quotes.php

<?php return [
    [
        "text"   => "Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.",
        "author" => "Martin Golding"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "All computers wait at the same speed.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "A misplaced decimal point will always end up where it will do the greatest damage.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "A good programmer looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "\"Intel Inside\" is a Government Warning required by Law.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Common sense gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.",
        "author" => "Arthur Godfrey"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting. Chuck Norris goes killing.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "C is quirky, flawed, and an enormous success.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Beta is Latin for still doesn’t work.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Any fool can use a computer. Many do.",
        "author" => "Ted Nelson"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Hey! It compiles! Ship it!",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.",
        "author" => "Martin Luther King Junior"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "God is real, unless declared integer.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "First, solve the problem. Then, write the code.",
        "author" => "John Johnson"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.",
        "author" => "Oscar Wilde"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Every piece of software written today is likely going to infringe on someone else’s patent.",
        "author" => "Miguel de Icaza"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Computers do not solve problems, they execute solutions.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "I have NOT lost my mind—I have it backed up on tape somewhere.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "If brute force doesn’t solve your problems, then you aren’t using enough.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "It works on my machine.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Java is, in many ways, C++??.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Keyboard not found...Press any key to continue.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Mac users swear by their Mac, PC users swear at their PC.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. \"No\" is the answer.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "MS-DOS isn’t dead, it just smells that way.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Only half of programming is coding. The other 90% is debugging.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Pasting code from the Internet into production code is like chewing gum found in the street.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "There is no place like 127.0.0.1",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "There is nothing quite so permanent as a quick fix.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "There’s no test like production.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "To err is human, but for a real disaster you need a computer.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Ubuntu is an ancient African word, meaning \"can’t configure Debian\"",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "UNIX is the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Usenet is a Mobius strand of spaghetti.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Weeks of coding can save you hours of planning.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "When your computer starts falling apart, stop hitting it with a Hammer!",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Who is General Failure? And why is he reading my disk?",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "You can stand on the shoulders of giants OR a big enough pile of dwarfs, works either way.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "You start coding. I’ll go find out what they want.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.",
        "author" => "Douglas Adams"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "I think we agree, the past is over.",
        "author" => "George W. Bush"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different.",
        "author" => "Coco Chanel"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.",
        "author" => "Andy Warhol"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.",
        "author" => "Robert Frost"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.",
        "author" => "Douglas Adams"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.",
        "author" => "Walt Disney"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Java is to JavaScript what Car is to Carpet.",
        "author" => "Chris Heilmann"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.",
        "author" => "Voltaire"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Just don’t create a file called -rf.",
        "author" => "Larry Wall"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Knowledge is power.",
        "author" => "Francis Bacon"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Let’s call it an accidental feature.",
        "author" => "Larry Wall"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Linux is only free if your time has no value.",
        "author" => "Jamie Zawinski"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.",
        "author" => "Bill Gates"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window.",
        "author" => "Steve Wozniak"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition.",
        "author" => "Monty Python"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.",
        "author" => "Peter Steiner"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "One man’s constant is another man’s variable.",
        "author" => "Alan J. Perlis"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.",
        "author" => "Faith Resnick"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Perl - The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption.",
        "author" => "Keith Bostic"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "PHP – Yeah, you know me.",
        "author" => "PHPaughty by PHPature"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The future is here. It is just not evenly distributed yet.",
        "author" => "William Gibson"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The greatest performance improvement of all is when a system goes from not-working to working.",
        "author" => "John Ousterhout"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Software is like sex: It’s better when it’s free.",
        "author" => "Linus Torvalds"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Sour, sweet, bitter, pungent, all must be tasted.",
        "author" => "Chinese Proverb"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Stay hungry, stay foolish.",
        "author" => "Whole Earth Catalog"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The artist belongs to his work, not the work to the artist.",
        "author" => "Novalis"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The only \"intuitive\" interface is the nipple. After that it’s all learned.",
        "author" => "Bruce Ediger"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The only completely consistent people are the dead.",
        "author" => "Aldous Huxley"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back.",
        "author" => "Unknown Author"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The three great virtues of a programmer: laziness, impatience, and hubris.",
        "author" => "Larry Wall"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.",
        "author" => "Douglas Adams"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "When debugging, novices insert corrective code; experts remove defective code.",
        "author" => "Richard Pattis"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "When in doubt, leave it out.",
        "author" => "Joshua Bloch"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen.",
        "author" => "Edward V Berard"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "We cannot learn without pain.",
        "author" => "Aristotle"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "We have always been shameless about stealing great ideas.",
        "author" => "Steve Jobs"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "You can kill a man but you can’t kill an idea.",
        "author" => "Medgar Evers"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.",
        "author" => "Scott Adams"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "You must have chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.",
        "author" => "Friedrich Nietzsche"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Without requirements or design, programming is the art of adding bugs to an empty \"text\" file.",
        "author" => "Louis Srygley",
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Sometimes it pays to stay in bed on Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday’s code.",
        "author" => "Dan Salomon"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.",
        "author" => "Wayne Gretzky"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "One of the biggest problems that software developers face is that technology changes rapidly. It is very hard to stay current.",
        "author" => "Vivek Wadhwa"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Ideas want to be ugly.",
        "author" => "Jason Santa Maria"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Developer: an organism that turns coffee into code.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "One man´s crappy software is another man´s full time job.",
        "author" => "Jessica Gaston"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "It´s okay to figure out murder mysteries, but you shouldn´t need to figure out code. You should be able to read it.",
        "author" => "Steve McConnell"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Programming languages, like pizzas, come in only two sizes: too big and too small.",
        "author" => "Richard Pattis"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.",
        "author" => "Rich Cook"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Plan to throw one (implementation) away; you will, anyhow.",
        "author" => "Fred Brooks"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Every good work of software starts by scratching a developer´s personal itch",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Perfection (in design) is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but rather when there is nothing more to take away.",
        "author" => "Antoine de Saint-Exupery"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Prolific programmers contribute to certain disaster.",
        "author" => "Niklaus Wirth"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Programming can be fun, so can cryptography; however they should not be combined.",
        "author" => "Kreitzberg and Shneiderman"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "It´s better to wait for a productive programmer to become available than it is to wait for the first available programmer to become productive.",
        "author" => "Steve McConnell"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "An organization that treats its programmers as morons will soon have programmers that are willing and able to act like morons only.",
        "author" => "Bjarne Stroustrup"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.",
        "author" => "Larry Wall"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The key to performance is elegance, not battalions of special cases.",
        "author" => "Jon Bentley, Doug McIlroy"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Inside every large program, there is a program trying to get out.",
        "author" => "C.A.R. Hoare"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Why do we never have time to do it right, but always have time to do it over?",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we´ve finished building it. ",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "A good way to stay flexible is to write less code.",
        "author" => "Pragmatic Programmer"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "No matter what the problem is, it´s always a people problem.",
        "author" => "Gerald M. Weinberg"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Every big computing disaster has come from taking too many ideas and putting them in one place.",
        "author" => "Gordon Bell"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later!",
        "author" => "Fred Brooks"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The best way to get a project done faster is to start sooner",
        "author" => "Jim Highsmith"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Even the best planning is not so omniscient as to get it right the first time.",
        "author" => "Fred Brooks"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "All you need is love. But a new pair of shoes never hurt anybody.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The best revenge is massive success.",
        "author" => "Frank Sinatra"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Reality itself is too obvious to be true.",
        "author" => "Jean Baudrillard"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.",
        "author" => "Oscar Wilde"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Let me just change this one line of code…",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Fast, Good, Cheap. Pick two.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Did you know? The collective noun for a group of programmers is a merge-conflict.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "If there is no struggle, there is no progress.",
        "author" => "Frederick Douglass"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.",
        "author" => "Albert Einstein"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.",
        "author" => "Albert Einstein"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.",
        "author" => "Albert Einstein"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.",
        "author" => "Albert Einstein"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.",
        "author" => "Albert Einstein"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "When the solution is simple, God is answering.",
        "author" => "Albert Einstein"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "If you can´t explain it simply, you don´t understand it well enough.",
        "author" => "Albert Einstein"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "If the facts don´t fit the theory, change the facts.",
        "author" => "Albert Einstein"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.",
        "author" => "Albert Einstein"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "I only believe in statistics that I doctored myself.",
        "author" => "Winston S. Churchill?"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Men and nations behave wisely when they have exhausted all other resources.",
        "author" => "Abba Eban"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "If you´re going through hell, keep going.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Success is not forever and failure isn´t fatal.",
        "author" => "Don Shula"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.",
        "author" => "Mark Twain"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The secret of getting ahead is getting started.",
        "author" => "Mark Twain"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.",
        "author" => "Mark Twain"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.",
        "author" => "Mark Twain"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Plans are worthless, but planning is everything.",
        "author" => "Dwight D. Eisenhower"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.",
        "author" => "Will Ferrell"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "I just invent, then wait until man comes around to needing what I´ve invented.",
        "author" => "R. Buckminster Fuller"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.",
        "author" => "Muriel Siebert"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "If you can't write it down in English, you can't code it.",
        "author" => "Peter Halpern"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Suspicion is healthy. It’ll keep you alive.",
        "author" => "Laurell K. Hamilton"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.",
        "author" => "Faith Resnick"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t, either.",
        "author" => "Dick Cavett"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Sometimes I think we´re alone in the universe & sometimes I think we´re not. In either case the idea is quite staggering",
        "author" => "Arthur C. Clarke"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Talk is cheap, show me the code!",
        "author" => "Linus Torvalds"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "They did not know it was impossible, so they did it!",
        "author" => "Mark Twain"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "You are what you share.",
        "author" => "Charles Leadbeater"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "You want it in one line? Does it have to fit in 80 columns?",
        "author" => "Larry Wall"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The Internet? Is that thing still around?",
        "author" => "Homer Simpson"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The journey is the destination.",
        "author" => "Dan Eldon"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "OO programming offers a sustainable way to write spaghetti code. It lets you accrete programs as a series of patches.",
        "author" => "Paul Graham"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Ruby is rubbish! PHP is phpantastic!",
        "author" => "Nikita Popov"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "So long and thanks for all the fish!",
        "author" => "Douglas Adams"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.",
        "author" => "Cicero"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The best reaction to \"this is confusing, where are the docs\" is to rewrite the feature to make it less confusing, not write more docs.",
        "author" => "Jeff Atwood"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The older I get, the more I believe that the only way to become a better programmer is by not programming.",
        "author" => "Jeff Atwood"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "\"That hardly ever happens\" is another way of saying \"it happens\".",
        "author" => "Douglas Crockford"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Hello, PHP, my old friend.",
        "author" => "Anna Debenham"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Organizations which design systems are constrained to produce designs which are copies of the communication structures of these organizations.",
        "author" => "Melvin Conway"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "In design, complexity is toxic.",
        "author" => "Melvin Conway"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Good is the enemy of great, but great is the enemy of shipped.",
        "author" => "Jeffrey Zeldman"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Don't make the user provide information that the system already knows.",
        "author" => "Rick Lemons"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "You're bound to be unhappy if you optimize everything.",
        "author" => "Donald E. Knuth"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "If the programmers like each other, they play a game called 'pair programming'. And if not then the game is called 'peer review'.",
        "author" => "Anna Nachesa"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability.",
        "author" => "Edsger W. Dijkstra"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Focus on WHY instead of WHAT in your code will make you a better developer",
        "author" => "Jordi Boggiano"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The best engineers I know are artists at heart. The best designers I know are secretly technicians as well.",
        "author" => "Andrei Herasimchuk"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Poor management can increase software costs more rapidly than any other factor.",
        "author" => "Barry Boehm"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "If you can't deploy your services independently then they aren't microservices.",
        "author" => "Daniel Bryant"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "If you can't deploy your services independently then they aren't microservices.",
        "author" => "Daniel Bryant"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "No one hates software more than software developers.",
        "author" => "Jeff Atwood"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The proper use of comments is to compensate for our failure to express ourself in code.",
        "author" => "Robert C. Martin"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it's bad.",
        "author" => "Cory House"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Fix the cause, not the symptom.",
        "author" => "Steve Maguire"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Programmers are constantly making things more complicated than they need to be BECAUSE FUTURE. Fuck the future. Program for today.",
        "author" => "David Heinemeier Hansson"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "People will realize that software is not a product; you use it to build a product.",
        "author" => "Linus Torvalds"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Design is choosing how you will fail.",
        "author" => "Ron Fein"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Focus is saying no to 1000 good ideas.",
        "author" => "Steve Jobs"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Code never lies, comments sometimes do.",
        "author" => "Ron Jeffries"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Be careful with each other, so you can be dangerous together.",
        "author" => "Unknown"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "When making a PR to a major project, you have to \"sell\" that feature / contribution. You have to be convincing on why it belongs there. The maintainer is going to be the one babysitting that code forever.",
        "author" => "Taylor Otwell"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "Be the change you wish was made. Share the lessons you wish you'd been taught. Make the sacrifices you wish others had made.",
        "author" => "David Heinemeier Hansson"
    ],
    [
        "text"   => "The only way to achieve flexibility is to make things as simple and easy to change as you can.",
        "author" => "Casey Brant"
    ],
];