scripts/_lint-docs/decode-response.js b/scripts/_lint-docs/decode-response.js
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..9f464ea09
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/_lint-docs/decode-response.js
@@ -0,0 +1,244 @@
+// Disabling this globally as I use it a lot to speed up common operations and cut down on
+// duplicate comparisons.
+/* eslint-disable no-bitwise */
+"use strict"
+
+const win1252Map = [
+	0x20AC,
+	0x81,
+	0x201A,
+	0x0192,
+	0x201E,
+	0x2026,
+	0x2020,
+	0x2021,
+	0x02C6,
+	0x2030,
+	0x0160,
+	0x2039,
+	0x0152,
+	0x8D,
+	0x017D,
+	0x8F,
+	0x90,
+	0x2018,
+	0x2019,
+	0x201C,
+	0x201D,
+	0x2022,
+	0x2013,
+	0x2014,
+	0x02DC,
+	0x2122,
+	0x0161,
+	0x203A,
+	0x0153,
+	0x9D,
+	0x017E,
+	0x0178,
+]
+
+function decode(buffer, encoding) {
+	switch (encoding) {
+		case "utf16be":
+			buffer.swap16()
+			encoding = "utf16le"
+			break
+
+		case "win1252":
+			encoding = "latin1"
+			for (let i = 0; i < buffer.length; i++) {
+				const value = buffer[i]
+				if ((value & 0xE0) === 0x80) {
+					const u16 = new Uint16Array(buffer.length)
+					u16.set(buffer.subarray(0, i), 0)
+					for (; i < buffer.length; i++) {
+						const value = buffer[i]
+						const mask = -((value & 0xE0) === 0x80)
+						u16[i] = value & ~mask | win1252Map[value & 0x1F] & mask
+					}
+					buffer = Buffer.from(u16.buffer)
+					encoding = "utf16le"
+					break
+				}
+			}
+			break
+	}
+
+	return buffer.toString(encoding)
+}
+
+// Ref: https://encoding.spec.whatwg.org/#concept-encoding-get
+/** @type {Array<["utf8" | "utf16le" | "utf16be" | "win1252", string]>} */
+const encodingMap = [
+	["utf8", "UNICODE11UTF8"],
+	["utf8", "UNICODE20UTF8"],
+	["utf8", "UNICODE-1-1-UTF-8"],
+	["utf8", "UTF8"],
+	["utf8", "UTF-8"],
+	["utf8", "X-UNICODE20UTF8"],
+	["win1252", "ANSI_X3.4-1968"],
+	["win1252", "ASCII"],
+	["win1252", "CP1252"],
+	["win1252", "CP819"],
+	["win1252", "CSISOLATIN1"],
+	["win1252", "IBM819"],
+	["win1252", "ISO-8859-1"],
+	["win1252", "ISO-IR-100"],
+	["win1252", "ISO8859-1"],
+	["win1252", "ISO88591"],
+	["win1252", "ISO_8859-1"],
+	["win1252", "ISO_8859-1:1987"],
+	["win1252", "L1"],
+	["win1252", "LATIN1"],
+	["win1252", "US-ASCII"],
+	["win1252", "WINDOWS-1252"],
+	["win1252", "X-CP1252"],
+	["utf16be", "UNICODEFFFE"],
+	["utf16be", "UTF-16BE"],
+	["utf16le", "CSUNICODE"],
+	["utf16le", "ISO-10646-UCS-2"],
+	["utf16le", "UCS-2"],
+	["utf16le", "UNICODE"],
+	["utf16le", "UNICODEFEFF"],
+	["utf16le", "UTF-16"],
+	["utf16le", "UTF-16LE"],
+]
+
+function extractNamedEncoding(name) {
+	outer:
+	for (const entry of encodingMap) {
+		const expected = entry[1]
+		if (expected.length !== name.length) continue
+		for (let i = 0; i < name.length; i++) {
+			let ch = expected.charCodeAt(i)
+			const upper = ch & ~0x20
+			if (upper >= 0x41 && upper <= 0x5A) ch = upper
+			if (name.charCodeAt(i) !== expected) continue outer
+		}
+		return entry[0]
+	}
+	return undefined
+}
+
+function isAsciiWhitespace(ch) {
+	const mask = (
+		1 << (0x09 - 1) |
+		1 << (0x0A - 1) |
+		1 << (0x0C - 1) |
+		1 << (0x0D - 1) |
+		1 << (0x20 - 1)
+	)
+
+	ch |= 0
+	return ch < 0x20 && (mask >>> (ch - 1) & 1) !== 0
+}
+
+function startsWith(buffer, i, end, sequence) {
+	if (buffer.length < i + sequence.length) return false
+
+	for (let j = 0; j < sequence.length && i < end; i++, j++) {
+		let ch = sequence.charCodeAt(j)
+		if (ch === 0x20) {
+			if (!isAsciiWhitespace(buffer[i++])) return false
+			while (i < buffer.length && isAsciiWhitespace(buffer[i])) i++
+		} else {
+			const upper = ch & ~0x20
+			if (upper >= 0x41 && upper <= 0x5A) ch = upper
+			if (ch !== buffer[i]) return false
+		}
+	}
+
+	return true
+}
+
+const metasToCheck = encodingMap.flatMap(([e, n]) => [
+	[e, `charset=${n}>`],
+	[e, `charset="${n}">`],
+	[e, `charset='${n}'>`],
+	[e, `charset=${n}/>`],
+	[e, `charset="${n}"/>`],
+	[e, `charset='${n}'/>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv=content-type content=${n}>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv="content-type" content=${n}>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv='content-type' content=${n}>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv=content-type content="${n}">`],
+	[e, `http-equiv="content-type" content="${n}">`],
+	[e, `http-equiv='content-type' content="${n}">`],
+	[e, `http-equiv=content-type content='${n}'>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv="content-type" content='${n}'>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv='content-type' content='${n}'>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv=content-type content=${n}/>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv="content-type" content=${n}/>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv='content-type' content=${n}/>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv=content-type content="${n}"/>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv="content-type" content="${n}"/>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv='content-type' content="${n}"/>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv=content-type content='${n}'/>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv="content-type" content='${n}'/>`],
+	[e, `http-equiv='content-type' content='${n}'/>`],
+])
+
+function extractMetaEncoding(buffer, i, end) {
+	// Exceptionally lazy and not quite fully correct
+	for (const [encoding, meta] of metasToCheck) {
+		if (startsWith(buffer, i, end, meta)) return encoding
+	}
+	return undefined
+}
+
+/**
+ * @returns {"utf8" | "utf16le" | "utf16be" | "win1252"}
+ */
+function detectEncoding(headers, prefix) {
+	// This follows the HTML spec to the extent Node supports the various encodings. I'm *not*,
+	// however, going to bend over backwards to support obscure encodings.
+	// https://html.spec.whatwg.org/multipage/parsing.html#prescan-a-byte-stream-to-determine-its-encoding
+
+	if (startsWith(prefix, 0, prefix.length, "\xEF\xBB\xBF")) return "utf8"
+	if (startsWith(prefix, 0, prefix.length, "\xFE\xFF")) return "utf16le"
+	if (startsWith(prefix, 0, prefix.length, "\xFF\xFE")) return "utf16be"
+
+	const contentType = headers["content-type"]
+	if (contentType) {
+		const result = (/;\s*charset="?([\w-]+)"?/i).exec(contentType)
+		if (result) {
+			const encoding = extractNamedEncoding(result[1])
+			if (encoding) return encoding
+		}
+	}
+
+	if (startsWith(prefix, 0, prefix.length, "\x3c\x00\x3F\x00\x78\x00")) return "utf16le"
+	if (startsWith(prefix, 0, prefix.length, "\x00\x3c\x00\x3F\x00\x78")) return "utf16be"
+
+	for (let i = 0, end = prefix.indexOf("<!--", 0, "latin1"); i < prefix.length;) {
+		if (i === end) {
+			i = prefix.indexOf("-->", i + 4, "latin1")
+			if (i < 0) return undefined
+			i += 3
+			end = prefix.indexOf("<!--", i, "latin1")
+		} else if (prefix[i] === 0x3C) {
+			i++
+			if (i === prefix.length) return "win1252"
+
+			if (startsWith(prefix, i, end, "meta ")) {
+				const encoding = extractMetaEncoding(prefix, i, end)
+				if (encoding) return encoding
+			} else if (prefix[i] === 0x21 || prefix[i] === 0x2F || prefix[i] === 0x3F) {
+				i = prefix.indexOf(0x3E, i)
+				if (i < 0) return "win1252"
+				i++
+			}
+		}
+	}
+
+	return "win1252"
+}
+
+function decodeResponse(headers, body) {
+	return decode(body, detectEncoding(headers, body.subarray(0, 1024)))
+}
+
+module.exports = {
+	decodeResponse,
+}
diff --git a/scripts/_lint-docs/do-lint.js b/scripts/_lint-docs/do-lint.js
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..d4ed37fe1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/_lint-docs/do-lint.js
@@ -0,0 +1,162 @@
+"use strict"
+
+const fs = require("fs")
+const path = require("path")
+
+const {submitTask} = require("./task-queue.js")
+const {processOne} = require("./process-file.js")
+const {root, rel, p, warnError} = require("../_utils.js")
+
+const doNotVisit = /[\\/]node_modules(?:$|[\\/])|[\\/]docs[\\/](?:changelog|recent-changes|migration-[^\\/]*)\.md$/
+
+function lintOne(file, callback) {
+	let warnings = 0
+	let errors = 0
+	let files = 0
+
+	let pending = 1
+
+	function settle() {
+		if (--pending === 0) {
+			callback(warnings, errors, files)
+		}
+	}
+
+	function visitNext(file, contents) {
+		if (contents !== undefined) {
+			files++
+			pending++
+			processOne(file, contents, (w, e) => {
+				warnings += w
+				errors += e
+				settle()
+			})
+		} else {
+			pending++
+			submitTask(fs.readdir.bind(null, file), (err, files) => {
+				if (err) {
+					if (err.code !== "ENOTDIR") {
+						warnError(err)
+					}
+				} else {
+					for (const child of files) {
+						const joined = path.join(file, child)
+						if (!doNotVisit.test(joined)) {
+							visit(joined)
+						}
+					}
+				}
+
+				settle()
+			})
+		}
+	}
+
+	function visit(file) {
+		if (file.endsWith(".md")) {
+			pending++
+			submitTask(fs.readFile.bind(null, file, "utf8"), (err, contents) => {
+				// Not found is fine. Just ignore it.
+				if (!err || err.code === "EISDIR") {
+					visitNext(file, err ? undefined : contents)
+				} else if (err.code !== "ENOENT") {
+					warnError(err)
+				}
+				settle()
+			})
+		} else {
+			visitNext(file, undefined)
+		}
+	}
+
+	visit(file)
+}
+
+function lintAll() {
+	lintOne(root, (warnings, errors, files) => {
+		let problems = ""
+
+		if (errors !== 0) {
+			process.exitCode = 1
+			problems = `${problems}\n${errors} error${errors === 1 ? "" : "s"}`
+		}
+
+		if (warnings !== 0) {
+			problems = `${problems}\n${warnings} warning${warnings === 1 ? "" : "s"}`
+		}
+
+		if (problems !== "") {
+			console.error(`${problems} found in the docs\n`)
+			console.error(`Scanned ${files} file${files === 1 ? "" : "s"}\n`)
+		} else {
+			console.log("The docs are in good shape!\n")
+			console.log(`Scanned ${files} file${files === 1 ? "" : "s"}\n`)
+		}
+	})
+}
+
+function lintFile(file, callback) {
+	if (doNotVisit.test(file)) {
+		if (typeof callback === "function") process.nextTick(callback)
+	} else {
+		lintOne(file, (warnings, errors) => {
+			const relativePath = rel(file)
+
+			let problems = ""
+
+			if (errors !== 0) {
+				problems = `${problems}\n${errors} error${errors === 1 ? "" : "s"}`
+			}
+
+			if (warnings !== 0) {
+				problems = `${problems}\n${warnings} warning${warnings === 1 ? "" : "s"}`
+			}
+
+			if (problems !== "") {
+				console.error(`${problems} found in ${relativePath}\n`)
+			}
+
+			callback?.()
+		})
+	}
+}
+
+function lintWatch() {
+	const timers = new Map()
+
+	const handleFileInner = (filename) => {
+		timers.delete(filename)
+		lintFile(p(filename))
+	}
+
+	const handleFile = (filename) => {
+		const timer = timers.get(filename)
+		if (timer !== undefined) {
+			timer.refresh()
+		} else {
+			timers.set(filename, setTimeout(handleFileInner, 400, filename))
+		}
+	}
+
+	let fileBuffer = []
+
+	lintFile(root, () => {
+		for (const file of fileBuffer) {
+			handleFile(file)
+		}
+		fileBuffer = undefined
+	})
+
+	fs.watch(root, {recursive: true}, (_, filename) => {
+		if (fileBuffer !== undefined) {
+			fileBuffer.push(filename)
+		} else {
+			handleFile(filename)
+		}
+	})
+}
+
+module.exports = {
+	lintAll,
+	lintWatch,
+}
diff --git a/scripts/_lint-docs/lint-code.js b/scripts/_lint-docs/lint-code.js
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..5cdc19f47
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/_lint-docs/lint-code.js
@@ -0,0 +1,145 @@
+"use strict"
+
+// Accept just about anything by using Babel's parser.
+
+const babelParser = require("@babel/parser")
+
+function getJsonError(code) {
+	try {
+		JSON.parse(code)
+		return undefined
+	} catch (e) {
+		return e
+	}
+}
+
+/** Returns `undefined` or an error */
+function getBabelError(code, asTypeScript) {
+	// Could be within any production.
+	/** @type {babelParser.ParserPlugin[]} */
+	const plugins = [
+		"bigInt",
+		"asyncGenerators",
+		"classPrivateMethods",
+		"classPrivateProperties",
+		"classProperties",
+		"dynamicImport",
+		"logicalAssignment",
+		"nullishCoalescingOperator",
+		"numericSeparator",
+		"objectRestSpread",
+		"optionalCatchBinding",
+		"optionalChaining",
+		"topLevelAwait",
+		"jsx",
+	]
+
+	if (asTypeScript) {
+		plugins.push("typescript")
+	}
+
+	try {
+		babelParser.parse(code, {
+			sourceType: "unambiguous",
+			allowReturnOutsideFunction: true,
+			allowAwaitOutsideFunction: true,
+			allowSuperOutsideMethod: true,
+			allowUndeclaredExports: true,
+			plugins,
+		})
+
+		return undefined
+	} catch (e) {
+		return e
+	}
+}
+
+/**
+ * @typedef LangEntry
+ * @property {string} name
+ * @property {undefined | RegExp} unspacedComment
+ * @property {(code: string) => undefined | Error} getError
+ */
+
+/** @type {Map<string, string | LangEntry>} */
+const recognizedLangTags = new Map([
+	["js", {
+		name: "JavaScript",
+		unspacedComment: /(^|\s)\/\/\S/g,
+		getError: (code) => getBabelError(code, false),
+	}],
+	["ts", {
+		name: "TypeScript",
+		unspacedComment: /(^|\s)\/\/\S/g,
+		getError: (code) => getBabelError(code, true),
+	}],
+	["json", {
+		name: "JSON",
+		unspacedComment: undefined,
+		getError: getJsonError,
+	}],
+	["javascript", "js"],
+	["typescript", "ts"],
+])
+
+/**
+ * @param {undefined | string} lang
+ * @returns {undefined | LangEntry}
+ */
+function lookupLang(lang) {
+	while (typeof lang === "string") {
+		lang = recognizedLangTags.get(lang)
+	}
+	return lang
+}
+
+function lintCodeIsHighlightable(codeErrors, lang) {
+	// We only care about what's not tagged here.
+	if (lang === "") {
+		// TODO: ensure all code blocks have tags, and check this in CI.
+		const langTags = []
+
+		for (const [tag, getError] of recognizedLangTags) {
+			if (typeof getError === "function" && !getError(tag)) {
+				langTags.push(tag)
+			}
+		}
+
+		if (langTags.length === 1) {
+			codeErrors.push(`Code block possibly missing \`${langTags[0]}\` language tag.`)
+		} else if (langTags.length !== 0) {
+			codeErrors.push([
+				"Code block possibly missing a language tag. Possible tags that could apply:",
+				...langTags.map((tag) => `- ${tag}`),
+			].join("\n"))
+		}
+	}
+}
+
+function lintCodeIsSyntaticallyValid(codeErrors, langEntry, error) {
+	if (error) {
+		codeErrors.push(`${langEntry.name} code block has invalid syntax: ${error.message}`)
+	}
+}
+
+function lintCodeCommentStyle(codeErrors, langEntry, code) {
+	if (langEntry?.unspacedComment?.test(code)) {
+		codeErrors.push("Comment is missing a preceding space.")
+	}
+}
+
+function getCodeLintErrors(code, lang) {
+	const langEntry = lookupLang(lang)
+	const error = langEntry?.getError(code)
+	const codeErrors = []
+
+	lintCodeIsHighlightable(codeErrors, lang)
+	lintCodeIsSyntaticallyValid(codeErrors, langEntry, error)
+	lintCodeCommentStyle(codeErrors, langEntry, code)
+
+	return codeErrors
+}
+
+module.exports = {
+	getCodeLintErrors,
+}
diff --git a/scripts/_lint-docs/lint-http-link.js b/scripts/_lint-docs/lint-http-link.js
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..633f5321c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/_lint-docs/lint-http-link.js
@@ -0,0 +1,72 @@
+"use strict"
+
+const {tryFetch} = require("./try-fetch.js")
+
+function checkKnownCorrectRequestFail(href, headers, status, body) {
+	if (status >= 400 && status <= 499) {
+		return `${href} is a broken link (status: ${status})`
+	}
+
+	// Don't fail if something weird shows up - it's the internet. Just log it and move on.
+	// However, some more sophisticated logging is useful.
+	let message = `HTTP error for ${href} (status: ${status})`
+
+	for (const [name, value] of Object.entries(headers)) {
+		if (Array.isArray(value)) {
+			for (const v of value) message = `${message}\n>${name}: ${v}`
+		} else {
+			message = `${message}\n>${name}: ${value}`
+		}
+	}
+
+	if (body !== "") {
+		message = `${message}\n>${body}`
+	}
+
+	return message
+}
+
+/**
+ * Returns `undefined` if no error, a string if an error does occur.
+ * @param {(message?: string)} callback
+ */
+function checkHttp(href, callback) {
+	// Prefer https: > http: where possible, but allow http: when https: is inaccessible.
+
+	const url = new URL(href)
+	url.hash = ""
+
+	const isHTTPS = url.protocol === "https:"
+	url.protocol = "https:"
+
+	tryFetch(url, (headers, status, body, sslError) => {
+		if (status >= 200 && status <= 299) {
+			if (isHTTPS) {
+				return callback()
+			} else {
+				return callback(`Change ${href} to use \`https:\``)
+			}
+		}
+
+		if (!sslError) {
+			return callback(checkKnownCorrectRequestFail(href, headers, status, body))
+		}
+
+		url.protocol = "http:"
+		tryFetch(url, (headers, status, body) => {
+			if (status >= 200 && status <= 299) {
+				if (isHTTPS) {
+					return callback(`Change ${href} to use \`http:\``)
+				} else {
+					return callback()
+				}
+			}
+
+			return callback(checkKnownCorrectRequestFail(href, headers, status, body))
+		})
+	})
+}
+
+module.exports = {
+	checkHttp,
+}
diff --git a/scripts/_lint-docs/lint-relative-link.js b/scripts/_lint-docs/lint-relative-link.js
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..8158363f9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/_lint-docs/lint-relative-link.js
@@ -0,0 +1,22 @@
+"use strict"
+
+const fs = require("fs")
+const path = require("path")
+
+/** @param {(message?: string) => void} callback */
+function checkLocal(base, href, callback) {
+	const exec = (/^([^#?]*\.md)(?:$|\?|#)/).exec(href)
+	if (exec !== null) {
+		fs.access(path.join(base, exec[1]), (err) => {
+			if (err) {
+				callback(`Broken internal link: ${href}`)
+			} else {
+				callback()
+			}
+		})
+	}
+}
+
+module.exports = {
+	checkLocal,
+}
diff --git a/scripts/_lint-docs/process-file.js b/scripts/_lint-docs/process-file.js
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..c8d158471
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/_lint-docs/process-file.js
@@ -0,0 +1,230 @@
+"use strict"
+
+const path = require("path")
+const {marked} = require("marked")
+
+const {getCodeLintErrors} = require("./lint-code.js")
+const {checkHttp} = require("./lint-http-link.js")
+const {checkLocal} = require("./lint-relative-link.js")
+const {rel} = require("../_utils.js")
+const {submitTask} = require("./task-queue.js")
+
+/** @param {string} contents */
+function processOne(file, contents, callback) {
+	/*
+	Unfortunately, most of this code is just working around a missing feature that's compounded on
+	by a lexer bug.
+
+	- No location info on lexer tokens: https://github.com/markedjs/marked/issues/2134
+	- Tabs not preserved in lexer tokens' raw text: https://github.com/markedjs/marked/issues/3440
+
+	This took far too long to debug, like several hours of it. But I do have correct offsets now.
+	*/
+
+	const relativePath = rel(file)
+	const base = path.dirname(file)
+	const syncErrors = []
+	let errors = 0
+	let warnings = 0
+	let pending = 1
+
+	const settle = () => {
+		if (--pending === 0) {
+			callback(warnings, errors)
+		}
+	}
+
+	const getSpanLineCol = (startOffset, endOffset) => {
+		let source = contents.slice(0, startOffset)
+		let line = 1
+		let next = -1
+		let prev = -1
+
+		while ((next = source.indexOf("\n", prev + 1)) >= 0) {
+			line++
+			prev = next
+		}
+
+		const startLine = line
+		const startCol = startOffset - prev
+
+		source = contents.slice(0, endOffset)
+
+		while ((next = source.indexOf("\n", prev + 1)) >= 0) {
+			line++
+			prev = next
+		}
+
+		const endLine = line
+		const endCol = endOffset - prev
+
+		return {startLine, startCol, endLine, endCol}
+	}
+
+	const showMessage = (startOffset, endOffset, label, message) => {
+		const {startLine, startCol, endLine, endCol} = getSpanLineCol(startOffset, endOffset)
+		if (!message.endsWith("\n")) message += "\n"
+		if (process.env.CI === "true") {
+			console.error(
+				`::${label.toLowerCase()} file=${relativePath}` +
+				`,line:${startLine}` +
+				`,endLine=${endLine}` +
+				`,col:${startCol}` +
+				`,endColumn=${endCol}` +
+				`::${relativePath}:${startLine}:${startCol}: ${message}`
+			)
+		} else {
+			console.error(`${label} in ${relativePath}:${startLine}:${startCol}: ${message}`)
+		}
+	}
+
+	const asyncWarnCallback = (startOffset, endOffset, message) => {
+		if (message !== undefined) {
+			warnings++
+			showMessage(startOffset, endOffset, "Warning", message)
+		}
+		settle()
+	}
+
+	const asyncErrorCallback = (startOffset, endOffset, message) => {
+		if (message !== undefined) {
+			errors++
+			showMessage(startOffset, endOffset, "Error", message)
+		}
+		settle()
+	}
+
+	/**
+	 * @param {number} startOffset
+	 * @param {import("marked").Tokens.TableCell[]} cells
+	 */
+	const visitCellList = (startOffset, parentOffset, cells, parent) => {
+		for (const cell of cells) {
+			parentOffset = visitList(startOffset, parentOffset, cell.tokens, parent)
+		}
+		return parentOffset
+	}
+
+	// Nasty workaround for https://github.com/markedjs/marked/issues/3440
+	const advanceTabViaSpaceReplacement = (offset, raw, start, end) => {
+		while (start < end) {
+			const real = contents.charCodeAt(offset++)
+			const synthetic = raw.charCodeAt(start++)
+			if (
+				real === 0x09 && synthetic === 0x20 &&
+				raw.charCodeAt(start) === 0x20 &&
+				raw.charCodeAt(++start) === 0x20 &&
+				raw.charCodeAt(++start) === 0x20
+			) {
+				start++
+			}
+		}
+
+		return offset
+	}
+
+	/**
+	 * @param {number} startOffset
+	 * @param {import("marked").MarkedToken[]} tokens
+	 */
+	const visitList = (startOffset, parentOffset, tokens, parent) => {
+		for (const child of tokens) {
+			const nextIndex = parent.raw.indexOf(child.raw, parentOffset)
+			const innerStart = advanceTabViaSpaceReplacement(startOffset, parent.raw, parentOffset, nextIndex)
+			const outerStart = advanceTabViaSpaceReplacement(innerStart, child.raw, 0, child.raw.length)
+			parentOffset = nextIndex + child.raw.length
+			startOffset = outerStart
+			visit(innerStart, child)
+		}
+		return parentOffset
+	}
+
+	const visited = new Set()
+
+	/**
+	 * @param {number} startOffset
+	 * @param {import("marked").MarkedToken} token
+	 */
+	const visit = (startOffset, token) => {
+		const endOffset = startOffset + token.raw.length
+
+		switch (token.type) {
+			case "link": {
+				// Make sure it's trimmed, so I don't have to worry about errors elsewhere.
+				const href = token.href.replace(/^\s+|\s+$|#[\s\S]*$/, "")
+
+				if (!visited.has(href)) {
+					visited.add(href)
+
+					// Prefer https: > http: where possible, but allow http: when https: is
+					// inaccessible.
+					if ((/^https?:\/\//).test(href)) {
+						submitTask(
+							checkHttp.bind(null, href),
+							asyncWarnCallback.bind(null, startOffset, endOffset),
+						)
+						pending++
+					} else if (!href.includes(":")) {
+						submitTask(
+							checkLocal.bind(null, base, href),
+							asyncErrorCallback.bind(null, startOffset, endOffset),
+						)
+						pending++
+					}
+				}
+
+				visitList(startOffset, 0, token.tokens, token)
+				break
+			}
+
+			case "code": {
+				const code = token.text
+				const lang = token.lang || ""
+
+				const codeErrors = getCodeLintErrors(code, lang)
+
+				if (codeErrors.length !== 0) {
+					errors += codeErrors.length
+					for (const error of codeErrors) {
+						syncErrors.push({startOffset, endOffset, message: error})
+					}
+				}
+
+				break
+			}
+
+			case "list":
+				visitList(startOffset, 0, token.items, token)
+				break
+
+			case "table": {
+				let parentOffset = visitCellList(startOffset, 0, token.header, token)
+				startOffset += parentOffset
+				for (const row of token.rows) {
+					parentOffset = visitCellList(startOffset, parentOffset, row, token)
+					startOffset += parentOffset
+				}
+				break
+			}
+
+			default:
+				if (token.tokens !== undefined) {
+					visitList(startOffset, 0, token.tokens, token)
+				}
+		}
+	}
+
+	visitList(0, 0, marked.lexer(contents), {raw: contents.replace(/\t/g, "    ")})
+
+	for (const {startOffset, endOffset, message} of syncErrors) {
+		showMessage(startOffset, endOffset, "Error", message)
+	}
+
+	syncErrors.length = 0
+
+	settle()
+}
+
+module.exports = {
+	processOne,
+}
diff --git a/scripts/_lint-docs/task-queue.js b/scripts/_lint-docs/task-queue.js
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..4f528aa86
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/_lint-docs/task-queue.js
@@ -0,0 +1,35 @@
+"use strict"
+
+// CI needs a much lower limit so it doesn't hang.
+const maxConcurrency = process.env.CI === "true" ? 5 : 20
+
+const queue = []
+let running = 0
+
+function runTask(task, callback) {
+	process.nextTick(task, (...args) => {
+		process.nextTick(callback, ...args)
+		if (running === maxConcurrency) {
+			const [nextTask, nextCallback] = queue.splice(0, 2)
+			runTask(nextTask, nextCallback)
+		}
+	})
+}
+
+/**
+ * @template {any[]} A
+ * @param {(callback: (...args: A) => void) => void} task
+ * @param {(...args: A) => void} callback
+ */
+function submitTask(task, callback) {
+	if (running < maxConcurrency) {
+		running++
+		runTask(task, callback)
+	} else {
+		queue.push(task, callback)
+	}
+}
+
+module.exports = {
+	submitTask,
+}
diff --git a/scripts/_lint-docs/try-fetch.js b/scripts/_lint-docs/try-fetch.js
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..e31358eda
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/_lint-docs/try-fetch.js
@@ -0,0 +1,224 @@
+"use strict"
+
+const http = require("http")
+const https = require("https")
+
+const {decodeResponse} = require("./decode-response.js")
+const {warnError, noop} = require("../_utils.js")
+
+/**
+ * Always returns a response object.
+ * @param {URL} url
+ * @param {(
+ *     headers: Record<string, string | string[]>,
+ *     status: number,
+ *     body: string,
+ *     sslError: boolean,
+ * ) => void} callback
+ */
+function tryFetch(url, callback) {
+	const maxResponseBytes = 64 * 1024
+	const maxTimeoutMs = 5000
+	const maxDelayMs = 10000
+	const allowedAttempts = 3
+	const allowedRedirects = 10
+
+	let remainingAttempts = allowedAttempts
+	let remainingRedirects = allowedRedirects
+	let lastIsSSL = false
+	let lastStatus = 0
+	let lastHeaders, lastMessage
+
+	let request, response
+	const responseBuffer = Buffer.alloc(maxResponseBytes)
+	let responseBytes = 0
+	let timer
+
+	function cleanup() {
+		const prevReq = request
+		const prevRes = response
+		const prevTimer = timer
+
+		request = undefined
+		response = undefined
+		timer = undefined
+
+		clearTimeout(prevTimer)
+
+		try {
+			prevReq?.off("response", onResponse)
+			prevReq?.off("error", onError)
+			prevReq?.on("error", noop)
+			prevReq?.destroy()
+		} catch (e) {
+			warnError(e)
+		}
+
+		try {
+			prevRes?.off("data", onChunk)
+			prevRes?.off("end", onEnd)
+			prevRes?.off("error", onError)
+			prevRes?.destroy()
+		} catch (e) {
+			warnError(e)
+		}
+	}
+
+	function settle() {
+		cleanup()
+		callback(lastHeaders, lastStatus, lastMessage, lastIsSSL)
+	}
+
+	function onEnd() {
+		cleanup()
+
+		if (lastMessage === "") {
+			lastMessage = decodeResponse(lastHeaders, responseBuffer.subarray(0, responseBytes))
+		}
+
+		if (lastStatus === 429 || lastStatus >= 500) {
+			const retryAfter = Number(lastHeaders["retry-after"])
+			if (retryAfter > 0) {
+				setTimeout(loop, Math.max(maxDelayMs, retryAfter))
+			} else {
+				setTimeout(loop, 5000)
+			}
+		} else {
+			settle()
+		}
+	}
+
+	function onError(e) {
+		cleanup()
+
+		if (lastMessage === "") {
+			lastMessage = e.message
+			if (e.code === "ECONNRESET" || e.code === "ECONNABORT" || e.code === "ECONNREFUSED") {
+				lastMessage = "Request socket dropped"
+			} else if (
+				url.protocol === "https:" &&
+				(e.code === "ERR_TLS_CERT_ALTNAME_INVALID" || (/ssl/i).test(e.message))
+			) {
+				lastIsSSL = true
+			} else if (!("code" in e)) {
+				lastMessage = e.stack
+			}
+		}
+
+		loop()
+	}
+
+	function onChunk(chunk) {
+		const length = chunk.length
+		if (length === 0) return
+
+		let next = responseBytes + length
+
+		if (next > maxResponseBytes) {
+			chunk = chunk.subarray(0, length - (next - maxResponseBytes))
+			next = maxResponseBytes
+		}
+
+		responseBuffer.set(chunk, responseBytes)
+		responseBytes = next
+
+		if (next === maxResponseBytes) {
+			response.off("data", onChunk)
+			response.resume()
+		}
+	}
+
+	function onResponse(res) {
+		request.off("response", onResponse)
+		request.off("error", onError)
+
+		response = res
+		response.on("end", onEnd)
+		response.on("error", onError)
+
+		lastStatus = res.statusCode
+		lastHeaders = res.headers
+
+		if (
+			lastStatus === 301 ||
+			lastStatus === 302 ||
+			lastStatus === 303 ||
+			lastStatus === 307 ||
+			lastStatus === 308
+		) {
+			if (!lastHeaders.location) {
+				lastMessage = "Redirect missing location"
+				response.resume()
+				return
+			}
+
+			try {
+				url = new URL(lastHeaders.location, url)
+			} catch {
+				lastMessage = `Redirection to invalid URL ${lastHeaders.location}`
+				response.resume()
+				return
+			}
+
+			remainingAttempts = allowedAttempts
+			remainingRedirects--
+		} else if (lastStatus >= 200 && lastStatus <= 299) {
+			response.resume()
+		} else {
+			response.on("data", onChunk)
+		}
+	}
+
+	function onTimeout() {
+		if (lastMessage === "") {
+			lastMessage = "Request timed out"
+		}
+
+		loop()
+	}
+
+	function loop() {
+		cleanup()
+
+		if (remainingAttempts === 0) {
+			return settle()
+		}
+
+		lastIsSSL = false
+		lastStatus = 0
+		lastMessage = ""
+		lastHeaders = {}
+		remainingAttempts--
+
+		if (remainingRedirects === 0) {
+			lastMessage = "Too many redirects"
+			return settle()
+		}
+
+		timer = setTimeout(onTimeout, maxTimeoutMs)
+
+		request = (url.protocol === "https:" ? https : http).get(url, {
+			// pass along realistic headers, some sites (i.e. the IETF) return a 403 otherwise.
+			headers: {
+				"User-Agent": "Mozilla/5.0 (Macintosh; Intel Mac OS X 10.14; rv:71.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/71.0",
+				"Accept": "text/html,application/xhtml+xml,application/xml;q=0.9,*/*;q=0.8",
+				"Accept-Language": "en-US,en;q=0.5",
+				"Accept-Encoding": "gzip, deflate, br",
+				"DNT": "1",
+				"Connection": "keep-alive",
+				"Upgrade-Insecure-Requests": "1",
+				"Pragma": "no-cache",
+				"Cache-Control": "no-cache",
+			},
+		})
+		request.on("response", onResponse)
+		request.on("error", onError)
+		request.end()
+	}
+
+	loop()
+}
+
+module.exports = {
+	tryFetch,
+}
diff --git a/scripts/_utils.js b/scripts/_utils.js
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..e5ce2acd0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/scripts/_utils.js
@@ -0,0 +1,26 @@
+"use strict"
+
+const path = require("path")
+
+const root = path.dirname(__dirname)
+const p = (...args) => path.resolve(root, ...args)
+const rel = (file) => path.relative(root, file).replace(/\\/g, "/")
+const noop = () => {}
+
+function warnError(e) {
+	// Don't care about any of these.
+	if ((/^(?:ECONNRESET|ECONNABORT|EPIPE)$/).test(e.code)) {
+		return
+	}
+
+	process.exitCode = 1
+	console.warn(e.stack)
+}
+
+module.exports = {
+	root,
+	p,
+	rel,
+	warnError,
+	noop,
+}
diff --git a/scripts/lint-docs.js b/scripts/lint-docs.js
index 1ac1c0f76..cbc181072 100644
--- a/scripts/lint-docs.js
+++ b/scripts/lint-docs.js
@@ -1,320 +1,12 @@
 #!/usr/bin/env node
 "use strict"
 
-const {promises: fs} = require("fs")
-const path = require("path")
-const {Glob} = require("glob")
-const {marked} = require("marked")
-// Accept just about anything
-const babelParser = require("@babel/parser")
-// Peer dependency on `request`
-const request = require("request-promise-native")
+require("./_improve-rejection-crashing.js")
 
-// lint rules
-class LintRenderer extends marked.Renderer {
-	constructor(file) {
-		super()
-		this._dir = path.dirname(file)
-		this._context = undefined
-		this._code = undefined
-		this._lang = undefined
-		this._error = undefined
-		this._awaiting = []
-		this._warnings = []
-		this._errors = []
-	}
+const {lintAll, lintWatch} = require("./_lint-docs/do-lint.js")
 
-	_addWarning(...data) {
-		this._warnings.push(formatMessage(...data))
-	}
-
-	_addError(...data) {
-		this._errors.push(formatMessage(...data))
-	}
-
-	_block() {
-		return `\`\`\`${this._lang || ""}\n${this._code}\n\`\`\``
-	}
-
-	link(href) {
-		// Don't fail if something byzantine shows up - it's the freaking
-		// internet. Just log it and move on.
-		const httpError = (e) =>
-			this._addWarning(`http error for ${href}`, e.message)
-
-		// Prefer https: > http: where possible, but allow http: when https: is
-		// inaccessible.
-		if ((/^https?:\/\//).test(href)) {
-			const url = href.replace(/#.*$/, "")
-			const isHTTPS = href.startsWith("https:")
-			// pass along realistic headers, some sites (i.e. the IETF) return a 403 otherwise.
-			const headers = {
-				"User-Agent": "Mozilla/5.0 (Macintosh; Intel Mac OS X 10.14; rv:71.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/71.0",
-			}
-			// some more headers if more were ever needed (from my local Firefox)
-
-			// "Accept": "text/html,application/xhtml+xml,application/xml;q=0.9,*/*;q=0.8",
-			// "Accept-Language": "en-US,en;q=0.5",
-			// "Accept-Encoding": "gzip, deflate, br",
-			// "DNT": "1",
-			// "Connection": "keep-alive",
-			// "Upgrade-Insecure-Requests": "1",
-			// "Pragma": "no-cache",
-			// "Cache-Control": "no-cache"
-
-			this._awaiting.push(request.head(url, {headers}).then(() => {
-				if (!isHTTPS) {
-					return request.head(`https:${url.slice(7)}`, {headers}).then(
-						() => this._addError("change http: to https:"),
-						() => { /* ignore inner errors */ }
-					)
-				}
-			}, (e) => {
-				if (e.statusCode === 404) {
-					this._addError(`broken external link: ${href}`)
-				}
-				else {
-					if (
-						isHTTPS && (
-							e.error.code === "ERR_TLS_CERT_ALTNAME_INVALID" ||
-							(/ssl/i).test(e.message)
-						)
-					) {
-						return request.head(`http:${url.slice(6)}`, {headers}).then(
-							() => this._addError(`change ${href} to use http:`),
-							// ignore inner errors
-							() => httpError(e)
-						)
-					}
-					httpError(e)
-				}
-			}))
-		}
-		else {
-			const exec = (/^([^#?]*\.md)(?:$|\?|#)/).exec(href)
-			if (exec != null) {
-				const resolved = path.resolve(this._dir, exec[1])
-				this._awaiting.push(fs.access(resolved).catch(() => {
-					this._addError(`broken internal link: ${href}`)
-				}))
-			}
-		}
-	}
-
-	code(code, lang) {
-		this._code = code
-		this._lang = lang
-		this._error = null
-
-		if (!lang || lang === "js" || lang === "javascript") {
-			try {
-				// Could be within any production.
-				babelParser.parse(code, {
-					sourceType: "unambiguous",
-					allowReturnOutsideFunction: true,
-					allowAwaitOutsideFunction: true,
-					allowSuperOutsideMethod: true,
-					allowUndeclaredExports: true,
-					plugins: ["dynamicImport"],
-				})
-			}
-			catch (e) {
-				this._error = e
-			}
-		}
-		this._ensureCodeIsHighlightable()
-		this._ensureCodeIsSyntaticallyValid()
-		this._ensureCommentStyle()
-	}
-
-	_ensureCodeIsHighlightable() {
-		// We only care about what's not tagged here.
-		if (!this._lang) {
-			// TODO: ensure all code blocks have tags, and check this in CI.
-			if (this._error == null) {
-				this._addError(
-					"Code block possibly missing `javascript` language tag",
-					this._block(),
-				)
-			}
-
-			try {
-				JSON.parse(this._code)
-				this._addError(
-					"Code block possibly missing `json` language tag",
-					this._block(),
-				)
-			}
-			catch (_) {
-				// ignore
-			}
-		}
-	}
-
-	_ensureCodeIsSyntaticallyValid() {
-		if (!this._lang || !(/^js$|^javascript$/).test(this._lang)) return
-		if (this._error != null) {
-			this._addError(
-				"JS code block has invalid syntax", this._error.message,
-				this._block()
-			)
-		}
-	}
-
-	_ensureCommentStyle() {
-		if (!this._lang || !(/^js$|^javascript$/).test(this._lang)) return
-		if ((/(^|\s)\/\/[\S]/).test(this._code)) {
-			this._addError("Comment is missing a preceding space", this._block())
-		}
-	}
-}
-
-async function getFileInfo(file) {
-	const {size, mtime} = await fs.stat(file)
-	const timestamp = Number(mtime)
-	return {size, timestamp}
-}
-
-function report(file, data, totals, nextCache) {
-	const {_warnings, _errors} = data;
-	if (_warnings.length + _errors.length > 0) {
-		console.log("- ".repeat(file.length/2 + 1))
-		console.log(file)
-		console.log("- ".repeat(file.length/2 + 1) + "\n")
-		if (_errors.length > 0) {
-			process.exitCode = 1
-			const s = _errors.length > 1 ? "s " : " -"
-			console.log(`-- ${_errors.length} Error${s}----------`)
-			_errors.forEach((msg) => console.log(`\n${msg}`))
-			console.log("\n")
-		}
-		if (_warnings.length > 0) {
-			const s = _warnings.length > 1 ? "s " : " -"
-			console.log(`-- ${_warnings.length} Warning${s}--------`)
-			_warnings.forEach((msg) => console.log(`\n${msg}`))
-			console.log("\n")
-		}
-		if (totals != null) {
-			totals.errors += _errors.length
-			totals.warnings += _warnings.length
-		}
-	}
-	if (nextCache != null) nextCache[file] = data
-}
-
-function formatMessage(...data) {
-	let str = data.join("\n")
-	if (str.endsWith("\n")) str = str.slice(0, -1)
-	return str
-}
-
-exports.lintOne = lintOne
-// `cache` and `nextCache` are only passed from `lintAll()`, not when watching
-async function lintOne(file, totals, cache, nextCache) {
-	const contents = await fs.readFile(file, "utf-8")
-	// check for nextCache, because cache will be undefined the first time the linter runs
-	const {size, timestamp} = (nextCache != null) ? await getFileInfo(file) : {}
-	if (cache != null && cache[file] != null) {
-		const cached = cache[file]
-		if (
-			size === cached.size &&
-			timestamp === cached.timestamp &&
-			cached._errors.length + cached._warnings.length === 0
-		) {
-			report(file, cached, totals, nextCache)
-			return
-		}
-	}
-	const renderer = new LintRenderer(file)
-	marked(contents, {renderer})
-	return Promise.all(renderer._awaiting).then(() => {
-		const {_warnings, _errors} = renderer
-		report(file, {_warnings, _errors, size, timestamp}, totals, nextCache)
-	})
-}
-
-
-const cachePath = path.join(process.cwd(), ".lint-docs-cache")
-
-async function loadCache() {
-	try {
-		const source = await fs.readFile(cachePath, "utf-8")
-		try {
-			return JSON.parse(source)
-		} catch (e) {
-			console.error(e)
-			return
-		}
-	} catch (e) {
-		return
-	}
-}
-
-function saveCache(nextCache) {
-	return fs.writeFile(cachePath, JSON.stringify(nextCache), "utf-8")
-}
-
-function finalReport(totals) {
-	const buffer = []
-	if (totals.errors > 0) {
-		buffer.push(`${totals.errors} error${totals.errors > 1 ? "s" : ""}`)
-	}
-	if (totals.warnings > 0) {
-		buffer.push(`${totals.warnings} warning${totals.warnings > 1 ? "s" : ""}`)
-	}
-	if (buffer.length > 0) console.log(`\n${buffer.join(", ")} found in the docs\n`)
-	else console.log("The docs are in good shape!\n")
-}
-
-exports.lintAll = lintAll
-async function lintAll({useCache}) {
-	const cache = useCache ? await loadCache() : null
-	const totals = {
-		errors: 0,
-		warnings: 0,
-	}
-	// always populate the cache, even if we don't read from it
-	const nextCache = {}
-	await new Promise((resolve, reject) => {
-		const glob = new Glob(path.resolve(__dirname, "../**/*.md"), {
-			ignore: [
-				"**/changelog.md",
-				"**/migration-*.md",
-				"**/node_modules/**",
-				"**/recent-changes.md"
-			],
-			nodir: true,
-		})
-		const awaiting = []
-
-		glob.on("match", (file) => {
-			awaiting.push(lintOne(file, totals, cache, nextCache))
-		})
-
-		glob.on("error", reject)
-		glob.on("end", () => resolve(Promise.all(awaiting)))
-	})
-	finalReport(totals)
-	await saveCache(nextCache)
-	// don't return anything so that _command.js picks up the errorCode.
-}
-
-/* eslint-disable global-require */
-if (require.main === module) {
-	require("./_command")({
-		exec: lintAll,
-		watch() {
-			require("chokidar")
-				.watch(path.resolve(__dirname, "../docs/**/*.md"), {
-					ignore: [
-						"**/changelog.md",
-						"**/migration-*.md",
-						"**/node_modules/**",
-						"**/recent-changes.md"
-					],
-				})
-				.on("add", lintOne)
-				.on("change", lintOne)
-		},
-	})
+if (process.argv.includes("--watch", 2)) {
+	lintWatch()
+} else {
+	lintAll()
 }