diff --git a/essays/index.html b/essays/index.html
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diff --git a/index.html b/index.html
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Welcome to my website. Why don&#x27;t you stay a while?</h1><p class="subtitle">Website homepage; a short description; recent posts</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><div class="page-content"><h2>Description</h2><hr/><p>This is my personal website. I created it primarily for experiential use as a centralized knowledge/content base and as an outlet for my increasingly erratic thoughts and curiosities. I hope that it will be a comprehensible introduction into some of the machinations of my mind, and I hope that you will enjoy your stay here! For information about me, see the <a href="/about-me">About me page</a>; for information about the purpose and design of this site, see the <a href="/about-this-site">About this site page</a>; to contact me, email me at <a href="mailto: janicel375@gmail.com">janicel375@gmail.com</a>.</p><h2>Recently Updated Posts</h2><hr/><div><h3><a href="/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/">Content consumption queue</a></h3><small>2021-10-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></small><p>A note to keep track of what I should read/watch/listen to next</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/personal/dream-journal/">Dream journal</a></h3><small>2021-10-03<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/dreams/">dreams, </a><a href="/topics/personal/">personal, </a><a href="/topics/liminality/">liminality, </a><a href="/topics/subconscious/">subconscious</a></small><p>A log of my more memorable dreams in reverse-chronological order</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)</a></h3><small>2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/purpose/">purpose</a></small><p>Notes on The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)</a></h3><small>2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony, </a><a href="/topics/science/">science, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></h3><small>2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/metafiction/">metafiction, </a><a href="/topics/kilgore trout/">kilgore trout, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/free will/">free will, </a><a href="/topics/schizophrenia/">schizophrenia, </a><a href="/topics/solipsism/">solipsism, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/">Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner&#x27;s Mind (1970)</a></h3><small>2023-01-26<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-26<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lectures/">lectures, </a><a href="/topics/zen/">zen, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism, </a><a href="/topics/mindfulness/">mindfulness</a></small><p>Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/31/">December 31st, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-31</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/29/">December 29th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-29</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/23/">December 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-23</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/11/23/">November 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-11-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-11-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-11-23; eleven lines</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/">Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)</a></h3><small>2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/investigations of a dog/">investigations of a dog, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/misc/bathroom-epigraphs/">A collection of bathroom epigraphs</a></h3><small>2022-07-25<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></small><p>The words of prophets are written on bathroom walls</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)</a></h3><small>2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/slaughterhouse-five/">slaughterhouse-five, </a><a href="/topics/war/">war, </a><a href="/topics/world war ii/">world war ii, </a><a href="/topics/time/">time, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children's Crusade by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/05/05/">May 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-05-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-06-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/tension/">tension, </a><a href="/topics/flow/">flow, </a><a href="/topics/beauty/">beauty, </a><a href="/topics/color/">color</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/17/">April 17th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-08<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/impermanence/">impermanence</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/14/">April 14th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-06<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/youth/">youth, </a><a href="/topics/habituation/">habituation, </a><a href="/topics/attention/">attention, </a><a href="/topics/cognitive dissonance/">cognitive dissonance, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/">Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)</a></h3><small>2022-04-18<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-02<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lewis carroll/">lewis carroll, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland, </a><a href="/topics/fantasy/">fantasy</a></small><p>Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/misc/koans/">A collection of kōans</a></h3><small>2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/zen/">zen, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism</a></small><p>Kōans that I find thought-provoking</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/">Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/">Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology</a></h3><small>2022-04-16<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-16<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lectures/">lectures, </a><a href="/topics/biology/">biology, </a><a href="/topics/evolution/">evolution</a></small><p>Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/13/">April 13th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-13<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-13<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/dreams/">dreams</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/10/">April 10th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-10<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-10<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition, </a><a href="/topics/loneliness/">loneliness, </a><a href="/topics/uncertainty/">uncertainty</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/spirituality/nhat-hahn-thich-the-miracle-of-mindfulness/">Nhat Hahn, Thich; The Miracle of Mindfulness</a></h3><small>2022-04-07<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-07<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism, </a><a href="/topics/thich nhat hahn/">thich nhat hahn, </a><a href="/topics/mindfulness/">mindfulness, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hahn</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/03/05/">March 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition, </a><a href="/topics/for the good times/">for the good times</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times</p></div><div><h3><a href="/about-this-site/">About this site.</a></h3><small>2021-09-18<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/meta/">meta</a></small><p>Information about this site; the structure, purpose, philosophy, and inspiration; implementation details; to-dos</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/14/">October 14th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/childhood/">childhood, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/interconnectivity/">interconnectivity</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity</p></div><div><h3><a href="/about-me/">About me.</a></h3><small>2021-09-18<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/autobiographical/">autobiographical</a></small><p>Information about me; what I'm up to now; current interests and favorites; major influences; how to contact me</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/12/">October 12th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-12<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-12<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/tennis/">tennis, </a><a href="/topics/zooming out/">zooming out, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/oneness/">oneness</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/01/">October 1st, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/ms. lauryn hill/">ms. lauryn hill</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/09/30/">September 30th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-09-30<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/mother/">mother, </a><a href="/topics/father/">father, </a><a href="/topics/songs from the arc of life/">songs from the arc of life, </a><a href="/topics/capgras/">capgras</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts</p></div></div><br/><br/><br/><br/></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. 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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Welcome to my website. Why don&#x27;t you stay a while?</h1><p class="subtitle">Website homepage; a short description; recent posts</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><div class="page-content"><h2>Description</h2><hr/><p>This is my personal website. I created it primarily for experiential use as a centralized knowledge/content base and as an outlet for my increasingly erratic thoughts and curiosities. I hope that it will be a comprehensible introduction into some of the machinations of my mind, and I hope that you will enjoy your stay here! For information about me, see the <a href="/about-me">About me page</a>; for information about the purpose and design of this site, see the <a href="/about-this-site">About this site page</a>; to contact me, email me at <a href="mailto: janicel375@gmail.com">janicel375@gmail.com</a>.</p><h2>Recently Updated Posts</h2><hr/><div><h3><a href="/journal/2023/10/10/">October 10th, 2023</a></h3><small>2023-10-10<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-10<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-10-10</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/">Content consumption queue</a></h3><small>2021-10-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-10<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></small><p>A note to keep track of what I should read/watch/listen to next</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/personal/dream-journal/">Dream journal</a></h3><small>2021-10-03<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/dreams/">dreams, </a><a href="/topics/personal/">personal, </a><a href="/topics/liminality/">liminality, </a><a href="/topics/subconscious/">subconscious</a></small><p>A log of my more memorable dreams in reverse-chronological order</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)</a></h3><small>2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/purpose/">purpose</a></small><p>Notes on The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)</a></h3><small>2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony, </a><a href="/topics/science/">science, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></h3><small>2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/metafiction/">metafiction, </a><a href="/topics/kilgore trout/">kilgore trout, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/free will/">free will, </a><a href="/topics/schizophrenia/">schizophrenia, </a><a href="/topics/solipsism/">solipsism, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/">Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner&#x27;s Mind (1970)</a></h3><small>2023-01-26<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-26<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lectures/">lectures, </a><a href="/topics/zen/">zen, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism, </a><a href="/topics/mindfulness/">mindfulness</a></small><p>Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/31/">December 31st, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-31</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/29/">December 29th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-29</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/23/">December 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-23</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/11/23/">November 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-11-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-11-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-11-23; eleven lines</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/">Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)</a></h3><small>2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/investigations of a dog/">investigations of a dog, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/misc/bathroom-epigraphs/">A collection of bathroom epigraphs</a></h3><small>2022-07-25<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></small><p>The words of prophets are written on bathroom walls</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)</a></h3><small>2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/slaughterhouse-five/">slaughterhouse-five, </a><a href="/topics/war/">war, </a><a href="/topics/world war ii/">world war ii, </a><a href="/topics/time/">time, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children's Crusade by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/05/05/">May 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-05-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-06-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/tension/">tension, </a><a href="/topics/flow/">flow, </a><a href="/topics/beauty/">beauty, </a><a href="/topics/color/">color</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/17/">April 17th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-08<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/impermanence/">impermanence</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/14/">April 14th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-06<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/youth/">youth, </a><a href="/topics/habituation/">habituation, </a><a href="/topics/attention/">attention, </a><a href="/topics/cognitive dissonance/">cognitive dissonance, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/">Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)</a></h3><small>2022-04-18<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-02<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lewis carroll/">lewis carroll, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland, </a><a href="/topics/fantasy/">fantasy</a></small><p>Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/misc/koans/">A collection of kōans</a></h3><small>2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/zen/">zen, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism</a></small><p>Kōans that I find thought-provoking</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/">Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/">Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology</a></h3><small>2022-04-16<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-16<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lectures/">lectures, </a><a href="/topics/biology/">biology, </a><a href="/topics/evolution/">evolution</a></small><p>Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/13/">April 13th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-13<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-13<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/dreams/">dreams</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/10/">April 10th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-10<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-10<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition, </a><a href="/topics/loneliness/">loneliness, </a><a href="/topics/uncertainty/">uncertainty</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/spirituality/nhat-hahn-thich-the-miracle-of-mindfulness/">Nhat Hahn, Thich; The Miracle of Mindfulness</a></h3><small>2022-04-07<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-07<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism, </a><a href="/topics/thich nhat hahn/">thich nhat hahn, </a><a href="/topics/mindfulness/">mindfulness, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hahn</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/03/05/">March 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition, </a><a href="/topics/for the good times/">for the good times</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times</p></div><div><h3><a href="/about-this-site/">About this site.</a></h3><small>2021-09-18<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/meta/">meta</a></small><p>Information about this site; the structure, purpose, philosophy, and inspiration; implementation details; to-dos</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/14/">October 14th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/childhood/">childhood, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/interconnectivity/">interconnectivity</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity</p></div><div><h3><a href="/about-me/">About me.</a></h3><small>2021-09-18<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/autobiographical/">autobiographical</a></small><p>Information about me; what I'm up to now; current interests and favorites; major influences; how to contact me</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/12/">October 12th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-12<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-12<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/tennis/">tennis, </a><a href="/topics/zooming out/">zooming out, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/oneness/">oneness</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/01/">October 1st, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/ms. lauryn hill/">ms. lauryn hill</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/09/30/">September 30th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-09-30<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/mother/">mother, </a><a href="/topics/father/">father, </a><a href="/topics/songs from the arc of life/">songs from the arc of life, </a><a href="/topics/capgras/">capgras</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts</p></div></div><br/><br/><br/><br/></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/journal/2021/09/index.html b/journal/2021/09/index.html
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@@ -106,5 +106,5 @@
 
   setTheme(preferredTheme || (darkQuery.matches ? 'dark' : 'light'))
 }()
-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2021<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->09</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->September<!-- --> <!-- -->2021</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/09/30/">September 30th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-09-30<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/mother/">mother, </a><a href="/topics/father/">father, </a><a href="/topics/songs from the arc of life/">songs from the arc of life, </a><a href="/topics/capgras/">capgras</a></small><p>Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!
+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2021<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->09</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->September<!-- --> <!-- -->2021</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/09/30/">September 30th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-09-30<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/mother/">mother, </a><a href="/topics/father/">father, </a><a href="/topics/songs from the arc of life/">songs from the arc of life, </a><a href="/topics/capgras/">capgras</a></small><p>Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!
 I’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance…</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/journal/2021/09";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/journal/2021/10/index.html b/journal/2021/10/index.html
index ce18036a..889aa10b 100644
--- a/journal/2021/10/index.html
+++ b/journal/2021/10/index.html
@@ -106,7 +106,7 @@
 
   setTheme(preferredTheme || (darkQuery.matches ? 'dark' : 'light'))
 }()
-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2021<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->10</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->October<!-- --> <!-- -->2021</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/14/">October 14th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/childhood/">childhood, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/interconnectivity/">interconnectivity</a></small><p>Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!
+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2021<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->10</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->October<!-- --> <!-- -->2021</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/14/">October 14th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/childhood/">childhood, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/interconnectivity/">interconnectivity</a></small><p>Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!
 Things are moving so fast, but I’m really grateful that everything is working out so well.
 My flight is next Wednesday, and I can hardly believe it! Finished reading A Wind in the Door recently.
 I’m trying to revisit books that meant a lot to me as a kid. “No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.”  — C.S. Lewis  And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview.
diff --git a/journal/2021/index.html b/journal/2021/index.html
index 2ac78272..48921e2b 100644
--- a/journal/2021/index.html
+++ b/journal/2021/index.html
@@ -106,7 +106,7 @@
 
   setTheme(preferredTheme || (darkQuery.matches ? 'dark' : 'light'))
 }()
-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2021</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->2021<!-- -->; entries by month</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><h2>Entries by Month</h2><hr/><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/09/">September 2021</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> entr<!-- -->y</small></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/">October 2021</a></h3><small>3<!-- --> entr<!-- -->ies</small></div><br/><h2>2021<!-- --> Entries</h2><hr/><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/14/">October 14th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/childhood/">childhood, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/interconnectivity/">interconnectivity</a></small><p>Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!
+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2021</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->2021<!-- -->; entries by month</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><h2>Entries by Month</h2><hr/><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/09/">September 2021</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> entr<!-- -->y</small></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/">October 2021</a></h3><small>3<!-- --> entr<!-- -->ies</small></div><br/><h2>2021<!-- --> Entries</h2><hr/><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/14/">October 14th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/childhood/">childhood, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/interconnectivity/">interconnectivity</a></small><p>Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!
 Things are moving so fast, but I’m really grateful that everything is working out so well.
 My flight is next Wednesday, and I can hardly believe it! Finished reading A Wind in the Door recently.
 I’m trying to revisit books that meant a lot to me as a kid. “No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.”  — C.S. Lewis  And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview.
diff --git a/journal/2022/03/index.html b/journal/2022/03/index.html
index 6bcbf743..2902f6ea 100644
--- a/journal/2022/03/index.html
+++ b/journal/2022/03/index.html
@@ -106,4 +106,4 @@
 
   setTheme(preferredTheme || (darkQuery.matches ? 'dark' : 'light'))
 }()
-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2022<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->03</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->March<!-- --> <!-- -->2022</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/03/05/">March 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition, </a><a href="/topics/for the good times/">for the good times</a></small><p>I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about…</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. 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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2022<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->03</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->March<!-- --> <!-- -->2022</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/03/05/">March 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition, </a><a href="/topics/for the good times/">for the good times</a></small><p>I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about…</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/journal/2022/03";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/journal/2022/04/index.html b/journal/2022/04/index.html
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@@ -106,7 +106,7 @@
 
   setTheme(preferredTheme || (darkQuery.matches ? 'dark' : 'light'))
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2022<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->04</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->April<!-- --> <!-- -->2022</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/17/">April 17th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-08<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/impermanence/">impermanence</a></small><p>I forgot to recount in my previous entry an encounter that I had on that day while walking back to the Christopher Street station.
+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2022<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->04</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->April<!-- --> <!-- -->2022</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/17/">April 17th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-08<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/impermanence/">impermanence</a></small><p>I forgot to recount in my previous entry an encounter that I had on that day while walking back to the Christopher Street station.
 This commute takes me on a lovely walk through Washington Square Park, and consequentially feeds my voyeuristic compulsion for people-watching.
 That day, however, I wasn’t in my usual mood to peer into the casual intimacies of park-peoples — I was wrapped up in lament, and tred through the park with careful footsteps and likely a somber expression. But even in my mindlessness, I happened to lock eyes with a girl leaning up against the backrest of a park bench.
 Tight black coils bounced from her head, and a fitted army-green top with short sleeves and loose black jeans dressed her small frame.
diff --git a/journal/2022/05/index.html b/journal/2022/05/index.html
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2022<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->05</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->May<!-- --> <!-- -->2022</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/05/05/">May 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-05-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-06-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/tension/">tension, </a><a href="/topics/flow/">flow, </a><a href="/topics/beauty/">beauty, </a><a href="/topics/color/">color</a></small><p>This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.
+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2022<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->05</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->May<!-- --> <!-- -->2022</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/05/05/">May 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-05-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-06-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/tension/">tension, </a><a href="/topics/flow/">flow, </a><a href="/topics/beauty/">beauty, </a><a href="/topics/color/">color</a></small><p>This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.
 I glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.
 I was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:
 whenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;
diff --git a/journal/2022/06/index.html b/journal/2022/06/index.html
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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2022<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->06</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->June<!-- --> <!-- -->2022</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/journal/2022/06";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/journal/2022/07/index.html b/journal/2022/07/index.html
index 0dbc0c73..1aad783a 100644
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@@ -106,4 +106,4 @@
 
   setTheme(preferredTheme || (darkQuery.matches ? 'dark' : 'light'))
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2022<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->07</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->July<!-- --> <!-- -->2022</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/journal/2022/07";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
\ No newline at end of file
+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2022<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->07</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->July<!-- --> <!-- -->2022</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/journal/2022/07";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/journal/2022/11/index.html b/journal/2022/11/index.html
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   setTheme(preferredTheme || (darkQuery.matches ? 'dark' : 'light'))
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2022<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->12</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->December<!-- --> <!-- -->2022</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/31/">December 31st, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>The difference between the days disappears along with those to share it with…</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/29/">December 29th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>And how tragic that it is the very act of swimming that muddies the waters!</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/23/">December 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>How dreadful a life it is where to have is far worse than to have lost!</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/journal/2022/12";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2022<!-- -->, month:<!-- -->12</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->December<!-- --> <!-- -->2022</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><br/><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/31/">December 31st, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>The difference between the days disappears along with those to share it with…</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/29/">December 29th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>And how tragic that it is the very act of swimming that muddies the waters!</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/23/">December 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>How dreadful a life it is where to have is far worse than to have lost!</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/journal/2022/12";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Year:<!-- -->2022</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of journal entries for <!-- -->2022<!-- -->; entries by month</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><h2>Entries by Month</h2><hr/><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/03/">March 2022</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> entr<!-- -->y</small></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/">April 2022</a></h3><small>4<!-- --> entr<!-- -->ies</small></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/05/">May 2022</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> entr<!-- -->y</small></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/11/">November 2022</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> entr<!-- -->y</small></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/">December 2022</a></h3><small>3<!-- --> entr<!-- -->ies</small></div><br/><h2>2022<!-- --> Entries</h2><hr/><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/31/">December 31st, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>The difference between the days disappears along with those to share it with…</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/29/">December 29th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>And how tragic that it is the very act of swimming that muddies the waters!</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/23/">December 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>How dreadful a life it is where to have is far worse than to have lost!</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/11/23/">November 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-11-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-11-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Once again—the squirrels are fat; and I am alone. Where have you been? I said to myself— where on Earth did you go? You should not look there, came the reply. I thought that you would’ve known. Did you seek yourself in the roars of silence? in the deaf’ning and blinding snow? Did you search through the veils of joy and pain? or in the face of those you know? Birth and death hath torn me asunder; now you must endure the throe— Only then will you find that which you seek; and the answers of far-ago.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/05/05/">May 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-05-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-06-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/tension/">tension, </a><a href="/topics/flow/">flow, </a><a href="/topics/beauty/">beauty, </a><a href="/topics/color/">color</a></small><p>This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.
 I glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.
 I was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:
 whenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;
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) 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) 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yEoSnTgEuaj6UjAvV5Pr+BifSrkRtjZ2eO7Mp6xIIHlpyAbPksZi8T5+fndCZKt/5wo/Obk08LA422lLpkLlUt/Rpm67w7d2nHKwPhZYZi8TV5vNeJ1AlAsPS3e9Jgvwk12PxTIEXQVwCZdeL4dnldeN4HdIqUZovD5dOa3uS4X/lsseVHabaKE7Y0llJqOWpvDdiy1Qx/c0qR7pxMIbgpvNvnHDQSPT9CIeJh1udKzMTnZ+mhM4I58bqV5RWxM1wudFMBleUAkUjqkZ9wvXjM3+hM0P528Y+d7DFU2Tmyyn64H5Tc21JVntGsi310neo9iVjBQ2EhZDQva++CVXcF3layeiqqEH1LNXQUP2sup2iTwuANGs1yvzPNnNLd/kPEgiE9DBQ/JKovgGGgfuul1Gc/CXZPSyIwy5X30y79EDXD1WYlqXJlyUIOV7Y28Z0H7ftn/jZaYkoTNEKDC1sWc+eP3lcJr1xAtuYU6xyXZNbdg9+lBD4d28OZp7OUGryH0hMqWFRWcFpGxQCLhP7zeZal5MW54m361L8qztdKFHbSXGZSMr/WT4a0MvfEe/9FKhX+Hodl3I5+CKkHqiCwYlkmqL0CBcaO3Y6bFi4EecT4Yd18fvWt7oC9JnCjNFQOmPkfTbTlcyXfspAgmO1OdnHTSe8VhVD8eiCqMyEmgS9aJl3hn2zo0fCZuLSct+VxhR3Z4d8uU8ydPpvBL/znQ3buicBE4MhVI4MdboSArMIHplwakaT8aK8d8fePsUti19lX2ECjMlCit3/aTk48+6D814Qaq5MAbNTV8L5qH+sxhSyvKl14D81Y1hkKT+7LLPE+qCVxcMc7A5ZDtg/UC9Icp4eu/cExWfCM0MX+63Vz8GrMQET1uowbfbIiDuWzdjS2BHoFmRN9McZ7dpFargNaKv3KtZUhOTfe05yiRBNmW5CHQSatOeD+BB+MsxwvyNGM4QmuZsAKwCGOGX1aydJ0Hw2ZYb7B1VuAy5S1XTm7eHf+ckgv9+/33uGsDBCUVyocbAqM+HDRUv600duBvKZdLs4uc5nRxkMBaYDuhXL6KwPQs/7mI81LfIeedcXiry1A2j8sLWtdxYC8zvTRfzXGdal8jzV+O7+6Mdb+uOH1cLgdKPuE8rW/fyjlQVJxaLIVFeU7vFXsgLhI8P2nGf/r2xPAmpLRJrCFJoz/ZlCkNEZ4xu/tQbFzy6CuGxVAbPOq95vg3mqIg3sSBPQVwrANbYpfqs04wkPkRli3/NjFf4f69oe5kqMw/qfQKmTmxtGXZcJrSheVV2xOXYr4bd5QebvfJKD2X0mpGayqBhTykDG9USYDml+3/JiWrJiv+oCW+71BvsdpUVg8aHy118Z2qTx8g6ui1HeVLgwtFhcIv7Avt3btylBysYh2Whj3umPYmW3tlBUfvH9ylEpyWGwvw/U5gsyjXv9CyjH7vy8Ogzaj0TZyniErP4W8ONy0HVnNdnO8HTvk4EH7n+WSIPSUrVjpvwgf0S5aISYTL/XEoBOT8iKxNHuCi82wYq9Wey84sC9vr/to5DRcRp9DXVaEpdXNHv7hbRsuCi/2oZifS0GlzR11HfD1WuaFfalQUMT4jEK82opF9MD3vTRaXHa2v09evclx37JgYpVJHqB6pSQ8lN9dCTPnXe/Jo3yZH4ueRsTOr6fz6Gr3ZY97sPBSwILE/npykHtNOMW09T6wDwM+hFmDbL9z8wis6177Ikin4khD4Lvs0CgAKqaRXjvAWOSsdKn2divG+wByXRqZ9h264JvZ6L55wuLBmtSxEneLfsOdxhckriwK9/GjS+mMGa9KTNhwlDORrcF5TFpuknns8yt25j1GDU3zyGItxftrh4nShK43EWJLanCscBIVtLUkW9BAY52KpMMGSXNPGuf+7NAyo36jUqoj36z0EpXYM4gx7hpj9ZFpUOiYD6E7+qclEPrcZ3Uelss12YrvKTfFfxu6Nq34YajchtKO99GerPRYH+QS7XAvyh08wZP9ZiS0tRUt1tcOk6TcTs3xvhr030BCzt1ZrI+KGC0MmBsb357SMKGqkzWY5XLWeFYRDGI5vEHCyMc/i7RFXWCuIJyih21aQM8HzZBM/zYnLrqZ7F+x1e12hIVjc8iCfy7wOOLHflARHi1oaDgiCEnud8wOlCcxVdk5xbUsxNvhbFMRMIbcLhUz9di+wyVaJeS/H707B+XSCbrvjuxVLRNwbQUfiSoDGXaEGDjsr2GsyoRinLQC5NOiPkmoXO5GFQoFb9W/JGfvKQ+Bd7Zr5FqMUfk/9L78lxMUYCVFeccuZ1DEpA0kiN59yqOVBdLEh0sP+dwY6K3cV4My3iSP7ywKXFyX3RWsjbq1IhaxGS4P1vt9KsQYz5BsbWT9VnXVaRI1RiY4O1B1gr5pHjmwbQxjniaFf1s5CcvHoP9y8/fH9bUAVVQx1lpqTZZF7uFxWHSxmuy+AnisK/sH0J5c3nVrZc+DeXT9C13gy9jHK522zedsXWbvkElLh4hcao3RAYHabzivlBnRM7+aqHaX6MVCxPMB7+IHld0SZ4VtOG5lWGrzpnwu20w8hdhNuzmhHQvfcPhstNLdcGkaKYowTQMavI7FjW53X6zf2LzOsPaTN47ydjoBcaG7+cJuCMcUeQlVDLA/UkWsaMw+/8MRp2EALdRTeULDsaEE8qbP5ESYdaXVuJRsCuIGSGcsnBPSkF1QWlGURZISFHFEHtP1K2w/G9nIxwuKhkgOQqPX5c0o6uGNxbkFg7tLWxZWLja0YbBOjGScVtA6OKFye737J9AzYOQ1K5NXuWRXMWnMsKW+mUWyj0SmkuqJFvOga2LJ3xVhkAJ9M/sT3lJsC54lf4jUTyJLeZkDRDl3IFyO1GmyNlg4KCuWlEnn0Cg4x5ruNKcuaIZG88QoDTw1qLSk3wWNZVDcIcV0o0ypc9vzITwWTnzaSC9mDEQe82H1v+9ldmHbYUFycLPf+An0ZIZKJYWCtLHZ7cm9vBZWjncC+saN/4tlu6X6WetCrs7N+8mSJ/St+4kdxOEZieRLGag1p1rdef1SFhgAgMaN7TWtGAT1wr8xmJLhbojWXRq6sF45URZ88Kvm5pT0hbU9VowkVBmcRjEIxId25VI25g5nBn7N5JX44rgfV0c1z1t4azjaCAbJ5ZvnTs0rd/yfhsmju4e/LGmacI76SQnIxWX6/Tray4+3sRn0pE5yonxj0GKbnTjLszhOHyfTyYWt1TXrQHZH44IYW44gM+WorTFQN+EwU6Pi4qsY+TQ1ULmyuz3y7MINgOSif+ITi8mF6lDaxn1uFm5KgUFHoB5dDacCO06khoXLYZs/ociVKDoEKLZEYfdixjTUYzQzhI6TKijuNohCCWgzriiRDaoY7Q6D9R+gGYAOowVOtVCm5k610fzQR1E076QE6kjMN9/HAFzaK7J93mYroIT+RvGgb8EAMA43brzr6uNfsxOpBMWhvmY0DS6MVOgGDkAtf/f08jmd9mJqPzNJjrAFfx9EfCcskVUcQCiCQNk3Mz35G8vR8DS8PLOj21n7m/KDqLeAfIF5WeTC+84clZdzUxk5ci8qevKH6ol3WvSbghqLVVP6Pwd5gCg0hc0vXRKzJvj9YnhbAxdYGCLAQDAZoBsIkht80QI2+WJsGwPJyJsp51I44z8XdHxiaxGV6y8WbaghwMu7ToM6tKoXoMeFINqvjKxsbBaGKOErWVpilutbh1uy5hjAtZyteAAwyYNx2niYLRVENo5BbUe4xibeNSUkVaDUjTMfahQBZe0mPVip0cHN55JtlqDewH25KXjtWvT88pd3ta6taYkXmk4yuwejLsdrcn5qu2Cy2lPrEycIxTuObgO5d5g2410tQFk+5Q/nnYmgXzpOVABOzJXi9T/MGLSyhOSBk2SB/QidP+QaL5EbslxV7Pybp7t5gFwQKn1awzPUgDbbli5T8yrQRE9JSWdR+v2k0ulWcPlSnfvNsY5CtZx/4FdPqVYELYaSuzGGuy1NSFZKkhbayRJkhqqGTp0Nnewe6ohDNiGAvFNAW7d/QjFo8/bxhLrrNKyKwWT9TiuxcqSZT3C4ZR5kTsCm1mtWzWV3JFNtKYgelqA//ibZYiXqhtB7l5ydKqy6Vb9R/Rl09LR82Hgy4+/AEYm5hL6tW0CBQkWIpRdmHARIkUdRO+tGi33X1tUygu4vu4OgOD88gv8m32jPgDQ/+4a8nsz/0ogIL4ZRboRbPmBHWPMTBWG5gKnfCMY4D5rddbudr/jvVAONcpQPY4BG5rYKGXJ3OVOYpOALXxm9eUEujvRITYCsv1eeHQ6muad3bXklVbTAdwFAAA=) 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diff --git a/journal/index.html b/journal/index.html
index 6159ac9c..857152ec 100644
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Journal</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of all journal entries; entries by year; recent entries</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-26 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><h2>Entries by Year</h2><hr/><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/">2022</a></h3></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/">2021</a></h3></div><br/><h2>Recent Entries</h2><hr/><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/31/">December 31st, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-31</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/29/">December 29th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-29</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/23/">December 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-23</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/11/23/">November 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-11-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-11-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-11-23; eleven lines</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/05/05/">May 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-05-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-06-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/tension/">tension, </a><a href="/topics/flow/">flow, </a><a href="/topics/beauty/">beauty, </a><a href="/topics/color/">color</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/17/">April 17th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-08<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/impermanence/">impermanence</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/14/">April 14th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-06<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/youth/">youth, </a><a href="/topics/habituation/">habituation, </a><a href="/topics/attention/">attention, </a><a href="/topics/cognitive dissonance/">cognitive dissonance, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/13/">April 13th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-13<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-13<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/dreams/">dreams</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/10/">April 10th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-10<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-10<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition, </a><a href="/topics/loneliness/">loneliness, </a><a href="/topics/uncertainty/">uncertainty</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/03/05/">March 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition, </a><a href="/topics/for the good times/">for the good times</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. 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 </p><footer>Dwayne&#x27;s reception of the message; <em>chapter 23 <!-- --> page 199</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->5</footer></blockquote><br/></div><div><span class="marginnote"></span><blockquote><p>I stopped with the tips of my shoes on the rim of the narrow field of his downcast eyes. “Mr. Trout, I love you,” I said gently. “I have broken your mind to pieces. I want to make it whole. I want you to feel a wholeness and inner harmony such as I have never allowed you to feel before. I want you to raise your eyes, to look at what I have in my hand.
 </p><footer>Vonnegut confronts his creation; <em>(Epilogue)<!-- --> page 225</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->5</footer></blockquote><br/></div><div><span class="marginnote"></span><blockquote><p>“Mr. Trout—Kilgore—” I said, “I hold in my hand a symbol of wholeness and harmony and nourishment. It is Oriental in its simplicity, but we are Americans, Kilgore, and not Chinamen. We Americans require symbols which are richly colored and three- dimensional and juicy. Most of all, we hunger for symbols which have not been poisoned by great sins our nation has committed, such as slavery and genocide and criminal neglect, or by tinhorn commercial greed and cunning. “Look up, Mr. Trout,” I said, and I waited patiently. “Kilgore—?” The old man looked up, and he had my father&#x27;s wasted face when my father was a widower—when my father was an old old man. He saw that I held an apple in my hand. “I am approaching my fiftieth birthday, Mr. Trout,” I said. “I am cleansing and renewing myself for the very different sorts of years to come. Under similar spiritual conditions, Count Tolstoi freed his serfs. Thomas Jefferson freed his slaves. I am going to set at liberty all the literary characters who have served me so loyally during my writing career.
 </p><footer>Symbols and setting his creations free; <em>(Epilogue)<!-- --> page 226</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->5</footer></blockquote><br/></div><div><span class="marginnote"></span><blockquote><p>Here was what Kilgore Trout cried out to me in my father&#x27;s voice: “Make me young, make me young, make me young!” (drawing of ETC.)
-</p><footer>The end; <em>(Epilogue)<!-- --> page 227</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->5</footer></blockquote><br/></div></section><ul class="sc-jSMfEi guuuKw"><li><a rel="prev" href="/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/">← <!-- -->Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner&#x27;s Mind (1970)</a></li><li><a rel="next" href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)<!-- --> →</a></li></ul></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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+</p><footer>The end; <em>(Epilogue)<!-- --> page 227</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->5</footer></blockquote><br/></div></section><ul class="sc-eCYdqJ fkNpwW"><li><a rel="prev" href="/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/">← <!-- -->Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner&#x27;s Mind (1970)</a></li><li><a rel="next" href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)<!-- --> →</a></li></ul></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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 </p><footer>Gosh; <em>chapter 123 <!-- -->(Of Mice and Men)</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->5</footer></blockquote><br/></div><div><span class="marginnote"></span><blockquote><p>I recalled a thing I had read about the aboriginal Tasmanians, habitually naked persons who, when encountered by white men in the seventeenth century, were strangers to agriculture, animal husbandry, architecture of any sort, and possibly even fire. They were so contemptible in the eyes of white men, by reason of their ignorance, that they were hunted for sport by the first settlers, who were convicts from England. And the aborigines found life so unattractive that they gave up reproducing. I suggested to Newt now that it was a similar hopelessness that had unmanned us. Newt made a shrewd observation. “I guess all the excitement in bed had more to do with excitement about keeping the human race going than anybody ever imagined.”
 </p><footer>Hopelessness; <em>chapter 125 <!-- -->(The Tasmanians)</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->3</footer></blockquote><br/></div><div><span class="marginnote"></span><blockquote><p>I blurted out my dream of climbing Mount McCabe with some magnificent symbol and planting it there. I took my hands from the wheel for an instant to show him how empty of symbols they were. “But what in hell would the right symbol be, Newt? What in hell would it be?” I grabbed the wheel again. “Here it is, the end of the world; and here I am, almost the very last man; and there it is, the highest mountain in sight. I know now what my karass has been up to, Newt. It’s been working night and day for maybe half a million years to get me up that mountain.” I wagged my head and nearly wept. “But what, for the love of God, is supposed to be in my hands?”
 </p><footer>The right symbol; <em>chapter 126 <!-- -->(Soft Pipes, Play On)</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->4</footer></blockquote><br/></div><div><span class="marginnote"></span><blockquote><p>If I were a younger man, I would write a history of human stupidity; and I would climb to the top of Mount McCabe and lie down on my back with my history for a pillow; and I would take from the ground some of the blue-white poison that makes statues of men; and I would make a statue of myself, lying on my back, grinning horribly, and thumbing my nose at You Know Who.
-</p><footer>The end; <em>chapter 127 <!-- -->(The End)</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->4</footer></blockquote><br/></div></section><ul class="sc-jSMfEi guuuKw"><li><a rel="prev" href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/">← <!-- -->Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></li><li><a rel="next" href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)<!-- --> →</a></li></ul></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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+</p><footer>The end; <em>chapter 127 <!-- -->(The End)</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->4</footer></blockquote><br/></div></section><ul class="sc-eCYdqJ fkNpwW"><li><a rel="prev" href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/">← <!-- -->Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></li><li><a rel="next" href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)<!-- --> →</a></li></ul></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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 </p><footer>Constant&#x27;s return to Earth; <em>(Epilogue, Reunion with Stony)</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->3</footer></blockquote><br/></div><div><span class="marginnote"></span><blockquote><p>&quot;You are tired, so very tired, Space Wanderer, Malachi, Unk,&quot; said Salo. &quot;Stare at the faintest star, Earthling, and think how heavy your limbs are growing.&quot; &quot;Heavy,&quot; said Constant. &quot;You are going to die some day, Unk,&quot; said Salo. &quot;Sorry, but it&#x27;s true.&quot; &quot;True,&quot; said Constant. &quot;Don&#x27;t be sorry.&quot; &quot;When you know you are dying, Space Wanderer,&quot; said Salo hypnotically, &quot;a wonderful thing will happen to you.&quot; He then described to Constant the happy things that Constant would imagine before his life flickered out. It would be a post-hypnotic illusion.
 </p><footer>Dying; <em>(Epilogue, Reunion with Stony)</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->3</footer></blockquote><br/></div><div><span class="marginnote"><div>Why does this make me cry?</div></span><blockquote><p>&quot;Good luck,&quot; whispered Salo. &quot;We don&#x27;t say that down here,&quot; whispered Constant. Salo winked. &quot;I&#x27;m not from down here,&quot; he whispered. He looked around at the perfectly white world, felt the wet kisses of the snowflakes, pondered hidden meanings in the pale yellow streetlights that shone in a world so whitely asleep. &quot;Beautiful,&quot; he whispered.
 </p><footer>The beautiful Earth; <em>(Epilogue, Reunion with Stony)</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->4</footer></blockquote><br/></div><div><span class="marginnote"></span><blockquote><p>Salo had hypnotized him so that he would imagine, as he died, that he saw his best and only friend, Stony Stevenson. As the snow drifted over Constant, he imagined that the clouds opened up, letting through a sunbeam, a sunbeam all for him. A golden space ship encrusted with diamonds came skimming down the sunbeam, landed in the untouched snow of the street. Out stepped a stocky, red-headed man with a big cigar. He was young. He wore the uniform of the Martian Assault Infantry, Unk&#x27;s old outfit. &quot;Hello, Unk,&quot; he said. &quot;Get in.&quot; &quot;Get in?&quot; said Constant. &quot;Who are you?&quot; &quot;Stony Stevenson, Unk. You don&#x27;t recognize me?&quot; &quot;Stony?&quot; said Constant. &quot;That&#x27;s you, Stony?&quot; &quot;Who else could stand the bloody pace?&quot; said Stony. He laughed. &quot;Get in,&quot; he said. &quot;And go where?&quot; said Constant. &quot;Paradise,&quot; said Stony. &quot;What&#x27;s Paradise like?&quot; said Constant. &quot;Everybody&#x27;s happy there forever,&quot; said Stony, &quot;or as long as the bloody Universe holds together. Get in, Unk. Beatrice is already there, waiting for you.&quot; &quot;Beatrice?&quot; said Unk, getting into the space ship. Stony closed the airlocks, pressed the on button. &quot;We&#x27;re — we&#x27;re going to Paradise now?&quot; said Constant. &quot;I — I&#x27;m going to get into Paradise?&quot; &quot;Don&#x27;t ask me why, old sport,&quot; said Stony, &quot;but somebody up there likes you.&quot;
-</p><footer>The end; <em>(Epilogue, Reunion with Stony)</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->4</footer></blockquote><br/></div></section><ul class="sc-jSMfEi guuuKw"><li><a rel="prev" href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">← <!-- -->Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)</a></li></ul></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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+</p><footer>The end; <em>(Epilogue, Reunion with Stony)</em>; <!-- -->importance: <!-- -->4</footer></blockquote><br/></div></section><ul class="sc-eCYdqJ fkNpwW"><li><a rel="prev" href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">← <!-- -->Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)</a></li><li><a rel="next" href="/journal/2023/10/10/">October 10th, 2023<!-- --> →</a></li></ul></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/index.html b/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/index.html
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 <li>When the Buddha attained enlightenment under the Bo
 tree, he said, “It is wonderful to see Buddha nature in everything and
 in each individual!”</li>
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Notes</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of all notes; recent notes</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-10-01 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><h2>Recent notes</h2><hr/><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)</a></h3><small>2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/purpose/">purpose</a></small><p>Notes on The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)</a></h3><small>2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony, </a><a href="/topics/science/">science, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></h3><small>2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/metafiction/">metafiction, </a><a href="/topics/kilgore trout/">kilgore trout, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/free will/">free will, </a><a href="/topics/schizophrenia/">schizophrenia, </a><a href="/topics/solipsism/">solipsism, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/">Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner&#x27;s Mind (1970)</a></h3><small>2023-01-26<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-26<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lectures/">lectures, </a><a href="/topics/zen/">zen, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism, </a><a href="/topics/mindfulness/">mindfulness</a></small><p>Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/">Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)</a></h3><small>2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/investigations of a dog/">investigations of a dog, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)</a></h3><small>2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/slaughterhouse-five/">slaughterhouse-five, </a><a href="/topics/war/">war, </a><a href="/topics/world war ii/">world war ii, </a><a href="/topics/time/">time, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children's Crusade by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/misc/bathroom-epigraphs/">A collection of bathroom epigraphs</a></h3><small>2022-07-25<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></small><p>The words of prophets are written on bathroom walls</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/">Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)</a></h3><small>2022-04-18<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-02<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lewis carroll/">lewis carroll, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland, </a><a href="/topics/fantasy/">fantasy</a></small><p>Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/misc/koans/">A collection of kōans</a></h3><small>2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/zen/">zen, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism</a></small><p>Kōans that I find thought-provoking</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/">Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology</a></h3><small>2022-04-16<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-16<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lectures/">lectures, </a><a href="/topics/biology/">biology, </a><a href="/topics/evolution/">evolution</a></small><p>Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. 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The Sirens of Titan (1959)</a></h3><small>2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/purpose/">purpose</a></small><p>Notes on The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)</a></h3><small>2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony, </a><a href="/topics/science/">science, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></h3><small>2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/metafiction/">metafiction, </a><a href="/topics/kilgore trout/">kilgore trout, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/free will/">free will, </a><a href="/topics/schizophrenia/">schizophrenia, </a><a href="/topics/solipsism/">solipsism, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/">Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner&#x27;s Mind (1970)</a></h3><small>2023-01-26<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-26<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lectures/">lectures, </a><a href="/topics/zen/">zen, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism, </a><a href="/topics/mindfulness/">mindfulness</a></small><p>Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/">Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)</a></h3><small>2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/investigations of a dog/">investigations of a dog, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)</a></h3><small>2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/slaughterhouse-five/">slaughterhouse-five, </a><a href="/topics/war/">war, </a><a href="/topics/world war ii/">world war ii, </a><a href="/topics/time/">time, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children's Crusade by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/misc/bathroom-epigraphs/">A collection of bathroom epigraphs</a></h3><small>2022-07-25<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></small><p>The words of prophets are written on bathroom walls</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/">Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)</a></h3><small>2022-04-18<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-02<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lewis carroll/">lewis carroll, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland, </a><a href="/topics/fantasy/">fantasy</a></small><p>Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/misc/koans/">A collection of kōans</a></h3><small>2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/zen/">zen, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism</a></small><p>Kōans that I find thought-provoking</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/">Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology</a></h3><small>2022-04-16<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-16<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lectures/">lectures, </a><a href="/topics/biology/">biology, </a><a href="/topics/evolution/">evolution</a></small><p>Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. 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) 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) 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@@ -109,7 +109,7 @@
 
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Content consumption queue</h1><p class="subtitle">A note to keep track of what I should read/watch/listen to next</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-10-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-25<!-- --> ○ topics: <a href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><section><h2 id="currently" style="position:relative;"><a href="#currently" aria-label="currently permalink" class="no-tufte-underline before"><svg aria-hidden="true" focusable="false" height="16" version="1.1" viewBox="0 0 16 16" width="16"><path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z"></path></svg></a>Currently</h2><table>
+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Content consumption queue</h1><p class="subtitle">A note to keep track of what I should read/watch/listen to next</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-10-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-10<!-- --> ○ topics: <a href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><section><h2 id="currently" style="position:relative;"><a href="#currently" aria-label="currently permalink" class="no-tufte-underline before"><svg aria-hidden="true" focusable="false" height="16" version="1.1" viewBox="0 0 16 16" width="16"><path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z"></path></svg></a>Currently</h2><table>
 <thead>
 <tr>
 <th align="center">NAME</th>
@@ -119,15 +119,15 @@
 </thead>
 <tbody>
 <tr>
-<td align="center">The History of Western Philosophy (1945)</td>
-<td align="center">Bertrand Russell</td>
-<td align="center">2022-12-29</td>
-</tr>
-<tr>
 <td align="center">The Republic (c. 300 BC)</td>
 <td align="center">Plato</td>
 <td align="center"></td>
 </tr>
+<tr>
+<td align="center">Should You Believe Wikipedia?</td>
+<td align="center">Amy Bruckman</td>
+<td align="center">2023-09-21</td>
+</tr>
 </tbody>
 </table></section>
 <section><h2 id="on-hold" style="position:relative;"><a href="#on-hold" aria-label="on hold permalink" class="no-tufte-underline before"><svg aria-hidden="true" focusable="false" height="16" version="1.1" viewBox="0 0 16 16" width="16"><path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z"></path></svg></a>On Hold</h2><table>
@@ -140,6 +140,11 @@
 </thead>
 <tbody>
 <tr>
+<td align="center">The History of Western Philosophy (1945)</td>
+<td align="center">Bertrand Russell</td>
+<td align="center">2022-12-29</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
 <td align="center">The Case for Christ (1998)</td>
 <td align="center">Lee Strobel</td>
 <td align="center">2022-07-15</td>
@@ -556,6 +561,10 @@
 </thead>
 <tbody>
 <tr>
+<td align="center">Lewis Carroll</td>
+<td align="center">Symbolic Logic (1896)</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
 <td align="center">Ernest Nagel; James R. Newman</td>
 <td align="center">Gödel’s Proof (1958)</td>
 </tr>
@@ -740,6 +749,24 @@
 </thead>
 <tbody>
 <tr>
+<td align="center">Ancient Greece: From Prehistoric to Hellenistic Times (1996)</td>
+<td align="center">Thomas R. Martin</td>
+<td align="center">?</td>
+<td align="center">?</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td align="center">God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater (1970)</td>
+<td align="center">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>
+<td align="center">?</td>
+<td align="center">?</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td align="center">Look at the Birdie (2009)</td>
+<td align="center">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>
+<td align="center">?</td>
+<td align="center">?</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
 <td align="center">Whiplash (2014)</td>
 <td align="center">Damien Chazelle</td>
 <td align="center">2023-04-29</td>
@@ -998,4 +1025,4 @@
 <td align="center"></td>
 </tr>
 </tbody>
-</table></section></div><ul class="sc-eCYdqJ fkNpwW"><li><a rel="prev" href="/notes/personal/dream-journal/">← <!-- -->Dream journal</a></li><li><a rel="next" href="/journal/2021/10/12/">October 12th, 2021<!-- --> →</a></li></ul></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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+</table></section></div><ul class="sc-jSMfEi guuuKw"><li><a rel="prev" href="/notes/personal/dream-journal/">← <!-- -->Dream journal</a></li><li><a rel="next" href="/journal/2021/10/12/">October 12th, 2021<!-- --> →</a></li></ul></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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 Forgot what it was though
 Then we went outside
 And it was raining
-And I got picked up by this weird Korean lady</p></section></div><ul class="sc-eCYdqJ fkNpwW"><li><a rel="prev" href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/">← <!-- -->Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)</a></li><li><a rel="next" href="/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/">Content consumption queue<!-- --> →</a></li></ul></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/notes/personal/dream-journal/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
\ No newline at end of file
+And I got picked up by this weird Korean lady</p></section></div><ul class="sc-jSMfEi guuuKw"><li><a rel="prev" href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/">← <!-- -->Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)</a></li><li><a rel="next" href="/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/">Content consumption queue<!-- --> →</a></li></ul></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/notes/personal/dream-journal/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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Well, in actuality, it was a multitude of dreams, but this particular one disturbed me.\nI only recall a…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/13/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 13th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat","date":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","dreams"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I wonder if birds ever feel despair as us humans do. Do they experience loneliness? Is there ever a moment in a bird’s lifetime when they…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 10th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness","date":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","cognition","loneliness","uncertainty"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/spirituality/nhat-hahn-thich-the-miracle-of-mindfulness/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Nhat Hahn, Thich; The Miracle of Mindfulness","subtitle":"Notes on The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hahn","date":"2022-04-07T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-07T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","buddhism","thich nhat hahn","mindfulness","religion"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/03/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"March 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times","date":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the Crisis","cognition","for the good times"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"This website  has been simmering in my mind since I began programming in 2018.\nOne of the initial projects that I wanted to complete after…","fields":{"slug":"/about-this-site/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"About this site.","subtitle":"Information about this site; the structure, purpose, philosophy, and inspiration; implementation details; to-dos","date":"2021-09-18T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["meta"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!\nThings are moving so fast, but I’m really grateful that everything is working out so well.\nMy…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 14th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity","date":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","childhood","the Crisis","interconnectivity"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Who are you?\nThis seemingly innocuous question is one that has plagued me (and no doubt countless others, asking this of themselves) to no…","fields":{"slug":"/about-me/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"About me.","subtitle":"Information about me; what I'm up to now; current interests and favorites; major influences; how to contact me","date":"2021-09-18T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["autobiographical"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found a roommate, and we’re looking at apartments in Central Harlem — the one we’re applying to is amazingly beautiful.\nIncredibly high…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/12/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 12th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity","date":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tennis","zooming out","the Crisis","oneness"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Thinking more about The Trial today.\nI was listening to “Mystery of Iniquity (Unplugged)” by Ms. Lauryn Hill while on a drive, and it…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/01/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 1st, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the trial","kafka, franz","ms. lauryn hill"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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index fd2172d9..b14183e4 100644
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Went to the BNP Paribas Open at Indian Wells with my mom this past weekend.\nBeing in the stands amongst the crowd is so much more exhilarating than watching on the television.\nFor some reason, I had the preconception that tennis was a “stuffy” sport live — I had the mental image of heads swiveling to the left and right in complete silence so as not to disturb the flow of the players.\nBut in reality, the crowd is invigorating.\nThere were cries of joy, uncontainable gasps of shock (when Andy Murray won via an underhand serve to take the first game of the second set!), and cheers of encouragement being sent towards the players.\nIt reminded me of the oneness of humanity and the emergent powers of camaraderie. 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I was looking at my eyes in the bathroom of Coffee Connection…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/01/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 1st, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the trial","kafka, franz","ms. lauryn hill"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"year":"2021","mthDirRegexByYear":"/journal/2021/[0-9]{2}/"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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Lewis  And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview.\nFor example, a recurring concept in the book is the relativity of size: the protagonists visit organelles smaller than mitochondria and observe phenomena on the scale of galaxies.\nBut in each of these experiences, there are the same principles and patterns that repeat themselves across time and space.\nThe hierarchy in A Wind in the Door goes: farandolae → mitochondria → human → planet → galaxy → universe.\nIt reminds me of my Crisis…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 14th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity","date":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","childhood","the Crisis","interconnectivity"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found a roommate, and we’re looking at apartments in Central Harlem — the one we’re applying to is amazingly beautiful.\nIncredibly high ceilings, which I feel like is rare for New York, tons of light, a community garden across the street (!), I’m very excited! Went to the BNP Paribas Open at Indian Wells with my mom this past weekend.\nBeing in the stands amongst the crowd is so much more exhilarating than watching on the television.\nFor some reason, I had the preconception that tennis was a “stuffy” sport live — I had the mental image of heads swiveling to the left and right in complete silence so as not to disturb the flow of the players.\nBut in reality, the crowd is invigorating.\nThere were cries of joy, uncontainable gasps of shock (when Andy Murray won via an underhand serve to take the first game of the second set!), and cheers of encouragement being sent towards the players.\nIt reminded me of the oneness of humanity and the emergent powers of camaraderie. Another thought crossed…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/12/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 12th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity","date":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tennis","zooming out","the Crisis","oneness"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Thinking more about The Trial today.\nI was listening to “Mystery of Iniquity (Unplugged)” by Ms. Lauryn Hill while on a drive, and it reminded me very strongly of the institution of the court in K.’s trial.\nHere are some of the lyrics: Jesus, if this is not masterful lyricism, then I don’t know what is.\nSome versus that strike me as particularly relevant to The Trial: The more money you pay.. the further away solution And the defense isn’t making any sense // Faking the confidence of escaping the consequence Expert witness (the paid authority) // Made a priority to deceive the majority // Of disinterested peers // Dodging duty for years //Hating the process // waiting to be returning to their careers The truth is obsolete // Only two positions: // Victimizer or Victim // Both end up in destruction trusting this crooked system The Revolving Door // Insanity every floor // Skyscraping, paper chasing // What are we working for? I was looking at my eyes in the bathroom of Coffee Connection…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/01/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 1st, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the trial","kafka, franz","ms. lauryn hill"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"year":"2021","mthDirRegexByYear":"/journal/2021/[0-9]{2}/"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/journal/2022/03/page-data.json b/page-data/journal/2022/03/page-data.json
index 3089bb65..1cd962a9 100644
--- a/page-data/journal/2022/03/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/journal/2022/03/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-month-tsx","path":"/journal/2022/03","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/03/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"March 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times","date":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the Crisis","cognition","for the good times"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"year":"2022","month":"03","dirRegexByYearAndMonth":"/journal/2022/03/"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
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\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/journal/2022/04/page-data.json b/page-data/journal/2022/04/page-data.json
index 1935918a..052f1a72 100644
--- a/page-data/journal/2022/04/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/journal/2022/04/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-month-tsx","path":"/journal/2022/04","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I forgot to recount in my previous entry an encounter that I had on that day while walking back to the Christopher Street station.\nThis commute takes me on a lovely walk through Washington Square Park, and consequentially feeds my voyeuristic compulsion for people-watching.\nThat day, however, I wasn’t in my usual mood to peer into the casual intimacies of park-peoples — I was wrapped up in lament, and tred through the park with careful footsteps and likely a somber expression. But even in my mindlessness, I happened to lock eyes with a girl leaning up against the backrest of a park bench.\nTight black coils bounced from her head, and a fitted army-green top with short sleeves and loose black jeans dressed her small frame.\nWith her left hand and a bent elbow she held a up a smoking joint.\nWhen our gazes met, a slight smile bloomed on her lips, her free hand shot up into the air, and she gave me a tiny yet eager wave.\nAlthough small, her gesture was imbued with the intimacy of a dear…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/17/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 17th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-08T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","impermanence"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I had a strange dream last night. Well, in actuality, it was a multitude of dreams, but this particular one disturbed me.\nI only recall a single grotesque fragment of it. Someone was cooking a gargantuan purple fish on a gas stove.\nIts jaundiced, bulging eyes protruded from its head and its body was covered in yellowed spikes.\nMost nauseatingly, its mouth was stuffed with tentacles, colored with the same purple hue and littered with the same spikes as were on the rest of the body.\nThe person cooking the fish looked at me and then grabbed ahold of the tentacles and twisted them loose from the fish’s mouth.\nHe said, “Here, I know you like this part” (of the fish) and laid the writhing mass on my plate.\nThat was all I remember. But when I woke up, I was extremely repulsed. I have my suspicions regarding the origin of this dream in my subconscious, which is why I decided to record it.\nEarlier this week, I bought some oxtails to make my favorite Korean comfort dish: ggori-gomtang.\nI don’t…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/13/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 13th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat","date":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","dreams"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I wonder if birds ever feel despair as us humans do. Do they experience loneliness? Is there ever a moment in a bird’s lifetime when they feel outcast by their fellow feathered folk and they can’t find a single thing — nary a single branch — in this world to lean or rest upon? What do they do in those moments? How do they go on? Or are they contented with searching the skies for yet another seed to peck at? This notion sounds ridiculous, but I wonder if our experiences (birds, humans) are more similar than one may initially imagine. This morning, I saw a female sparrow (well, they aren’t really sparrows, but I’ve forgotten the correct name for them) nip at the feathers of a male, vying for his attention. A bird’s equivalent of flirtatious pursuit, I presume. It made me dream about the microcosm of the bird’s love life — on their scale, are there gestures as subtle as a blush, a stolen glance, or a light caress on another’s shoulders? Do they exist, only to be imperceptible to the naïve…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 10th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness","date":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","cognition","loneliness","uncertainty"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"year":"2022","month":"04","dirRegexByYearAndMonth":"/journal/2022/04/"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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But even in my mindlessness, I happened to lock eyes with a girl leaning up against the backrest of a park bench.\nTight black coils bounced from her head, and a fitted army-green top with short sleeves and loose black jeans dressed her small frame.\nWith her left hand and a bent elbow she held a up a smoking joint.\nWhen our gazes met, a slight smile bloomed on her lips, her free hand shot up into the air, and she gave me a tiny yet eager wave.\nAlthough small, her gesture was imbued with the intimacy of a dear…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/17/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 17th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-08T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","impermanence"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I had a strange dream last night. Well, in actuality, it was a multitude of dreams, but this particular one disturbed me.\nI only recall a single grotesque fragment of it. Someone was cooking a gargantuan purple fish on a gas stove.\nIts jaundiced, bulging eyes protruded from its head and its body was covered in yellowed spikes.\nMost nauseatingly, its mouth was stuffed with tentacles, colored with the same purple hue and littered with the same spikes as were on the rest of the body.\nThe person cooking the fish looked at me and then grabbed ahold of the tentacles and twisted them loose from the fish’s mouth.\nHe said, “Here, I know you like this part” (of the fish) and laid the writhing mass on my plate.\nThat was all I remember. But when I woke up, I was extremely repulsed. I have my suspicions regarding the origin of this dream in my subconscious, which is why I decided to record it.\nEarlier this week, I bought some oxtails to make my favorite Korean comfort dish: ggori-gomtang.\nI don’t…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/13/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 13th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat","date":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","dreams"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I wonder if birds ever feel despair as us humans do. Do they experience loneliness? Is there ever a moment in a bird’s lifetime when they feel outcast by their fellow feathered folk and they can’t find a single thing — nary a single branch — in this world to lean or rest upon? What do they do in those moments? How do they go on? Or are they contented with searching the skies for yet another seed to peck at? This notion sounds ridiculous, but I wonder if our experiences (birds, humans) are more similar than one may initially imagine. This morning, I saw a female sparrow (well, they aren’t really sparrows, but I’ve forgotten the correct name for them) nip at the feathers of a male, vying for his attention. A bird’s equivalent of flirtatious pursuit, I presume. It made me dream about the microcosm of the bird’s love life — on their scale, are there gestures as subtle as a blush, a stolen glance, or a light caress on another’s shoulders? Do they exist, only to be imperceptible to the naïve…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 10th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness","date":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","cognition","loneliness","uncertainty"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"year":"2022","month":"04","dirRegexByYearAndMonth":"/journal/2022/04/"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/journal/2022/05/page-data.json b/page-data/journal/2022/05/page-data.json
index a5fd9288..c0cb7110 100644
--- a/page-data/journal/2022/05/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/journal/2022/05/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-month-tsx","path":"/journal/2022/05","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"year":"2022","month":"05","dirRegexByYearAndMonth":"/journal/2022/05/"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
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\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/journal/2022/06/page-data.json b/page-data/journal/2022/06/page-data.json
index 8a472213..1cdfc410 100644
--- a/page-data/journal/2022/06/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/journal/2022/06/page-data.json
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diff --git a/page-data/journal/2022/07/page-data.json b/page-data/journal/2022/07/page-data.json
index 9b54f939..c858afd0 100644
--- a/page-data/journal/2022/07/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/journal/2022/07/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
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\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/journal/2022/11/page-data.json b/page-data/journal/2022/11/page-data.json
index 4e3e0987..e109b8a1 100644
--- a/page-data/journal/2022/11/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/journal/2022/11/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-month-tsx","path":"/journal/2022/11","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Once again—the squirrels are fat; and I am alone. Where have you been? I said to myself— where on Earth did you go? You should not look there, came the reply. I thought that you would’ve known. Did you seek yourself in the roars of silence? in the deaf’ning and blinding snow? Did you search through the veils of joy and pain? or in the face of those you know? Birth and death hath torn me asunder; now you must endure the throe— Only then will you find that which you seek; and the answers of far-ago.","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/11/23/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"November 23rd, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-11-23; eleven lines","date":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"year":"2022","month":"11","dirRegexByYearAndMonth":"/journal/2022/11/"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/journal/2022/12/page-data.json b/page-data/journal/2022/12/page-data.json
index 941559ad..a946e9aa 100644
--- a/page-data/journal/2022/12/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/journal/2022/12/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
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Where have you been? I said to myself— where on Earth did you go? You should not look there, came the reply. I thought that you would’ve known. Did you seek yourself in the roars of silence? in the deaf’ning and blinding snow? Did you search through the veils of joy and pain? or in the face of those you know? Birth and death hath torn me asunder; now you must endure the throe— Only then will you find that which you seek; and the answers of far-ago.","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/11/23/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"November 23rd, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-11-23; eleven lines","date":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I forgot to recount in my previous entry an encounter that I had on that day while walking back to the Christopher Street station.\nThis commute takes me on a lovely walk through Washington Square Park, and consequentially feeds my voyeuristic compulsion for people-watching.\nThat day, however, I wasn’t in my usual mood to peer into the casual intimacies of park-peoples — I was wrapped up in lament, and tred through the park with careful footsteps and likely a somber expression. But even in my mindlessness, I happened to lock eyes with a girl leaning up against the backrest of a park bench.\nTight black coils bounced from her head, and a fitted army-green top with short sleeves and loose black jeans dressed her small frame.\nWith her left hand and a bent elbow she held a up a smoking joint.\nWhen our gazes met, a slight smile bloomed on her lips, her free hand shot up into the air, and she gave me a tiny yet eager wave.\nAlthough small, her gesture was imbued with the intimacy of a dear…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/17/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 17th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-08T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","impermanence"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I had a strange dream last night. Well, in actuality, it was a multitude of dreams, but this particular one disturbed me.\nI only recall a single grotesque fragment of it. Someone was cooking a gargantuan purple fish on a gas stove.\nIts jaundiced, bulging eyes protruded from its head and its body was covered in yellowed spikes.\nMost nauseatingly, its mouth was stuffed with tentacles, colored with the same purple hue and littered with the same spikes as were on the rest of the body.\nThe person cooking the fish looked at me and then grabbed ahold of the tentacles and twisted them loose from the fish’s mouth.\nHe said, “Here, I know you like this part” (of the fish) and laid the writhing mass on my plate.\nThat was all I remember. But when I woke up, I was extremely repulsed. I have my suspicions regarding the origin of this dream in my subconscious, which is why I decided to record it.\nEarlier this week, I bought some oxtails to make my favorite Korean comfort dish: ggori-gomtang.\nI don’t…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/13/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 13th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat","date":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","dreams"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I wonder if birds ever feel despair as us humans do. Do they experience loneliness? Is there ever a moment in a bird’s lifetime when they feel outcast by their fellow feathered folk and they can’t find a single thing — nary a single branch — in this world to lean or rest upon? What do they do in those moments? How do they go on? Or are they contented with searching the skies for yet another seed to peck at? This notion sounds ridiculous, but I wonder if our experiences (birds, humans) are more similar than one may initially imagine. This morning, I saw a female sparrow (well, they aren’t really sparrows, but I’ve forgotten the correct name for them) nip at the feathers of a male, vying for his attention. A bird’s equivalent of flirtatious pursuit, I presume. It made me dream about the microcosm of the bird’s love life — on their scale, are there gestures as subtle as a blush, a stolen glance, or a light caress on another’s shoulders? Do they exist, only to be imperceptible to the naïve…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 10th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness","date":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","cognition","loneliness","uncertainty"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/03/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"March 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times","date":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the Crisis","cognition","for the good times"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"year":"2022","mthDirRegexByYear":"/journal/2022/[0-9]{2}/"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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Where have you been? I said to myself— where on Earth did you go? You should not look there, came the reply. I thought that you would’ve known. Did you seek yourself in the roars of silence? in the deaf’ning and blinding snow? Did you search through the veils of joy and pain? or in the face of those you know? Birth and death hath torn me asunder; now you must endure the throe— Only then will you find that which you seek; and the answers of far-ago.","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/11/23/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"November 23rd, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-11-23; eleven lines","date":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I forgot to recount in my previous entry an encounter that I had on that day while walking back to the Christopher Street station.\nThis commute takes me on a lovely walk through Washington Square Park, and consequentially feeds my voyeuristic compulsion for people-watching.\nThat day, however, I wasn’t in my usual mood to peer into the casual intimacies of park-peoples — I was wrapped up in lament, and tred through the park with careful footsteps and likely a somber expression. But even in my mindlessness, I happened to lock eyes with a girl leaning up against the backrest of a park bench.\nTight black coils bounced from her head, and a fitted army-green top with short sleeves and loose black jeans dressed her small frame.\nWith her left hand and a bent elbow she held a up a smoking joint.\nWhen our gazes met, a slight smile bloomed on her lips, her free hand shot up into the air, and she gave me a tiny yet eager wave.\nAlthough small, her gesture was imbued with the intimacy of a dear…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/17/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 17th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-08T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","impermanence"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I had a strange dream last night. Well, in actuality, it was a multitude of dreams, but this particular one disturbed me.\nI only recall a single grotesque fragment of it. Someone was cooking a gargantuan purple fish on a gas stove.\nIts jaundiced, bulging eyes protruded from its head and its body was covered in yellowed spikes.\nMost nauseatingly, its mouth was stuffed with tentacles, colored with the same purple hue and littered with the same spikes as were on the rest of the body.\nThe person cooking the fish looked at me and then grabbed ahold of the tentacles and twisted them loose from the fish’s mouth.\nHe said, “Here, I know you like this part” (of the fish) and laid the writhing mass on my plate.\nThat was all I remember. But when I woke up, I was extremely repulsed. I have my suspicions regarding the origin of this dream in my subconscious, which is why I decided to record it.\nEarlier this week, I bought some oxtails to make my favorite Korean comfort dish: ggori-gomtang.\nI don’t…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/13/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 13th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat","date":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","dreams"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I wonder if birds ever feel despair as us humans do. Do they experience loneliness? Is there ever a moment in a bird’s lifetime when they feel outcast by their fellow feathered folk and they can’t find a single thing — nary a single branch — in this world to lean or rest upon? What do they do in those moments? How do they go on? Or are they contented with searching the skies for yet another seed to peck at? This notion sounds ridiculous, but I wonder if our experiences (birds, humans) are more similar than one may initially imagine. This morning, I saw a female sparrow (well, they aren’t really sparrows, but I’ve forgotten the correct name for them) nip at the feathers of a male, vying for his attention. A bird’s equivalent of flirtatious pursuit, I presume. It made me dream about the microcosm of the bird’s love life — on their scale, are there gestures as subtle as a blush, a stolen glance, or a light caress on another’s shoulders? Do they exist, only to be imperceptible to the naïve…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 10th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness","date":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","cognition","loneliness","uncertainty"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/03/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"March 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times","date":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the Crisis","cognition","for the good times"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"year":"2022","mthDirRegexByYear":"/journal/2022/[0-9]{2}/"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-pages-journal-tsx","path":"/journal/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"The difference between the days disappears along with those to share it with…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/12/31/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"December 31st, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-12-31","date":"2022-12-31T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-12-31T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"And how tragic that it is the very act of swimming that muddies the waters!","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/12/29/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"December 29th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-12-29","date":"2022-12-29T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-12-29T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"How dreadful a life it is where to have is far worse than to have lost!","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/12/23/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"December 23rd, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-12-23","date":"2022-12-23T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-12-23T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Once again—the squirrels are fat; and I am alone. Where have you been? I said to myself— where on Earth did you go? You should not look there, came the reply. I thought that you would’ve known. Did you seek yourself in the roars of silence? in the deaf’ning and blinding snow? Did you search through the veils of joy and pain? or in the face of those you know? Birth and death hath torn me asunder; now you must endure the throe— Only then will you find that which you seek; and the answers of far-ago.","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/11/23/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"November 23rd, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-11-23; eleven lines","date":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I forgot to recount in my previous entry an encounter that I had on that day while walking back to the Christopher Street station.\nThis commute takes me on a lovely walk through Washington Square Park, and consequentially feeds my voyeuristic compulsion for people-watching.\nThat day, however, I wasn’t in my usual mood to peer into the casual intimacies of park-peoples — I was wrapped up in lament, and tred through the park with careful footsteps and likely a somber expression. But even in my mindlessness, I happened to lock eyes with a girl leaning up against the backrest of a park bench.\nTight black coils bounced from her head, and a fitted army-green top with short sleeves and loose black jeans dressed her small frame.\nWith her left hand and a bent elbow she held a up a smoking joint.\nWhen our gazes met, a slight smile bloomed on her lips, her free hand shot up into the air, and she gave me a tiny yet eager wave.\nAlthough small, her gesture was imbued with the intimacy of a dear…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/17/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 17th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-08T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","impermanence"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I had a strange dream last night. Well, in actuality, it was a multitude of dreams, but this particular one disturbed me.\nI only recall a single grotesque fragment of it. Someone was cooking a gargantuan purple fish on a gas stove.\nIts jaundiced, bulging eyes protruded from its head and its body was covered in yellowed spikes.\nMost nauseatingly, its mouth was stuffed with tentacles, colored with the same purple hue and littered with the same spikes as were on the rest of the body.\nThe person cooking the fish looked at me and then grabbed ahold of the tentacles and twisted them loose from the fish’s mouth.\nHe said, “Here, I know you like this part” (of the fish) and laid the writhing mass on my plate.\nThat was all I remember. But when I woke up, I was extremely repulsed. I have my suspicions regarding the origin of this dream in my subconscious, which is why I decided to record it.\nEarlier this week, I bought some oxtails to make my favorite Korean comfort dish: ggori-gomtang.\nI don’t…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/13/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 13th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat","date":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","dreams"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I wonder if birds ever feel despair as us humans do. Do they experience loneliness? Is there ever a moment in a bird’s lifetime when they feel outcast by their fellow feathered folk and they can’t find a single thing — nary a single branch — in this world to lean or rest upon? What do they do in those moments? How do they go on? Or are they contented with searching the skies for yet another seed to peck at? This notion sounds ridiculous, but I wonder if our experiences (birds, humans) are more similar than one may initially imagine. This morning, I saw a female sparrow (well, they aren’t really sparrows, but I’ve forgotten the correct name for them) nip at the feathers of a male, vying for his attention. A bird’s equivalent of flirtatious pursuit, I presume. It made me dream about the microcosm of the bird’s love life — on their scale, are there gestures as subtle as a blush, a stolen glance, or a light caress on another’s shoulders? Do they exist, only to be imperceptible to the naïve…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 10th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness","date":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","cognition","loneliness","uncertainty"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/03/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"March 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times","date":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the Crisis","cognition","for the good times"]}}}]},"allDirectory":{"edges":[{"node":{"name":"2022"}},{"node":{"name":"2021"}}]}},"pageContext":{}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-pages-journal-tsx","path":"/journal/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I mourn a tender heart—farewell! weariness takes its stead,","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2023/10/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 10th, 2023","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-10-10","date":"2023-10-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-10-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"The difference between the days disappears along with those to share it with…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/12/31/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"December 31st, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-12-31","date":"2022-12-31T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-12-31T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"And how tragic that it is the very act of swimming that muddies the waters!","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/12/29/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"December 29th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-12-29","date":"2022-12-29T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-12-29T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"How dreadful a life it is where to have is far worse than to have lost!","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/12/23/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"December 23rd, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-12-23","date":"2022-12-23T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-12-23T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Once again—the squirrels are fat; and I am alone. Where have you been? I said to myself— where on Earth did you go? You should not look there, came the reply. I thought that you would’ve known. Did you seek yourself in the roars of silence? in the deaf’ning and blinding snow? Did you search through the veils of joy and pain? or in the face of those you know? Birth and death hath torn me asunder; now you must endure the throe— Only then will you find that which you seek; and the answers of far-ago.","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/11/23/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"November 23rd, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-11-23; eleven lines","date":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I forgot to recount in my previous entry an encounter that I had on that day while walking back to the Christopher Street station.\nThis commute takes me on a lovely walk through Washington Square Park, and consequentially feeds my voyeuristic compulsion for people-watching.\nThat day, however, I wasn’t in my usual mood to peer into the casual intimacies of park-peoples — I was wrapped up in lament, and tred through the park with careful footsteps and likely a somber expression. But even in my mindlessness, I happened to lock eyes with a girl leaning up against the backrest of a park bench.\nTight black coils bounced from her head, and a fitted army-green top with short sleeves and loose black jeans dressed her small frame.\nWith her left hand and a bent elbow she held a up a smoking joint.\nWhen our gazes met, a slight smile bloomed on her lips, her free hand shot up into the air, and she gave me a tiny yet eager wave.\nAlthough small, her gesture was imbued with the intimacy of a dear…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/17/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 17th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-08T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","impermanence"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I had a strange dream last night. Well, in actuality, it was a multitude of dreams, but this particular one disturbed me.\nI only recall a single grotesque fragment of it. Someone was cooking a gargantuan purple fish on a gas stove.\nIts jaundiced, bulging eyes protruded from its head and its body was covered in yellowed spikes.\nMost nauseatingly, its mouth was stuffed with tentacles, colored with the same purple hue and littered with the same spikes as were on the rest of the body.\nThe person cooking the fish looked at me and then grabbed ahold of the tentacles and twisted them loose from the fish’s mouth.\nHe said, “Here, I know you like this part” (of the fish) and laid the writhing mass on my plate.\nThat was all I remember. But when I woke up, I was extremely repulsed. I have my suspicions regarding the origin of this dream in my subconscious, which is why I decided to record it.\nEarlier this week, I bought some oxtails to make my favorite Korean comfort dish: ggori-gomtang.\nI don’t…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/13/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 13th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat","date":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","dreams"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I wonder if birds ever feel despair as us humans do. Do they experience loneliness? Is there ever a moment in a bird’s lifetime when they feel outcast by their fellow feathered folk and they can’t find a single thing — nary a single branch — in this world to lean or rest upon? What do they do in those moments? How do they go on? Or are they contented with searching the skies for yet another seed to peck at? This notion sounds ridiculous, but I wonder if our experiences (birds, humans) are more similar than one may initially imagine. This morning, I saw a female sparrow (well, they aren’t really sparrows, but I’ve forgotten the correct name for them) nip at the feathers of a male, vying for his attention. A bird’s equivalent of flirtatious pursuit, I presume. It made me dream about the microcosm of the bird’s love life — on their scale, are there gestures as subtle as a blush, a stolen glance, or a light caress on another’s shoulders? Do they exist, only to be imperceptible to the naïve…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 10th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness","date":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","cognition","loneliness","uncertainty"]}}}]},"allDirectory":{"edges":[{"node":{"name":"2023"}},{"node":{"name":"2022"}},{"node":{"name":"2021"}}]}},"pageContext":{}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/page-data.json b/page-data/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/page-data.json
index b8565ac2..d65c7101 100644
--- a/page-data/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx","path":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space"}},"markdownRemark":{"id":"62f8a1ff-2159-52d0-9fdd-68fc57cca78d","excerpt":"","html":"","frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)","subtitle":"Notes on The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-02-04T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-02-04T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","science fiction","purpose"]}},"books":{"quotes":[{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"The beginning","page_number":null,"quote":"Everyone now knows how to find the meaning of life within himself.  But mankind wasn't always so lucky. Less than a century ago men and women did not have easy access to the puzzle boxes within them. They could not name even one of the fifty-three portals to the soul.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"The kingdom of heaven lies within you","page_number":null,"quote":"Gimcrack religions were big business. Mankind, ignorant of the truths that lie within every human being, looked outward — pushed ever outward. What mankind hoped to learn in its outward push was who was actually in charge of all creation, and what all creation was all about.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"A new frontier","page_number":null,"quote":"Mankind flung its advance agents ever outward, ever outward. Eventually it flung them out into space, into the colorless, tasteless, weightless sea of outwardness without end. It flung them like stones. These unhappy agents found what had already been found in abundance on Earth — a nightmare of meaninglessness without end. The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death. Outwardness lost, at last, its imagined attractions. Only inwardness remained to be explored. Only the human soul remained terra incognita. This was the beginning of goodness and wisdom. What were people like in olden times, with their souls as yet unexplored?\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"The gaze of the masses","page_number":null,"quote":"The crowd knew it wasn't going to see anything, yet its members found pleasure in being near, in staring at the blank walls and imagining what was happening inside. The mysteries of the materialization, like the mysteries of a hanging, were enhanced by the wall; were made pornographic by the magic lantern slides of morbid imaginations — magic lantern slides projected by the crowd on the blank stone walls.\n","importance":2,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"Beatrice Rumfoord's volume of poems","page_number":null,"quote":"The title derived from the fact that all the words between timid and Timbuktu in very small dictionaries relate to time.\n","importance":1,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"What happened to Winston Niles Rumfoord","page_number":null,"quote":"Winston Niles Rumfoord had run his private space ship right into the heart of an uncharted chrono-synclastic infundibulum two days out of Mars. Only his dog had been along. Now Winston Niles Rumfoord and his dog Kazak existed as wave phenomena — apparently pulsing in a distorted spiral with its origin in the Sun and its terminal in Betelgeuse. The earth was about to intercept that spiral.\n","importance":2,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"ELI5 chronosynclastic infunibula","page_number":null,"quote":"CHRONO-SYNCLASTIC INFUNDIBULA — Just imagine that your Daddy is the smartest man who ever lived on Earth, and he knows everything there is to find out, and he is exactly right about everything, and he can prove he is right about everything. Now imagine another little child on some nice world a million light years away, and that little child's Daddy is the smartest man who ever lived on that nice world so far away. And he is just as smart and just as right as your Daddy is. Both Daddies are smart, and both Daddies are right. ... The reason both Daddies can be right and still get into terrible fights is because there are so many different ways of being right. There are places in the Universe, though, where each Daddy could finally catch on to what the other Daddy was talking about. These places are where all the different kinds of truths fit together as nicely as the parts in your Daddy's solar watch. We call these places chrono-synclastic infundibula. ... You might think it would be nice to go to a chrono-synclastic infundibulum and see all the different ways to be absolutely right, but it is a very dangerous thing to do. The poor man and his poor dog are scattered far and wide, not just through space, but through time, too. Chrono (kroh-no) means time. Synclastic (sin-class-tick) means curved toward the same side in all directions, like the skin of an orange. Infundibulum (in-fun-dib-u-lum) is what the ancient Romans like Julius Caesar and Nero called a funnel. If you don't know what a funnel is, get Mommy to show you one.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"Malachi Constant, the Messenger","page_number":null,"quote":"He was worth three billion dollars, much of it inherited. His name meant faithful messenger. He was a speculator, mostly in corporate securities. In the depressions that always followed his taking of alcohol, narcotics, and women, Constant pined for just one thing — a single message that was sufficiently dignified and important to merit his carrying it humbly between two points. The motto under the coat of arms that Constant had designed for himself said simply, The Messenger Awaits. What Constant had in mind, presumably, was a first. class message from God to someone equally distinguished.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"Winston Niles Rumfoord's revelation","page_number":null,"quote":"\"When I ran my space ship into the chrono-synclastic infundibulum, it came to me in a flash that everything that ever has been always will be, and everything that ever will be always has been.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"Bobby Denton's gospel","page_number":null,"quote":"Bobby Denton's voice grew hoarse and hushed. \"You want to fly through space? God has already given you the most wonderful space ship in all creation! Yes! Speed? You want speed? The space ship God has given you goes sixty-six thousand miles an hour — and will keep on running at that speed for all eternity, if God wills it. You want a space ship that will carry men in comfort? You've got it! It won't carry just a rich man and his dog, or just five men or ten men. No! God is no piker! He's given you a space ship that will carry billions of men, women, and children! Yes! And they don't have to stay strapped in chairs or wear fishbowls over their heads. No! Not on God's space ship. The people on God's space ship can go swimming, and walk in the sunshine and play baseball and go ice skating and go for family rides in the family automobile on Sunday after church and a family chicken dinner!\" Bobby Denton nodded. \"Yes!\" he said. \"And if anybody thinks his God is mean for putting things out in space to stop us from flying out there, just let him remember the space ship God already gave us. And we don't have to buy the fuel for it, and worry and fret over what kind of fuel to use. No! God worries about all that. \"God told us what we had to do on this wonderful space ship. He wrote the rules so anybody could understand them. You don't have to be a physicist or a great chemist or an Albert Einstein to understand them. No! And He didn't make a whole lot of rules, either. They tell me that if they were to fire The Whale, they would have to make eleven thousand separate checks before they could be sure it was ready to go: Is this valve open, is that valve dosed, is that wire tight, is that tank full? — and on and on and on to eleven thousand things to check. Here on God's space ship, God only gives us ten things to check — and not for any little trip to some big, dead poisonous stones out in space, but for a trip to the Kingdom of Heaven! Think of it! Where would you rather be tomorrow — on Mars or in the Kingdom of Heaven? \"You know what the check list is on God's round, green space ship? Do I have to tell you? You want to hear God's countdown?\" The Love Crusaders shouted back that they did. \"Ten! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you covet thy neighbor's house, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything that is thy neighbor's?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Nine! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you bear false witness against thy neighbor?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Eight! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you steal?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Seven! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you commit adultery?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Six! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you kill?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Five! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you honor thy father and thy mother?\" \"Yes!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Four! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy?\" \"Yes!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Three! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you take the name of the Lord thy God in vain?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Two! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you make any graven images?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"One! — \" cried Bobby Denton. \"Do you put any gods before the one true Lord thy God?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Blast off!\" shouted Bobby Denton joyfully. \"Paradise, here we come! Blast off, children, and Amen!\"\n","importance":4,"notes":"This is so hilarious... Vonnegut would make a fantastic preacher; also, someone once told me about a man named Buckminster Fuller and his Spaceship Earth"},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"Rumfoord's parting words to Malachi Constant","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Things fly this way and that, my boy,\" he said, \"with or without messages. It's chaos, and no mistake, for the Universe is just being born. It's the great becoming that makes the light and the heat and the motion, and bangs you from hither to yon.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"The plea of the masses","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Tell us!\" shouted a man, and he was merely fed up — not enraged. \"We've got a right!\" shouted a woman. She showed her two fine children to Constant. Another woman told Constant what it was the crowd felt it had a right to. \"We've got a right to know what's going on!\" she cried. The riot, then, was an exercise in science and theology — a seeking after clues by the living as to what life was all about.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":2,"chapter_title":"Cheers in the Wirehouse","description":"Foresight","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Man — you must have some kind of guardian angel — lets you keep cool as a cucumber, no matter what,\" said the chauffeur admiringly. This comment interested Constant, for it described well his attitude in the midst of the mob. He took the comment at first as an analogy — as a poetic description of his mood. A man who had a guardian angel would certainly have felt just as Constant had — \"Yes, suh!\" said the chauffeur. \"Sumpin' sure must be lookin' out for you!\" Then it hit Constant: This was exactly the case. Until that moment of truth, Constant had looked upon his Newport adventure as one more drug-induced hallucination — as one more peyotl party — vivid, novel, entertaining, and of no consequence whatsoever. The little door had been a dreamy touch . . . the dry fountain another . . . and the huge painting of the all white touch-me-not little girl with the all white pony . . . and the chimney-like room under the spiral staircase . . . and the photograph of the three sirens on Titan . . . and Rumfoord's prophecies . . . and the discomfiture of Beatrice Rumfoord at the top of the stairs . . . Malachi Constant broke into a cold sweat. His knees threatened to buckle and his eyelids came unhinged. He was finally understanding that every bit of it had been real! He had been calm in the midst of the mob because he knew he wasn't going to die on Earth. Something was looking out for him, all right.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":2,"chapter_title":"Cheers in the Wirehouse","description":"Jonah, the Messenger","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Unusual first name you got, Mr. Rowley,\" said the pilot. \"Beg your pardon?\" said Constant nauseously. He was looking through the plastic dome of the cockpit cover — looking up into the evening sky. He was wondering if there could possibly be eyes up there, eyes that could see everything he did. And if there were eyes up there, and they wanted him to do certain things, go certain places — how could they make him? Oh God — but it looked thin and cold up there! \"I said you've got an unusual first name,\" said the pilot. \"What name's that?\" said Constant, who had forgotten the foolish first name he had chosen for his disguise. \"Jonah,\" said the pilot.\n","importance":5,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":2,"chapter_title":"Cheers in the Wirehouse","description":"In the grand scheme of things","page_number":null,"quote":"\"I just wish we could go out to the chrono-synclastic infundibula together,\" said Rumfoord. \"So you could see for once what I was talking about. All I can say is that my failure to warn you about the stock-market crash is as much a part of the natural order as Halley's Comet — and it makes an equal amount of sense to rage against either one.\" \"You're saying you have no character, and no sense of responsibility toward me,\" said Beatrice. \"I'm sorry to put it that way, but it's the truth.\" Rumfoord rocked his head back and forth. \"A truth — but, oh God, what a punctual truth,\" he said.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":2,"chapter_title":"Cheers in the Wirehouse","description":"To argue is to err","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Rebuttal — a punctual word if there ever was one,\" said Rumfoord. \"I say this, and then you rebut me, then I rebut you, then somebody else comes in and rebuts us both.\" He shuddered. \"What a nightmare where everybody gets in line to rebut each other.\"\n","importance":2,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":2,"chapter_title":"Cheers in the Wirehouse","description":"Amor fati","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Look,\" said Rumfoord, \"life for a punctual person is like a roller coaster.\" He turned to shiver his hands in her face. \"All kinds of things are going to happen to you! Sure,\" he said, \"I can see the whole roller coaster you're on. And sure — I could give you a piece of paper that would tell you about every dip and turn, warn you about every bogeyman that was going to pop out at you in the tunnels. But that wouldn't help you any.\" \"I don't see why not,\" said Beatrice. \"Because you'd still have to take the roller-coaster ride,\" said Rumford. \"I didn't design the roller coaster, I don't own it, and I don't say who rides and who doesn't. I just know what it's shaped like.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":2,"chapter_title":"Cheers in the Wirehouse","description":"The raw materials of mankind","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Look forward to being really in love for the first time, Bea,\" said Rumford. \"Look forward to behaving aristocratically without any outward proofs of your aristocracy. Look forward to having nothing but the dignity and intelligence and tenderness that God gave you — look forward to taking those materials and nothing else, and making something exquisite with them.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":3,"chapter_title":"United Hotcake Preferred","description":"Ransom K. Fern, president of Magnum Opus","page_number":null,"quote":"\"A butt like two beebees,\" Malachi Constant's father Noel had said of Fern. \"Ransom K. Fern is like a camel who has burned up both his humps, and now he's burning up everything else but his hair and eyeballs.\"\n","importance":1,"notes":"Lmfaooooo"},{"chapter_number":3,"chapter_title":"United Hotcake Preferred","description":"Fern's philosophy","page_number":null,"quote":"Fern read two books a day. It has been said that Aristotle was the last man to be familiar with the whole of his own culture. Ransom K. Fern had made an impressive attempt to equal Aristotle's achievement. He had been somewhat less successful than Aristotle in perceiving patterns in what he knew. The intellectual mountain had labored to produce a philosophical mouse — and Fern was the first to admit that it was a mouse, and a mangy mouse at that. As Fern expressed the philosophy conversationally, in its simplest terms: \"You go up to a man, and you say, 'How are things going, Joe?' And he says, 'Oh, fine, fine — couldn't be better.' And you look into his eyes, and you see things really couldn't be much worse. When you get right down to it, everybody's having a perfectly lousy time of it, and I mean everybody. And the hell of it is, nothing seems to help much.\" This philosophy did not sadden him. It did not make him brood. It made him heartlessly watchful. It helped in business, too — for it let Fern assume automatically that the other fellow was far weaker and far more bored than he seemed.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":3,"chapter_title":"United Hotcake Preferred","description":"The luck of the Constants","page_number":null,"quote":"The first sentence in Genesis, as some people may know, is: \"In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.\" Noel Constant wrote the sentence in capital letters, put periods between the letters, divided the letters into pairs, rendering the sentence as follows: \"I.N., T.H., E.B., E.G., I.N., N.I., N.G., G.O., D.C., R.E., A.T., E.D., T.H., E.H., E.A., V.E., N.A., N.D., T.H., E.E., A.R., T.H.\" And then he looked for corporations with those initials, and bought shares in them. His rule at the beginning was that he would own shares in only one corporation at a time, would invest his whole nest-egg in it, and would sell the instant the value of his shares had doubled.\n","importance":2,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":3,"chapter_title":"United Hotcake Preferred","description":"Oh, bureaucracy","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Mr. Constant,\" he said, \"right now you're as easy for the Bureau of Internal Revenue to watch as a man on a street corner selling apples and pears. But just imagine how hard you would be to watch if you had a whole office building jammed to the rafters with industrial bureaucrats — men who lose things and use the wrong forms and create new forms and demand everything in quintuplicate, and who understand perhaps a third of what is said to them; who habitually give misleading answers in order to gain time in which to think, who make decisions only when forced to, and who then cover their tracks; who make perfectly honest mistakes in addition and subtraction, who call meetings whenever they feel lonely, who write memos whenever they feel unloved; men who never throw anything away unless they think it could get them fired. A single industrial bureaucrat, if he is sufficiently vital and nervous, should be able to create a ton of meaningless papers a year for the Bureau of Internal Revenue to examine. In the Magnum Opus Building, we will have thousands of them! And you and I can have the top two stories, and you can go on keeping track of what's really going on the way you do now.\"\n","importance":2,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":3,"chapter_title":"United Hotcake Preferred","description":"Oh, family","page_number":null,"quote":"The detail in the furnishings of Room 223 that interested young Malachi so was a photograph of himself. It was a photograph of himself at the age of three — a photograph of a sweet, pleasant, game little boy on an ocean beach. It was thumbtacked to the wall. It was the only picture in the room. Old Noel saw young Malachi looking at the picture, and was confused and embarrassed by the whole thing about fathers and sons. He ransacked his mind for something good to say, and found almost nothing.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":3,"chapter_title":"United Hotcake Preferred","description":"Noel Constant's letter to his son","page_number":null,"quote":"That is when I started the business with the Bible and you know what happened after that. It looked as though somebody or something wanted me to own the whole planet even though I was as good as dead. I kept my eyes open for some kind of signal that would tell me what it was all about but there wasn't any signal. I just went on getting richer and richer. And then your mother sent me that picture of you on the beach and the way you looked at me out of that picture made me think maybe you were what all the big money buildup was for. I decided I would die without ever seeing any sense to it and maybe you would be the one who would all of a sudden see everything clear as a bell. I tell you even a half-dead man hates to be alive and not be able to see any sense to it. The reason I told Ransom K. Fern to give you this letter only if your luck turned bad is that nobody thinks or notices anything as long as his luck is good. Why should he? So have a look around for me, boy. And if you go broke and somebody comes along with a crazy pro position my advice is to take it. You might just learn something when you're in a mood to learn something. The only thing I ever learned was that some people are lucky and other people aren't and not even a graduate of the Harvard Business School can say why.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":4,"chapter_title":"Tent Rentals","description":"Unk's nostalgia","page_number":null,"quote":"A small, low-flying, fast-flying moon sailed in the violet sky overhead. Unk didn't know why he thought so, but he thought the moon was moving too fast. It didn't seem right. And the sky, he thought, should be blue instead of violet. Unk felt cold, too, and he longed for more warmth. The unending cold seemed as wrong, as unfair, somehow, as the fast moon and the violet sky.\n","importance":1,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":5,"chapter_title":"Letter From an Unknown Hero","description":"Unk's letter to Unk","page_number":null,"quote":"(71.) Unk, old friend — almost everything I know for sure has come from fighting the pain from my antenna, said the letter to Unk. Whenever I start to turn my head and look at something, and the pain comes, I keep turning my head anyway, because I know I am going to see something I'm not supposed to see. Whenever I ask a question, and the pain comes, I know I have asked a really good question. Then I break the question into little pieces, and I ask the pieces of the questions. Then I get answers to the pieces, and then I put the answers all together and get an answer to the big question.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":6,"chapter_title":"A Deserter in Time of War","description":"To be!","page_number":null,"quote":"His ship was powered, and the Martian war effort was powered, by a phenomenon known as UWTB, or the Universal Will to Become. UWTB is what makes universes out of nothingness — that makes nothingness insist on becoming somethingness.\n","importance":5,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":6,"chapter_title":"A Deserter in Time of War","description":"Philosophers and poets","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Both the man and his mate were frequent visitors. to the psychiatric wards of their respective hospitals. And it is perhaps food for thought,\" said Rumford, \"that this supremely frustrated man was the only Martian to write a philosophy, and that this supremely self-frustrating woman was the only Martian to write a poem.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":7,"chapter_title":"Victory","description":"Salo from Tralfamadore","page_number":null,"quote":"The person chiefly responsible for the technological triumphs of the Martian suicide was Salo, Rumfoord's friend on Titan. Salo was a messenger from the planet Tralfamadore in the Small Magellanic Cloud. Salo had technological know-how from a civilization that was millions of Earthling years old. Salo had a space ship that was crippled — but, even in its crippled condition, it was by far the most marvelous space ship that the Solar System had ever seen. His crippled ship, stripped of luxury features, was the prototype of all the ships of Mars. While Salo himself was not a very good engineer, he was none the less able to measure every part of his ship, and to draw up the plans for its Martian descendants. Most important of all — Salo had in his possession a quantity of the most powerful conceivable source of energy, UWTB, or the Universal Will to Become. Salo generously donated half of his supply of UWTB to the suicide of Mars.\n","importance":4,"notes":"Another Vonnegut crossover! (Slaughterhouse-Five)"},{"chapter_number":7,"chapter_title":"Victory","description":"Rumfoord's intentions","page_number":null,"quote":"He wished to change the World for the better by means of the great and unforgettable suicide of Mars. As he says in his Pocket History of Mars: \"Any man who would change the World in a significant way must have showmanship, a genial willingness to shed other people's blood, and a plausible new religion to introduce during the brief period of repentance and horror that usually follows bloodshed.\n","importance":3,"notes":"Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. (Shrek, 2001)"},{"chapter_number":7,"chapter_title":"Victory","description":"Unity in war","page_number":null,"quote":"Rumfoord had that magnificently-led few on Mars — and he was their leader. He had showmanship. He was genially willing to shed the blood of others. He had a plausible new religion to introduce at the war's end. And he had methods for prolonging the period of repentance and horror that would follow the war. These methods were variations on one theme: That Earth's glorious victory over Mars had been a tawdry butchery of virtually unarmed saints, saints who had waged feeble war on Earth in order to weld the peoples of that planet into a monolithic Brotherhood of Man.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":7,"chapter_title":"Victory","description":"Rumfoord's new religion","page_number":null,"quote":"\"The name of the new religion,\" said Rumfoord, \"is The Church of God the Utterly Indifferent. \"The flag of that church will be blue and gold,\" said Rumfoord. \"These words will be written on that flag in gold letters on a blue field: Take Care of the People, and God Almighty Will Take Care of Himself. \"The two chief teachings of this religion are these,\" said Rumfoord: \"Puny man can do nothing at all to help or please God Almighty, and Luck is not the hand of God.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":7,"chapter_title":"Victory","description":"Chaos theory","page_number":null,"quote":"\"The teachings of this religion will seem subtle and confusing at first,\" said Rumfoord. \"But they will become beautiful and crystal clear as time goes by. \"As a presently confusing beginning,\" said Rumfoord, \"I shall tell you a parable: \"Once upon a time, luck arranged things so that a baby named Malachi Constant was born the richest child on Earth. On the same day, luck arranged things so that a blind grandmother stepped on a rollerskate at the head of a flight of cement stairs, a policeman's horse stepped on an organ- grinder's monkey, and a paroled bank robber found a postage stamp worth nine hundred dollars in the bottom of a trunk in his attic. I ask you — is luck the hand of God?\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":8,"chapter_title":"In a Hollywood Night Club","description":"The edge of chaos","page_number":null,"quote":"The planet Mercury sings like a crystal goblet. It sings all the time. One side of Mercury faces the Sun. That side has always faced the Sun. That side is a sea of white-hot. dust. The other side faces the nothingness of space eternal. That side has always faced the nothingness of space eternal. That side is a forest of giant blue-white crystals, aching cold. It is the tension between the hot hemisphere of day-without-end and the cold hemisphere of night-without-end that makes Mercury sing.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":8,"chapter_title":"In a Hollywood Night Club","description":"The harmoniums of Mercury","page_number":null,"quote":"They have weak powers of telepathy. The messages they are capable of transmitting and receiving are almost as monotonous as the song of Mercury. They have only two possible messages. The first is an automatic response to the second, and the second is an automatic response to the first. The first is, \"Here I am, here I am, here I am.\" The second is, \"So glad you are, so glad you are, so glad you are.\" There is one last characteristic of the creatures that has not been explained on utilitarian grounds: the creatures seem to like to arrange themselves in striking patterns on the phosphorescent walls. Though blind and indifferent to anyone's watching, they often arrange themselves so as to present a regular and dazzling pattern of jonquil-yellow and vivid aquamarine diamonds. The yellow comes from the bare cave walls. The aquamarine is the light of the walls filtered through the bodies of the creatures. Because of their love for music and their willingness to deploy themselves in the service of beauty, the creatures are given a lovely name by Earthlings. They are called harmoniums.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":9,"chapter_title":"A Puzzle Solved","description":"From the Winston Niles Rumfoord Authorized Revised Bible","page_number":null,"quote":"In the beginning, God became the Heaven and the Earth . . . And God said, 'Let Me be light,' and He was light.\n","importance":5,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":9,"chapter_title":"A Puzzle Solved","description":"Boaz's philosophy developed on Mercury","page_number":null,"quote":"\"I don't know what's going on,\" said Boaz in his thoughts, \"and I'm probably not smart enough to understand if somebody was to explain it to me. All I know is we're being tested somehow, by somebody or some thing a whole lot smarter than us, and all I can do is be friendly and keep calm and try and have a nice time till it's over.\" Boaz nodded. \"That's my philosophy, friends,\" he said to the harmoniums stuck to him. \"And if I'm not mistaken, that's yours, too. I reckon that's how come we hit it off so good.\"\n","importance":5,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":9,"chapter_title":"A Puzzle Solved","description":"Why Boaz stays on Mercury","page_number":null,"quote":"\"I found me a place where I can do good without doing any harm, and I can see I'm doing good, and them I'm doing good for know I'm doing it, and they love me, Unk, as best they can. I found me a home. \"And when I die down here some day,\" said Boaz, \"I'm going to be able to say to myself, 'Boaz — you made millions of lives worth living. Ain't nobody ever spread more joy. You ain't got an enemy in the Universe.'\" Boaz became for himself the affectionate Mama and Papa he'd never had. \"'You go to sleep now,'\" he said to himself, imagining himself on a stone deathbed in the caves. \"'You're a good boy, Boaz,'\" he said. \"'Good night.'\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":10,"chapter_title":"An Age of Miracles","description":"The purity and cycles of life","page_number":null,"quote":"It was a Tuesday afternoon. It was springtime in the northern hemisphere of Earth. Earth was green and watery. The air of earth was good to breathe, as fattening as cream. The purity of the rains that fell on Earth could be tasted. The taste of purity was daintily tart. Earth was warm. The surface of Earth heaved and seethed in fecund restlessness. Earth was most fertile where the most death was.\n","importance":2,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":10,"chapter_title":"An Age of Miracles","description":"Who am I?","page_number":null,"quote":"\"'I am not your father,'\" said Redwine. \"'Rather call me brother. But I am not your brother. Rather call me son. But I am not your son. Rather call me a dog. But I am not your dog. Rather call me a flea on your dog. But I am not a flea. Rather call me a germ on a flea on your dog. As a germ on a flea on your dog, I am eager to serve you in any way I can, just as you are willing to serve God Almighty, Creator of the Universe.'\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":10,"chapter_title":"An Age of Miracles","description":"Unk's arrival on Earth","page_number":null,"quote":"\"What happened to you?\" said the congregation. Unk shook his head vaguely. He could think of no apt condensation of his adventures for the obviously ritual mood. Something great was plainly expected of him. He was not up to greatness. He exhaled noisily, letting the congregation know that he was sorry to fail them with his colorlessness. \"I was a victim of a series of accidents,\" he said. He shrugged. \"As are we all,\" he said.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":10,"chapter_title":"An Age of Miracles","description":"No claims to divinity","page_number":null,"quote":"Let it be emphasized here that, passionately fond as Rumfoord was of great spectacles, he never gave in to the temptation to declare himself God or something a whole lot like God. His worst enemies admit that. Dr. Maurice Rosenau, in his Pan-Galactic Humbug or Three Billion Dupes says: Winston Niles Rumfoord, the interstellar Pharisee, Tartufe, and Cagliostro, has taken pains to declare that he is not God Almighty, that he is not a close relative of God Almighty, and that he has received no plain instructions from God Almighty. To these words of the Master of Newport we can say Amen! And may we add that Rumfoord is so far from being a relative or agent of God Almighty as to make all communication with God Almighty Himself impossible so long as Rumfoord is around!\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":10,"chapter_title":"An Age of Miracles","description":"When things appear wrong","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Something went wrong,\" said the Space Wanderer. He sounded apologetic, as though the series of misfortunes were somehow his own fault. \"A lot of things went wrong.\" \"Have you ever considered the possibility,\" said Rumfoord, \"that everything went absolutely right?\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":10,"chapter_title":"An Age of Miracles","description":"The appeal of juxtaposition","page_number":null,"quote":"Rumfoord read the Space Wanderer's mind. \"They'd like it just as much the other way around, you know,\" he said. \"The other way around?\" said the Space Wanderer. \"If the big reward came first, and then the great suffering,\" said Rumford. \"It's the contrast they like. The order of events doesn't make any difference to them. It's the thrill of the fast reverse — \"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":11,"chapter_title":"We Hate Malachi Constant Because...","description":"What luck is","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Luck, good or bad,\" said Rumfoord up in his treetop, \"is not the hand of God. \"Luck,\" said Rumfoord up in his treetop, \"is the way the wind swirls and the dust settles eons after God has passed by.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"The legend of the first Tralfamadorian","page_number":null,"quote":"Once upon a time on Tralfamadore there were creatures who weren't anything like machines. They weren't dependable. They weren't efficient. They weren't predictable. They weren't durable. And these poor creatures were obsessed by the idea that everything that existed had to have a purpose, and that some purposes were higher than others. These creatures spent most of their time trying to find out what their purpose was. And every time they found out what seemed to be a purpose of themselves, the purpose seemed so low that the creatures were filled with disgust and shame. And, rather than serve such a low purpose, the creatures would make a machine to serve it. This left the creatures free to serve higher purposes. But whenever they found a higher purpose, the purpose still wasn't high enough. So machines were made to serve higher purposes, too. And the machines did everything so expertly that they were finally given the job of finding out what the highest purpose of the creatures could be. The machines reported in all honesty that the creatures couldn't really be said to have any purpose at all. The creatures thereupon began slaying each other, because they hated purposeless things above all else. And they discovered that they weren't even very good at slaying. So they turned that job over to the machines, too. And the machines finished up the job in less time than it takes to say, \"Tralfamadore.\"\n","importance":5,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"To be seen","page_number":null,"quote":"The Earthlings behaved at all times as though there were a big eye in the sky — as though that big eye were ravenous for entertainment. The big eye was a glutton for great theater. The big eye was indifferent as to whether the Earthling shows were comedy, tragedy, farce, satire, athletics, or vaudeville. Its demand, which Earthings apparently found as irresistible as gravity, was that the shows be great. The demand was so powerful that Earthlings did almost nothing but perform for it, night and day — and even in their dreams. The big eye was the only audience that Earthlings really cared about. The fanciest performances that Salo had seen bad been put on by Earthlings who were terribly alone. The imagined big eye was their only audience.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"To be used for a Tralfamadorian ship part","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Tralfamadore,\" said Rumfoord bitterly, \"reached into the Solar System, picked me up, and used me like a handy-dandy potato peeler!\"\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"Rumfoord's sorrow","page_number":null,"quote":"\"No, no — no pity, please,\" said Rumfoord, stepping back, afraid of being touched. \"It's a very good thing, really. I'll be seeing a lot of new things, a lot of new creatures.\" He tried to smile. \"One gets tired, you know, being caught up in the monotonous clockwork of the Solar System.\" He laughed harshly. \"After all,\" he said, \"it isn't as though I were dying or something. Everything that ever was always will be, and everything that ever will be always was.\" He shook his head quickly, and cast away a tear he hadn't known was on his eyelid.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"The unmerciful universe","page_number":null,"quote":"An explosion on the Sun had separated man and dog. A Universe schemed in mercy would have kept man and dog together. The Universe inhabited by Winston Niles Rumfoord and his dog was not schemed in mercy. Kazak had been sent ahead of his master on the great mission to nowhere and nothing.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"Rumfoord's punctual goodbye","page_number":null,"quote":"\"I am not dying,\" said Rumfoord. \"I am merely taking my leave of the Solar System. And I am not even doing that. In the grand, in the timeless, in the chrono-synclastic infundibulated way of looking at things, I shall always be here. I shall always be wherever I've been.  \"I'm honeymooning with you still, Beatrice,\" he said. \"I'm talking to you still in a little room under the stairway in Newport, Mr. Constant. Yes — and playing peek-a-boo in the caves of Mercury with you and Boaz. And Chrono — \" he said, \"I'm watching you still as you play German batball so well on the iron playground of Mars.\" He groaned. It was a tiny groan — and so sad. The sweet, mild air of Titan carried the tiny groan away. \"Whatever we've said, friends, we're saying still — such as it was, such as it is, such as it will be,\" said Rumfoord. The tiny groan came again. Rumfoord watched it leave as though it were a smoke ring. \"There is something you should know about life in the Solar System,\" he said. \"Being chrono- synclastic infundibulated, I've known about it all along. It is, none the less, such a sickening thing that I've thought about it as little as possible. \"The sickening thing is this: \"Everything that every Earthling has ever done has been warped by creatures on a planet one- hundred-and-fifty thousand light years away. The name of the planet is Tralfamadore.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"The message that enslaved humanity","page_number":null,"quote":"\"There it is — friend,\" he said to his memory of Rumfoord, \"and much consolation may it give you, Skip. Much pain it cost your old friend Salo. In order to give it to you — even too late — your old friend Salo had to make war against the core of his being, against the very nature of being a machine. \"You asked the impossible of a machine,\" said Salo, \"and the machine complied. \"The machine is no longer a machine,\" said Salo. \"The machine's contacts are corroded, his bearings fouled, his circuits shorted, and his gears stripped. His mind buzzes and pops like the mind of an Earthling — fizzes and overheats with thoughts of love, honor, dignity, rights, accomplishment, integrity, independence — \" Old Salo picked up the message again from Rumfoord's contour chair. It was written on a thin square of aluminum. The message was a single dot. \"Would you like to know how I have been used, how my life has been wasted?\" he said. \"Would you like to know what the message is that I have been carrying for almost half a million Earthling years — the message I am supposed to carry for eighteen million more years?\" He held out the square of aluminum in a cupped foot. \"A dot,\" he said. \"A single dot,\" he said. \"The meaning of a dot in Tralfamadorian,\" said Old Salo, \"is — \"Greetings.\" The little machine from Tralfamadore, having delivered this message to himself, to Constant, to Beatrice, and to Chrono over a distance of one hundred and fifty thousand light years, bounded abruptly out of the courtyard and onto the beach outside. He killed himself out there. He took himself apart and threw his parts in all directions.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"What happened to Malachi Constant, Beatrice, and Chrono","page_number":null,"quote":"It was all so sad. But it was all so beautiful, too.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"Beatrice's idea to add to her book","page_number":null,"quote":"\"The worst thing that could possibly happen to anybody,\" she said, \"would be to not be used for anything by anybody.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"Constant and Salo on purpose and love","page_number":null,"quote":"\"I miss her,\" he said. \"You finally fell in love, I see,\" said Salo. \"Only an Earthling year ago,\" said Constant. \"It took us that long to realize that a purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"Constant's return to Earth","page_number":null,"quote":"On the trip back to Earth, Salo suspected that he had made a tragic mistake in suggesting to Constant that he return to Earth. He had begun to suspect this when Constant insisted on being taken to Indianapolis, Indiana, U.S.A.\n","importance":3,"notes":"Vonnegut's hometown..."},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"Dying","page_number":null,"quote":"\"You are tired, so very tired, Space Wanderer, Malachi, Unk,\" said Salo. \"Stare at the faintest star, Earthling, and think how heavy your limbs are growing.\" \"Heavy,\" said Constant. \"You are going to die some day, Unk,\" said Salo. \"Sorry, but it's true.\" \"True,\" said Constant. \"Don't be sorry.\" \"When you know you are dying, Space Wanderer,\" said Salo hypnotically, \"a wonderful thing will happen to you.\" He then described to Constant the happy things that Constant would imagine before his life flickered out. It would be a post-hypnotic illusion.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"The beautiful Earth","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Good luck,\" whispered Salo. \"We don't say that down here,\" whispered Constant. Salo winked. \"I'm not from down here,\" he whispered. He looked around at the perfectly white world, felt the wet kisses of the snowflakes, pondered hidden meanings in the pale yellow streetlights that shone in a world so whitely asleep. \"Beautiful,\" he whispered.\n","importance":4,"notes":"Why does this make me cry?"},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"The end","page_number":null,"quote":"Salo had hypnotized him so that he would imagine, as he died, that he saw his best and only friend, Stony Stevenson. As the snow drifted over Constant, he imagined that the clouds opened up, letting through a sunbeam, a sunbeam all for him. A golden space ship encrusted with diamonds came skimming down the sunbeam, landed in the untouched snow of the street. Out stepped a stocky, red-headed man with a big cigar. He was young. He wore the uniform of the Martian Assault Infantry, Unk's old outfit. \"Hello, Unk,\" he said. \"Get in.\" \"Get in?\" said Constant. \"Who are you?\" \"Stony Stevenson, Unk. You don't recognize me?\" \"Stony?\" said Constant. \"That's you, Stony?\" \"Who else could stand the bloody pace?\" said Stony. He laughed. \"Get in,\" he said. \"And go where?\" said Constant. \"Paradise,\" said Stony. \"What's Paradise like?\" said Constant. \"Everybody's happy there forever,\" said Stony, \"or as long as the bloody Universe holds together. Get in, Unk. Beatrice is already there, waiting for you.\" \"Beatrice?\" said Unk, getting into the space ship. Stony closed the airlocks, pressed the on button. \"We're — we're going to Paradise now?\" said Constant. \"I — I'm going to get into Paradise?\" \"Don't ask me why, old sport,\" said Stony, \"but somebody up there likes you.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null}]}},"pageContext":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/","author":"Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","title":"The Sirens of Titan","previous":{"fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/"},"frontmatter":{"topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","science fiction","irony","science","religion"],"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat's Cradle (1963)","layout":"booknote","published":true,"booknote":[{"author":"Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","title":"Cat's Cradle"}]}},"next":null}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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They could not name even one of the fifty-three portals to the soul.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"The kingdom of heaven lies within you","page_number":null,"quote":"Gimcrack religions were big business. Mankind, ignorant of the truths that lie within every human being, looked outward — pushed ever outward. What mankind hoped to learn in its outward push was who was actually in charge of all creation, and what all creation was all about.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"A new frontier","page_number":null,"quote":"Mankind flung its advance agents ever outward, ever outward. Eventually it flung them out into space, into the colorless, tasteless, weightless sea of outwardness without end. It flung them like stones. These unhappy agents found what had already been found in abundance on Earth — a nightmare of meaninglessness without end. The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death. Outwardness lost, at last, its imagined attractions. Only inwardness remained to be explored. Only the human soul remained terra incognita. This was the beginning of goodness and wisdom. What were people like in olden times, with their souls as yet unexplored?\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"The gaze of the masses","page_number":null,"quote":"The crowd knew it wasn't going to see anything, yet its members found pleasure in being near, in staring at the blank walls and imagining what was happening inside. The mysteries of the materialization, like the mysteries of a hanging, were enhanced by the wall; were made pornographic by the magic lantern slides of morbid imaginations — magic lantern slides projected by the crowd on the blank stone walls.\n","importance":2,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"Beatrice Rumfoord's volume of poems","page_number":null,"quote":"The title derived from the fact that all the words between timid and Timbuktu in very small dictionaries relate to time.\n","importance":1,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"What happened to Winston Niles Rumfoord","page_number":null,"quote":"Winston Niles Rumfoord had run his private space ship right into the heart of an uncharted chrono-synclastic infundibulum two days out of Mars. Only his dog had been along. Now Winston Niles Rumfoord and his dog Kazak existed as wave phenomena — apparently pulsing in a distorted spiral with its origin in the Sun and its terminal in Betelgeuse. The earth was about to intercept that spiral.\n","importance":2,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"ELI5 chronosynclastic infunibula","page_number":null,"quote":"CHRONO-SYNCLASTIC INFUNDIBULA — Just imagine that your Daddy is the smartest man who ever lived on Earth, and he knows everything there is to find out, and he is exactly right about everything, and he can prove he is right about everything. Now imagine another little child on some nice world a million light years away, and that little child's Daddy is the smartest man who ever lived on that nice world so far away. And he is just as smart and just as right as your Daddy is. Both Daddies are smart, and both Daddies are right. ... The reason both Daddies can be right and still get into terrible fights is because there are so many different ways of being right. There are places in the Universe, though, where each Daddy could finally catch on to what the other Daddy was talking about. These places are where all the different kinds of truths fit together as nicely as the parts in your Daddy's solar watch. We call these places chrono-synclastic infundibula. ... You might think it would be nice to go to a chrono-synclastic infundibulum and see all the different ways to be absolutely right, but it is a very dangerous thing to do. The poor man and his poor dog are scattered far and wide, not just through space, but through time, too. Chrono (kroh-no) means time. Synclastic (sin-class-tick) means curved toward the same side in all directions, like the skin of an orange. Infundibulum (in-fun-dib-u-lum) is what the ancient Romans like Julius Caesar and Nero called a funnel. If you don't know what a funnel is, get Mommy to show you one.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"Malachi Constant, the Messenger","page_number":null,"quote":"He was worth three billion dollars, much of it inherited. His name meant faithful messenger. He was a speculator, mostly in corporate securities. In the depressions that always followed his taking of alcohol, narcotics, and women, Constant pined for just one thing — a single message that was sufficiently dignified and important to merit his carrying it humbly between two points. The motto under the coat of arms that Constant had designed for himself said simply, The Messenger Awaits. What Constant had in mind, presumably, was a first. class message from God to someone equally distinguished.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"Winston Niles Rumfoord's revelation","page_number":null,"quote":"\"When I ran my space ship into the chrono-synclastic infundibulum, it came to me in a flash that everything that ever has been always will be, and everything that ever will be always has been.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"Bobby Denton's gospel","page_number":null,"quote":"Bobby Denton's voice grew hoarse and hushed. \"You want to fly through space? God has already given you the most wonderful space ship in all creation! Yes! Speed? You want speed? The space ship God has given you goes sixty-six thousand miles an hour — and will keep on running at that speed for all eternity, if God wills it. You want a space ship that will carry men in comfort? You've got it! It won't carry just a rich man and his dog, or just five men or ten men. No! God is no piker! He's given you a space ship that will carry billions of men, women, and children! Yes! And they don't have to stay strapped in chairs or wear fishbowls over their heads. No! Not on God's space ship. The people on God's space ship can go swimming, and walk in the sunshine and play baseball and go ice skating and go for family rides in the family automobile on Sunday after church and a family chicken dinner!\" Bobby Denton nodded. \"Yes!\" he said. \"And if anybody thinks his God is mean for putting things out in space to stop us from flying out there, just let him remember the space ship God already gave us. And we don't have to buy the fuel for it, and worry and fret over what kind of fuel to use. No! God worries about all that. \"God told us what we had to do on this wonderful space ship. He wrote the rules so anybody could understand them. You don't have to be a physicist or a great chemist or an Albert Einstein to understand them. No! And He didn't make a whole lot of rules, either. They tell me that if they were to fire The Whale, they would have to make eleven thousand separate checks before they could be sure it was ready to go: Is this valve open, is that valve dosed, is that wire tight, is that tank full? — and on and on and on to eleven thousand things to check. Here on God's space ship, God only gives us ten things to check — and not for any little trip to some big, dead poisonous stones out in space, but for a trip to the Kingdom of Heaven! Think of it! Where would you rather be tomorrow — on Mars or in the Kingdom of Heaven? \"You know what the check list is on God's round, green space ship? Do I have to tell you? You want to hear God's countdown?\" The Love Crusaders shouted back that they did. \"Ten! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you covet thy neighbor's house, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything that is thy neighbor's?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Nine! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you bear false witness against thy neighbor?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Eight! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you steal?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Seven! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you commit adultery?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Six! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you kill?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Five! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you honor thy father and thy mother?\" \"Yes!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Four! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you remember the Sabbath day, and keep it holy?\" \"Yes!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Three! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you take the name of the Lord thy God in vain?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Two! — \" said Bobby Denton. \"Do you make any graven images?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"One! — \" cried Bobby Denton. \"Do you put any gods before the one true Lord thy God?\" \"No!\" cried the Love Crusaders. \"Blast off!\" shouted Bobby Denton joyfully. \"Paradise, here we come! Blast off, children, and Amen!\"\n","importance":4,"notes":"This is so hilarious... Vonnegut would make a fantastic preacher; also, someone once told me about a man named Buckminster Fuller and his Spaceship Earth"},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"Rumfoord's parting words to Malachi Constant","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Things fly this way and that, my boy,\" he said, \"with or without messages. It's chaos, and no mistake, for the Universe is just being born. It's the great becoming that makes the light and the heat and the motion, and bangs you from hither to yon.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":1,"chapter_title":"Between Timid and Timbuktu","description":"The plea of the masses","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Tell us!\" shouted a man, and he was merely fed up — not enraged. \"We've got a right!\" shouted a woman. She showed her two fine children to Constant. Another woman told Constant what it was the crowd felt it had a right to. \"We've got a right to know what's going on!\" she cried. The riot, then, was an exercise in science and theology — a seeking after clues by the living as to what life was all about.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":2,"chapter_title":"Cheers in the Wirehouse","description":"Foresight","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Man — you must have some kind of guardian angel — lets you keep cool as a cucumber, no matter what,\" said the chauffeur admiringly. This comment interested Constant, for it described well his attitude in the midst of the mob. He took the comment at first as an analogy — as a poetic description of his mood. A man who had a guardian angel would certainly have felt just as Constant had — \"Yes, suh!\" said the chauffeur. \"Sumpin' sure must be lookin' out for you!\" Then it hit Constant: This was exactly the case. Until that moment of truth, Constant had looked upon his Newport adventure as one more drug-induced hallucination — as one more peyotl party — vivid, novel, entertaining, and of no consequence whatsoever. The little door had been a dreamy touch . . . the dry fountain another . . . and the huge painting of the all white touch-me-not little girl with the all white pony . . . and the chimney-like room under the spiral staircase . . . and the photograph of the three sirens on Titan . . . and Rumfoord's prophecies . . . and the discomfiture of Beatrice Rumfoord at the top of the stairs . . . Malachi Constant broke into a cold sweat. His knees threatened to buckle and his eyelids came unhinged. He was finally understanding that every bit of it had been real! He had been calm in the midst of the mob because he knew he wasn't going to die on Earth. Something was looking out for him, all right.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":2,"chapter_title":"Cheers in the Wirehouse","description":"Jonah, the Messenger","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Unusual first name you got, Mr. Rowley,\" said the pilot. \"Beg your pardon?\" said Constant nauseously. He was looking through the plastic dome of the cockpit cover — looking up into the evening sky. He was wondering if there could possibly be eyes up there, eyes that could see everything he did. And if there were eyes up there, and they wanted him to do certain things, go certain places — how could they make him? Oh God — but it looked thin and cold up there! \"I said you've got an unusual first name,\" said the pilot. \"What name's that?\" said Constant, who had forgotten the foolish first name he had chosen for his disguise. \"Jonah,\" said the pilot.\n","importance":5,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":2,"chapter_title":"Cheers in the Wirehouse","description":"In the grand scheme of things","page_number":null,"quote":"\"I just wish we could go out to the chrono-synclastic infundibula together,\" said Rumfoord. \"So you could see for once what I was talking about. All I can say is that my failure to warn you about the stock-market crash is as much a part of the natural order as Halley's Comet — and it makes an equal amount of sense to rage against either one.\" \"You're saying you have no character, and no sense of responsibility toward me,\" said Beatrice. \"I'm sorry to put it that way, but it's the truth.\" Rumfoord rocked his head back and forth. \"A truth — but, oh God, what a punctual truth,\" he said.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":2,"chapter_title":"Cheers in the Wirehouse","description":"To argue is to err","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Rebuttal — a punctual word if there ever was one,\" said Rumfoord. \"I say this, and then you rebut me, then I rebut you, then somebody else comes in and rebuts us both.\" He shuddered. \"What a nightmare where everybody gets in line to rebut each other.\"\n","importance":2,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":2,"chapter_title":"Cheers in the Wirehouse","description":"Amor fati","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Look,\" said Rumfoord, \"life for a punctual person is like a roller coaster.\" He turned to shiver his hands in her face. \"All kinds of things are going to happen to you! Sure,\" he said, \"I can see the whole roller coaster you're on. And sure — I could give you a piece of paper that would tell you about every dip and turn, warn you about every bogeyman that was going to pop out at you in the tunnels. But that wouldn't help you any.\" \"I don't see why not,\" said Beatrice. \"Because you'd still have to take the roller-coaster ride,\" said Rumford. \"I didn't design the roller coaster, I don't own it, and I don't say who rides and who doesn't. I just know what it's shaped like.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":2,"chapter_title":"Cheers in the Wirehouse","description":"The raw materials of mankind","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Look forward to being really in love for the first time, Bea,\" said Rumford. \"Look forward to behaving aristocratically without any outward proofs of your aristocracy. Look forward to having nothing but the dignity and intelligence and tenderness that God gave you — look forward to taking those materials and nothing else, and making something exquisite with them.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":3,"chapter_title":"United Hotcake Preferred","description":"Ransom K. Fern, president of Magnum Opus","page_number":null,"quote":"\"A butt like two beebees,\" Malachi Constant's father Noel had said of Fern. \"Ransom K. Fern is like a camel who has burned up both his humps, and now he's burning up everything else but his hair and eyeballs.\"\n","importance":1,"notes":"Lmfaooooo"},{"chapter_number":3,"chapter_title":"United Hotcake Preferred","description":"Fern's philosophy","page_number":null,"quote":"Fern read two books a day. It has been said that Aristotle was the last man to be familiar with the whole of his own culture. Ransom K. Fern had made an impressive attempt to equal Aristotle's achievement. He had been somewhat less successful than Aristotle in perceiving patterns in what he knew. The intellectual mountain had labored to produce a philosophical mouse — and Fern was the first to admit that it was a mouse, and a mangy mouse at that. As Fern expressed the philosophy conversationally, in its simplest terms: \"You go up to a man, and you say, 'How are things going, Joe?' And he says, 'Oh, fine, fine — couldn't be better.' And you look into his eyes, and you see things really couldn't be much worse. When you get right down to it, everybody's having a perfectly lousy time of it, and I mean everybody. And the hell of it is, nothing seems to help much.\" This philosophy did not sadden him. It did not make him brood. It made him heartlessly watchful. It helped in business, too — for it let Fern assume automatically that the other fellow was far weaker and far more bored than he seemed.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":3,"chapter_title":"United Hotcake Preferred","description":"The luck of the Constants","page_number":null,"quote":"The first sentence in Genesis, as some people may know, is: \"In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.\" Noel Constant wrote the sentence in capital letters, put periods between the letters, divided the letters into pairs, rendering the sentence as follows: \"I.N., T.H., E.B., E.G., I.N., N.I., N.G., G.O., D.C., R.E., A.T., E.D., T.H., E.H., E.A., V.E., N.A., N.D., T.H., E.E., A.R., T.H.\" And then he looked for corporations with those initials, and bought shares in them. His rule at the beginning was that he would own shares in only one corporation at a time, would invest his whole nest-egg in it, and would sell the instant the value of his shares had doubled.\n","importance":2,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":3,"chapter_title":"United Hotcake Preferred","description":"Oh, bureaucracy","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Mr. Constant,\" he said, \"right now you're as easy for the Bureau of Internal Revenue to watch as a man on a street corner selling apples and pears. But just imagine how hard you would be to watch if you had a whole office building jammed to the rafters with industrial bureaucrats — men who lose things and use the wrong forms and create new forms and demand everything in quintuplicate, and who understand perhaps a third of what is said to them; who habitually give misleading answers in order to gain time in which to think, who make decisions only when forced to, and who then cover their tracks; who make perfectly honest mistakes in addition and subtraction, who call meetings whenever they feel lonely, who write memos whenever they feel unloved; men who never throw anything away unless they think it could get them fired. A single industrial bureaucrat, if he is sufficiently vital and nervous, should be able to create a ton of meaningless papers a year for the Bureau of Internal Revenue to examine. In the Magnum Opus Building, we will have thousands of them! And you and I can have the top two stories, and you can go on keeping track of what's really going on the way you do now.\"\n","importance":2,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":3,"chapter_title":"United Hotcake Preferred","description":"Oh, family","page_number":null,"quote":"The detail in the furnishings of Room 223 that interested young Malachi so was a photograph of himself. It was a photograph of himself at the age of three — a photograph of a sweet, pleasant, game little boy on an ocean beach. It was thumbtacked to the wall. It was the only picture in the room. Old Noel saw young Malachi looking at the picture, and was confused and embarrassed by the whole thing about fathers and sons. He ransacked his mind for something good to say, and found almost nothing.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":3,"chapter_title":"United Hotcake Preferred","description":"Noel Constant's letter to his son","page_number":null,"quote":"That is when I started the business with the Bible and you know what happened after that. It looked as though somebody or something wanted me to own the whole planet even though I was as good as dead. I kept my eyes open for some kind of signal that would tell me what it was all about but there wasn't any signal. I just went on getting richer and richer. And then your mother sent me that picture of you on the beach and the way you looked at me out of that picture made me think maybe you were what all the big money buildup was for. I decided I would die without ever seeing any sense to it and maybe you would be the one who would all of a sudden see everything clear as a bell. I tell you even a half-dead man hates to be alive and not be able to see any sense to it. The reason I told Ransom K. Fern to give you this letter only if your luck turned bad is that nobody thinks or notices anything as long as his luck is good. Why should he? So have a look around for me, boy. And if you go broke and somebody comes along with a crazy pro position my advice is to take it. You might just learn something when you're in a mood to learn something. The only thing I ever learned was that some people are lucky and other people aren't and not even a graduate of the Harvard Business School can say why.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":4,"chapter_title":"Tent Rentals","description":"Unk's nostalgia","page_number":null,"quote":"A small, low-flying, fast-flying moon sailed in the violet sky overhead. Unk didn't know why he thought so, but he thought the moon was moving too fast. It didn't seem right. And the sky, he thought, should be blue instead of violet. Unk felt cold, too, and he longed for more warmth. The unending cold seemed as wrong, as unfair, somehow, as the fast moon and the violet sky.\n","importance":1,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":5,"chapter_title":"Letter From an Unknown Hero","description":"Unk's letter to Unk","page_number":null,"quote":"(71.) Unk, old friend — almost everything I know for sure has come from fighting the pain from my antenna, said the letter to Unk. Whenever I start to turn my head and look at something, and the pain comes, I keep turning my head anyway, because I know I am going to see something I'm not supposed to see. Whenever I ask a question, and the pain comes, I know I have asked a really good question. Then I break the question into little pieces, and I ask the pieces of the questions. Then I get answers to the pieces, and then I put the answers all together and get an answer to the big question.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":6,"chapter_title":"A Deserter in Time of War","description":"To be!","page_number":null,"quote":"His ship was powered, and the Martian war effort was powered, by a phenomenon known as UWTB, or the Universal Will to Become. UWTB is what makes universes out of nothingness — that makes nothingness insist on becoming somethingness.\n","importance":5,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":6,"chapter_title":"A Deserter in Time of War","description":"Philosophers and poets","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Both the man and his mate were frequent visitors. to the psychiatric wards of their respective hospitals. And it is perhaps food for thought,\" said Rumford, \"that this supremely frustrated man was the only Martian to write a philosophy, and that this supremely self-frustrating woman was the only Martian to write a poem.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":7,"chapter_title":"Victory","description":"Salo from Tralfamadore","page_number":null,"quote":"The person chiefly responsible for the technological triumphs of the Martian suicide was Salo, Rumfoord's friend on Titan. Salo was a messenger from the planet Tralfamadore in the Small Magellanic Cloud. Salo had technological know-how from a civilization that was millions of Earthling years old. Salo had a space ship that was crippled — but, even in its crippled condition, it was by far the most marvelous space ship that the Solar System had ever seen. His crippled ship, stripped of luxury features, was the prototype of all the ships of Mars. While Salo himself was not a very good engineer, he was none the less able to measure every part of his ship, and to draw up the plans for its Martian descendants. Most important of all — Salo had in his possession a quantity of the most powerful conceivable source of energy, UWTB, or the Universal Will to Become. Salo generously donated half of his supply of UWTB to the suicide of Mars.\n","importance":4,"notes":"Another Vonnegut crossover! (Slaughterhouse-Five)"},{"chapter_number":7,"chapter_title":"Victory","description":"Rumfoord's intentions","page_number":null,"quote":"He wished to change the World for the better by means of the great and unforgettable suicide of Mars. As he says in his Pocket History of Mars: \"Any man who would change the World in a significant way must have showmanship, a genial willingness to shed other people's blood, and a plausible new religion to introduce during the brief period of repentance and horror that usually follows bloodshed.\n","importance":3,"notes":"Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. (Shrek, 2001)"},{"chapter_number":7,"chapter_title":"Victory","description":"Unity in war","page_number":null,"quote":"Rumfoord had that magnificently-led few on Mars — and he was their leader. He had showmanship. He was genially willing to shed the blood of others. He had a plausible new religion to introduce at the war's end. And he had methods for prolonging the period of repentance and horror that would follow the war. These methods were variations on one theme: That Earth's glorious victory over Mars had been a tawdry butchery of virtually unarmed saints, saints who had waged feeble war on Earth in order to weld the peoples of that planet into a monolithic Brotherhood of Man.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":7,"chapter_title":"Victory","description":"Rumfoord's new religion","page_number":null,"quote":"\"The name of the new religion,\" said Rumfoord, \"is The Church of God the Utterly Indifferent. \"The flag of that church will be blue and gold,\" said Rumfoord. \"These words will be written on that flag in gold letters on a blue field: Take Care of the People, and God Almighty Will Take Care of Himself. \"The two chief teachings of this religion are these,\" said Rumfoord: \"Puny man can do nothing at all to help or please God Almighty, and Luck is not the hand of God.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":7,"chapter_title":"Victory","description":"Chaos theory","page_number":null,"quote":"\"The teachings of this religion will seem subtle and confusing at first,\" said Rumfoord. \"But they will become beautiful and crystal clear as time goes by. \"As a presently confusing beginning,\" said Rumfoord, \"I shall tell you a parable: \"Once upon a time, luck arranged things so that a baby named Malachi Constant was born the richest child on Earth. On the same day, luck arranged things so that a blind grandmother stepped on a rollerskate at the head of a flight of cement stairs, a policeman's horse stepped on an organ- grinder's monkey, and a paroled bank robber found a postage stamp worth nine hundred dollars in the bottom of a trunk in his attic. I ask you — is luck the hand of God?\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":8,"chapter_title":"In a Hollywood Night Club","description":"The edge of chaos","page_number":null,"quote":"The planet Mercury sings like a crystal goblet. It sings all the time. One side of Mercury faces the Sun. That side has always faced the Sun. That side is a sea of white-hot. dust. The other side faces the nothingness of space eternal. That side has always faced the nothingness of space eternal. That side is a forest of giant blue-white crystals, aching cold. It is the tension between the hot hemisphere of day-without-end and the cold hemisphere of night-without-end that makes Mercury sing.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":8,"chapter_title":"In a Hollywood Night Club","description":"The harmoniums of Mercury","page_number":null,"quote":"They have weak powers of telepathy. The messages they are capable of transmitting and receiving are almost as monotonous as the song of Mercury. They have only two possible messages. The first is an automatic response to the second, and the second is an automatic response to the first. The first is, \"Here I am, here I am, here I am.\" The second is, \"So glad you are, so glad you are, so glad you are.\" There is one last characteristic of the creatures that has not been explained on utilitarian grounds: the creatures seem to like to arrange themselves in striking patterns on the phosphorescent walls. Though blind and indifferent to anyone's watching, they often arrange themselves so as to present a regular and dazzling pattern of jonquil-yellow and vivid aquamarine diamonds. The yellow comes from the bare cave walls. The aquamarine is the light of the walls filtered through the bodies of the creatures. Because of their love for music and their willingness to deploy themselves in the service of beauty, the creatures are given a lovely name by Earthlings. They are called harmoniums.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":9,"chapter_title":"A Puzzle Solved","description":"From the Winston Niles Rumfoord Authorized Revised Bible","page_number":null,"quote":"In the beginning, God became the Heaven and the Earth . . . And God said, 'Let Me be light,' and He was light.\n","importance":5,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":9,"chapter_title":"A Puzzle Solved","description":"Boaz's philosophy developed on Mercury","page_number":null,"quote":"\"I don't know what's going on,\" said Boaz in his thoughts, \"and I'm probably not smart enough to understand if somebody was to explain it to me. All I know is we're being tested somehow, by somebody or some thing a whole lot smarter than us, and all I can do is be friendly and keep calm and try and have a nice time till it's over.\" Boaz nodded. \"That's my philosophy, friends,\" he said to the harmoniums stuck to him. \"And if I'm not mistaken, that's yours, too. I reckon that's how come we hit it off so good.\"\n","importance":5,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":9,"chapter_title":"A Puzzle Solved","description":"Why Boaz stays on Mercury","page_number":null,"quote":"\"I found me a place where I can do good without doing any harm, and I can see I'm doing good, and them I'm doing good for know I'm doing it, and they love me, Unk, as best they can. I found me a home. \"And when I die down here some day,\" said Boaz, \"I'm going to be able to say to myself, 'Boaz — you made millions of lives worth living. Ain't nobody ever spread more joy. You ain't got an enemy in the Universe.'\" Boaz became for himself the affectionate Mama and Papa he'd never had. \"'You go to sleep now,'\" he said to himself, imagining himself on a stone deathbed in the caves. \"'You're a good boy, Boaz,'\" he said. \"'Good night.'\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":10,"chapter_title":"An Age of Miracles","description":"The purity and cycles of life","page_number":null,"quote":"It was a Tuesday afternoon. It was springtime in the northern hemisphere of Earth. Earth was green and watery. The air of earth was good to breathe, as fattening as cream. The purity of the rains that fell on Earth could be tasted. The taste of purity was daintily tart. Earth was warm. The surface of Earth heaved and seethed in fecund restlessness. Earth was most fertile where the most death was.\n","importance":2,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":10,"chapter_title":"An Age of Miracles","description":"Who am I?","page_number":null,"quote":"\"'I am not your father,'\" said Redwine. \"'Rather call me brother. But I am not your brother. Rather call me son. But I am not your son. Rather call me a dog. But I am not your dog. Rather call me a flea on your dog. But I am not a flea. Rather call me a germ on a flea on your dog. As a germ on a flea on your dog, I am eager to serve you in any way I can, just as you are willing to serve God Almighty, Creator of the Universe.'\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":10,"chapter_title":"An Age of Miracles","description":"Unk's arrival on Earth","page_number":null,"quote":"\"What happened to you?\" said the congregation. Unk shook his head vaguely. He could think of no apt condensation of his adventures for the obviously ritual mood. Something great was plainly expected of him. He was not up to greatness. He exhaled noisily, letting the congregation know that he was sorry to fail them with his colorlessness. \"I was a victim of a series of accidents,\" he said. He shrugged. \"As are we all,\" he said.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":10,"chapter_title":"An Age of Miracles","description":"No claims to divinity","page_number":null,"quote":"Let it be emphasized here that, passionately fond as Rumfoord was of great spectacles, he never gave in to the temptation to declare himself God or something a whole lot like God. His worst enemies admit that. Dr. Maurice Rosenau, in his Pan-Galactic Humbug or Three Billion Dupes says: Winston Niles Rumfoord, the interstellar Pharisee, Tartufe, and Cagliostro, has taken pains to declare that he is not God Almighty, that he is not a close relative of God Almighty, and that he has received no plain instructions from God Almighty. To these words of the Master of Newport we can say Amen! And may we add that Rumfoord is so far from being a relative or agent of God Almighty as to make all communication with God Almighty Himself impossible so long as Rumfoord is around!\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":10,"chapter_title":"An Age of Miracles","description":"When things appear wrong","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Something went wrong,\" said the Space Wanderer. He sounded apologetic, as though the series of misfortunes were somehow his own fault. \"A lot of things went wrong.\" \"Have you ever considered the possibility,\" said Rumfoord, \"that everything went absolutely right?\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":10,"chapter_title":"An Age of Miracles","description":"The appeal of juxtaposition","page_number":null,"quote":"Rumfoord read the Space Wanderer's mind. \"They'd like it just as much the other way around, you know,\" he said. \"The other way around?\" said the Space Wanderer. \"If the big reward came first, and then the great suffering,\" said Rumford. \"It's the contrast they like. The order of events doesn't make any difference to them. It's the thrill of the fast reverse — \"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":11,"chapter_title":"We Hate Malachi Constant Because...","description":"What luck is","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Luck, good or bad,\" said Rumfoord up in his treetop, \"is not the hand of God. \"Luck,\" said Rumfoord up in his treetop, \"is the way the wind swirls and the dust settles eons after God has passed by.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"The legend of the first Tralfamadorian","page_number":null,"quote":"Once upon a time on Tralfamadore there were creatures who weren't anything like machines. They weren't dependable. They weren't efficient. They weren't predictable. They weren't durable. And these poor creatures were obsessed by the idea that everything that existed had to have a purpose, and that some purposes were higher than others. These creatures spent most of their time trying to find out what their purpose was. And every time they found out what seemed to be a purpose of themselves, the purpose seemed so low that the creatures were filled with disgust and shame. And, rather than serve such a low purpose, the creatures would make a machine to serve it. This left the creatures free to serve higher purposes. But whenever they found a higher purpose, the purpose still wasn't high enough. So machines were made to serve higher purposes, too. And the machines did everything so expertly that they were finally given the job of finding out what the highest purpose of the creatures could be. The machines reported in all honesty that the creatures couldn't really be said to have any purpose at all. The creatures thereupon began slaying each other, because they hated purposeless things above all else. And they discovered that they weren't even very good at slaying. So they turned that job over to the machines, too. And the machines finished up the job in less time than it takes to say, \"Tralfamadore.\"\n","importance":5,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"To be seen","page_number":null,"quote":"The Earthlings behaved at all times as though there were a big eye in the sky — as though that big eye were ravenous for entertainment. The big eye was a glutton for great theater. The big eye was indifferent as to whether the Earthling shows were comedy, tragedy, farce, satire, athletics, or vaudeville. Its demand, which Earthings apparently found as irresistible as gravity, was that the shows be great. The demand was so powerful that Earthlings did almost nothing but perform for it, night and day — and even in their dreams. The big eye was the only audience that Earthlings really cared about. The fanciest performances that Salo had seen bad been put on by Earthlings who were terribly alone. The imagined big eye was their only audience.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"To be used for a Tralfamadorian ship part","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Tralfamadore,\" said Rumfoord bitterly, \"reached into the Solar System, picked me up, and used me like a handy-dandy potato peeler!\"\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"Rumfoord's sorrow","page_number":null,"quote":"\"No, no — no pity, please,\" said Rumfoord, stepping back, afraid of being touched. \"It's a very good thing, really. I'll be seeing a lot of new things, a lot of new creatures.\" He tried to smile. \"One gets tired, you know, being caught up in the monotonous clockwork of the Solar System.\" He laughed harshly. \"After all,\" he said, \"it isn't as though I were dying or something. Everything that ever was always will be, and everything that ever will be always was.\" He shook his head quickly, and cast away a tear he hadn't known was on his eyelid.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"The unmerciful universe","page_number":null,"quote":"An explosion on the Sun had separated man and dog. A Universe schemed in mercy would have kept man and dog together. The Universe inhabited by Winston Niles Rumfoord and his dog was not schemed in mercy. Kazak had been sent ahead of his master on the great mission to nowhere and nothing.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"Rumfoord's punctual goodbye","page_number":null,"quote":"\"I am not dying,\" said Rumfoord. \"I am merely taking my leave of the Solar System. And I am not even doing that. In the grand, in the timeless, in the chrono-synclastic infundibulated way of looking at things, I shall always be here. I shall always be wherever I've been.  \"I'm honeymooning with you still, Beatrice,\" he said. \"I'm talking to you still in a little room under the stairway in Newport, Mr. Constant. Yes — and playing peek-a-boo in the caves of Mercury with you and Boaz. And Chrono — \" he said, \"I'm watching you still as you play German batball so well on the iron playground of Mars.\" He groaned. It was a tiny groan — and so sad. The sweet, mild air of Titan carried the tiny groan away. \"Whatever we've said, friends, we're saying still — such as it was, such as it is, such as it will be,\" said Rumfoord. The tiny groan came again. Rumfoord watched it leave as though it were a smoke ring. \"There is something you should know about life in the Solar System,\" he said. \"Being chrono- synclastic infundibulated, I've known about it all along. It is, none the less, such a sickening thing that I've thought about it as little as possible. \"The sickening thing is this: \"Everything that every Earthling has ever done has been warped by creatures on a planet one- hundred-and-fifty thousand light years away. The name of the planet is Tralfamadore.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":12,"chapter_title":"The Gentleman From Tralfamadore","description":"The message that enslaved humanity","page_number":null,"quote":"\"There it is — friend,\" he said to his memory of Rumfoord, \"and much consolation may it give you, Skip. Much pain it cost your old friend Salo. In order to give it to you — even too late — your old friend Salo had to make war against the core of his being, against the very nature of being a machine. \"You asked the impossible of a machine,\" said Salo, \"and the machine complied. \"The machine is no longer a machine,\" said Salo. \"The machine's contacts are corroded, his bearings fouled, his circuits shorted, and his gears stripped. His mind buzzes and pops like the mind of an Earthling — fizzes and overheats with thoughts of love, honor, dignity, rights, accomplishment, integrity, independence — \" Old Salo picked up the message again from Rumfoord's contour chair. It was written on a thin square of aluminum. The message was a single dot. \"Would you like to know how I have been used, how my life has been wasted?\" he said. \"Would you like to know what the message is that I have been carrying for almost half a million Earthling years — the message I am supposed to carry for eighteen million more years?\" He held out the square of aluminum in a cupped foot. \"A dot,\" he said. \"A single dot,\" he said. \"The meaning of a dot in Tralfamadorian,\" said Old Salo, \"is — \"Greetings.\" The little machine from Tralfamadore, having delivered this message to himself, to Constant, to Beatrice, and to Chrono over a distance of one hundred and fifty thousand light years, bounded abruptly out of the courtyard and onto the beach outside. He killed himself out there. He took himself apart and threw his parts in all directions.\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"What happened to Malachi Constant, Beatrice, and Chrono","page_number":null,"quote":"It was all so sad. But it was all so beautiful, too.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"Beatrice's idea to add to her book","page_number":null,"quote":"\"The worst thing that could possibly happen to anybody,\" she said, \"would be to not be used for anything by anybody.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"Constant and Salo on purpose and love","page_number":null,"quote":"\"I miss her,\" he said. \"You finally fell in love, I see,\" said Salo. \"Only an Earthling year ago,\" said Constant. \"It took us that long to realize that a purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"Constant's return to Earth","page_number":null,"quote":"On the trip back to Earth, Salo suspected that he had made a tragic mistake in suggesting to Constant that he return to Earth. He had begun to suspect this when Constant insisted on being taken to Indianapolis, Indiana, U.S.A.\n","importance":3,"notes":"Vonnegut's hometown..."},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"Dying","page_number":null,"quote":"\"You are tired, so very tired, Space Wanderer, Malachi, Unk,\" said Salo. \"Stare at the faintest star, Earthling, and think how heavy your limbs are growing.\" \"Heavy,\" said Constant. \"You are going to die some day, Unk,\" said Salo. \"Sorry, but it's true.\" \"True,\" said Constant. \"Don't be sorry.\" \"When you know you are dying, Space Wanderer,\" said Salo hypnotically, \"a wonderful thing will happen to you.\" He then described to Constant the happy things that Constant would imagine before his life flickered out. It would be a post-hypnotic illusion.\n","importance":3,"notes":null},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"The beautiful Earth","page_number":null,"quote":"\"Good luck,\" whispered Salo. \"We don't say that down here,\" whispered Constant. Salo winked. \"I'm not from down here,\" he whispered. He looked around at the perfectly white world, felt the wet kisses of the snowflakes, pondered hidden meanings in the pale yellow streetlights that shone in a world so whitely asleep. \"Beautiful,\" he whispered.\n","importance":4,"notes":"Why does this make me cry?"},{"chapter_number":null,"chapter_title":"Epilogue, Reunion with Stony","description":"The end","page_number":null,"quote":"Salo had hypnotized him so that he would imagine, as he died, that he saw his best and only friend, Stony Stevenson. As the snow drifted over Constant, he imagined that the clouds opened up, letting through a sunbeam, a sunbeam all for him. A golden space ship encrusted with diamonds came skimming down the sunbeam, landed in the untouched snow of the street. Out stepped a stocky, red-headed man with a big cigar. He was young. He wore the uniform of the Martian Assault Infantry, Unk's old outfit. \"Hello, Unk,\" he said. \"Get in.\" \"Get in?\" said Constant. \"Who are you?\" \"Stony Stevenson, Unk. You don't recognize me?\" \"Stony?\" said Constant. \"That's you, Stony?\" \"Who else could stand the bloody pace?\" said Stony. He laughed. \"Get in,\" he said. \"And go where?\" said Constant. \"Paradise,\" said Stony. \"What's Paradise like?\" said Constant. \"Everybody's happy there forever,\" said Stony, \"or as long as the bloody Universe holds together. Get in, Unk. Beatrice is already there, waiting for you.\" \"Beatrice?\" said Unk, getting into the space ship. Stony closed the airlocks, pressed the on button. \"We're — we're going to Paradise now?\" said Constant. \"I — I'm going to get into Paradise?\" \"Don't ask me why, old sport,\" said Stony, \"but somebody up there likes you.\"\n","importance":4,"notes":null}]}},"pageContext":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/","author":"Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","title":"The Sirens of Titan","previous":{"fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/"},"frontmatter":{"topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","science fiction","irony","science","religion"],"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat's Cradle (1963)","layout":"booknote","published":true,"booknote":[{"author":"Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","title":"Cat's Cradle"}]}},"next":{"fields":{"slug":"/journal/2023/10/10/"},"frontmatter":{"topics":["journal"],"title":"October 10th, 2023","layout":"post","published":true,"booknote":null}}}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-pages-notes-tsx","path":"/notes/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)","subtitle":"Notes on The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-02-04T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-02-04T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","science fiction","purpose"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat's Cradle (1963)","subtitle":"Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-01-31T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-31T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","science fiction","irony","science","religion"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)","subtitle":"Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-01-28T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-28T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","metafiction","kilgore trout","science fiction","free will","schizophrenia","solipsism","irony"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Reading Notes Preface Daisetu Teitarto (D. T.) Suzuki (1870-1966) brought Zen to the West (with a focus on satori, or enlightenment), and fifty years later, Shunryū Suzuki (1904-1971) did similarly, but with less focus on satori. On preparing his students for his death, he said: If when I die, the moment I’m dying, if I suffer that is all\nright, you know; that is suffering Buddha. No confusion\nin it. Maybe everyone will struggle because of the physical\nagony or spiritual agony, too. But that is all right, that is\nnot a problem. We should be very grateful to have a\nlimited body…like mine, or like yours. If you had a\nlimitless life it would be a real problem for you. Introduction Zen mind is a phrase used by teachers to invoke the purpose of Zen in their students: “to make you wonder and to answer that wondering with the deepest expression of your own nature.”\nTo practice Zen mind is beginner’s mind (shoshin), or the “innocence of the first inquiry—what am I”?\nThe beginner’s mind is…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind (1970)","subtitle":"Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki","date":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","zen","buddhism","mindfulness"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)","subtitle":"Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka","date":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","investigations of a dog","kafka, franz","philosophy","absurdism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)","subtitle":"Notes on Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children's Crusade by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2022-08-04T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-04T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","slaughterhouse-five","war","world war ii","time","science fiction","irony"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/misc/bathroom-epigraphs/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"A collection of bathroom epigraphs","subtitle":"The words of prophets are written on bathroom walls","date":"2022-07-25T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)","subtitle":"Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll","date":"2022-04-18T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-02T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lewis carroll","alice in wonderland","fantasy"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Buffalo in the Enclosure Kōan Goso said: “When a buffalo goes out of his enclosure to the edge of the abyss, his horns and his head and his hoofs all pass through, but why can’t the tail also pass? Mumon’s Commentary If anyone can open one eye at this point and say a word of Zen, he is qualified to repay the four gratifications, and, not only that, he can save all sentient beings under him.\nBut if he cannot say such a word of Zen, he should turn back to his tail. Mumon’s Poem  The Short Staff Kōan Shuzan held out his short staff and said: “If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nNow what do you wish to call this?” Mumon’s Commentary If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nIt cannot be expressed with words and it cannot be expressed without words.\nNow say quickly what it is. Mumon’s Poem  The Reflected Moon Chiyono studied Zen for many years…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/misc/koans/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"A collection of kōans","subtitle":"Kōans that I find thought-provoking","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","zen","buddhism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Lecture 1: Introduction to Human Behavioral Biology Humans use conceptual “buckets” in order to operate within the world.\nThese buckets allow us to simplify and understand the world, but using this type of categorical thinking comes with some pitfalls: People tend to underestimate differences between two things in the same conceptual bucket (we call two shades of red “red,” but other cultures may call them something different). People tend to overestimate the difference between two things with a boundary between them (we call one color “red” and another “violet,” when in reality they are closer in color than two shades of “red”). When people focus on categorical thinking, they lose out on the bigger picture. No single bucket provides the Ultimate Explanation: they are all necessary for a complete understanding of any system (in this case, biology and behavior). So, we should not fall for thinking that one bucket is the key to the answer. Sapolosky offers three quotes that demonstrate…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology","subtitle":"Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology","date":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","biology","evolution"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-pages-notes-tsx","path":"/notes/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)","subtitle":"Notes on The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-02-04T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-02-04T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","science fiction","purpose"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat's Cradle (1963)","subtitle":"Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-01-31T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-31T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","science fiction","irony","science","religion"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)","subtitle":"Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-01-28T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-28T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","metafiction","kilgore trout","science fiction","free will","schizophrenia","solipsism","irony"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Reading Notes Preface Daisetu Teitarto (D. T.) Suzuki (1870-1966) brought Zen to the West (with a focus on satori, or enlightenment), and fifty years later, Shunryū Suzuki (1904-1971) did similarly, but with less focus on satori. On preparing his students for his death, he said: If when I die, the moment I’m dying, if I suffer that is all\nright, you know; that is suffering Buddha. No confusion\nin it. Maybe everyone will struggle because of the physical\nagony or spiritual agony, too. But that is all right, that is\nnot a problem. We should be very grateful to have a\nlimited body…like mine, or like yours. If you had a\nlimitless life it would be a real problem for you. Introduction Zen mind is a phrase used by teachers to invoke the purpose of Zen in their students: “to make you wonder and to answer that wondering with the deepest expression of your own nature.”\nTo practice Zen mind is beginner’s mind (shoshin), or the “innocence of the first inquiry—what am I”?\nThe beginner’s mind is…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind (1970)","subtitle":"Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki","date":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","zen","buddhism","mindfulness"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)","subtitle":"Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka","date":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","investigations of a dog","kafka, franz","philosophy","absurdism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)","subtitle":"Notes on Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children's Crusade by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2022-08-04T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-04T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","slaughterhouse-five","war","world war ii","time","science fiction","irony"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/misc/bathroom-epigraphs/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"A collection of bathroom epigraphs","subtitle":"The words of prophets are written on bathroom walls","date":"2022-07-25T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)","subtitle":"Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll","date":"2022-04-18T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-02T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lewis carroll","alice in wonderland","fantasy"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Buffalo in the Enclosure Kōan Goso said: “When a buffalo goes out of his enclosure to the edge of the abyss, his horns and his head and his hoofs all pass through, but why can’t the tail also pass? Mumon’s Commentary If anyone can open one eye at this point and say a word of Zen, he is qualified to repay the four gratifications, and, not only that, he can save all sentient beings under him.\nBut if he cannot say such a word of Zen, he should turn back to his tail. Mumon’s Poem  The Short Staff Kōan Shuzan held out his short staff and said: “If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nNow what do you wish to call this?” Mumon’s Commentary If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nIt cannot be expressed with words and it cannot be expressed without words.\nNow say quickly what it is. Mumon’s Poem  The Reflected Moon Chiyono studied Zen for many years…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/misc/koans/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"A collection of kōans","subtitle":"Kōans that I find thought-provoking","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","zen","buddhism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Lecture 1: Introduction to Human Behavioral Biology Humans use conceptual “buckets” in order to operate within the world.\nThese buckets allow us to simplify and understand the world, but using this type of categorical thinking comes with some pitfalls: People tend to underestimate differences between two things in the same conceptual bucket (we call two shades of red “red,” but other cultures may call them something different). People tend to overestimate the difference between two things with a boundary between them (we call one color “red” and another “violet,” when in reality they are closer in color than two shades of “red”). When people focus on categorical thinking, they lose out on the bigger picture. No single bucket provides the Ultimate Explanation: they are all necessary for a complete understanding of any system (in this case, biology and behavior). So, we should not fall for thinking that one bucket is the key to the answer. Sapolosky offers three quotes that demonstrate…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology","subtitle":"Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology","date":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","biology","evolution"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
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-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-post-tsx","path":"/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space"}},"markdownRemark":{"id":"aa0374cb-2518-5427-b452-ffcb722e4572","excerpt":"Currently NAME AUTHOR DATE STARTED The History of Western Philosophy (1945) Bertrand Russell 2022-12-29 The Republic (c. 300 BC) Plato   On Hold NAME AUTHOR DATE STARTED The Case for Christ (1998) Lee Strobel 2022-07-15 The New Testament Various 2022-03-01 Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid (1979) Douglas Hofstader 2022-01-15 Human Behavioral Biology Robert Sapolosky 2021-12-01  To Read: Education AUTHOR TITLE Aristotle Nicomachean Ethics, Book 10 (c. 300 BC) Jean Jacques Rousseau Emile  To Read: Fiction (-1800s) AUTHOR TITLE Dante Alighieri The Divine Comedy (c. 1321) Voltaire Candide (1759) Miguel de Cervantes Don Quixote (1815) Herman Melville Moby Dick (1851) Fyodor Dostoevsky Notes from Underground (1864) Fyodor Dostoevsky Crime and Punishment (1866) Fyodor Dostoevsky The Idiot (1869) Fyodor Dostoevsky The Brothers Karamazov (1880) Leo Tolstoy War and Peace (1869) Leo Tolstoy Anna Karenina (1878) Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Faust (1876) Friedrich Nietzsche Thus Spoke…","html":"<section><h2 id=\"currently\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#currently\" aria-label=\"currently permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>Currently</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">NAME</th>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">DATE STARTED</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The History of Western Philosophy (1945)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Bertrand Russell</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-12-29</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Republic (c. 300 BC)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"on-hold\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#on-hold\" aria-label=\"on hold permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>On Hold</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">NAME</th>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">DATE STARTED</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Case for Christ (1998)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Lee Strobel</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-07-15</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The New Testament</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Various</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-03-01</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid (1979)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Douglas Hofstader</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-01-15</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Human Behavioral Biology</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Robert Sapolosky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2021-12-01</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-education\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-education\" aria-label=\"to read education permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Education</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Aristotle</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Nicomachean Ethics, Book 10 (c. 300 BC)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Jean Jacques Rousseau</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Emile</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-fiction--1800s\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-fiction--1800s\" aria-label=\"to read fiction  1800s permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Fiction (-1800s)</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Dante Alighieri</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Divine Comedy (c. 1321)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Voltaire</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Candide (1759)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Miguel de Cervantes</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Don Quixote (1815)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Herman Melville</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Moby Dick (1851)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Fyodor Dostoevsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Notes from Underground (1864)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Fyodor Dostoevsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Crime and Punishment (1866)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Fyodor Dostoevsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Idiot (1869)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Fyodor Dostoevsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Brothers Karamazov (1880)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Leo Tolstoy</td>\n<td align=\"center\">War and Peace (1869)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Leo Tolstoy</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Anna Karenina (1878)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Johann Wolfgang von Goethe</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Faust (1876)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Friedrich Nietzsche</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Thus Spoke Zarathustra (1883)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Charlotte Perkins Gilman</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Yellow Wallpaper (1892)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-fiction-1900-1950\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-fiction-1900-1950\" aria-label=\"to read fiction 1900 1950 permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Fiction (1900-1950)</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Marcel Proust</td>\n<td align=\"center\">In Search of Lost Time (1913-1927)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Castle (1926)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Judgement (1913)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Prometheus (1918)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">In the Penal Colony (1919)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">A Hunger Artist (1922)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Amerika (1927)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">James Joyce</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Ulysses (1922)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Virginia Woolf</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Mrs Dalloway (1925)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Herman Hesse</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Siddhartha (1927)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Herman Hesse</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Glass Bead Game (1943)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Aldous Huxley</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Brave New World (1932)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Jorge Luis Borges</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Fictions (1941)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Jorge Luis Borges</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Aleph and Other Stories (1945)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Albert Camus</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Stranger (1942)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Viktor Frankl</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Man’s Search for Meaning (1946)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">George Orwell</td>\n<td align=\"center\">1984 (1949)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ernest Hemingway</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Islands in the Stream (1949)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ray Bradbury</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Dandelion Wine (1949)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Shirley Jackson</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Lottery and Other Stories (1949)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-fiction-1950-1999\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-fiction-1950-1999\" aria-label=\"to read fiction 1950 1999 permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Fiction (1950-1999)</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">T.H. White</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Once and Future King (1958)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Daniel Keyes</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Flowers for Algernon (1959)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Sylvia Plath</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Bell Jar (1963)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Italo Calvino</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Complete Cosmicomics (1965)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Thomas Pynchon</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Crying of Lot 49 (1966)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Maya Angelou</td>\n<td align=\"center\">I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (1969)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Gabriel García Márquez</td>\n<td align=\"center\">One Hundred Years of Solitude (1959)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Gabriel García Márquez</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Chronicles of a Death Foretold (1981)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Welcome to the Monkey House (1968)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Hocus Pocus (1990)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">If This Isn’t Nice, What Is? (2013)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Pity the Reader: On Writing with Style (2019)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Umberto Eco</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Name of the Rose (1980)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Toni Morrison</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Beloved (1987)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">David Foster Wallace</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Broom of the System (1987)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">David Foster Wallace</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Infinite Jest (1996)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-fiction-2000s\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-fiction-2000s\" aria-label=\"to read fiction 2000s permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Fiction (2000s)</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">David Mitchell</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Cloud Atlas (2004)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-philosophy\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-philosophy\" aria-label=\"to read philosophy permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Philosophy</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Republic (c. 375 BC)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Marcus Aurelius</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Meditations (c. 161 AD)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">St. Augustine</td>\n<td align=\"center\">On Christian Doctrine (397)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">St. Augustine</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Enchiridion on Faith, Hope and Love (420)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">St. Augustine</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The City of God (426)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Monadology (1714)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Mary Wollstonecraft</td>\n<td align=\"center\">A Vindication of the Rights of Woman (1792)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Søren Kierkegaard</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Either/Or (1843)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Søren Kierkegaard</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Fear and Trembling (1843)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Søren Kierkegaard</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Concept of Anxiety (1843)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Friedrich Nietzsche</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Human, All Too Human (1879)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Friedrich Nietzsche</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Beyond Good and Evil (1886)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Friedrich Nietzsche</td>\n<td align=\"center\">On the Genealogy of Morality (1887)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Friedrich Nietzsche</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Ecce Homo (1888)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Leo Tolstoy</td>\n<td align=\"center\">A Confession (1882)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Leo Tolstoy</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Kingdom of God Is Within You (1894)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Okakura Kakuzō</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Book of Tea (1906)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Bertrand Russel</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Problems of Philosophy (1912)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ludwig Wittgenstein</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus (1921)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">John Paul Sartre</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Being and Nothingness (1943)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Simone de Beauvoir</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Second Sex (1949)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ludwig Wittgenstein</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Philosophical Investigations (1953)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Hannah Arendt</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Human Condition (1958)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Guy Debord</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Society of the Spectacle (1967)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Jean Baudrillard</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Simulacra and Simulation (1983)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-spirituality\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-spirituality\" aria-label=\"to read spirituality permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Spirituality</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Thich Nhat Hahn</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Miracle of Mindfulness (1975)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Thich Nhat Hahn</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching (1997)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-other\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-other\" aria-label=\"to read other permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Other</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ernest Nagel; James R. Newman</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Gödel’s Proof (1958)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Thomas Kuhn</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Structure of Scientific Revolutions (1962)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Buckminster Fuller</td>\n<td align=\"center\">I Seem To Be a Verb (1970)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Marvin Minsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Society of Mind (1988)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ray Bradbury</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Zen in the Art of Writing (1990)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">M. Mitchell Waldrop</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Complexity: The Emerging Science at the Edge of Order and Chaos (1992)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">V. S. Ramachandran</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Tell-Tale Brain (2011)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Marvin Minsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Emotion Machine (2007)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Cecelia Watson</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Semicolon: The Past, Present, and Future of a Misunderstood Mark (2019)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-essays-letters-and-talks\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-essays-letters-and-talks\" aria-label=\"to read essays letters and talks permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Essays, Letters, and Talks</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">A Letter to My Father (1952)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Lewis Thomas</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Lives of a Cell: Notes of a Biology Watcher (1974)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Wampeteors, Foma and Granfalloons (1974)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Thomas Nagel</td>\n<td align=\"center\">What Is It Like to Be a Bat? (1974)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Richard Hamming</td>\n<td align=\"center\">You and Your Research (1986)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Jacqueline Jones Royster</td>\n<td align=\"center\">When the First Voice You Hear Is Not Your Own (1996)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">N. David Mermin</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Writing physics (2003)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Nancy Sommers; Laura Saltz</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Novice as Expert: Writing the Freshman Year (2004)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">David Foster Wallace</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Consider the Lobster and Other Essays (2005)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Yiyun Li</td>\n<td align=\"center\">To Speak Is to Blunder (2016)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-poetry\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-poetry\" aria-label=\"to read poetry permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Poetry</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Sappho</td>\n<td align=\"center\">If Not, Winter: Fragments of Sappho (c. 650 BC)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Max Ehrmann</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Desiderata (1927)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-academic-papers\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-academic-papers\" aria-label=\"to read academic papers permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Academic Papers</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Alan Turing</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Computing Machinery and Intelligence (1950)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">J. R. Lucas</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Minds, Machines, and Gödel (1959)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Marvin L. Minsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Minds, Matter, and Models (1965)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ann Brown</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Knowing When, Where, and Now to Remember (1977)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">John H. Flavell</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Metacognition and cognitive monitoring: A new area of cognitive–developmental inquiry. (1979)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Lyn Corno</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The metacognitive control components of self-regulated learning (1986)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ann Brown</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Metacognition, executive control, self-regulation, and other more mysterious mechanisms (1987)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Richard E. Mayer</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Cognitive, metacognitive, and motivational aspects of problem solving (1998)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Christopher Langton</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Computation at the Edge of Chaos: Phase-transitions and emergent computation (1990)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Philip Winne</td>\n<td align=\"center\">A Cognitive and Metacognitive Analysis of Self-Regulated Learning (2011)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-watch-movies\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-watch-movies\" aria-label=\"to watch movies permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Watch: Movies</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">DIRECTOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Charlie Kaufman</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Synecdoche, New York (2008)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Wes Anderson</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"completed\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#completed\" aria-label=\"completed permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>Completed</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">NAME</th>\n<th align=\"center\">CREATOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">DATE STARTED</th>\n<th align=\"center\">DATE COMPLETED</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Whiplash (2014)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Damien Chazelle</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-04-29</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-04-29</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Phaedo (c. 300s BC)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-04-03</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-04-21</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Nam June Paik: Moon is the Oldest TV (2023)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Amanda Kim</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-04-01</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-04-01</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">A Room of One’s Own (1929)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Virginia Woolf</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-03-10</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-03-19</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Hercules (1997)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">John Musker &#x26; Ron Clements</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-03-12</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-03-12</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">In the Mood for Love (2000)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Wong Kar-wai</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-03-11</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-03-11</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Meno (c. 300s BC)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-01-25</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-02-04</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Crito (c. 300s BC)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-01-22</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-01-22</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Aleph (1945)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Jorge Luis Borges</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-01-30</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-01-30</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Sirens of Titan (1959)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-12-26</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-12-29</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Apology (c. 300s BC)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-11-25</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-11-25</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Cosmos (1980)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Carl Sagan</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-07-05</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-10-18</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Egg (2009)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Andy Weir</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-10-01</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-10-01</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Euthyphro (c. 300s BC)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-09-28</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-09-28</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Great Minds of the Western Intellectual Tradition</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Michael Sugrue</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-04-01</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-09-01</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions\">Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-08-01</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-08-22</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Perfect Blue (1997)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Satoshi Kon</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-08-19</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-08-19</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ivan the Fool (1886)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Leo Tolstoy</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-08-15</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-08-15</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle\">Cat's Cradle (1963)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-07-27</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-07-30</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five\">Slaughterhouse Five (1969)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-07-20</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-07-27</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog\">Investigations of a Dog (1922)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-06-12</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-06-19</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Burrow (1928)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-06-01</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-06-05</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Description of a Struggle (1909)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-05-20</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-05-25</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Paprika (2006)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Satoshi Kon</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-05-15</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-05-15</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Metamorphosis (1915)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-05-09</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-05-12</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Through the Looking Glass (1871)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Lewis Carroll</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-04-18</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-04-25</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland\">Alice in Wonderland (1865)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Lewis Carroll</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-04-15</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-04-18</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Logicomix: An epic search for truth (2008)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Apostolos Doxiadis; Christos Papadimitriou</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-03-05</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-04-17</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Mere Christianity (1952)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">C.S. Lewis</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Scholastic Metaphysics (2014)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Edward Feser</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial\">The Trial (1925)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Doors of Perception &#x26; Heaven and Hell (1954)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Aldous Huxley</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Pedagogy of the Oppressed (1968)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Paulo Freire</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Myth of Sisyphus (1942)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Albert Camus</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">This is Water (2005)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">David Foster Wallace</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">East of Eden (1952)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">John Steinbeck</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Universe in a Single Atom (2005)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Dalai Lama XIV</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Galápagos (1985)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">At Home in the World (2016)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Thich Nhat Hahn</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Sun My Heart (1982)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Thich Nhat Hahn</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Kokoro (1914)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Natsume Sōseki</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind\"> Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind (1970)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Shunryū Suzuki</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Phantoms in the Brain (1998)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">V.S. Ramachandran</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>","frontmatter":{"title":"Content consumption queue","subtitle":"A note to keep track of what I should read/watch/listen to next","date":"2021-10-04T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-05-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes"]}}},"pageContext":{"slug":"/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/","previous":{"fields":{"slug":"/notes/personal/dream-journal/"},"frontmatter":{"topics":["notes","dreams","personal","liminality","subconscious"],"title":"Dream journal","layout":"post","published":true,"booknote":null}},"next":{"fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/12/"},"frontmatter":{"topics":["journal","tennis","zooming out","the Crisis","oneness"],"title":"October 12th, 2021","layout":"post","published":true,"booknote":null}}}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-post-tsx","path":"/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space"}},"markdownRemark":{"id":"aa0374cb-2518-5427-b452-ffcb722e4572","excerpt":"Currently NAME AUTHOR DATE STARTED The Republic (c. 300 BC) Plato  Should You Believe Wikipedia? Amy Bruckman 2023-09-21  On Hold NAME AUTHOR DATE STARTED The History of Western Philosophy (1945) Bertrand Russell 2022-12-29 The Case for Christ (1998) Lee Strobel 2022-07-15 The New Testament Various 2022-03-01 Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid (1979) Douglas Hofstader 2022-01-15 Human Behavioral Biology Robert Sapolosky 2021-12-01  To Read: Education AUTHOR TITLE Aristotle Nicomachean Ethics, Book 10 (c. 300 BC) Jean Jacques Rousseau Emile  To Read: Fiction (-1800s) AUTHOR TITLE Dante Alighieri The Divine Comedy (c. 1321) Voltaire Candide (1759) Miguel de Cervantes Don Quixote (1815) Herman Melville Moby Dick (1851) Fyodor Dostoevsky Notes from Underground (1864) Fyodor Dostoevsky Crime and Punishment (1866) Fyodor Dostoevsky The Idiot (1869) Fyodor Dostoevsky The Brothers Karamazov (1880) Leo Tolstoy War and Peace (1869) Leo Tolstoy Anna Karenina (1878) Johann Wolfgang von…","html":"<section><h2 id=\"currently\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#currently\" aria-label=\"currently permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>Currently</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">NAME</th>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">DATE STARTED</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Republic (c. 300 BC)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Should You Believe Wikipedia?</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Amy Bruckman</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-09-21</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"on-hold\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#on-hold\" aria-label=\"on hold permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>On Hold</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">NAME</th>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">DATE STARTED</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The History of Western Philosophy (1945)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Bertrand Russell</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-12-29</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Case for Christ (1998)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Lee Strobel</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-07-15</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The New Testament</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Various</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-03-01</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid (1979)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Douglas Hofstader</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-01-15</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Human Behavioral Biology</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Robert Sapolosky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2021-12-01</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-education\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-education\" aria-label=\"to read education permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Education</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Aristotle</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Nicomachean Ethics, Book 10 (c. 300 BC)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Jean Jacques Rousseau</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Emile</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-fiction--1800s\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-fiction--1800s\" aria-label=\"to read fiction  1800s permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Fiction (-1800s)</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Dante Alighieri</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Divine Comedy (c. 1321)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Voltaire</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Candide (1759)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Miguel de Cervantes</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Don Quixote (1815)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Herman Melville</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Moby Dick (1851)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Fyodor Dostoevsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Notes from Underground (1864)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Fyodor Dostoevsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Crime and Punishment (1866)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Fyodor Dostoevsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Idiot (1869)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Fyodor Dostoevsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Brothers Karamazov (1880)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Leo Tolstoy</td>\n<td align=\"center\">War and Peace (1869)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Leo Tolstoy</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Anna Karenina (1878)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Johann Wolfgang von Goethe</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Faust (1876)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Friedrich Nietzsche</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Thus Spoke Zarathustra (1883)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Charlotte Perkins Gilman</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Yellow Wallpaper (1892)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-fiction-1900-1950\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-fiction-1900-1950\" aria-label=\"to read fiction 1900 1950 permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Fiction (1900-1950)</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Marcel Proust</td>\n<td align=\"center\">In Search of Lost Time (1913-1927)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Castle (1926)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Judgement (1913)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Prometheus (1918)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">In the Penal Colony (1919)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">A Hunger Artist (1922)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Amerika (1927)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">James Joyce</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Ulysses (1922)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Virginia Woolf</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Mrs Dalloway (1925)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Herman Hesse</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Siddhartha (1927)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Herman Hesse</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Glass Bead Game (1943)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Aldous Huxley</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Brave New World (1932)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Jorge Luis Borges</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Fictions (1941)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Jorge Luis Borges</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Aleph and Other Stories (1945)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Albert Camus</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Stranger (1942)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Viktor Frankl</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Man’s Search for Meaning (1946)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">George Orwell</td>\n<td align=\"center\">1984 (1949)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ernest Hemingway</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Islands in the Stream (1949)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ray Bradbury</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Dandelion Wine (1949)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Shirley Jackson</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Lottery and Other Stories (1949)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-fiction-1950-1999\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-fiction-1950-1999\" aria-label=\"to read fiction 1950 1999 permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Fiction (1950-1999)</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">T.H. White</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Once and Future King (1958)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Daniel Keyes</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Flowers for Algernon (1959)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Sylvia Plath</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Bell Jar (1963)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Italo Calvino</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Complete Cosmicomics (1965)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Thomas Pynchon</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Crying of Lot 49 (1966)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Maya Angelou</td>\n<td align=\"center\">I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (1969)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Gabriel García Márquez</td>\n<td align=\"center\">One Hundred Years of Solitude (1959)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Gabriel García Márquez</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Chronicles of a Death Foretold (1981)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Welcome to the Monkey House (1968)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Hocus Pocus (1990)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">If This Isn’t Nice, What Is? (2013)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Pity the Reader: On Writing with Style (2019)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Umberto Eco</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Name of the Rose (1980)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Toni Morrison</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Beloved (1987)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">David Foster Wallace</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Broom of the System (1987)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">David Foster Wallace</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Infinite Jest (1996)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-fiction-2000s\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-fiction-2000s\" aria-label=\"to read fiction 2000s permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Fiction (2000s)</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">David Mitchell</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Cloud Atlas (2004)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-philosophy\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-philosophy\" aria-label=\"to read philosophy permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Philosophy</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Republic (c. 375 BC)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Marcus Aurelius</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Meditations (c. 161 AD)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">St. Augustine</td>\n<td align=\"center\">On Christian Doctrine (397)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">St. Augustine</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Enchiridion on Faith, Hope and Love (420)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">St. Augustine</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The City of God (426)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Monadology (1714)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Mary Wollstonecraft</td>\n<td align=\"center\">A Vindication of the Rights of Woman (1792)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Søren Kierkegaard</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Either/Or (1843)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Søren Kierkegaard</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Fear and Trembling (1843)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Søren Kierkegaard</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Concept of Anxiety (1843)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Friedrich Nietzsche</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Human, All Too Human (1879)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Friedrich Nietzsche</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Beyond Good and Evil (1886)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Friedrich Nietzsche</td>\n<td align=\"center\">On the Genealogy of Morality (1887)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Friedrich Nietzsche</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Ecce Homo (1888)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Leo Tolstoy</td>\n<td align=\"center\">A Confession (1882)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Leo Tolstoy</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Kingdom of God Is Within You (1894)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Okakura Kakuzō</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Book of Tea (1906)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Bertrand Russel</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Problems of Philosophy (1912)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ludwig Wittgenstein</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus (1921)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">John Paul Sartre</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Being and Nothingness (1943)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Simone de Beauvoir</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Second Sex (1949)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ludwig Wittgenstein</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Philosophical Investigations (1953)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Hannah Arendt</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Human Condition (1958)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Guy Debord</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Society of the Spectacle (1967)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Jean Baudrillard</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Simulacra and Simulation (1983)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-spirituality\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-spirituality\" aria-label=\"to read spirituality permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Spirituality</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Thich Nhat Hahn</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Miracle of Mindfulness (1975)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Thich Nhat Hahn</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching (1997)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-other\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-other\" aria-label=\"to read other permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Other</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Lewis Carroll</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Symbolic Logic (1896)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ernest Nagel; James R. Newman</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Gödel’s Proof (1958)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Thomas Kuhn</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Structure of Scientific Revolutions (1962)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Buckminster Fuller</td>\n<td align=\"center\">I Seem To Be a Verb (1970)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Marvin Minsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Society of Mind (1988)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ray Bradbury</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Zen in the Art of Writing (1990)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">M. Mitchell Waldrop</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Complexity: The Emerging Science at the Edge of Order and Chaos (1992)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">V. S. Ramachandran</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Tell-Tale Brain (2011)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Marvin Minsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Emotion Machine (2007)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Cecelia Watson</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Semicolon: The Past, Present, and Future of a Misunderstood Mark (2019)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-essays-letters-and-talks\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-essays-letters-and-talks\" aria-label=\"to read essays letters and talks permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Essays, Letters, and Talks</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">A Letter to My Father (1952)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Lewis Thomas</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Lives of a Cell: Notes of a Biology Watcher (1974)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Wampeteors, Foma and Granfalloons (1974)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Thomas Nagel</td>\n<td align=\"center\">What Is It Like to Be a Bat? (1974)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Richard Hamming</td>\n<td align=\"center\">You and Your Research (1986)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Jacqueline Jones Royster</td>\n<td align=\"center\">When the First Voice You Hear Is Not Your Own (1996)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">N. David Mermin</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Writing physics (2003)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Nancy Sommers; Laura Saltz</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The Novice as Expert: Writing the Freshman Year (2004)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">David Foster Wallace</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Consider the Lobster and Other Essays (2005)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Yiyun Li</td>\n<td align=\"center\">To Speak Is to Blunder (2016)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-poetry\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-poetry\" aria-label=\"to read poetry permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Poetry</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Sappho</td>\n<td align=\"center\">If Not, Winter: Fragments of Sappho (c. 650 BC)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Max Ehrmann</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Desiderata (1927)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-read-academic-papers\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-read-academic-papers\" aria-label=\"to read academic papers permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Read: Academic Papers</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">AUTHOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Alan Turing</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Computing Machinery and Intelligence (1950)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">J. R. Lucas</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Minds, Machines, and Gödel (1959)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Marvin L. Minsky</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Minds, Matter, and Models (1965)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ann Brown</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Knowing When, Where, and Now to Remember (1977)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">John H. Flavell</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Metacognition and cognitive monitoring: A new area of cognitive–developmental inquiry. (1979)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Lyn Corno</td>\n<td align=\"center\">The metacognitive control components of self-regulated learning (1986)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ann Brown</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Metacognition, executive control, self-regulation, and other more mysterious mechanisms (1987)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Richard E. Mayer</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Cognitive, metacognitive, and motivational aspects of problem solving (1998)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Christopher Langton</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Computation at the Edge of Chaos: Phase-transitions and emergent computation (1990)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Philip Winne</td>\n<td align=\"center\">A Cognitive and Metacognitive Analysis of Self-Regulated Learning (2011)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"to-watch-movies\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#to-watch-movies\" aria-label=\"to watch movies permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>To Watch: Movies</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">DIRECTOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">TITLE</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Charlie Kaufman</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Synecdoche, New York (2008)</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Wes Anderson</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)</td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>\n<section><h2 id=\"completed\" style=\"position:relative;\"><a href=\"#completed\" aria-label=\"completed permalink\" class=\"no-tufte-underline before\"><svg aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\" height=\"16\" version=\"1.1\" viewBox=\"0 0 16 16\" width=\"16\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M4 9h1v1H4c-1.5 0-3-1.69-3-3.5S2.55 3 4 3h4c1.45 0 3 1.69 3 3.5 0 1.41-.91 2.72-2 3.25V8.59c.58-.45 1-1.27 1-2.09C10 5.22 8.98 4 8 4H4c-.98 0-2 1.22-2 2.5S3 9 4 9zm9-3h-1v1h1c1 0 2 1.22 2 2.5S13.98 12 13 12H9c-.98 0-2-1.22-2-2.5 0-.83.42-1.64 1-2.09V6.25c-1.09.53-2 1.84-2 3.25C6 11.31 7.55 13 9 13h4c1.45 0 3-1.69 3-3.5S14.5 6 13 6z\"></path></svg></a>Completed</h2><table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<th align=\"center\">NAME</th>\n<th align=\"center\">CREATOR</th>\n<th align=\"center\">DATE STARTED</th>\n<th align=\"center\">DATE COMPLETED</th>\n</tr>\n</thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ancient Greece: From Prehistoric to Hellenistic Times (1996)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Thomas R. Martin</td>\n<td align=\"center\">?</td>\n<td align=\"center\">?</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater (1970)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">?</td>\n<td align=\"center\">?</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Look at the Birdie (2009)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">?</td>\n<td align=\"center\">?</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Whiplash (2014)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Damien Chazelle</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-04-29</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-04-29</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Phaedo (c. 300s BC)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-04-03</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-04-21</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Nam June Paik: Moon is the Oldest TV (2023)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Amanda Kim</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-04-01</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-04-01</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">A Room of One’s Own (1929)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Virginia Woolf</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-03-10</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-03-19</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Hercules (1997)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">John Musker &#x26; Ron Clements</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-03-12</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-03-12</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">In the Mood for Love (2000)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Wong Kar-wai</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-03-11</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-03-11</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Meno (c. 300s BC)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-01-25</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-02-04</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Crito (c. 300s BC)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-01-22</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-01-22</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Aleph (1945)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Jorge Luis Borges</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-01-30</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2023-01-30</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Sirens of Titan (1959)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-12-26</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-12-29</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Apology (c. 300s BC)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-11-25</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-11-25</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Cosmos (1980)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Carl Sagan</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-07-05</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-10-18</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Egg (2009)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Andy Weir</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-10-01</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-10-01</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Euthyphro (c. 300s BC)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Plato</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-09-28</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-09-28</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Great Minds of the Western Intellectual Tradition</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Michael Sugrue</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-04-01</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-09-01</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions\">Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-08-01</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-08-22</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Perfect Blue (1997)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Satoshi Kon</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-08-19</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-08-19</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Ivan the Fool (1886)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Leo Tolstoy</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-08-15</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-08-15</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle\">Cat's Cradle (1963)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-07-27</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-07-30</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five\">Slaughterhouse Five (1969)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-07-20</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-07-27</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog\">Investigations of a Dog (1922)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-06-12</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-06-19</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Burrow (1928)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-06-01</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-06-05</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Description of a Struggle (1909)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-05-20</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-05-25</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Paprika (2006)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Satoshi Kon</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-05-15</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-05-15</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Metamorphosis (1915)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-05-09</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-05-12</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Through the Looking Glass (1871)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Lewis Carroll</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-04-18</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-04-25</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland\">Alice in Wonderland (1865)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Lewis Carroll</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-04-15</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-04-18</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Logicomix: An epic search for truth (2008)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Apostolos Doxiadis; Christos Papadimitriou</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-03-05</td>\n<td align=\"center\">2022-04-17</td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Mere Christianity (1952)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">C.S. Lewis</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Scholastic Metaphysics (2014)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Edward Feser</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial\">The Trial (1925)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Franz Kafka</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Doors of Perception &#x26; Heaven and Hell (1954)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Aldous Huxley</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Pedagogy of the Oppressed (1968)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Paulo Freire</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Myth of Sisyphus (1942)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Albert Camus</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">This is Water (2005)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">David Foster Wallace</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">East of Eden (1952)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">John Steinbeck</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Universe in a Single Atom (2005)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Dalai Lama XIV</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Galápagos (1985)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">At Home in the World (2016)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Thich Nhat Hahn</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">The Sun My Heart (1982)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Thich Nhat Hahn</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Kokoro (1914)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">Natsume Sōseki</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\"><a class=\"internal new\" href=\"/notes/books/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind\"> Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind (1970)</a></td>\n<td align=\"center\">Shunryū Suzuki</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n<tr>\n<td align=\"center\">Phantoms in the Brain (1998)</td>\n<td align=\"center\">V.S. Ramachandran</td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n<td align=\"center\"></td>\n</tr>\n</tbody>\n</table></section>","frontmatter":{"title":"Content consumption queue","subtitle":"A note to keep track of what I should read/watch/listen to next","date":"2021-10-04T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-10-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes"]}}},"pageContext":{"slug":"/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/","previous":{"fields":{"slug":"/notes/personal/dream-journal/"},"frontmatter":{"topics":["notes","dreams","personal","liminality","subconscious"],"title":"Dream journal","layout":"post","published":true,"booknote":null}},"next":{"fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/12/"},"frontmatter":{"topics":["journal","tennis","zooming out","the Crisis","oneness"],"title":"October 12th, 2021","layout":"post","published":true,"booknote":null}}}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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@@ -1 +1 @@
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+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/absurdism/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":2,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)","subtitle":"Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","the trial","kafka, franz","philosophy","absurdism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)","subtitle":"Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka","date":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","investigations of a dog","kafka, franz","philosophy","absurdism"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"absurdism"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/alice in wonderland/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/alice in wonderland/page-data.json
index 2c71e28a..89393139 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/alice in wonderland/page-data.json	
+++ b/page-data/topics/alice in wonderland/page-data.json	
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/alice in wonderland/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":2,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)","subtitle":"Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll","date":"2022-04-18T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-02T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lewis carroll","alice in wonderland","fantasy"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate side effect of human physiology that your taste buds habituate to the flavor of the food that you’re eating.\nWell, perhaps it’s not a mere side effect: I can imagine the havoc that I would wreck on my body if I never habituated to the flavor of sweets, for instance.\nHowever, I still think it quite unfortunate that in the course of eating a daily meal, the actual tasting of it gets diminished over and over again: sometimes when I eat, I end up barely tasting the food at all.\nIs there a way to prevent this phenomenon from occurring?\nWe have palette cleansers and the like, but I wonder if there’s a way to avoid this desensitization with the mind alone.\nIs this a battle where willpower can triumph over the body? The reason why I’m interested in the answer to this question is that this situation seems to me to be a microcosm of the myriad of ways that desensitization plagues our lives.\nHow much of the richness of life are we missing merely because we are accustomed to the way that things are?\nWhat of the miraculous nature of existence, its taste and truth and suchness, are we forgoing because of our iniquities and the faults in the human constitution?\nHow can we expand our minds and our hearts and savor each and every moment of our lives? A slight tangent, but this line of thought reminds me of this quote that I came upon while reading the Wikipedia page on praxis: Wisdom is always taste—in both Latin and Hebrew, the word for wisdom comes from the word for taste—so it’s something…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"alice in wonderland"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/alice in wonderland/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":2,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)","subtitle":"Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll","date":"2022-04-18T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-02T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lewis carroll","alice in wonderland","fantasy"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate side effect of human physiology that your taste buds habituate to the flavor of the food that you’re eating.\nWell, perhaps it’s not a mere side effect: I can imagine the havoc that I would wreck on my body if I never habituated to the flavor of sweets, for instance.\nHowever, I still think it quite unfortunate that in the course of eating a daily meal, the actual tasting of it gets diminished over and over again: sometimes when I eat, I end up barely tasting the food at all.\nIs there a way to prevent this phenomenon from occurring?\nWe have palette cleansers and the like, but I wonder if there’s a way to avoid this desensitization with the mind alone.\nIs this a battle where willpower can triumph over the body? The reason why I’m interested in the answer to this question is that this situation seems to me to be a microcosm of the myriad of ways that desensitization plagues our lives.\nHow much of the richness of life are we missing merely because we are accustomed to the way that things are?\nWhat of the miraculous nature of existence, its taste and truth and suchness, are we forgoing because of our iniquities and the faults in the human constitution?\nHow can we expand our minds and our hearts and savor each and every moment of our lives? A slight tangent, but this line of thought reminds me of this quote that I came upon while reading the Wikipedia page on praxis: Wisdom is always taste—in both Latin and Hebrew, the word for wisdom comes from the word for taste—so it’s something…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"alice in wonderland"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/attention/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/attention/page-data.json
index eb5cce53..ec712019 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/attention/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/attention/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/attention/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate side effect of human physiology that your taste buds habituate to the flavor of the food that you’re eating.\nWell, perhaps it’s not a mere side effect: I can imagine the havoc that I would wreck on my body if I never habituated to the flavor of sweets, for instance.\nHowever, I still think it quite unfortunate that in the course of eating a daily meal, the actual tasting of it gets diminished over and over again: sometimes when I eat, I end up barely tasting the food at all.\nIs there a way to prevent this phenomenon from occurring?\nWe have palette cleansers and the like, but I wonder if there’s a way to avoid this desensitization with the mind alone.\nIs this a battle where willpower can triumph over the body? The reason why I’m interested in the answer to this question is that this situation seems to me to be a microcosm of the myriad of ways that desensitization plagues our lives.\nHow much of the richness of life are we missing merely because we are accustomed to the way that things are?\nWhat of the miraculous nature of existence, its taste and truth and suchness, are we forgoing because of our iniquities and the faults in the human constitution?\nHow can we expand our minds and our hearts and savor each and every moment of our lives? A slight tangent, but this line of thought reminds me of this quote that I came upon while reading the Wikipedia page on praxis: Wisdom is always taste—in both Latin and Hebrew, the word for wisdom comes from the word for taste—so it’s something…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"attention"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/attention/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate side effect of human physiology that your taste buds habituate to the flavor of the food that you’re eating.\nWell, perhaps it’s not a mere side effect: I can imagine the havoc that I would wreck on my body if I never habituated to the flavor of sweets, for instance.\nHowever, I still think it quite unfortunate that in the course of eating a daily meal, the actual tasting of it gets diminished over and over again: sometimes when I eat, I end up barely tasting the food at all.\nIs there a way to prevent this phenomenon from occurring?\nWe have palette cleansers and the like, but I wonder if there’s a way to avoid this desensitization with the mind alone.\nIs this a battle where willpower can triumph over the body? The reason why I’m interested in the answer to this question is that this situation seems to me to be a microcosm of the myriad of ways that desensitization plagues our lives.\nHow much of the richness of life are we missing merely because we are accustomed to the way that things are?\nWhat of the miraculous nature of existence, its taste and truth and suchness, are we forgoing because of our iniquities and the faults in the human constitution?\nHow can we expand our minds and our hearts and savor each and every moment of our lives? A slight tangent, but this line of thought reminds me of this quote that I came upon while reading the Wikipedia page on praxis: Wisdom is always taste—in both Latin and Hebrew, the word for wisdom comes from the word for taste—so it’s something…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"attention"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/autobiographical/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/autobiographical/page-data.json
index 01d2b056..722f3864 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/autobiographical/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/autobiographical/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/autobiographical/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Who are you?\nThis seemingly innocuous question is one that has plagued me (and no doubt countless others, asking this of themselves) to no foreseeable end. After a long bout of mental anguish and intense contemplation regarding myself, my memories, my relationships, and my place in the grand symphony of the universe, I’ve come to the conclusion that the concept of a unified, cohesive self may very well be illusory, and that accepting myself as everchanging and interconnected potential rather than trying to cram the totality of who I am into a concrete, fixed reality does wonders for my wellbeing. That being said, the concept of myself still exists, floating around in the ambient space of consciousness.\nI created this document to capture some of those concepts.\nI hope that it will lend itself to a picture in your mind of who I am or who I was at some point in time.\nHowever, I do have trouble describing myself (see above), so if you really want to get to know me, contact me! ☺ “Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.”  — Lewis Carroll; Alice in Wonderland   Where have I been and what have I done? Once upon a time; Los Angeles.  Where am I and what am I doing? For now, New York City!  What do I like? Dogen-zenji said, “Although everything has Buddha nature, we love flowers, and we do not care for weeds.” This is true of human nature. But that we are attached to some beauty is itself Buddha’s activity. That we do not care for weeds is also Buddha’s activity. We should know that. If you know that, it is all right to attach to something. If it is Buddha’s attachment, that is non-attachment. So in love there should be hate, or non-attachment. And in hate there should be love, or acceptance. Love and hate are one thing.  — Shunryu Suzuki; Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind  In short, I like everything.\nWhat’s not to love about the miracles of the universe, whether conventionally good or bad?\nBut while I do like everything, I am particularly fond of certain things.\nHere are some of those things. Current interests In light of my aforementioned existential crisis, I’ve awakened a huge appetite within myself for gathering information about the nature of us, consciousness, reality, love, the universe, and other abstract and intangible concepts.\nOne of the realizations to come out of this crisis is the incredible interconnectedness of all things - I now believe that everything is everything else - and as such I’d like to get exposure to all sorts of people…","fields":{"slug":"/about-me/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"About me.","subtitle":"Information about me; what I'm up to now; current interests and favorites; major influences; how to contact me","date":"2021-09-18T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["autobiographical"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"autobiographical"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/autobiographical/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Who are you?\nThis seemingly innocuous question is one that has plagued me (and no doubt countless others, asking this of themselves) to no foreseeable end. After a long bout of mental anguish and intense contemplation regarding myself, my memories, my relationships, and my place in the grand symphony of the universe, I’ve come to the conclusion that the concept of a unified, cohesive self may very well be illusory, and that accepting myself as everchanging and interconnected potential rather than trying to cram the totality of who I am into a concrete, fixed reality does wonders for my wellbeing. That being said, the concept of myself still exists, floating around in the ambient space of consciousness.\nI created this document to capture some of those concepts.\nI hope that it will lend itself to a picture in your mind of who I am or who I was at some point in time.\nHowever, I do have trouble describing myself (see above), so if you really want to get to know me, contact me! ☺ “Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.”  — Lewis Carroll; Alice in Wonderland   Where have I been and what have I done? Once upon a time; Los Angeles.  Where am I and what am I doing? For now, New York City!  What do I like? Dogen-zenji said, “Although everything has Buddha nature, we love flowers, and we do not care for weeds.” This is true of human nature. But that we are attached to some beauty is itself Buddha’s activity. That we do not care for weeds is also Buddha’s activity. We should know that. If you know that, it is all right to attach to something. If it is Buddha’s attachment, that is non-attachment. So in love there should be hate, or non-attachment. And in hate there should be love, or acceptance. Love and hate are one thing.  — Shunryu Suzuki; Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind  In short, I like everything.\nWhat’s not to love about the miracles of the universe, whether conventionally good or bad?\nBut while I do like everything, I am particularly fond of certain things.\nHere are some of those things. Current interests In light of my aforementioned existential crisis, I’ve awakened a huge appetite within myself for gathering information about the nature of us, consciousness, reality, love, the universe, and other abstract and intangible concepts.\nOne of the realizations to come out of this crisis is the incredible interconnectedness of all things - I now believe that everything is everything else - and as such I’d like to get exposure to all sorts of people…","fields":{"slug":"/about-me/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"About me.","subtitle":"Information about me; what I'm up to now; current interests and favorites; major influences; how to contact me","date":"2021-09-18T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["autobiographical"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"autobiographical"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/beauty/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/beauty/page-data.json
index 3ae9b698..d5f8eb20 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/beauty/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/beauty/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/beauty/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am bracing for some inevitable impact;\nand I am in the extremely poor habit of holding my breath when I lie deep — well, if I am honest, even shallow — in thought or action.\nThese and other habits of existential friction often accumulate into piercing headaches, knotted muscles, or other similar psychosomatic afflictions, of which I am unfortunately prone.\nMy theory is that this tension is, above all else, a symptom of a desperate floundering for control: I grasp at everything with such fervor and tightness because of a wretched paranoia of it slipping through my fingers and thus producing an outcome that I can neither predict nor prepare for. So that the pavement forced me to release my iron grip was not an unwelcome acquiescence, but rather a meditation of sorts.\nAs much as I craved the ability to do so, I could not shape each stone in my path to secure myself a smooth ride, nor could I, in sublime anticipation, trade my machine for another whose wheels lock perfectly into each groove and ridge that I may happen to encounter in the road.\nWhen one is faced with such insurmountable turmoil that their very constitution cannot absorb the shock, I mused, the only course of action may be to relinquish the reins of control to the awaiting hands of one’s fate.\nAmor fati, indeed! Then all at once, like the crack of dawn emerging victorious over a pestilent night, these thoughts were overwhelmed by a sense of immense satisfaction — I had suddenly noticed above me the emerald brilliance…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"beauty"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/beauty/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am bracing for some inevitable impact;\nand I am in the extremely poor habit of holding my breath when I lie deep — well, if I am honest, even shallow — in thought or action.\nThese and other habits of existential friction often accumulate into piercing headaches, knotted muscles, or other similar psychosomatic afflictions, of which I am unfortunately prone.\nMy theory is that this tension is, above all else, a symptom of a desperate floundering for control: I grasp at everything with such fervor and tightness because of a wretched paranoia of it slipping through my fingers and thus producing an outcome that I can neither predict nor prepare for. So that the pavement forced me to release my iron grip was not an unwelcome acquiescence, but rather a meditation of sorts.\nAs much as I craved the ability to do so, I could not shape each stone in my path to secure myself a smooth ride, nor could I, in sublime anticipation, trade my machine for another whose wheels lock perfectly into each groove and ridge that I may happen to encounter in the road.\nWhen one is faced with such insurmountable turmoil that their very constitution cannot absorb the shock, I mused, the only course of action may be to relinquish the reins of control to the awaiting hands of one’s fate.\nAmor fati, indeed! Then all at once, like the crack of dawn emerging victorious over a pestilent night, these thoughts were overwhelmed by a sense of immense satisfaction — I had suddenly noticed above me the emerald brilliance…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"beauty"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/biology/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/biology/page-data.json
index ba1f96de..04023a77 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/biology/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/biology/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/biology/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Lecture 1: Introduction to Human Behavioral Biology Humans use conceptual “buckets” in order to operate within the world.\nThese buckets allow us to simplify and understand the world, but using this type of categorical thinking comes with some pitfalls: People tend to underestimate differences between two things in the same conceptual bucket (we call two shades of red “red,” but other cultures may call them something different). People tend to overestimate the difference between two things with a boundary between them (we call one color “red” and another “violet,” when in reality they are closer in color than two shades of “red”). When people focus on categorical thinking, they lose out on the bigger picture. No single bucket provides the Ultimate Explanation: they are all necessary for a complete understanding of any system (in this case, biology and behavior). So, we should not fall for thinking that one bucket is the key to the answer. Sapolosky offers three quotes that demonstrate the dangers of falling into a one-bucket mindset: John Watson, the father of behaviorism Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I’ll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select—doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief and, yes, even beggar-man and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations, and race of his ancestors. Egas Moniz, on frontal lobotomies Normal psychic life depends upon the good functioning of brain synapses, and mental disorders appear as a result of synaptic derangements. Synaptic adjustments will then modify the corresponding ideas and force them into different channels. Using this approach we obtain cures and improvements but no failures. Konrad Lorenz, a founding father of ethology and a Nazi propagandist The selection for toughness, heroism, social utility…must be accomplished by some human institution if mankind, in default of selective factors, is not to be ruined by domestication-induced degeneracy. In the remainder of the course, the intellectual challenge will be to not fall into categorical thinking, to continually assume and then abandon each conceptual bucket. We have to realize the following: There are circumstances in which we are like every other animal. One example is the McClintock effect, which is the synchronization of female menstrual cycles when in close proximity. There are other circumstances in…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology","subtitle":"Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology","date":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","biology","evolution"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"biology"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/biology/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Lecture 1: Introduction to Human Behavioral Biology Humans use conceptual “buckets” in order to operate within the world.\nThese buckets allow us to simplify and understand the world, but using this type of categorical thinking comes with some pitfalls: People tend to underestimate differences between two things in the same conceptual bucket (we call two shades of red “red,” but other cultures may call them something different). People tend to overestimate the difference between two things with a boundary between them (we call one color “red” and another “violet,” when in reality they are closer in color than two shades of “red”). When people focus on categorical thinking, they lose out on the bigger picture. No single bucket provides the Ultimate Explanation: they are all necessary for a complete understanding of any system (in this case, biology and behavior). So, we should not fall for thinking that one bucket is the key to the answer. Sapolosky offers three quotes that demonstrate the dangers of falling into a one-bucket mindset: John Watson, the father of behaviorism Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I’ll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select—doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief and, yes, even beggar-man and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations, and race of his ancestors. Egas Moniz, on frontal lobotomies Normal psychic life depends upon the good functioning of brain synapses, and mental disorders appear as a result of synaptic derangements. Synaptic adjustments will then modify the corresponding ideas and force them into different channels. Using this approach we obtain cures and improvements but no failures. Konrad Lorenz, a founding father of ethology and a Nazi propagandist The selection for toughness, heroism, social utility…must be accomplished by some human institution if mankind, in default of selective factors, is not to be ruined by domestication-induced degeneracy. In the remainder of the course, the intellectual challenge will be to not fall into categorical thinking, to continually assume and then abandon each conceptual bucket. We have to realize the following: There are circumstances in which we are like every other animal. One example is the McClintock effect, which is the synchronization of female menstrual cycles when in close proximity. There are other circumstances in…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology","subtitle":"Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology","date":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","biology","evolution"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"biology"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/buddhism/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/buddhism/page-data.json
index 9e1cdd0a..94a0bd05 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/buddhism/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/buddhism/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/buddhism/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":3,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Buffalo in the Enclosure Kōan Goso said: “When a buffalo goes out of his enclosure to the edge of the abyss, his horns and his head and his hoofs all pass through, but why can’t the tail also pass? Mumon’s Commentary If anyone can open one eye at this point and say a word of Zen, he is qualified to repay the four gratifications, and, not only that, he can save all sentient beings under him.\nBut if he cannot say such a word of Zen, he should turn back to his tail. Mumon’s Poem  The Short Staff Kōan Shuzan held out his short staff and said: “If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nNow what do you wish to call this?” Mumon’s Commentary If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nIt cannot be expressed with words and it cannot be expressed without words.\nNow say quickly what it is. Mumon’s Poem  The Reflected Moon Chiyono studied Zen for many years under Bukkō of Engaku.\nStill, she could not attain the fruits of meditation.\nAt last one moonlight night she was carrying water in an old wooden pail girded with bamboo.\nThe bamboo broke, and the bottom fell out of the pail.\nAt that moment, she was set free.\nChiyono said, “No more water in the pail, no more moon in the water.”","fields":{"slug":"/notes/misc/koans/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"A collection of kōans","subtitle":"Kōans that I find thought-provoking","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","zen","buddhism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/spirituality/nhat-hahn-thich-the-miracle-of-mindfulness/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Nhat Hahn, Thich; The Miracle of Mindfulness","subtitle":"Notes on The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hahn","date":"2022-04-07T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-07T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","buddhism","thich nhat hahn","mindfulness","religion"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Reading Notes Preface Daisetu Teitarto (D. T.) Suzuki (1870-1966) brought Zen to the West (with a focus on satori, or enlightenment), and fifty years later, Shunryū Suzuki (1904-1971) did similarly, but with less focus on satori. On preparing his students for his death, he said: If when I die, the moment I’m dying, if I suffer that is all\nright, you know; that is suffering Buddha. No confusion\nin it. Maybe everyone will struggle because of the physical\nagony or spiritual agony, too. But that is all right, that is\nnot a problem. We should be very grateful to have a\nlimited body…like mine, or like yours. If you had a\nlimitless life it would be a real problem for you. Introduction Zen mind is a phrase used by teachers to invoke the purpose of Zen in their students: “to make you wonder and to answer that wondering with the deepest expression of your own nature.”\nTo practice Zen mind is beginner’s mind (shoshin), or the “innocence of the first inquiry—what am I”?\nThe beginner’s mind is: free of habits and expectations ready to accept and doubt “the kind of mind which can see things as they are, which step-by-step and in a flash can realize the original nature of everything.” The editing and translation of this book is nuanced: Shunryū tries to convey teachings in terms of the ordinary circumstances of people’s lives, in statements as simple as “have a cup of tea,” which may be accidentally edited out.\nFurthermore, English is a dualistic language, whereas Japanese lends itself more to non-dualistic thinking. This book is divided into 3 sections, which are: Right Practice (pertaining to the body) Right Attitude (pertaining to feelings) Right Understanding (pertaining to the mind) On the relationship between Zen teacher and student: A roshi is a person who has actualized that perfect freedom which\nis the potentiality for all human beings. He exists freely in the\nfullness of his whole being. The flow of his consciousness is not the\nfixed repetitive patterns of our usual self-centered consciousness, but\nrather arises spontaneously and naturally from the actual\ncircumstances of the present. … But in the end it is not the extraordinariness\nof the teacher which perplexes, intrigues, and deepens the student, it is the\nteacher’s utter ordinariness. Because he is just himself, he is a mirror\nfor his students. When we are with him we feel our own strengths\nand shortcomings without any sense of praise or criticism from him.\nIn his presence we see our original face, and the…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind (1970)","subtitle":"Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki","date":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","zen","buddhism","mindfulness"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"buddhism"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
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Mumon’s Poem  The Short Staff Kōan Shuzan held out his short staff and said: “If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nNow what do you wish to call this?” Mumon’s Commentary If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nIt cannot be expressed with words and it cannot be expressed without words.\nNow say quickly what it is. Mumon’s Poem  The Reflected Moon Chiyono studied Zen for many years under Bukkō of Engaku.\nStill, she could not attain the fruits of meditation.\nAt last one moonlight night she was carrying water in an old wooden pail girded with bamboo.\nThe bamboo broke, and the bottom fell out of the pail.\nAt that moment, she was set free.\nChiyono said, “No more water in the pail, no more moon in the water.”","fields":{"slug":"/notes/misc/koans/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"A collection of kōans","subtitle":"Kōans that I find thought-provoking","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","zen","buddhism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/spirituality/nhat-hahn-thich-the-miracle-of-mindfulness/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Nhat Hahn, Thich; The Miracle of Mindfulness","subtitle":"Notes on The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hahn","date":"2022-04-07T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-07T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","buddhism","thich nhat hahn","mindfulness","religion"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Reading Notes Preface Daisetu Teitarto (D. T.) Suzuki (1870-1966) brought Zen to the West (with a focus on satori, or enlightenment), and fifty years later, Shunryū Suzuki (1904-1971) did similarly, but with less focus on satori. On preparing his students for his death, he said: If when I die, the moment I’m dying, if I suffer that is all\nright, you know; that is suffering Buddha. No confusion\nin it. Maybe everyone will struggle because of the physical\nagony or spiritual agony, too. But that is all right, that is\nnot a problem. We should be very grateful to have a\nlimited body…like mine, or like yours. If you had a\nlimitless life it would be a real problem for you. Introduction Zen mind is a phrase used by teachers to invoke the purpose of Zen in their students: “to make you wonder and to answer that wondering with the deepest expression of your own nature.”\nTo practice Zen mind is beginner’s mind (shoshin), or the “innocence of the first inquiry—what am I”?\nThe beginner’s mind is: free of habits and expectations ready to accept and doubt “the kind of mind which can see things as they are, which step-by-step and in a flash can realize the original nature of everything.” The editing and translation of this book is nuanced: Shunryū tries to convey teachings in terms of the ordinary circumstances of people’s lives, in statements as simple as “have a cup of tea,” which may be accidentally edited out.\nFurthermore, English is a dualistic language, whereas Japanese lends itself more to non-dualistic thinking. This book is divided into 3 sections, which are: Right Practice (pertaining to the body) Right Attitude (pertaining to feelings) Right Understanding (pertaining to the mind) On the relationship between Zen teacher and student: A roshi is a person who has actualized that perfect freedom which\nis the potentiality for all human beings. He exists freely in the\nfullness of his whole being. The flow of his consciousness is not the\nfixed repetitive patterns of our usual self-centered consciousness, but\nrather arises spontaneously and naturally from the actual\ncircumstances of the present. … But in the end it is not the extraordinariness\nof the teacher which perplexes, intrigues, and deepens the student, it is the\nteacher’s utter ordinariness. Because he is just himself, he is a mirror\nfor his students. When we are with him we feel our own strengths\nand shortcomings without any sense of praise or criticism from him.\nIn his presence we see our original face, and the…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind (1970)","subtitle":"Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki","date":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","zen","buddhism","mindfulness"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"buddhism"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/capgras/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/capgras/page-data.json
index 4aca7c2b..62ba6ad0 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/capgras/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/capgras/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/capgras/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"capgras"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/capgras/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"capgras"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/childhood/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/childhood/page-data.json
index 88be6523..f27457b3 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/childhood/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/childhood/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/childhood/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!\nThings are moving so fast, but I’m really grateful that everything is working out so well.\nMy flight is next Wednesday, and I can hardly believe it! Finished reading A Wind in the Door recently.\nI’m trying to revisit books that meant a lot to me as a kid. “No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.”  — C.S. Lewis  And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview.\nFor example, a recurring concept in the book is the relativity of size: the protagonists visit organelles smaller than mitochondria and observe phenomena on the scale of galaxies.\nBut in each of these experiences, there are the same principles and patterns that repeat themselves across time and space.\nThe hierarchy in A Wind in the Door goes: farandolae → mitochondria → human → planet → galaxy → universe.\nIt reminds me of my Crisis revelation of how things are nested into each other like matryoshka (Russian nesting) dolls.\nAlso, I’m sure that this book influenced this dream that I had that can be found in my dream journal: In the beginning, I was at what appeared to be a space station of sorts. Shuttles ebbed and flowed from the terminal, but I didn’t know where they were coming from, or where they were heading. A shuttle stopped in front of me, and I had the inexplicable urge to board it. The shuttle’s interior looked like an airplane’s, and I took a window seat. As soon as I sat down, the shuttle took off. It shrunk down to less than the size of an atom. The next thing I knew, it entered one of my own cells. I looked outside, and I saw that there was a whole universe inside of this cell. Tiny planets and stars littered the vast emptiness, and a double helix threaded the dark space together. … and this reminds me of The Universe in a Single Atom by the Dalai Lama. A Wind in the Door also contains messages about the interconnected nature of things.\nOne of the characters references this proverb: For want of a nail a shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; for want of a horse the rider was lost; for want of a rider the message was lost; for want of a message the battle was lost; for want of a battle the war was lost; for want of the war the kingdom was lost; and all for the want of a horseshoe nail. … and this reminds me the Game of Life, chaos theory, and Tolstoy’s integral metaphor from War…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 14th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity","date":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","childhood","the Crisis","interconnectivity"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"childhood"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/childhood/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!\nThings are moving so fast, but I’m really grateful that everything is working out so well.\nMy flight is next Wednesday, and I can hardly believe it! Finished reading A Wind in the Door recently.\nI’m trying to revisit books that meant a lot to me as a kid. “No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.”  — C.S. Lewis  And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview.\nFor example, a recurring concept in the book is the relativity of size: the protagonists visit organelles smaller than mitochondria and observe phenomena on the scale of galaxies.\nBut in each of these experiences, there are the same principles and patterns that repeat themselves across time and space.\nThe hierarchy in A Wind in the Door goes: farandolae → mitochondria → human → planet → galaxy → universe.\nIt reminds me of my Crisis revelation of how things are nested into each other like matryoshka (Russian nesting) dolls.\nAlso, I’m sure that this book influenced this dream that I had that can be found in my dream journal: In the beginning, I was at what appeared to be a space station of sorts. Shuttles ebbed and flowed from the terminal, but I didn’t know where they were coming from, or where they were heading. A shuttle stopped in front of me, and I had the inexplicable urge to board it. The shuttle’s interior looked like an airplane’s, and I took a window seat. As soon as I sat down, the shuttle took off. It shrunk down to less than the size of an atom. The next thing I knew, it entered one of my own cells. I looked outside, and I saw that there was a whole universe inside of this cell. Tiny planets and stars littered the vast emptiness, and a double helix threaded the dark space together. … and this reminds me of The Universe in a Single Atom by the Dalai Lama. A Wind in the Door also contains messages about the interconnected nature of things.\nOne of the characters references this proverb: For want of a nail a shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; for want of a horse the rider was lost; for want of a rider the message was lost; for want of a message the battle was lost; for want of a battle the war was lost; for want of the war the kingdom was lost; and all for the want of a horseshoe nail. … and this reminds me the Game of Life, chaos theory, and Tolstoy’s integral metaphor from War…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 14th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity","date":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","childhood","the Crisis","interconnectivity"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"childhood"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/cognition/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/cognition/page-data.json
index d5c9d243..53bc80b7 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/cognition/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/cognition/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/cognition/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":2,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I wonder if birds ever feel despair as us humans do. Do they experience loneliness? Is there ever a moment in a bird’s lifetime when they feel outcast by their fellow feathered folk and they can’t find a single thing — nary a single branch — in this world to lean or rest upon? What do they do in those moments? How do they go on? Or are they contented with searching the skies for yet another seed to peck at? This notion sounds ridiculous, but I wonder if our experiences (birds, humans) are more similar than one may initially imagine. This morning, I saw a female sparrow (well, they aren’t really sparrows, but I’ve forgotten the correct name for them) nip at the feathers of a male, vying for his attention. A bird’s equivalent of flirtatious pursuit, I presume. It made me dream about the microcosm of the bird’s love life — on their scale, are there gestures as subtle as a blush, a stolen glance, or a light caress on another’s shoulders? Do they exist, only to be imperceptible to the naïve human’s eye? I spent a bit of time attempting to recall the word for the study of putting oneself in the animal’s shoes (or rather, hide? perhaps this is too grotesque), and after a few moments of contemplation, the word flashed into my mind. Ethology. This spark of cognition made me question how it is that we experience these types of “revelatory” thoughts. What happens in the brain when we attempt to recall something that is on the tip of our tongue? How do we suddenly come to connecting the dots? In this particular instance, I knew that the word began with the letter “E,” and that it was the title of a lecture video on human behavioral biology that I am currently watching. I knew that one such word that fit into this category was “Endocrinology,” but I knew that it wasn’t what I was searching for. But the harder I tried to remember, the more the word seemed to evade me, until I decided to put it on the back burner of my mind. I entrusted the task to my future self, thinking “it’ll come to me later,” and not five seconds had passed until it popped into my brain. But what had happened? I wasn’t actively thinking about the word. My mind had already jumped to another object of consideration. What was my brain doing without me knowing? It’s clear that there are an uncountable number of cognitive processes that occur simultaneously in our brain, a vast majority of them outside of the realm of conscious perception. It reminds me of what Thich Nhat Hahn mentions in The Sun My…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 10th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness","date":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","cognition","loneliness","uncertainty"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about it, but my cognitive pathways were blocked. The Crisis somehow unclogged these pipes. This all culminated in a moment of awareness and revelation, the seeds of which had been planted throughout my whole life. I experienced feelings of lucidity and control over self, whereas prior to this, I felt as though I was moving through life as a zombie. I’m also thinking about the desire for truth. I sometimes burn with the desire to know the truths of the universe: what was the beginning of it all? What will be the end? Are we hurdling towards some cosmic teleological attractor? Is the desire to know what is fueled by one’s existential dread and a need to know what comes after death? Is there hope for salvation? Is there universal truth? Is there something everlasting and wholly immutable? In Logicomix, they mention that logicians tend towards madness. This makes sense, when one realizes that we’ve built our reality upon sand. Does a rock on which to build our house even exist? The (likely) undecidable nature of this question is enough to drive one insane. I’ve also been thinking about thoughts. I’ve recently realized how much of my cognition relies on visual or spatial constructs: it’s as if there is a visual “overlay” upon most concepts that I hold in my mind. For instance, when I think about months, I envision a calendar, and this calendar has a specific circular orientation (I’ll draw this later). When I think of weeks, I envision a calendar week, which is why my “week” begins on…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/03/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"March 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times","date":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the Crisis","cognition","for the good times"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"cognition"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/cognition/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":2,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I wonder if birds ever feel despair as us humans do. Do they experience loneliness? Is there ever a moment in a bird’s lifetime when they feel outcast by their fellow feathered folk and they can’t find a single thing — nary a single branch — in this world to lean or rest upon? What do they do in those moments? How do they go on? Or are they contented with searching the skies for yet another seed to peck at? This notion sounds ridiculous, but I wonder if our experiences (birds, humans) are more similar than one may initially imagine. This morning, I saw a female sparrow (well, they aren’t really sparrows, but I’ve forgotten the correct name for them) nip at the feathers of a male, vying for his attention. A bird’s equivalent of flirtatious pursuit, I presume. It made me dream about the microcosm of the bird’s love life — on their scale, are there gestures as subtle as a blush, a stolen glance, or a light caress on another’s shoulders? Do they exist, only to be imperceptible to the naïve human’s eye? I spent a bit of time attempting to recall the word for the study of putting oneself in the animal’s shoes (or rather, hide? perhaps this is too grotesque), and after a few moments of contemplation, the word flashed into my mind. Ethology. This spark of cognition made me question how it is that we experience these types of “revelatory” thoughts. What happens in the brain when we attempt to recall something that is on the tip of our tongue? How do we suddenly come to connecting the dots? In this particular instance, I knew that the word began with the letter “E,” and that it was the title of a lecture video on human behavioral biology that I am currently watching. I knew that one such word that fit into this category was “Endocrinology,” but I knew that it wasn’t what I was searching for. But the harder I tried to remember, the more the word seemed to evade me, until I decided to put it on the back burner of my mind. I entrusted the task to my future self, thinking “it’ll come to me later,” and not five seconds had passed until it popped into my brain. But what had happened? I wasn’t actively thinking about the word. My mind had already jumped to another object of consideration. What was my brain doing without me knowing? It’s clear that there are an uncountable number of cognitive processes that occur simultaneously in our brain, a vast majority of them outside of the realm of conscious perception. It reminds me of what Thich Nhat Hahn mentions in The Sun My…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 10th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness","date":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","cognition","loneliness","uncertainty"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about it, but my cognitive pathways were blocked. The Crisis somehow unclogged these pipes. This all culminated in a moment of awareness and revelation, the seeds of which had been planted throughout my whole life. I experienced feelings of lucidity and control over self, whereas prior to this, I felt as though I was moving through life as a zombie. I’m also thinking about the desire for truth. I sometimes burn with the desire to know the truths of the universe: what was the beginning of it all? What will be the end? Are we hurdling towards some cosmic teleological attractor? Is the desire to know what is fueled by one’s existential dread and a need to know what comes after death? Is there hope for salvation? Is there universal truth? Is there something everlasting and wholly immutable? In Logicomix, they mention that logicians tend towards madness. This makes sense, when one realizes that we’ve built our reality upon sand. Does a rock on which to build our house even exist? The (likely) undecidable nature of this question is enough to drive one insane. I’ve also been thinking about thoughts. I’ve recently realized how much of my cognition relies on visual or spatial constructs: it’s as if there is a visual “overlay” upon most concepts that I hold in my mind. For instance, when I think about months, I envision a calendar, and this calendar has a specific circular orientation (I’ll draw this later). When I think of weeks, I envision a calendar week, which is why my “week” begins on…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/03/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"March 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times","date":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the Crisis","cognition","for the good times"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"cognition"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/cognitive dissonance/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/cognitive dissonance/page-data.json
index 36f9da2f..a8415ffc 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/cognitive dissonance/page-data.json	
+++ b/page-data/topics/cognitive dissonance/page-data.json	
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/cognitive dissonance/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate side effect of human physiology that your taste buds habituate to the flavor of the food that you’re eating.\nWell, perhaps it’s not a mere side effect: I can imagine the havoc that I would wreck on my body if I never habituated to the flavor of sweets, for instance.\nHowever, I still think it quite unfortunate that in the course of eating a daily meal, the actual tasting of it gets diminished over and over again: sometimes when I eat, I end up barely tasting the food at all.\nIs there a way to prevent this phenomenon from occurring?\nWe have palette cleansers and the like, but I wonder if there’s a way to avoid this desensitization with the mind alone.\nIs this a battle where willpower can triumph over the body? The reason why I’m interested in the answer to this question is that this situation seems to me to be a microcosm of the myriad of ways that desensitization plagues our lives.\nHow much of the richness of life are we missing merely because we are accustomed to the way that things are?\nWhat of the miraculous nature of existence, its taste and truth and suchness, are we forgoing because of our iniquities and the faults in the human constitution?\nHow can we expand our minds and our hearts and savor each and every moment of our lives? A slight tangent, but this line of thought reminds me of this quote that I came upon while reading the Wikipedia page on praxis: Wisdom is always taste—in both Latin and Hebrew, the word for wisdom comes from the word for taste—so it’s something…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"cognitive dissonance"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/cognitive dissonance/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate side effect of human physiology that your taste buds habituate to the flavor of the food that you’re eating.\nWell, perhaps it’s not a mere side effect: I can imagine the havoc that I would wreck on my body if I never habituated to the flavor of sweets, for instance.\nHowever, I still think it quite unfortunate that in the course of eating a daily meal, the actual tasting of it gets diminished over and over again: sometimes when I eat, I end up barely tasting the food at all.\nIs there a way to prevent this phenomenon from occurring?\nWe have palette cleansers and the like, but I wonder if there’s a way to avoid this desensitization with the mind alone.\nIs this a battle where willpower can triumph over the body? The reason why I’m interested in the answer to this question is that this situation seems to me to be a microcosm of the myriad of ways that desensitization plagues our lives.\nHow much of the richness of life are we missing merely because we are accustomed to the way that things are?\nWhat of the miraculous nature of existence, its taste and truth and suchness, are we forgoing because of our iniquities and the faults in the human constitution?\nHow can we expand our minds and our hearts and savor each and every moment of our lives? A slight tangent, but this line of thought reminds me of this quote that I came upon while reading the Wikipedia page on praxis: Wisdom is always taste—in both Latin and Hebrew, the word for wisdom comes from the word for taste—so it’s something…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"cognitive dissonance"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/color/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/color/page-data.json
index b45a5a2b..fbdd61a8 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/color/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/color/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/color/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am bracing for some inevitable impact;\nand I am in the extremely poor habit of holding my breath when I lie deep — well, if I am honest, even shallow — in thought or action.\nThese and other habits of existential friction often accumulate into piercing headaches, knotted muscles, or other similar psychosomatic afflictions, of which I am unfortunately prone.\nMy theory is that this tension is, above all else, a symptom of a desperate floundering for control: I grasp at everything with such fervor and tightness because of a wretched paranoia of it slipping through my fingers and thus producing an outcome that I can neither predict nor prepare for. So that the pavement forced me to release my iron grip was not an unwelcome acquiescence, but rather a meditation of sorts.\nAs much as I craved the ability to do so, I could not shape each stone in my path to secure myself a smooth ride, nor could I, in sublime anticipation, trade my machine for another whose wheels lock perfectly into each groove and ridge that I may happen to encounter in the road.\nWhen one is faced with such insurmountable turmoil that their very constitution cannot absorb the shock, I mused, the only course of action may be to relinquish the reins of control to the awaiting hands of one’s fate.\nAmor fati, indeed! Then all at once, like the crack of dawn emerging victorious over a pestilent night, these thoughts were overwhelmed by a sense of immense satisfaction — I had suddenly noticed above me the emerald brilliance…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"color"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/color/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am bracing for some inevitable impact;\nand I am in the extremely poor habit of holding my breath when I lie deep — well, if I am honest, even shallow — in thought or action.\nThese and other habits of existential friction often accumulate into piercing headaches, knotted muscles, or other similar psychosomatic afflictions, of which I am unfortunately prone.\nMy theory is that this tension is, above all else, a symptom of a desperate floundering for control: I grasp at everything with such fervor and tightness because of a wretched paranoia of it slipping through my fingers and thus producing an outcome that I can neither predict nor prepare for. So that the pavement forced me to release my iron grip was not an unwelcome acquiescence, but rather a meditation of sorts.\nAs much as I craved the ability to do so, I could not shape each stone in my path to secure myself a smooth ride, nor could I, in sublime anticipation, trade my machine for another whose wheels lock perfectly into each groove and ridge that I may happen to encounter in the road.\nWhen one is faced with such insurmountable turmoil that their very constitution cannot absorb the shock, I mused, the only course of action may be to relinquish the reins of control to the awaiting hands of one’s fate.\nAmor fati, indeed! Then all at once, like the crack of dawn emerging victorious over a pestilent night, these thoughts were overwhelmed by a sense of immense satisfaction — I had suddenly noticed above me the emerald brilliance…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"color"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/dreams/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/dreams/page-data.json
index 0d9d2fc9..6c7de70a 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/dreams/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/dreams/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/dreams/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":2,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I had a strange dream last night. Well, in actuality, it was a multitude of dreams, but this particular one disturbed me.\nI only recall a single grotesque fragment of it. Someone was cooking a gargantuan purple fish on a gas stove.\nIts jaundiced, bulging eyes protruded from its head and its body was covered in yellowed spikes.\nMost nauseatingly, its mouth was stuffed with tentacles, colored with the same purple hue and littered with the same spikes as were on the rest of the body.\nThe person cooking the fish looked at me and then grabbed ahold of the tentacles and twisted them loose from the fish’s mouth.\nHe said, “Here, I know you like this part” (of the fish) and laid the writhing mass on my plate.\nThat was all I remember. But when I woke up, I was extremely repulsed. I have my suspicions regarding the origin of this dream in my subconscious, which is why I decided to record it.\nEarlier this week, I bought some oxtails to make my favorite Korean comfort dish: ggori-gomtang.\nI don’t usually cook meat at home, but I’ve been wanting to make this soup for a while.\nHowever, when I was handling the meat, I was immediately overcome by an involuntary sense of revulsion.\nSomething about the texture of the flesh, the color of blood, the stringy tendons, the definition of the circles on the oxtail cartilage — I almost felt like throwing up. I made the soup, but that experience planted the seeds of guilt in my mind.\nI started to think about how there is no moral justification for the consumption of meat (outside of extenuating personal circumstances, of which I have none), and how I know this and yet still continue to eat it out of my own selfishness.\nI contemplated setting a hard and fast rule on not eating meat at home, but somehow this seemed worse to me than continuing to eat it both at home and out: at least now, I’m forced to be uncomfortable and think about the consequences of my actions.\nIf I allow myself to eat meat in restaurants, I’d be covering up my shame, ignoring the root of the moral issue, and yet I may think myself more moral by virtue of not eating meat at home.\nThings like this should not be left out of sight, out of mind. This experience made me think about a role that dreams often seem to play in one’s (or at least in my) brain: the role of the conscious.\nI was feeling guilty about cooking the oxtails but tried to downplay my guilt, and my dream hung it over me in an unforgettable symbolic form.\nNot to be heretical, but this makes me wonder if…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/13/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 13th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat","date":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","dreams"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"2023-02-08 mom dying; jesse villain  2023-01-25 dream about something like sneaking into someones backyard and house as a shortcut and the neighbor called us out but we knew the girl who lived next door, they were a korean family and someone was tutoring the boy for 30 thousand dollars,\nwent back to old childhood house, i forgot what happened there but dad was there, at the end of the dream i got into the car and he was threatening to hit me, had his hands at my face and i could feel that feeling in the back of your neck when you’re about to be hit\ni started crying\nkorean family came over but pretended like everything is ok, but wanted them to help  2023-01-13 horrifying dream/nightmare where i thought that i was having a dinner w a professor and other people but it started being creepy and there was someone (guy) who was trying to kill me and there was a dinner with a lot of meat and there were some things like a boat ride and then we fell on the boat into a tunnel and i fell off somehow ended in what was supposed to be my moms house but it looked different, and there was a guy outside who was circling around trying to get in went back to other house somehow and it turns out that they were killing and eating people and the feast with meat was human meat something about it being labeled as an “experience” but it was actually all an act? but couldn’t tell when in it?  2022-11-29 dream about birds and cats and dogs being in a cage and in a metal fence-like hut, it was outside “my apartment” in brooklyn but it looked all different, claire was there, i held the birds (lovebirds) and cat and dogs (black) and took them inside my apartment but i thought that i couldn’t take care of them because too expensive, so i put them back\nclaire took us to her AARC and it was huge, 2 stories, and the couch was SO comfortable it was soft and corduroy and blue and curved in a slight U shape and it was huge\nthen the dream changed to childhood home somehow, dad was there and I saw his face, very clearly\nhe was redecorating the backyard with weird looking trees, I had to climb through a window? something about being named “Sung”  2022-08-17 dream that i was upstairs in mom’s room in childhood house and dad man was outside trying to get in and yelling at me to find the three effects and there was someone else in the room and I had to hide him somehow and also lock the door and hold it closed  2022-08-13 dream that sam and ahran were trying to take me to church on Saturday and we…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/personal/dream-journal/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Dream journal","subtitle":"A log of my more memorable dreams in reverse-chronological order","date":"2021-10-03T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-05-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","dreams","personal","liminality","subconscious"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"dreams"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/dreams/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":2,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I had a strange dream last night. Well, in actuality, it was a multitude of dreams, but this particular one disturbed me.\nI only recall a single grotesque fragment of it. Someone was cooking a gargantuan purple fish on a gas stove.\nIts jaundiced, bulging eyes protruded from its head and its body was covered in yellowed spikes.\nMost nauseatingly, its mouth was stuffed with tentacles, colored with the same purple hue and littered with the same spikes as were on the rest of the body.\nThe person cooking the fish looked at me and then grabbed ahold of the tentacles and twisted them loose from the fish’s mouth.\nHe said, “Here, I know you like this part” (of the fish) and laid the writhing mass on my plate.\nThat was all I remember. But when I woke up, I was extremely repulsed. I have my suspicions regarding the origin of this dream in my subconscious, which is why I decided to record it.\nEarlier this week, I bought some oxtails to make my favorite Korean comfort dish: ggori-gomtang.\nI don’t usually cook meat at home, but I’ve been wanting to make this soup for a while.\nHowever, when I was handling the meat, I was immediately overcome by an involuntary sense of revulsion.\nSomething about the texture of the flesh, the color of blood, the stringy tendons, the definition of the circles on the oxtail cartilage — I almost felt like throwing up. I made the soup, but that experience planted the seeds of guilt in my mind.\nI started to think about how there is no moral justification for the consumption of meat (outside of extenuating personal circumstances, of which I have none), and how I know this and yet still continue to eat it out of my own selfishness.\nI contemplated setting a hard and fast rule on not eating meat at home, but somehow this seemed worse to me than continuing to eat it both at home and out: at least now, I’m forced to be uncomfortable and think about the consequences of my actions.\nIf I allow myself to eat meat in restaurants, I’d be covering up my shame, ignoring the root of the moral issue, and yet I may think myself more moral by virtue of not eating meat at home.\nThings like this should not be left out of sight, out of mind. This experience made me think about a role that dreams often seem to play in one’s (or at least in my) brain: the role of the conscious.\nI was feeling guilty about cooking the oxtails but tried to downplay my guilt, and my dream hung it over me in an unforgettable symbolic form.\nNot to be heretical, but this makes me wonder if…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/13/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 13th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat","date":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","dreams"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"2023-02-08 mom dying; jesse villain  2023-01-25 dream about something like sneaking into someones backyard and house as a shortcut and the neighbor called us out but we knew the girl who lived next door, they were a korean family and someone was tutoring the boy for 30 thousand dollars,\nwent back to old childhood house, i forgot what happened there but dad was there, at the end of the dream i got into the car and he was threatening to hit me, had his hands at my face and i could feel that feeling in the back of your neck when you’re about to be hit\ni started crying\nkorean family came over but pretended like everything is ok, but wanted them to help  2023-01-13 horrifying dream/nightmare where i thought that i was having a dinner w a professor and other people but it started being creepy and there was someone (guy) who was trying to kill me and there was a dinner with a lot of meat and there were some things like a boat ride and then we fell on the boat into a tunnel and i fell off somehow ended in what was supposed to be my moms house but it looked different, and there was a guy outside who was circling around trying to get in went back to other house somehow and it turns out that they were killing and eating people and the feast with meat was human meat something about it being labeled as an “experience” but it was actually all an act? but couldn’t tell when in it?  2022-11-29 dream about birds and cats and dogs being in a cage and in a metal fence-like hut, it was outside “my apartment” in brooklyn but it looked all different, claire was there, i held the birds (lovebirds) and cat and dogs (black) and took them inside my apartment but i thought that i couldn’t take care of them because too expensive, so i put them back\nclaire took us to her AARC and it was huge, 2 stories, and the couch was SO comfortable it was soft and corduroy and blue and curved in a slight U shape and it was huge\nthen the dream changed to childhood home somehow, dad was there and I saw his face, very clearly\nhe was redecorating the backyard with weird looking trees, I had to climb through a window? something about being named “Sung”  2022-08-17 dream that i was upstairs in mom’s room in childhood house and dad man was outside trying to get in and yelling at me to find the three effects and there was someone else in the room and I had to hide him somehow and also lock the door and hold it closed  2022-08-13 dream that sam and ahran were trying to take me to church on Saturday and we…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/personal/dream-journal/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Dream journal","subtitle":"A log of my more memorable dreams in reverse-chronological order","date":"2021-10-03T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-05-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","dreams","personal","liminality","subconscious"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"dreams"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/evolution/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/evolution/page-data.json
index 062fc11a..3a6b2b95 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/evolution/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/evolution/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/evolution/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Lecture 1: Introduction to Human Behavioral Biology Humans use conceptual “buckets” in order to operate within the world.\nThese buckets allow us to simplify and understand the world, but using this type of categorical thinking comes with some pitfalls: People tend to underestimate differences between two things in the same conceptual bucket (we call two shades of red “red,” but other cultures may call them something different). People tend to overestimate the difference between two things with a boundary between them (we call one color “red” and another “violet,” when in reality they are closer in color than two shades of “red”). When people focus on categorical thinking, they lose out on the bigger picture. No single bucket provides the Ultimate Explanation: they are all necessary for a complete understanding of any system (in this case, biology and behavior). So, we should not fall for thinking that one bucket is the key to the answer. Sapolosky offers three quotes that demonstrate the dangers of falling into a one-bucket mindset: John Watson, the father of behaviorism Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I’ll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select—doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief and, yes, even beggar-man and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations, and race of his ancestors. Egas Moniz, on frontal lobotomies Normal psychic life depends upon the good functioning of brain synapses, and mental disorders appear as a result of synaptic derangements. Synaptic adjustments will then modify the corresponding ideas and force them into different channels. Using this approach we obtain cures and improvements but no failures. Konrad Lorenz, a founding father of ethology and a Nazi propagandist The selection for toughness, heroism, social utility…must be accomplished by some human institution if mankind, in default of selective factors, is not to be ruined by domestication-induced degeneracy. In the remainder of the course, the intellectual challenge will be to not fall into categorical thinking, to continually assume and then abandon each conceptual bucket. We have to realize the following: There are circumstances in which we are like every other animal. One example is the McClintock effect, which is the synchronization of female menstrual cycles when in close proximity. There are other circumstances in…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology","subtitle":"Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology","date":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","biology","evolution"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"evolution"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/evolution/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Lecture 1: Introduction to Human Behavioral Biology Humans use conceptual “buckets” in order to operate within the world.\nThese buckets allow us to simplify and understand the world, but using this type of categorical thinking comes with some pitfalls: People tend to underestimate differences between two things in the same conceptual bucket (we call two shades of red “red,” but other cultures may call them something different). People tend to overestimate the difference between two things with a boundary between them (we call one color “red” and another “violet,” when in reality they are closer in color than two shades of “red”). When people focus on categorical thinking, they lose out on the bigger picture. No single bucket provides the Ultimate Explanation: they are all necessary for a complete understanding of any system (in this case, biology and behavior). So, we should not fall for thinking that one bucket is the key to the answer. Sapolosky offers three quotes that demonstrate the dangers of falling into a one-bucket mindset: John Watson, the father of behaviorism Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I’ll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select—doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief and, yes, even beggar-man and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations, and race of his ancestors. Egas Moniz, on frontal lobotomies Normal psychic life depends upon the good functioning of brain synapses, and mental disorders appear as a result of synaptic derangements. Synaptic adjustments will then modify the corresponding ideas and force them into different channels. Using this approach we obtain cures and improvements but no failures. Konrad Lorenz, a founding father of ethology and a Nazi propagandist The selection for toughness, heroism, social utility…must be accomplished by some human institution if mankind, in default of selective factors, is not to be ruined by domestication-induced degeneracy. In the remainder of the course, the intellectual challenge will be to not fall into categorical thinking, to continually assume and then abandon each conceptual bucket. We have to realize the following: There are circumstances in which we are like every other animal. One example is the McClintock effect, which is the synchronization of female menstrual cycles when in close proximity. There are other circumstances in…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology","subtitle":"Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology","date":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","biology","evolution"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"evolution"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/fantasy/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/fantasy/page-data.json
index 3a7e169b..5b32b6e7 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/fantasy/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/fantasy/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/fantasy/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)","subtitle":"Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll","date":"2022-04-18T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-02T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lewis carroll","alice in wonderland","fantasy"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"fantasy"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/fantasy/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)","subtitle":"Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll","date":"2022-04-18T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-02T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lewis carroll","alice in wonderland","fantasy"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"fantasy"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/father/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/father/page-data.json
index 0a0d351f..8ec4b0cb 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/father/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/father/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/father/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"father"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/father/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"father"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/flow/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/flow/page-data.json
index c1d6994f..fd922767 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/flow/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/flow/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/flow/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am bracing for some inevitable impact;\nand I am in the extremely poor habit of holding my breath when I lie deep — well, if I am honest, even shallow — in thought or action.\nThese and other habits of existential friction often accumulate into piercing headaches, knotted muscles, or other similar psychosomatic afflictions, of which I am unfortunately prone.\nMy theory is that this tension is, above all else, a symptom of a desperate floundering for control: I grasp at everything with such fervor and tightness because of a wretched paranoia of it slipping through my fingers and thus producing an outcome that I can neither predict nor prepare for. So that the pavement forced me to release my iron grip was not an unwelcome acquiescence, but rather a meditation of sorts.\nAs much as I craved the ability to do so, I could not shape each stone in my path to secure myself a smooth ride, nor could I, in sublime anticipation, trade my machine for another whose wheels lock perfectly into each groove and ridge that I may happen to encounter in the road.\nWhen one is faced with such insurmountable turmoil that their very constitution cannot absorb the shock, I mused, the only course of action may be to relinquish the reins of control to the awaiting hands of one’s fate.\nAmor fati, indeed! Then all at once, like the crack of dawn emerging victorious over a pestilent night, these thoughts were overwhelmed by a sense of immense satisfaction — I had suddenly noticed above me the emerald brilliance…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"flow"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/flow/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am bracing for some inevitable impact;\nand I am in the extremely poor habit of holding my breath when I lie deep — well, if I am honest, even shallow — in thought or action.\nThese and other habits of existential friction often accumulate into piercing headaches, knotted muscles, or other similar psychosomatic afflictions, of which I am unfortunately prone.\nMy theory is that this tension is, above all else, a symptom of a desperate floundering for control: I grasp at everything with such fervor and tightness because of a wretched paranoia of it slipping through my fingers and thus producing an outcome that I can neither predict nor prepare for. So that the pavement forced me to release my iron grip was not an unwelcome acquiescence, but rather a meditation of sorts.\nAs much as I craved the ability to do so, I could not shape each stone in my path to secure myself a smooth ride, nor could I, in sublime anticipation, trade my machine for another whose wheels lock perfectly into each groove and ridge that I may happen to encounter in the road.\nWhen one is faced with such insurmountable turmoil that their very constitution cannot absorb the shock, I mused, the only course of action may be to relinquish the reins of control to the awaiting hands of one’s fate.\nAmor fati, indeed! Then all at once, like the crack of dawn emerging victorious over a pestilent night, these thoughts were overwhelmed by a sense of immense satisfaction — I had suddenly noticed above me the emerald brilliance…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"flow"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/for the good times/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/for the good times/page-data.json
index b555c86e..0c8a0d16 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/for the good times/page-data.json	
+++ b/page-data/topics/for the good times/page-data.json	
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/for the good times/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about it, but my cognitive pathways were blocked. The Crisis somehow unclogged these pipes. This all culminated in a moment of awareness and revelation, the seeds of which had been planted throughout my whole life. I experienced feelings of lucidity and control over self, whereas prior to this, I felt as though I was moving through life as a zombie. I’m also thinking about the desire for truth. I sometimes burn with the desire to know the truths of the universe: what was the beginning of it all? What will be the end? Are we hurdling towards some cosmic teleological attractor? Is the desire to know what is fueled by one’s existential dread and a need to know what comes after death? Is there hope for salvation? Is there universal truth? Is there something everlasting and wholly immutable? In Logicomix, they mention that logicians tend towards madness. This makes sense, when one realizes that we’ve built our reality upon sand. Does a rock on which to build our house even exist? The (likely) undecidable nature of this question is enough to drive one insane. I’ve also been thinking about thoughts. I’ve recently realized how much of my cognition relies on visual or spatial constructs: it’s as if there is a visual “overlay” upon most concepts that I hold in my mind. For instance, when I think about months, I envision a calendar, and this calendar has a specific circular orientation (I’ll draw this later). When I think of weeks, I envision a calendar week, which is why my “week” begins on…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/03/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"March 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times","date":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the Crisis","cognition","for the good times"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"for the good times"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/for the good times/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about it, but my cognitive pathways were blocked. The Crisis somehow unclogged these pipes. This all culminated in a moment of awareness and revelation, the seeds of which had been planted throughout my whole life. I experienced feelings of lucidity and control over self, whereas prior to this, I felt as though I was moving through life as a zombie. I’m also thinking about the desire for truth. I sometimes burn with the desire to know the truths of the universe: what was the beginning of it all? What will be the end? Are we hurdling towards some cosmic teleological attractor? Is the desire to know what is fueled by one’s existential dread and a need to know what comes after death? Is there hope for salvation? Is there universal truth? Is there something everlasting and wholly immutable? In Logicomix, they mention that logicians tend towards madness. This makes sense, when one realizes that we’ve built our reality upon sand. Does a rock on which to build our house even exist? The (likely) undecidable nature of this question is enough to drive one insane. I’ve also been thinking about thoughts. I’ve recently realized how much of my cognition relies on visual or spatial constructs: it’s as if there is a visual “overlay” upon most concepts that I hold in my mind. For instance, when I think about months, I envision a calendar, and this calendar has a specific circular orientation (I’ll draw this later). When I think of weeks, I envision a calendar week, which is why my “week” begins on…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/03/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"March 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times","date":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the Crisis","cognition","for the good times"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"for the good times"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/free will/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/free will/page-data.json
index acf4260b..a41073c5 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/free will/page-data.json	
+++ b/page-data/topics/free will/page-data.json	
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/free will/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)","subtitle":"Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-01-28T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-28T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","metafiction","kilgore trout","science fiction","free will","schizophrenia","solipsism","irony"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"free will"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/free will/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)","subtitle":"Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-01-28T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-28T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","metafiction","kilgore trout","science fiction","free will","schizophrenia","solipsism","irony"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"free will"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/habituation/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/habituation/page-data.json
index 011a4b92..7799e230 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/habituation/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/habituation/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/habituation/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate side effect of human physiology that your taste buds habituate to the flavor of the food that you’re eating.\nWell, perhaps it’s not a mere side effect: I can imagine the havoc that I would wreck on my body if I never habituated to the flavor of sweets, for instance.\nHowever, I still think it quite unfortunate that in the course of eating a daily meal, the actual tasting of it gets diminished over and over again: sometimes when I eat, I end up barely tasting the food at all.\nIs there a way to prevent this phenomenon from occurring?\nWe have palette cleansers and the like, but I wonder if there’s a way to avoid this desensitization with the mind alone.\nIs this a battle where willpower can triumph over the body? The reason why I’m interested in the answer to this question is that this situation seems to me to be a microcosm of the myriad of ways that desensitization plagues our lives.\nHow much of the richness of life are we missing merely because we are accustomed to the way that things are?\nWhat of the miraculous nature of existence, its taste and truth and suchness, are we forgoing because of our iniquities and the faults in the human constitution?\nHow can we expand our minds and our hearts and savor each and every moment of our lives? A slight tangent, but this line of thought reminds me of this quote that I came upon while reading the Wikipedia page on praxis: Wisdom is always taste—in both Latin and Hebrew, the word for wisdom comes from the word for taste—so it’s something…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"habituation"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/habituation/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate side effect of human physiology that your taste buds habituate to the flavor of the food that you’re eating.\nWell, perhaps it’s not a mere side effect: I can imagine the havoc that I would wreck on my body if I never habituated to the flavor of sweets, for instance.\nHowever, I still think it quite unfortunate that in the course of eating a daily meal, the actual tasting of it gets diminished over and over again: sometimes when I eat, I end up barely tasting the food at all.\nIs there a way to prevent this phenomenon from occurring?\nWe have palette cleansers and the like, but I wonder if there’s a way to avoid this desensitization with the mind alone.\nIs this a battle where willpower can triumph over the body? The reason why I’m interested in the answer to this question is that this situation seems to me to be a microcosm of the myriad of ways that desensitization plagues our lives.\nHow much of the richness of life are we missing merely because we are accustomed to the way that things are?\nWhat of the miraculous nature of existence, its taste and truth and suchness, are we forgoing because of our iniquities and the faults in the human constitution?\nHow can we expand our minds and our hearts and savor each and every moment of our lives? A slight tangent, but this line of thought reminds me of this quote that I came upon while reading the Wikipedia page on praxis: Wisdom is always taste—in both Latin and Hebrew, the word for wisdom comes from the word for taste—so it’s something…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"habituation"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/impermanence/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/impermanence/page-data.json
index 2b65847a..870b0236 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/impermanence/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/impermanence/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/impermanence/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I forgot to recount in my previous entry an encounter that I had on that day while walking back to the Christopher Street station.\nThis commute takes me on a lovely walk through Washington Square Park, and consequentially feeds my voyeuristic compulsion for people-watching.\nThat day, however, I wasn’t in my usual mood to peer into the casual intimacies of park-peoples — I was wrapped up in lament, and tred through the park with careful footsteps and likely a somber expression. But even in my mindlessness, I happened to lock eyes with a girl leaning up against the backrest of a park bench.\nTight black coils bounced from her head, and a fitted army-green top with short sleeves and loose black jeans dressed her small frame.\nWith her left hand and a bent elbow she held a up a smoking joint.\nWhen our gazes met, a slight smile bloomed on her lips, her free hand shot up into the air, and she gave me a tiny yet eager wave.\nAlthough small, her gesture was imbued with the intimacy of a dear friend, not the hesitancy of a stranger. My bumbling brain didn’t know how to process this.\nShe couldn’t possibly be waving so familiarly at me!\nI looked around myself incredulously, searching for the true recipient of the message.\nThroughout my confusion, however, she maintained eye contact and when I at last pointed in disbelief at myself, she nodded and persisted with her greeting.\nUpon receiving this affirmation, I broke into a grin and returned the wave with joy.\nAt this point, I had already made my way past where she was sitting, and I unfortunately lost her in my sights.\nThis short encounter filled my then-melancholic heart with gold, but when I turned the memory over in my mind later that day I regretted my timidity — I wish I had said something to her, or at the very least that I had done something to have made a stronger connection in that moment.\nI wish I were more bold. I had another provoking encounter yesterday at Union Square Park.\nI had just bought eight bundles of daffodils from a stand at the farmer’s market (their fragrance was divine), and I plopped onto a park bench in contentment with my purchase.\nWithin a few moments of me finding my rest, a scraggly-haired man dragged a Citi bike laboriously to the bench on my left and made his seat there.\nHe had the appearance of a wanderer: a lanky frame, a long and sun-weathered face, and craggly yellow teeth.\nI don’t mean this statement in jest, but something in his demeanor evoked that of a mouse or rat-like creature…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/17/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 17th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-08T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","impermanence"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"impermanence"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
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\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/interconnectivity/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/interconnectivity/page-data.json
index 03a6538c..b65b4f56 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/interconnectivity/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/interconnectivity/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/interconnectivity/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!\nThings are moving so fast, but I’m really grateful that everything is working out so well.\nMy flight is next Wednesday, and I can hardly believe it! Finished reading A Wind in the Door recently.\nI’m trying to revisit books that meant a lot to me as a kid. “No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.”  — C.S. Lewis  And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview.\nFor example, a recurring concept in the book is the relativity of size: the protagonists visit organelles smaller than mitochondria and observe phenomena on the scale of galaxies.\nBut in each of these experiences, there are the same principles and patterns that repeat themselves across time and space.\nThe hierarchy in A Wind in the Door goes: farandolae → mitochondria → human → planet → galaxy → universe.\nIt reminds me of my Crisis revelation of how things are nested into each other like matryoshka (Russian nesting) dolls.\nAlso, I’m sure that this book influenced this dream that I had that can be found in my dream journal: In the beginning, I was at what appeared to be a space station of sorts. Shuttles ebbed and flowed from the terminal, but I didn’t know where they were coming from, or where they were heading. A shuttle stopped in front of me, and I had the inexplicable urge to board it. The shuttle’s interior looked like an airplane’s, and I took a window seat. As soon as I sat down, the shuttle took off. It shrunk down to less than the size of an atom. The next thing I knew, it entered one of my own cells. I looked outside, and I saw that there was a whole universe inside of this cell. Tiny planets and stars littered the vast emptiness, and a double helix threaded the dark space together. … and this reminds me of The Universe in a Single Atom by the Dalai Lama. A Wind in the Door also contains messages about the interconnected nature of things.\nOne of the characters references this proverb: For want of a nail a shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; for want of a horse the rider was lost; for want of a rider the message was lost; for want of a message the battle was lost; for want of a battle the war was lost; for want of the war the kingdom was lost; and all for the want of a horseshoe nail. … and this reminds me the Game of Life, chaos theory, and Tolstoy’s integral metaphor from War…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 14th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity","date":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","childhood","the Crisis","interconnectivity"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"interconnectivity"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/interconnectivity/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!\nThings are moving so fast, but I’m really grateful that everything is working out so well.\nMy flight is next Wednesday, and I can hardly believe it! Finished reading A Wind in the Door recently.\nI’m trying to revisit books that meant a lot to me as a kid. “No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.”  — C.S. Lewis  And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview.\nFor example, a recurring concept in the book is the relativity of size: the protagonists visit organelles smaller than mitochondria and observe phenomena on the scale of galaxies.\nBut in each of these experiences, there are the same principles and patterns that repeat themselves across time and space.\nThe hierarchy in A Wind in the Door goes: farandolae → mitochondria → human → planet → galaxy → universe.\nIt reminds me of my Crisis revelation of how things are nested into each other like matryoshka (Russian nesting) dolls.\nAlso, I’m sure that this book influenced this dream that I had that can be found in my dream journal: In the beginning, I was at what appeared to be a space station of sorts. Shuttles ebbed and flowed from the terminal, but I didn’t know where they were coming from, or where they were heading. A shuttle stopped in front of me, and I had the inexplicable urge to board it. The shuttle’s interior looked like an airplane’s, and I took a window seat. As soon as I sat down, the shuttle took off. It shrunk down to less than the size of an atom. The next thing I knew, it entered one of my own cells. I looked outside, and I saw that there was a whole universe inside of this cell. Tiny planets and stars littered the vast emptiness, and a double helix threaded the dark space together. … and this reminds me of The Universe in a Single Atom by the Dalai Lama. A Wind in the Door also contains messages about the interconnected nature of things.\nOne of the characters references this proverb: For want of a nail a shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; for want of a horse the rider was lost; for want of a rider the message was lost; for want of a message the battle was lost; for want of a battle the war was lost; for want of the war the kingdom was lost; and all for the want of a horseshoe nail. … and this reminds me the Game of Life, chaos theory, and Tolstoy’s integral metaphor from War…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 14th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity","date":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","childhood","the Crisis","interconnectivity"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"interconnectivity"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/investigations of a dog/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/investigations of a dog/page-data.json
index c1466bd1..ad0e2576 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/investigations of a dog/page-data.json	
+++ b/page-data/topics/investigations of a dog/page-data.json	
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/investigations of a dog/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)","subtitle":"Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka","date":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","investigations of a dog","kafka, franz","philosophy","absurdism"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"investigations of a dog"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/investigations of a dog/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)","subtitle":"Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka","date":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","investigations of a dog","kafka, franz","philosophy","absurdism"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"investigations of a dog"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/irony/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/irony/page-data.json
index 0970780c..950cd696 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/irony/page-data.json
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I said to myself— where on Earth did you go? You should not look there, came the reply. I thought that you would’ve known. Did you seek yourself in the roars of silence? in the deaf’ning and blinding snow? Did you search through the veils of joy and pain? or in the face of those you know? Birth and death hath torn me asunder; now you must endure the throe— Only then will you find that which you seek; and the answers of far-ago.","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/11/23/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"November 23rd, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-11-23; eleven lines","date":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I had a strange dream last night. Well, in actuality, it was a multitude of dreams, but this particular one disturbed me.\nI only recall a single grotesque fragment of it. Someone was cooking a gargantuan purple fish on a gas stove.\nIts jaundiced, bulging eyes protruded from its head and its body was covered in yellowed spikes.\nMost nauseatingly, its mouth was stuffed with tentacles, colored with the same purple hue and littered with the same spikes as were on the rest of the body.\nThe person cooking the fish looked at me and then grabbed ahold of the tentacles and twisted them loose from the fish’s mouth.\nHe said, “Here, I know you like this part” (of the fish) and laid the writhing mass on my plate.\nThat was all I remember. But when I woke up, I was extremely repulsed. I have my suspicions regarding the origin of this dream in my subconscious, which is why I decided to record it.\nEarlier this week, I bought some oxtails to make my favorite Korean comfort dish: ggori-gomtang.\nI don’t usually cook meat at home, but I’ve been wanting to make this soup for a while.\nHowever, when I was handling the meat, I was immediately overcome by an involuntary sense of revulsion.\nSomething about the texture of the flesh, the color of blood, the stringy tendons, the definition of the circles on the oxtail cartilage — I almost felt like throwing up. I made the soup, but that experience planted the seeds of guilt in my mind.\nI started to think about how there is no moral justification for the consumption of meat (outside of extenuating personal circumstances, of which I have none), and how I know this and yet still continue to eat it out of my own selfishness.\nI contemplated setting a hard and fast rule on not eating meat at home, but somehow this seemed worse to me than continuing to eat it both at home and out: at least now, I’m forced to be uncomfortable and think about the consequences of my actions.\nIf I allow myself to eat meat in restaurants, I’d be covering up my shame, ignoring the root of the moral issue, and yet I may think myself more moral by virtue of not eating meat at home.\nThings like this should not be left out of sight, out of mind. This experience made me think about a role that dreams often seem to play in one’s (or at least in my) brain: the role of the conscious.\nI was feeling guilty about cooking the oxtails but tried to downplay my guilt, and my dream hung it over me in an unforgettable symbolic form.\nNot to be heretical, but this makes me wonder if…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/13/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 13th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat","date":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","dreams"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am bracing for some inevitable impact;\nand I am in the extremely poor habit of holding my breath when I lie deep — well, if I am honest, even shallow — in thought or action.\nThese and other habits of existential friction often accumulate into piercing headaches, knotted muscles, or other similar psychosomatic afflictions, of which I am unfortunately prone.\nMy theory is that this tension is, above all else, a symptom of a desperate floundering for control: I grasp at everything with such fervor and tightness because of a wretched paranoia of it slipping through my fingers and thus producing an outcome that I can neither predict nor prepare for. So that the pavement forced me to release my iron grip was not an unwelcome acquiescence, but rather a meditation of sorts.\nAs much as I craved the ability to do so, I could not shape each stone in my path to secure myself a smooth ride, nor could I, in sublime anticipation, trade my machine for another whose wheels lock perfectly into each groove and ridge that I may happen to encounter in the road.\nWhen one is faced with such insurmountable turmoil that their very constitution cannot absorb the shock, I mused, the only course of action may be to relinquish the reins of control to the awaiting hands of one’s fate.\nAmor fati, indeed! Then all at once, like the crack of dawn emerging victorious over a pestilent night, these thoughts were overwhelmed by a sense of immense satisfaction — I had suddenly noticed above me the emerald brilliance…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"The difference between the days disappears along with those to share it with…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/12/31/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"December 31st, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-12-31","date":"2022-12-31T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-12-31T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I wonder if birds ever feel despair as us humans do. Do they experience loneliness? Is there ever a moment in a bird’s lifetime when they feel outcast by their fellow feathered folk and they can’t find a single thing — nary a single branch — in this world to lean or rest upon? What do they do in those moments? How do they go on? Or are they contented with searching the skies for yet another seed to peck at? This notion sounds ridiculous, but I wonder if our experiences (birds, humans) are more similar than one may initially imagine. This morning, I saw a female sparrow (well, they aren’t really sparrows, but I’ve forgotten the correct name for them) nip at the feathers of a male, vying for his attention. A bird’s equivalent of flirtatious pursuit, I presume. It made me dream about the microcosm of the bird’s love life — on their scale, are there gestures as subtle as a blush, a stolen glance, or a light caress on another’s shoulders? Do they exist, only to be imperceptible to the naïve human’s eye? I spent a bit of time attempting to recall the word for the study of putting oneself in the animal’s shoes (or rather, hide? perhaps this is too grotesque), and after a few moments of contemplation, the word flashed into my mind. Ethology. This spark of cognition made me question how it is that we experience these types of “revelatory” thoughts. What happens in the brain when we attempt to recall something that is on the tip of our tongue? How do we suddenly come to connecting the dots? In this particular instance, I knew that the word began with the letter “E,” and that it was the title of a lecture video on human behavioral biology that I am currently watching. I knew that one such word that fit into this category was “Endocrinology,” but I knew that it wasn’t what I was searching for. But the harder I tried to remember, the more the word seemed to evade me, until I decided to put it on the back burner of my mind. I entrusted the task to my future self, thinking “it’ll come to me later,” and not five seconds had passed until it popped into my brain. But what had happened? I wasn’t actively thinking about the word. My mind had already jumped to another object of consideration. What was my brain doing without me knowing? It’s clear that there are an uncountable number of cognitive processes that occur simultaneously in our brain, a vast majority of them outside of the realm of conscious perception. It reminds me of what Thich Nhat Hahn mentions in The Sun My…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 10th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness","date":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","cognition","loneliness","uncertainty"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about it, but my cognitive pathways were blocked. The Crisis somehow unclogged these pipes. This all culminated in a moment of awareness and revelation, the seeds of which had been planted throughout my whole life. I experienced feelings of lucidity and control over self, whereas prior to this, I felt as though I was moving through life as a zombie. I’m also thinking about the desire for truth. I sometimes burn with the desire to know the truths of the universe: what was the beginning of it all? What will be the end? Are we hurdling towards some cosmic teleological attractor? Is the desire to know what is fueled by one’s existential dread and a need to know what comes after death? Is there hope for salvation? Is there universal truth? Is there something everlasting and wholly immutable? In Logicomix, they mention that logicians tend towards madness. This makes sense, when one realizes that we’ve built our reality upon sand. Does a rock on which to build our house even exist? The (likely) undecidable nature of this question is enough to drive one insane. I’ve also been thinking about thoughts. I’ve recently realized how much of my cognition relies on visual or spatial constructs: it’s as if there is a visual “overlay” upon most concepts that I hold in my mind. For instance, when I think about months, I envision a calendar, and this calendar has a specific circular orientation (I’ll draw this later). When I think of weeks, I envision a calendar week, which is why my “week” begins on…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/03/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"March 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times","date":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the Crisis","cognition","for the good times"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate side effect of human physiology that your taste buds habituate to the flavor of the food that you’re eating.\nWell, perhaps it’s not a mere side effect: I can imagine the havoc that I would wreck on my body if I never habituated to the flavor of sweets, for instance.\nHowever, I still think it quite unfortunate that in the course of eating a daily meal, the actual tasting of it gets diminished over and over again: sometimes when I eat, I end up barely tasting the food at all.\nIs there a way to prevent this phenomenon from occurring?\nWe have palette cleansers and the like, but I wonder if there’s a way to avoid this desensitization with the mind alone.\nIs this a battle where willpower can triumph over the body? The reason why I’m interested in the answer to this question is that this situation seems to me to be a microcosm of the myriad of ways that desensitization plagues our lives.\nHow much of the richness of life are we missing merely because we are accustomed to the way that things are?\nWhat of the miraculous nature of existence, its taste and truth and suchness, are we forgoing because of our iniquities and the faults in the human constitution?\nHow can we expand our minds and our hearts and savor each and every moment of our lives? A slight tangent, but this line of thought reminds me of this quote that I came upon while reading the Wikipedia page on praxis: Wisdom is always taste—in both Latin and Hebrew, the word for wisdom comes from the word for taste—so it’s something…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I forgot to recount in my previous entry an encounter that I had on that day while walking back to the Christopher Street station.\nThis commute takes me on a lovely walk through Washington Square Park, and consequentially feeds my voyeuristic compulsion for people-watching.\nThat day, however, I wasn’t in my usual mood to peer into the casual intimacies of park-peoples — I was wrapped up in lament, and tred through the park with careful footsteps and likely a somber expression. But even in my mindlessness, I happened to lock eyes with a girl leaning up against the backrest of a park bench.\nTight black coils bounced from her head, and a fitted army-green top with short sleeves and loose black jeans dressed her small frame.\nWith her left hand and a bent elbow she held a up a smoking joint.\nWhen our gazes met, a slight smile bloomed on her lips, her free hand shot up into the air, and she gave me a tiny yet eager wave.\nAlthough small, her gesture was imbued with the intimacy of a dear friend, not the hesitancy of a stranger. My bumbling brain didn’t know how to process this.\nShe couldn’t possibly be waving so familiarly at me!\nI looked around myself incredulously, searching for the true recipient of the message.\nThroughout my confusion, however, she maintained eye contact and when I at last pointed in disbelief at myself, she nodded and persisted with her greeting.\nUpon receiving this affirmation, I broke into a grin and returned the wave with joy.\nAt this point, I had already made my way past where she was sitting, and I unfortunately lost her in my sights.\nThis short encounter filled my then-melancholic heart with gold, but when I turned the memory over in my mind later that day I regretted my timidity — I wish I had said something to her, or at the very least that I had done something to have made a stronger connection in that moment.\nI wish I were more bold. I had another provoking encounter yesterday at Union Square Park.\nI had just bought eight bundles of daffodils from a stand at the farmer’s market (their fragrance was divine), and I plopped onto a park bench in contentment with my purchase.\nWithin a few moments of me finding my rest, a scraggly-haired man dragged a Citi bike laboriously to the bench on my left and made his seat there.\nHe had the appearance of a wanderer: a lanky frame, a long and sun-weathered face, and craggly yellow teeth.\nI don’t mean this statement in jest, but something in his demeanor evoked that of a mouse or rat-like creature…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/17/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 17th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-08T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","impermanence"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Thinking more about The Trial today.\nI was listening to “Mystery of Iniquity (Unplugged)” by Ms. Lauryn Hill while on a drive, and it reminded me very strongly of the institution of the court in K.’s trial.\nHere are some of the lyrics: Jesus, if this is not masterful lyricism, then I don’t know what is.\nSome versus that strike me as particularly relevant to The Trial: The more money you pay.. the further away solution And the defense isn’t making any sense // Faking the confidence of escaping the consequence Expert witness (the paid authority) // Made a priority to deceive the majority // Of disinterested peers // Dodging duty for years //Hating the process // waiting to be returning to their careers The truth is obsolete // Only two positions: // Victimizer or Victim // Both end up in destruction trusting this crooked system The Revolving Door // Insanity every floor // Skyscraping, paper chasing // What are we working for? I was looking at my eyes in the bathroom of Coffee Connection, and I realized that they have the same shape as the eyes on the cover of my edition of The Trial… ☹ reminds me of A telling me that I have “crazy eyes”… ☹  Saw something very dystopian-reminiscent today:  What the f? This billboard FORCES you to look at it, since it extends halfway across the freakin’ street.\nHow is this legal? This is one of those LED/digital billboards that have been popping up everywhere as of late. The ad before this one was BRIGHT blue and yellow and was extremely distracting on the road — could you imagine what this would look like at night?\nHow terrifying is it that advertising agencies and urban planners or whoever is responsible for this atrocity would perpetuate consumerism a manner that jeopardizes the safety of drivers?\nThis is horrifying to me. Other random thoughts: saw a black butterfly with white winged tips today while playing ball with Darla, reminds me of catching butterflies in childhood and how the bushes seemed so tall then","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/01/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 1st, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the trial","kafka, franz","ms. lauryn hill"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found a roommate, and we’re looking at apartments in Central Harlem — the one we’re applying to is amazingly beautiful.\nIncredibly high ceilings, which I feel like is rare for New York, tons of light, a community garden across the street (!), I’m very excited! Went to the BNP Paribas Open at Indian Wells with my mom this past weekend.\nBeing in the stands amongst the crowd is so much more exhilarating than watching on the television.\nFor some reason, I had the preconception that tennis was a “stuffy” sport live — I had the mental image of heads swiveling to the left and right in complete silence so as not to disturb the flow of the players.\nBut in reality, the crowd is invigorating.\nThere were cries of joy, uncontainable gasps of shock (when Andy Murray won via an underhand serve to take the first game of the second set!), and cheers of encouragement being sent towards the players.\nIt reminded me of the oneness of humanity and the emergent powers of camaraderie. Another thought crossed my mind while I was watching Andy Murray v. Carlos Alcaraz in Stadium 2.\nIt was an especially hot day, and the tournament organizers provided everyone with handheld fans to cool themselves down.\nI was observing the crowd across the stadium, with many of them fanning themselves.\nWhile I was watching them, I “zoomed-out” my eyeballs, which is a process that I sometimes partake in that I’ll explain in greater detail in another post, but essentially it amounts to switching the context or attention of one’s perception from singular objects to one’s whole field of vision.\nIn doing so, the crowd across the way turned into one cohesive whole, with the flicking of its fans reminding me of the intricate ticking of some gigantic clockwork, or of the pulsating of an organism, or of blades of grass dancing with the blowing of the wind.\nIt was another reminder of oneness for me. The final thought I had was when I was walking to our seats in Stadium 2.\nI made a point to try to be more aware of all of the people walking by and to take note of their behaviors.\nBut the crowd was like a swarm — there were so many faces, noises, sounds, smells — and I got the same feeling of overwhelming sensory stimulation as I had in LA State Historic Park during the peak of my Crisis, when everything sounded like it was booming and echoing in my ears.\nThe feeling only lasted for a couple of seconds, but it made me appreciate how much filtering of input and information that our brains do for us on a daily…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/12/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 12th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity","date":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tennis","zooming out","the Crisis","oneness"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!\nThings are moving so fast, but I’m really grateful that everything is working out so well.\nMy flight is next Wednesday, and I can hardly believe it! Finished reading A Wind in the Door recently.\nI’m trying to revisit books that meant a lot to me as a kid. “No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.”  — C.S. Lewis  And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview.\nFor example, a recurring concept in the book is the relativity of size: the protagonists visit organelles smaller than mitochondria and observe phenomena on the scale of galaxies.\nBut in each of these experiences, there are the same principles and patterns that repeat themselves across time and space.\nThe hierarchy in A Wind in the Door goes: farandolae → mitochondria → human → planet → galaxy → universe.\nIt reminds me of my Crisis revelation of how things are nested into each other like matryoshka (Russian nesting) dolls.\nAlso, I’m sure that this book influenced this dream that I had that can be found in my dream journal: In the beginning, I was at what appeared to be a space station of sorts. Shuttles ebbed and flowed from the terminal, but I didn’t know where they were coming from, or where they were heading. A shuttle stopped in front of me, and I had the inexplicable urge to board it. The shuttle’s interior looked like an airplane’s, and I took a window seat. As soon as I sat down, the shuttle took off. It shrunk down to less than the size of an atom. The next thing I knew, it entered one of my own cells. I looked outside, and I saw that there was a whole universe inside of this cell. Tiny planets and stars littered the vast emptiness, and a double helix threaded the dark space together. … and this reminds me of The Universe in a Single Atom by the Dalai Lama. A Wind in the Door also contains messages about the interconnected nature of things.\nOne of the characters references this proverb: For want of a nail a shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; for want of a horse the rider was lost; for want of a rider the message was lost; for want of a message the battle was lost; for want of a battle the war was lost; for want of the war the kingdom was lost; and all for the want of a horseshoe nail. … and this reminds me the Game of Life, chaos theory, and Tolstoy’s integral metaphor from War…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 14th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity","date":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","childhood","the Crisis","interconnectivity"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"journal"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/journal/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":15,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"How dreadful a life it is where to have is far worse than to have lost!","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/12/23/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"December 23rd, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-12-23","date":"2022-12-23T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-12-23T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"And how tragic that it is the very act of swimming that muddies the waters!","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/12/29/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"December 29th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-12-29","date":"2022-12-29T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-12-29T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Once again—the squirrels are fat; and I am alone. Where have you been? I said to myself— where on Earth did you go? You should not look there, came the reply. I thought that you would’ve known. Did you seek yourself in the roars of silence? in the deaf’ning and blinding snow? Did you search through the veils of joy and pain? or in the face of those you know? Birth and death hath torn me asunder; now you must endure the throe— Only then will you find that which you seek; and the answers of far-ago.","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/11/23/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"November 23rd, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-11-23; eleven lines","date":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-11-23T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I had a strange dream last night. Well, in actuality, it was a multitude of dreams, but this particular one disturbed me.\nI only recall a single grotesque fragment of it. Someone was cooking a gargantuan purple fish on a gas stove.\nIts jaundiced, bulging eyes protruded from its head and its body was covered in yellowed spikes.\nMost nauseatingly, its mouth was stuffed with tentacles, colored with the same purple hue and littered with the same spikes as were on the rest of the body.\nThe person cooking the fish looked at me and then grabbed ahold of the tentacles and twisted them loose from the fish’s mouth.\nHe said, “Here, I know you like this part” (of the fish) and laid the writhing mass on my plate.\nThat was all I remember. But when I woke up, I was extremely repulsed. I have my suspicions regarding the origin of this dream in my subconscious, which is why I decided to record it.\nEarlier this week, I bought some oxtails to make my favorite Korean comfort dish: ggori-gomtang.\nI don’t usually cook meat at home, but I’ve been wanting to make this soup for a while.\nHowever, when I was handling the meat, I was immediately overcome by an involuntary sense of revulsion.\nSomething about the texture of the flesh, the color of blood, the stringy tendons, the definition of the circles on the oxtail cartilage — I almost felt like throwing up. I made the soup, but that experience planted the seeds of guilt in my mind.\nI started to think about how there is no moral justification for the consumption of meat (outside of extenuating personal circumstances, of which I have none), and how I know this and yet still continue to eat it out of my own selfishness.\nI contemplated setting a hard and fast rule on not eating meat at home, but somehow this seemed worse to me than continuing to eat it both at home and out: at least now, I’m forced to be uncomfortable and think about the consequences of my actions.\nIf I allow myself to eat meat in restaurants, I’d be covering up my shame, ignoring the root of the moral issue, and yet I may think myself more moral by virtue of not eating meat at home.\nThings like this should not be left out of sight, out of mind. This experience made me think about a role that dreams often seem to play in one’s (or at least in my) brain: the role of the conscious.\nI was feeling guilty about cooking the oxtails but tried to downplay my guilt, and my dream hung it over me in an unforgettable symbolic form.\nNot to be heretical, but this makes me wonder if…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/13/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 13th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat","date":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-13T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","dreams"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am bracing for some inevitable impact;\nand I am in the extremely poor habit of holding my breath when I lie deep — well, if I am honest, even shallow — in thought or action.\nThese and other habits of existential friction often accumulate into piercing headaches, knotted muscles, or other similar psychosomatic afflictions, of which I am unfortunately prone.\nMy theory is that this tension is, above all else, a symptom of a desperate floundering for control: I grasp at everything with such fervor and tightness because of a wretched paranoia of it slipping through my fingers and thus producing an outcome that I can neither predict nor prepare for. So that the pavement forced me to release my iron grip was not an unwelcome acquiescence, but rather a meditation of sorts.\nAs much as I craved the ability to do so, I could not shape each stone in my path to secure myself a smooth ride, nor could I, in sublime anticipation, trade my machine for another whose wheels lock perfectly into each groove and ridge that I may happen to encounter in the road.\nWhen one is faced with such insurmountable turmoil that their very constitution cannot absorb the shock, I mused, the only course of action may be to relinquish the reins of control to the awaiting hands of one’s fate.\nAmor fati, indeed! Then all at once, like the crack of dawn emerging victorious over a pestilent night, these thoughts were overwhelmed by a sense of immense satisfaction — I had suddenly noticed above me the emerald brilliance…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"The difference between the days disappears along with those to share it with…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/12/31/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"December 31st, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-12-31","date":"2022-12-31T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-12-31T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I wonder if birds ever feel despair as us humans do. Do they experience loneliness? Is there ever a moment in a bird’s lifetime when they feel outcast by their fellow feathered folk and they can’t find a single thing — nary a single branch — in this world to lean or rest upon? What do they do in those moments? How do they go on? Or are they contented with searching the skies for yet another seed to peck at? This notion sounds ridiculous, but I wonder if our experiences (birds, humans) are more similar than one may initially imagine. This morning, I saw a female sparrow (well, they aren’t really sparrows, but I’ve forgotten the correct name for them) nip at the feathers of a male, vying for his attention. A bird’s equivalent of flirtatious pursuit, I presume. It made me dream about the microcosm of the bird’s love life — on their scale, are there gestures as subtle as a blush, a stolen glance, or a light caress on another’s shoulders? Do they exist, only to be imperceptible to the naïve human’s eye? I spent a bit of time attempting to recall the word for the study of putting oneself in the animal’s shoes (or rather, hide? perhaps this is too grotesque), and after a few moments of contemplation, the word flashed into my mind. Ethology. This spark of cognition made me question how it is that we experience these types of “revelatory” thoughts. What happens in the brain when we attempt to recall something that is on the tip of our tongue? How do we suddenly come to connecting the dots? In this particular instance, I knew that the word began with the letter “E,” and that it was the title of a lecture video on human behavioral biology that I am currently watching. I knew that one such word that fit into this category was “Endocrinology,” but I knew that it wasn’t what I was searching for. But the harder I tried to remember, the more the word seemed to evade me, until I decided to put it on the back burner of my mind. I entrusted the task to my future self, thinking “it’ll come to me later,” and not five seconds had passed until it popped into my brain. But what had happened? I wasn’t actively thinking about the word. My mind had already jumped to another object of consideration. What was my brain doing without me knowing? It’s clear that there are an uncountable number of cognitive processes that occur simultaneously in our brain, a vast majority of them outside of the realm of conscious perception. It reminds me of what Thich Nhat Hahn mentions in The Sun My…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 10th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness","date":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","cognition","loneliness","uncertainty"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about it, but my cognitive pathways were blocked. The Crisis somehow unclogged these pipes. This all culminated in a moment of awareness and revelation, the seeds of which had been planted throughout my whole life. I experienced feelings of lucidity and control over self, whereas prior to this, I felt as though I was moving through life as a zombie. I’m also thinking about the desire for truth. I sometimes burn with the desire to know the truths of the universe: what was the beginning of it all? What will be the end? Are we hurdling towards some cosmic teleological attractor? Is the desire to know what is fueled by one’s existential dread and a need to know what comes after death? Is there hope for salvation? Is there universal truth? Is there something everlasting and wholly immutable? In Logicomix, they mention that logicians tend towards madness. This makes sense, when one realizes that we’ve built our reality upon sand. Does a rock on which to build our house even exist? The (likely) undecidable nature of this question is enough to drive one insane. I’ve also been thinking about thoughts. I’ve recently realized how much of my cognition relies on visual or spatial constructs: it’s as if there is a visual “overlay” upon most concepts that I hold in my mind. For instance, when I think about months, I envision a calendar, and this calendar has a specific circular orientation (I’ll draw this later). When I think of weeks, I envision a calendar week, which is why my “week” begins on…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/03/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"March 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times","date":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the Crisis","cognition","for the good times"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate side effect of human physiology that your taste buds habituate to the flavor of the food that you’re eating.\nWell, perhaps it’s not a mere side effect: I can imagine the havoc that I would wreck on my body if I never habituated to the flavor of sweets, for instance.\nHowever, I still think it quite unfortunate that in the course of eating a daily meal, the actual tasting of it gets diminished over and over again: sometimes when I eat, I end up barely tasting the food at all.\nIs there a way to prevent this phenomenon from occurring?\nWe have palette cleansers and the like, but I wonder if there’s a way to avoid this desensitization with the mind alone.\nIs this a battle where willpower can triumph over the body? The reason why I’m interested in the answer to this question is that this situation seems to me to be a microcosm of the myriad of ways that desensitization plagues our lives.\nHow much of the richness of life are we missing merely because we are accustomed to the way that things are?\nWhat of the miraculous nature of existence, its taste and truth and suchness, are we forgoing because of our iniquities and the faults in the human constitution?\nHow can we expand our minds and our hearts and savor each and every moment of our lives? A slight tangent, but this line of thought reminds me of this quote that I came upon while reading the Wikipedia page on praxis: Wisdom is always taste—in both Latin and Hebrew, the word for wisdom comes from the word for taste—so it’s something…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I forgot to recount in my previous entry an encounter that I had on that day while walking back to the Christopher Street station.\nThis commute takes me on a lovely walk through Washington Square Park, and consequentially feeds my voyeuristic compulsion for people-watching.\nThat day, however, I wasn’t in my usual mood to peer into the casual intimacies of park-peoples — I was wrapped up in lament, and tred through the park with careful footsteps and likely a somber expression. But even in my mindlessness, I happened to lock eyes with a girl leaning up against the backrest of a park bench.\nTight black coils bounced from her head, and a fitted army-green top with short sleeves and loose black jeans dressed her small frame.\nWith her left hand and a bent elbow she held a up a smoking joint.\nWhen our gazes met, a slight smile bloomed on her lips, her free hand shot up into the air, and she gave me a tiny yet eager wave.\nAlthough small, her gesture was imbued with the intimacy of a dear friend, not the hesitancy of a stranger. My bumbling brain didn’t know how to process this.\nShe couldn’t possibly be waving so familiarly at me!\nI looked around myself incredulously, searching for the true recipient of the message.\nThroughout my confusion, however, she maintained eye contact and when I at last pointed in disbelief at myself, she nodded and persisted with her greeting.\nUpon receiving this affirmation, I broke into a grin and returned the wave with joy.\nAt this point, I had already made my way past where she was sitting, and I unfortunately lost her in my sights.\nThis short encounter filled my then-melancholic heart with gold, but when I turned the memory over in my mind later that day I regretted my timidity — I wish I had said something to her, or at the very least that I had done something to have made a stronger connection in that moment.\nI wish I were more bold. I had another provoking encounter yesterday at Union Square Park.\nI had just bought eight bundles of daffodils from a stand at the farmer’s market (their fragrance was divine), and I plopped onto a park bench in contentment with my purchase.\nWithin a few moments of me finding my rest, a scraggly-haired man dragged a Citi bike laboriously to the bench on my left and made his seat there.\nHe had the appearance of a wanderer: a lanky frame, a long and sun-weathered face, and craggly yellow teeth.\nI don’t mean this statement in jest, but something in his demeanor evoked that of a mouse or rat-like creature…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/17/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 17th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-08T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","impermanence"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Thinking more about The Trial today.\nI was listening to “Mystery of Iniquity (Unplugged)” by Ms. Lauryn Hill while on a drive, and it reminded me very strongly of the institution of the court in K.’s trial.\nHere are some of the lyrics: Jesus, if this is not masterful lyricism, then I don’t know what is.\nSome versus that strike me as particularly relevant to The Trial: The more money you pay.. the further away solution And the defense isn’t making any sense // Faking the confidence of escaping the consequence Expert witness (the paid authority) // Made a priority to deceive the majority // Of disinterested peers // Dodging duty for years //Hating the process // waiting to be returning to their careers The truth is obsolete // Only two positions: // Victimizer or Victim // Both end up in destruction trusting this crooked system The Revolving Door // Insanity every floor // Skyscraping, paper chasing // What are we working for? I was looking at my eyes in the bathroom of Coffee Connection, and I realized that they have the same shape as the eyes on the cover of my edition of The Trial… ☹ reminds me of A telling me that I have “crazy eyes”… ☹  Saw something very dystopian-reminiscent today:  What the f? This billboard FORCES you to look at it, since it extends halfway across the freakin’ street.\nHow is this legal? This is one of those LED/digital billboards that have been popping up everywhere as of late. The ad before this one was BRIGHT blue and yellow and was extremely distracting on the road — could you imagine what this would look like at night?\nHow terrifying is it that advertising agencies and urban planners or whoever is responsible for this atrocity would perpetuate consumerism a manner that jeopardizes the safety of drivers?\nThis is horrifying to me. Other random thoughts: saw a black butterfly with white winged tips today while playing ball with Darla, reminds me of catching butterflies in childhood and how the bushes seemed so tall then","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/01/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 1st, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the trial","kafka, franz","ms. lauryn hill"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found a roommate, and we’re looking at apartments in Central Harlem — the one we’re applying to is amazingly beautiful.\nIncredibly high ceilings, which I feel like is rare for New York, tons of light, a community garden across the street (!), I’m very excited! Went to the BNP Paribas Open at Indian Wells with my mom this past weekend.\nBeing in the stands amongst the crowd is so much more exhilarating than watching on the television.\nFor some reason, I had the preconception that tennis was a “stuffy” sport live — I had the mental image of heads swiveling to the left and right in complete silence so as not to disturb the flow of the players.\nBut in reality, the crowd is invigorating.\nThere were cries of joy, uncontainable gasps of shock (when Andy Murray won via an underhand serve to take the first game of the second set!), and cheers of encouragement being sent towards the players.\nIt reminded me of the oneness of humanity and the emergent powers of camaraderie. Another thought crossed my mind while I was watching Andy Murray v. Carlos Alcaraz in Stadium 2.\nIt was an especially hot day, and the tournament organizers provided everyone with handheld fans to cool themselves down.\nI was observing the crowd across the stadium, with many of them fanning themselves.\nWhile I was watching them, I “zoomed-out” my eyeballs, which is a process that I sometimes partake in that I’ll explain in greater detail in another post, but essentially it amounts to switching the context or attention of one’s perception from singular objects to one’s whole field of vision.\nIn doing so, the crowd across the way turned into one cohesive whole, with the flicking of its fans reminding me of the intricate ticking of some gigantic clockwork, or of the pulsating of an organism, or of blades of grass dancing with the blowing of the wind.\nIt was another reminder of oneness for me. The final thought I had was when I was walking to our seats in Stadium 2.\nI made a point to try to be more aware of all of the people walking by and to take note of their behaviors.\nBut the crowd was like a swarm — there were so many faces, noises, sounds, smells — and I got the same feeling of overwhelming sensory stimulation as I had in LA State Historic Park during the peak of my Crisis, when everything sounded like it was booming and echoing in my ears.\nThe feeling only lasted for a couple of seconds, but it made me appreciate how much filtering of input and information that our brains do for us on a daily…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/12/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 12th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity","date":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tennis","zooming out","the Crisis","oneness"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!\nThings are moving so fast, but I’m really grateful that everything is working out so well.\nMy flight is next Wednesday, and I can hardly believe it! Finished reading A Wind in the Door recently.\nI’m trying to revisit books that meant a lot to me as a kid. “No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.”  — C.S. Lewis  And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview.\nFor example, a recurring concept in the book is the relativity of size: the protagonists visit organelles smaller than mitochondria and observe phenomena on the scale of galaxies.\nBut in each of these experiences, there are the same principles and patterns that repeat themselves across time and space.\nThe hierarchy in A Wind in the Door goes: farandolae → mitochondria → human → planet → galaxy → universe.\nIt reminds me of my Crisis revelation of how things are nested into each other like matryoshka (Russian nesting) dolls.\nAlso, I’m sure that this book influenced this dream that I had that can be found in my dream journal: In the beginning, I was at what appeared to be a space station of sorts. Shuttles ebbed and flowed from the terminal, but I didn’t know where they were coming from, or where they were heading. A shuttle stopped in front of me, and I had the inexplicable urge to board it. The shuttle’s interior looked like an airplane’s, and I took a window seat. As soon as I sat down, the shuttle took off. It shrunk down to less than the size of an atom. The next thing I knew, it entered one of my own cells. I looked outside, and I saw that there was a whole universe inside of this cell. Tiny planets and stars littered the vast emptiness, and a double helix threaded the dark space together. … and this reminds me of The Universe in a Single Atom by the Dalai Lama. A Wind in the Door also contains messages about the interconnected nature of things.\nOne of the characters references this proverb: For want of a nail a shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; for want of a horse the rider was lost; for want of a rider the message was lost; for want of a message the battle was lost; for want of a battle the war was lost; for want of the war the kingdom was lost; and all for the want of a horseshoe nail. … and this reminds me the Game of Life, chaos theory, and Tolstoy’s integral metaphor from War…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 14th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity","date":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","childhood","the Crisis","interconnectivity"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"I mourn a tender heart—farewell! weariness takes its stead,","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2023/10/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 10th, 2023","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-10-10","date":"2023-10-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-10-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"journal"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/kafka, franz/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/kafka, franz/page-data.json
index 7a16c781..4c825efa 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/kafka, franz/page-data.json	
+++ b/page-data/topics/kafka, franz/page-data.json	
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/kafka, franz/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":4,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)","subtitle":"Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","the trial","kafka, franz","philosophy","absurdism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)","subtitle":"Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka","date":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","investigations of a dog","kafka, franz","philosophy","absurdism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Thinking more about The Trial today.\nI was listening to “Mystery of Iniquity (Unplugged)” by Ms. Lauryn Hill while on a drive, and it reminded me very strongly of the institution of the court in K.’s trial.\nHere are some of the lyrics: Jesus, if this is not masterful lyricism, then I don’t know what is.\nSome versus that strike me as particularly relevant to The Trial: The more money you pay.. the further away solution And the defense isn’t making any sense // Faking the confidence of escaping the consequence Expert witness (the paid authority) // Made a priority to deceive the majority // Of disinterested peers // Dodging duty for years //Hating the process // waiting to be returning to their careers The truth is obsolete // Only two positions: // Victimizer or Victim // Both end up in destruction trusting this crooked system The Revolving Door // Insanity every floor // Skyscraping, paper chasing // What are we working for? I was looking at my eyes in the bathroom of Coffee Connection, and I realized that they have the same shape as the eyes on the cover of my edition of The Trial… ☹ reminds me of A telling me that I have “crazy eyes”… ☹  Saw something very dystopian-reminiscent today:  What the f? This billboard FORCES you to look at it, since it extends halfway across the freakin’ street.\nHow is this legal? This is one of those LED/digital billboards that have been popping up everywhere as of late. The ad before this one was BRIGHT blue and yellow and was extremely distracting on the road — could you imagine what this would look like at night?\nHow terrifying is it that advertising agencies and urban planners or whoever is responsible for this atrocity would perpetuate consumerism a manner that jeopardizes the safety of drivers?\nThis is horrifying to me. Other random thoughts: saw a black butterfly with white winged tips today while playing ball with Darla, reminds me of catching butterflies in childhood and how the bushes seemed so tall then","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/01/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 1st, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the trial","kafka, franz","ms. lauryn hill"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"kafka, franz"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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I was looking at my eyes in the bathroom of Coffee Connection, and I realized that they have the same shape as the eyes on the cover of my edition of The Trial… ☹ reminds me of A telling me that I have “crazy eyes”… ☹  Saw something very dystopian-reminiscent today:  What the f? This billboard FORCES you to look at it, since it extends halfway across the freakin’ street.\nHow is this legal? This is one of those LED/digital billboards that have been popping up everywhere as of late. The ad before this one was BRIGHT blue and yellow and was extremely distracting on the road — could you imagine what this would look like at night?\nHow terrifying is it that advertising agencies and urban planners or whoever is responsible for this atrocity would perpetuate consumerism a manner that jeopardizes the safety of drivers?\nThis is horrifying to me. Other random thoughts: saw a black butterfly with white winged tips today while playing ball with Darla, reminds me of catching butterflies in childhood and how the bushes seemed so tall then","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/01/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 1st, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the trial","kafka, franz","ms. lauryn hill"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"kafka, franz"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/kilgore trout/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/kilgore trout/page-data.json
index 76c69155..23cd6d65 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/kilgore trout/page-data.json	
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/kurt vonnegut/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/kurt vonnegut/page-data.json
index ad253338..1f4294fe 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/kurt vonnegut/page-data.json	
+++ b/page-data/topics/kurt vonnegut/page-data.json	
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/lectures/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/lectures/page-data.json
index 42eaaf91..940d7e1c 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/lectures/page-data.json
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No single bucket provides the Ultimate Explanation: they are all necessary for a complete understanding of any system (in this case, biology and behavior). So, we should not fall for thinking that one bucket is the key to the answer. Sapolosky offers three quotes that demonstrate the dangers of falling into a one-bucket mindset: John Watson, the father of behaviorism Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I’ll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select—doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief and, yes, even beggar-man and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations, and race of his ancestors. Egas Moniz, on frontal lobotomies Normal psychic life depends upon the good functioning of brain synapses, and mental disorders appear as a result of synaptic derangements. Synaptic adjustments will then modify the corresponding ideas and force them into different channels. Using this approach we obtain cures and improvements but no failures. Konrad Lorenz, a founding father of ethology and a Nazi propagandist The selection for toughness, heroism, social utility…must be accomplished by some human institution if mankind, in default of selective factors, is not to be ruined by domestication-induced degeneracy. In the remainder of the course, the intellectual challenge will be to not fall into categorical thinking, to continually assume and then abandon each conceptual bucket. We have to realize the following: There are circumstances in which we are like every other animal. One example is the McClintock effect, which is the synchronization of female menstrual cycles when in close proximity. There are other circumstances in…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology","subtitle":"Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology","date":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","biology","evolution"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Reading Notes Preface Daisetu Teitarto (D. T.) Suzuki (1870-1966) brought Zen to the West (with a focus on satori, or enlightenment), and fifty years later, Shunryū Suzuki (1904-1971) did similarly, but with less focus on satori. On preparing his students for his death, he said: If when I die, the moment I’m dying, if I suffer that is all\nright, you know; that is suffering Buddha. No confusion\nin it. Maybe everyone will struggle because of the physical\nagony or spiritual agony, too. But that is all right, that is\nnot a problem. We should be very grateful to have a\nlimited body…like mine, or like yours. If you had a\nlimitless life it would be a real problem for you. Introduction Zen mind is a phrase used by teachers to invoke the purpose of Zen in their students: “to make you wonder and to answer that wondering with the deepest expression of your own nature.”\nTo practice Zen mind is beginner’s mind (shoshin), or the “innocence of the first inquiry—what am I”?\nThe beginner’s mind is: free of habits and expectations ready to accept and doubt “the kind of mind which can see things as they are, which step-by-step and in a flash can realize the original nature of everything.” The editing and translation of this book is nuanced: Shunryū tries to convey teachings in terms of the ordinary circumstances of people’s lives, in statements as simple as “have a cup of tea,” which may be accidentally edited out.\nFurthermore, English is a dualistic language, whereas Japanese lends itself more to non-dualistic thinking. This book is divided into 3 sections, which are: Right Practice (pertaining to the body) Right Attitude (pertaining to feelings) Right Understanding (pertaining to the mind) On the relationship between Zen teacher and student: A roshi is a person who has actualized that perfect freedom which\nis the potentiality for all human beings. He exists freely in the\nfullness of his whole being. The flow of his consciousness is not the\nfixed repetitive patterns of our usual self-centered consciousness, but\nrather arises spontaneously and naturally from the actual\ncircumstances of the present. … But in the end it is not the extraordinariness\nof the teacher which perplexes, intrigues, and deepens the student, it is the\nteacher’s utter ordinariness. Because he is just himself, he is a mirror\nfor his students. When we are with him we feel our own strengths\nand shortcomings without any sense of praise or criticism from him.\nIn his presence we see our original face, and the…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind (1970)","subtitle":"Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki","date":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","zen","buddhism","mindfulness"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"lectures"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/lectures/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":2,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Lecture 1: Introduction to Human Behavioral Biology Humans use conceptual “buckets” in order to operate within the world.\nThese buckets allow us to simplify and understand the world, but using this type of categorical thinking comes with some pitfalls: People tend to underestimate differences between two things in the same conceptual bucket (we call two shades of red “red,” but other cultures may call them something different). People tend to overestimate the difference between two things with a boundary between them (we call one color “red” and another “violet,” when in reality they are closer in color than two shades of “red”). When people focus on categorical thinking, they lose out on the bigger picture. No single bucket provides the Ultimate Explanation: they are all necessary for a complete understanding of any system (in this case, biology and behavior). So, we should not fall for thinking that one bucket is the key to the answer. Sapolosky offers three quotes that demonstrate the dangers of falling into a one-bucket mindset: John Watson, the father of behaviorism Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I’ll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select—doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief and, yes, even beggar-man and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations, and race of his ancestors. Egas Moniz, on frontal lobotomies Normal psychic life depends upon the good functioning of brain synapses, and mental disorders appear as a result of synaptic derangements. Synaptic adjustments will then modify the corresponding ideas and force them into different channels. Using this approach we obtain cures and improvements but no failures. Konrad Lorenz, a founding father of ethology and a Nazi propagandist The selection for toughness, heroism, social utility…must be accomplished by some human institution if mankind, in default of selective factors, is not to be ruined by domestication-induced degeneracy. In the remainder of the course, the intellectual challenge will be to not fall into categorical thinking, to continually assume and then abandon each conceptual bucket. We have to realize the following: There are circumstances in which we are like every other animal. One example is the McClintock effect, which is the synchronization of female menstrual cycles when in close proximity. There are other circumstances in…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology","subtitle":"Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology","date":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","biology","evolution"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Reading Notes Preface Daisetu Teitarto (D. T.) Suzuki (1870-1966) brought Zen to the West (with a focus on satori, or enlightenment), and fifty years later, Shunryū Suzuki (1904-1971) did similarly, but with less focus on satori. On preparing his students for his death, he said: If when I die, the moment I’m dying, if I suffer that is all\nright, you know; that is suffering Buddha. No confusion\nin it. Maybe everyone will struggle because of the physical\nagony or spiritual agony, too. But that is all right, that is\nnot a problem. We should be very grateful to have a\nlimited body…like mine, or like yours. If you had a\nlimitless life it would be a real problem for you. Introduction Zen mind is a phrase used by teachers to invoke the purpose of Zen in their students: “to make you wonder and to answer that wondering with the deepest expression of your own nature.”\nTo practice Zen mind is beginner’s mind (shoshin), or the “innocence of the first inquiry—what am I”?\nThe beginner’s mind is: free of habits and expectations ready to accept and doubt “the kind of mind which can see things as they are, which step-by-step and in a flash can realize the original nature of everything.” The editing and translation of this book is nuanced: Shunryū tries to convey teachings in terms of the ordinary circumstances of people’s lives, in statements as simple as “have a cup of tea,” which may be accidentally edited out.\nFurthermore, English is a dualistic language, whereas Japanese lends itself more to non-dualistic thinking. This book is divided into 3 sections, which are: Right Practice (pertaining to the body) Right Attitude (pertaining to feelings) Right Understanding (pertaining to the mind) On the relationship between Zen teacher and student: A roshi is a person who has actualized that perfect freedom which\nis the potentiality for all human beings. He exists freely in the\nfullness of his whole being. The flow of his consciousness is not the\nfixed repetitive patterns of our usual self-centered consciousness, but\nrather arises spontaneously and naturally from the actual\ncircumstances of the present. … But in the end it is not the extraordinariness\nof the teacher which perplexes, intrigues, and deepens the student, it is the\nteacher’s utter ordinariness. Because he is just himself, he is a mirror\nfor his students. When we are with him we feel our own strengths\nand shortcomings without any sense of praise or criticism from him.\nIn his presence we see our original face, and the…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind (1970)","subtitle":"Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki","date":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","zen","buddhism","mindfulness"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"lectures"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/lewis carroll/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/lewis carroll/page-data.json
index 6f986c0d..ac49d40e 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/lewis carroll/page-data.json	
+++ b/page-data/topics/lewis carroll/page-data.json	
@@ -1 +1 @@
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\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/life update/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/life update/page-data.json
index 0a8f11b5..e2d1ba9a 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/life update/page-data.json	
+++ b/page-data/topics/life update/page-data.json	
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/life update/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":2,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!\nThings are moving so fast, but I’m really grateful that everything is working out so well.\nMy flight is next Wednesday, and I can hardly believe it! Finished reading A Wind in the Door recently.\nI’m trying to revisit books that meant a lot to me as a kid. “No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.”  — C.S. Lewis  And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview.\nFor example, a recurring concept in the book is the relativity of size: the protagonists visit organelles smaller than mitochondria and observe phenomena on the scale of galaxies.\nBut in each of these experiences, there are the same principles and patterns that repeat themselves across time and space.\nThe hierarchy in A Wind in the Door goes: farandolae → mitochondria → human → planet → galaxy → universe.\nIt reminds me of my Crisis revelation of how things are nested into each other like matryoshka (Russian nesting) dolls.\nAlso, I’m sure that this book influenced this dream that I had that can be found in my dream journal: In the beginning, I was at what appeared to be a space station of sorts. Shuttles ebbed and flowed from the terminal, but I didn’t know where they were coming from, or where they were heading. A shuttle stopped in front of me, and I had the inexplicable urge to board it. The shuttle’s interior looked like an airplane’s, and I took a window seat. As soon as I sat down, the shuttle took off. It shrunk down to less than the size of an atom. The next thing I knew, it entered one of my own cells. I looked outside, and I saw that there was a whole universe inside of this cell. Tiny planets and stars littered the vast emptiness, and a double helix threaded the dark space together. … and this reminds me of The Universe in a Single Atom by the Dalai Lama. A Wind in the Door also contains messages about the interconnected nature of things.\nOne of the characters references this proverb: For want of a nail a shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; for want of a horse the rider was lost; for want of a rider the message was lost; for want of a message the battle was lost; for want of a battle the war was lost; for want of the war the kingdom was lost; and all for the want of a horseshoe nail. … and this reminds me the Game of Life, chaos theory, and Tolstoy’s integral metaphor from War…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 14th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity","date":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","childhood","the Crisis","interconnectivity"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"life update"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
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Lewis  And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview.\nFor example, a recurring concept in the book is the relativity of size: the protagonists visit organelles smaller than mitochondria and observe phenomena on the scale of galaxies.\nBut in each of these experiences, there are the same principles and patterns that repeat themselves across time and space.\nThe hierarchy in A Wind in the Door goes: farandolae → mitochondria → human → planet → galaxy → universe.\nIt reminds me of my Crisis revelation of how things are nested into each other like matryoshka (Russian nesting) dolls.\nAlso, I’m sure that this book influenced this dream that I had that can be found in my dream journal: In the beginning, I was at what appeared to be a space station of sorts. Shuttles ebbed and flowed from the terminal, but I didn’t know where they were coming from, or where they were heading. A shuttle stopped in front of me, and I had the inexplicable urge to board it. The shuttle’s interior looked like an airplane’s, and I took a window seat. As soon as I sat down, the shuttle took off. It shrunk down to less than the size of an atom. The next thing I knew, it entered one of my own cells. I looked outside, and I saw that there was a whole universe inside of this cell. Tiny planets and stars littered the vast emptiness, and a double helix threaded the dark space together. … and this reminds me of The Universe in a Single Atom by the Dalai Lama. A Wind in the Door also contains messages about the interconnected nature of things.\nOne of the characters references this proverb: For want of a nail a shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; for want of a horse the rider was lost; for want of a rider the message was lost; for want of a message the battle was lost; for want of a battle the war was lost; for want of the war the kingdom was lost; and all for the want of a horseshoe nail. … and this reminds me the Game of Life, chaos theory, and Tolstoy’s integral metaphor from War…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 14th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity","date":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","childhood","the Crisis","interconnectivity"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"life update"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/liminality/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/liminality/page-data.json
index 3df23bfa..867e354d 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/liminality/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/liminality/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/liminality/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"2023-02-08 mom dying; jesse villain  2023-01-25 dream about something like sneaking into someones backyard and house as a shortcut and the neighbor called us out but we knew the girl who lived next door, they were a korean family and someone was tutoring the boy for 30 thousand dollars,\nwent back to old childhood house, i forgot what happened there but dad was there, at the end of the dream i got into the car and he was threatening to hit me, had his hands at my face and i could feel that feeling in the back of your neck when you’re about to be hit\ni started crying\nkorean family came over but pretended like everything is ok, but wanted them to help  2023-01-13 horrifying dream/nightmare where i thought that i was having a dinner w a professor and other people but it started being creepy and there was someone (guy) who was trying to kill me and there was a dinner with a lot of meat and there were some things like a boat ride and then we fell on the boat into a tunnel and i fell off somehow ended in what was supposed to be my moms house but it looked different, and there was a guy outside who was circling around trying to get in went back to other house somehow and it turns out that they were killing and eating people and the feast with meat was human meat something about it being labeled as an “experience” but it was actually all an act? but couldn’t tell when in it?  2022-11-29 dream about birds and cats and dogs being in a cage and in a metal fence-like hut, it was outside “my apartment” in brooklyn but it looked all different, claire was there, i held the birds (lovebirds) and cat and dogs (black) and took them inside my apartment but i thought that i couldn’t take care of them because too expensive, so i put them back\nclaire took us to her AARC and it was huge, 2 stories, and the couch was SO comfortable it was soft and corduroy and blue and curved in a slight U shape and it was huge\nthen the dream changed to childhood home somehow, dad was there and I saw his face, very clearly\nhe was redecorating the backyard with weird looking trees, I had to climb through a window? something about being named “Sung”  2022-08-17 dream that i was upstairs in mom’s room in childhood house and dad man was outside trying to get in and yelling at me to find the three effects and there was someone else in the room and I had to hide him somehow and also lock the door and hold it closed  2022-08-13 dream that sam and ahran were trying to take me to church on Saturday and we…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/personal/dream-journal/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Dream journal","subtitle":"A log of my more memorable dreams in reverse-chronological order","date":"2021-10-03T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-05-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","dreams","personal","liminality","subconscious"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"liminality"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
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\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/loneliness/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/loneliness/page-data.json
index 68e2ef7f..1cfaa7f1 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/loneliness/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/loneliness/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/loneliness/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I wonder if birds ever feel despair as us humans do. Do they experience loneliness? Is there ever a moment in a bird’s lifetime when they feel outcast by their fellow feathered folk and they can’t find a single thing — nary a single branch — in this world to lean or rest upon? What do they do in those moments? How do they go on? Or are they contented with searching the skies for yet another seed to peck at? This notion sounds ridiculous, but I wonder if our experiences (birds, humans) are more similar than one may initially imagine. This morning, I saw a female sparrow (well, they aren’t really sparrows, but I’ve forgotten the correct name for them) nip at the feathers of a male, vying for his attention. A bird’s equivalent of flirtatious pursuit, I presume. It made me dream about the microcosm of the bird’s love life — on their scale, are there gestures as subtle as a blush, a stolen glance, or a light caress on another’s shoulders? Do they exist, only to be imperceptible to the naïve human’s eye? I spent a bit of time attempting to recall the word for the study of putting oneself in the animal’s shoes (or rather, hide? perhaps this is too grotesque), and after a few moments of contemplation, the word flashed into my mind. Ethology. This spark of cognition made me question how it is that we experience these types of “revelatory” thoughts. What happens in the brain when we attempt to recall something that is on the tip of our tongue? How do we suddenly come to connecting the dots? In this particular instance, I knew that the word began with the letter “E,” and that it was the title of a lecture video on human behavioral biology that I am currently watching. I knew that one such word that fit into this category was “Endocrinology,” but I knew that it wasn’t what I was searching for. But the harder I tried to remember, the more the word seemed to evade me, until I decided to put it on the back burner of my mind. I entrusted the task to my future self, thinking “it’ll come to me later,” and not five seconds had passed until it popped into my brain. But what had happened? I wasn’t actively thinking about the word. My mind had already jumped to another object of consideration. What was my brain doing without me knowing? It’s clear that there are an uncountable number of cognitive processes that occur simultaneously in our brain, a vast majority of them outside of the realm of conscious perception. It reminds me of what Thich Nhat Hahn mentions in The Sun My…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 10th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness","date":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","cognition","loneliness","uncertainty"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"loneliness"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/meta/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/meta/page-data.json
index 9b72dc06..5fe81aa8 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/meta/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/meta/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/meta/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"This website  has been simmering in my mind since I began programming in 2018.\nOne of the initial projects that I wanted to complete after my first programming course was the creation of a personal website, but there were numerous psychological barriers that stood in the way of its birth — perfectionism, lack of confidence in my programming and writing capabilities, decision paralysis with respect to organization, form, and design — all of your classic self-sabatoging mentalities.\nBut one day, riding on the coattails of my existential crisis-fueled euphoria (or as some would say, delusion), I woke up and declared “F@$*, I’m just going to send it!”.\nAnd send it I did, and herein lies the product of that sending. In the remainder of this page, I’ll describe the overarching structure of my website, its intended purpose, the philosophy and inspiration for its content and design, and the technology behind the scenes.  Structure I’ve settled on a tripartite structure, although this may shift down the line as my needs and wants for this website change.\nThe three components are as follows:  Essays  — opinion-based, longer-form content, containing a more thorough analysis of chosen topics and the interweaving of various themes  Notes  — information-based text, similar to a Wikipedia article or encyclopedia entry, or other more comprehensive notes on a specific topic  Journal  — my personal thought/word/content vomit receptacle, containing the various brain farts and questions that pop into my head at random and the large or small moments from my day that I’d like to remember Every page under each of these branches will be tagged, and these tags will serve as the operator to link the three together.\nThe concepts identified in these tags can be perused in the Topics page, where you can see all of the posts pertaining to a particular topic. I hope that these three components will serve to encourage the flow and growth of information from a seed to a flourishing plant to a whole meal.\nMy vision is that the seeds of thought will be planted in my journal, where there is no pressure to have a coherent opinion or view on anything — just small beginnings.\nFrom the journal, I can cherry-pick interesting topics and do more in-depth research, posting the fruits of my labor as a note.\nThen, from the research in the notes, and other random tid-bits from my journal, I can weave it together into the grand feast of an essay.\nWe’ll see if this strategy pans out, but I have high…","fields":{"slug":"/about-this-site/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"About this site.","subtitle":"Information about this site; the structure, purpose, philosophy, and inspiration; implementation details; to-dos","date":"2021-09-18T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["meta"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"meta"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
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\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/metafiction/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/metafiction/page-data.json
index 1d7825c8..146b58b6 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/metafiction/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/metafiction/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
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\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/mindfulness/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/mindfulness/page-data.json
index e05d1628..a897e7e1 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/mindfulness/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/mindfulness/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/mindfulness/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":2,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/spirituality/nhat-hahn-thich-the-miracle-of-mindfulness/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Nhat Hahn, Thich; The Miracle of Mindfulness","subtitle":"Notes on The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hahn","date":"2022-04-07T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-07T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","buddhism","thich nhat hahn","mindfulness","religion"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Reading Notes Preface Daisetu Teitarto (D. T.) Suzuki (1870-1966) brought Zen to the West (with a focus on satori, or enlightenment), and fifty years later, Shunryū Suzuki (1904-1971) did similarly, but with less focus on satori. On preparing his students for his death, he said: If when I die, the moment I’m dying, if I suffer that is all\nright, you know; that is suffering Buddha. No confusion\nin it. Maybe everyone will struggle because of the physical\nagony or spiritual agony, too. But that is all right, that is\nnot a problem. We should be very grateful to have a\nlimited body…like mine, or like yours. If you had a\nlimitless life it would be a real problem for you. Introduction Zen mind is a phrase used by teachers to invoke the purpose of Zen in their students: “to make you wonder and to answer that wondering with the deepest expression of your own nature.”\nTo practice Zen mind is beginner’s mind (shoshin), or the “innocence of the first inquiry—what am I”?\nThe beginner’s mind is: free of habits and expectations ready to accept and doubt “the kind of mind which can see things as they are, which step-by-step and in a flash can realize the original nature of everything.” The editing and translation of this book is nuanced: Shunryū tries to convey teachings in terms of the ordinary circumstances of people’s lives, in statements as simple as “have a cup of tea,” which may be accidentally edited out.\nFurthermore, English is a dualistic language, whereas Japanese lends itself more to non-dualistic thinking. This book is divided into 3 sections, which are: Right Practice (pertaining to the body) Right Attitude (pertaining to feelings) Right Understanding (pertaining to the mind) On the relationship between Zen teacher and student: A roshi is a person who has actualized that perfect freedom which\nis the potentiality for all human beings. He exists freely in the\nfullness of his whole being. The flow of his consciousness is not the\nfixed repetitive patterns of our usual self-centered consciousness, but\nrather arises spontaneously and naturally from the actual\ncircumstances of the present. … But in the end it is not the extraordinariness\nof the teacher which perplexes, intrigues, and deepens the student, it is the\nteacher’s utter ordinariness. Because he is just himself, he is a mirror\nfor his students. When we are with him we feel our own strengths\nand shortcomings without any sense of praise or criticism from him.\nIn his presence we see our original face, and the…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind (1970)","subtitle":"Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki","date":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","zen","buddhism","mindfulness"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"mindfulness"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
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\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/mother/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/mother/page-data.json
index ddc47899..a1b36d7d 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/mother/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/mother/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/mother/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"mother"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/mother/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"mother"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/ms. lauryn hill/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/ms. lauryn hill/page-data.json
index 9edd8934..65079e21 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/ms. lauryn hill/page-data.json	
+++ b/page-data/topics/ms. lauryn hill/page-data.json	
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/ms. lauryn hill/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Thinking more about The Trial today.\nI was listening to “Mystery of Iniquity (Unplugged)” by Ms. Lauryn Hill while on a drive, and it reminded me very strongly of the institution of the court in K.’s trial.\nHere are some of the lyrics: Jesus, if this is not masterful lyricism, then I don’t know what is.\nSome versus that strike me as particularly relevant to The Trial: The more money you pay.. the further away solution And the defense isn’t making any sense // Faking the confidence of escaping the consequence Expert witness (the paid authority) // Made a priority to deceive the majority // Of disinterested peers // Dodging duty for years //Hating the process // waiting to be returning to their careers The truth is obsolete // Only two positions: // Victimizer or Victim // Both end up in destruction trusting this crooked system The Revolving Door // Insanity every floor // Skyscraping, paper chasing // What are we working for? I was looking at my eyes in the bathroom of Coffee Connection, and I realized that they have the same shape as the eyes on the cover of my edition of The Trial… ☹ reminds me of A telling me that I have “crazy eyes”… ☹  Saw something very dystopian-reminiscent today:  What the f? This billboard FORCES you to look at it, since it extends halfway across the freakin’ street.\nHow is this legal? This is one of those LED/digital billboards that have been popping up everywhere as of late. The ad before this one was BRIGHT blue and yellow and was extremely distracting on the road — could you imagine what this would look like at night?\nHow terrifying is it that advertising agencies and urban planners or whoever is responsible for this atrocity would perpetuate consumerism a manner that jeopardizes the safety of drivers?\nThis is horrifying to me. Other random thoughts: saw a black butterfly with white winged tips today while playing ball with Darla, reminds me of catching butterflies in childhood and how the bushes seemed so tall then","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/01/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 1st, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the trial","kafka, franz","ms. lauryn hill"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"ms. lauryn hill"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/ms. lauryn hill/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Thinking more about The Trial today.\nI was listening to “Mystery of Iniquity (Unplugged)” by Ms. Lauryn Hill while on a drive, and it reminded me very strongly of the institution of the court in K.’s trial.\nHere are some of the lyrics: Jesus, if this is not masterful lyricism, then I don’t know what is.\nSome versus that strike me as particularly relevant to The Trial: The more money you pay.. the further away solution And the defense isn’t making any sense // Faking the confidence of escaping the consequence Expert witness (the paid authority) // Made a priority to deceive the majority // Of disinterested peers // Dodging duty for years //Hating the process // waiting to be returning to their careers The truth is obsolete // Only two positions: // Victimizer or Victim // Both end up in destruction trusting this crooked system The Revolving Door // Insanity every floor // Skyscraping, paper chasing // What are we working for? I was looking at my eyes in the bathroom of Coffee Connection, and I realized that they have the same shape as the eyes on the cover of my edition of The Trial… ☹ reminds me of A telling me that I have “crazy eyes”… ☹  Saw something very dystopian-reminiscent today:  What the f? This billboard FORCES you to look at it, since it extends halfway across the freakin’ street.\nHow is this legal? This is one of those LED/digital billboards that have been popping up everywhere as of late. The ad before this one was BRIGHT blue and yellow and was extremely distracting on the road — could you imagine what this would look like at night?\nHow terrifying is it that advertising agencies and urban planners or whoever is responsible for this atrocity would perpetuate consumerism a manner that jeopardizes the safety of drivers?\nThis is horrifying to me. Other random thoughts: saw a black butterfly with white winged tips today while playing ball with Darla, reminds me of catching butterflies in childhood and how the bushes seemed so tall then","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/01/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 1st, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the trial","kafka, franz","ms. lauryn hill"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"ms. lauryn hill"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/notes/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":14,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Buffalo in the Enclosure Kōan Goso said: “When a buffalo goes out of his enclosure to the edge of the abyss, his horns and his head and his hoofs all pass through, but why can’t the tail also pass? Mumon’s Commentary If anyone can open one eye at this point and say a word of Zen, he is qualified to repay the four gratifications, and, not only that, he can save all sentient beings under him.\nBut if he cannot say such a word of Zen, he should turn back to his tail. Mumon’s Poem  The Short Staff Kōan Shuzan held out his short staff and said: “If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nNow what do you wish to call this?” Mumon’s Commentary If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nIt cannot be expressed with words and it cannot be expressed without words.\nNow say quickly what it is. Mumon’s Poem  The Reflected Moon Chiyono studied Zen for many years under Bukkō of Engaku.\nStill, she could not attain the fruits of meditation.\nAt last one moonlight night she was carrying water in an old wooden pail girded with bamboo.\nThe bamboo broke, and the bottom fell out of the pail.\nAt that moment, she was set free.\nChiyono said, “No more water in the pail, no more moon in the water.”","fields":{"slug":"/notes/misc/koans/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"A collection of kōans","subtitle":"Kōans that I find thought-provoking","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","zen","buddhism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Lecture 1: Introduction to Human Behavioral Biology Humans use conceptual “buckets” in order to operate within the world.\nThese buckets allow us to simplify and understand the world, but using this type of categorical thinking comes with some pitfalls: People tend to underestimate differences between two things in the same conceptual bucket (we call two shades of red “red,” but other cultures may call them something different). People tend to overestimate the difference between two things with a boundary between them (we call one color “red” and another “violet,” when in reality they are closer in color than two shades of “red”). When people focus on categorical thinking, they lose out on the bigger picture. No single bucket provides the Ultimate Explanation: they are all necessary for a complete understanding of any system (in this case, biology and behavior). So, we should not fall for thinking that one bucket is the key to the answer. Sapolosky offers three quotes that demonstrate the dangers of falling into a one-bucket mindset: John Watson, the father of behaviorism Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I’ll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select—doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief and, yes, even beggar-man and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations, and race of his ancestors. Egas Moniz, on frontal lobotomies Normal psychic life depends upon the good functioning of brain synapses, and mental disorders appear as a result of synaptic derangements. Synaptic adjustments will then modify the corresponding ideas and force them into different channels. Using this approach we obtain cures and improvements but no failures. Konrad Lorenz, a founding father of ethology and a Nazi propagandist The selection for toughness, heroism, social utility…must be accomplished by some human institution if mankind, in default of selective factors, is not to be ruined by domestication-induced degeneracy. In the remainder of the course, the intellectual challenge will be to not fall into categorical thinking, to continually assume and then abandon each conceptual bucket. We have to realize the following: There are circumstances in which we are like every other animal. One example is the McClintock effect, which is the synchronization of female menstrual cycles when in close proximity. There are other circumstances in…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology","subtitle":"Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology","date":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","biology","evolution"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/spirituality/nhat-hahn-thich-the-miracle-of-mindfulness/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Nhat Hahn, Thich; The Miracle of Mindfulness","subtitle":"Notes on The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hahn","date":"2022-04-07T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-07T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","buddhism","thich nhat hahn","mindfulness","religion"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)","subtitle":"Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","the trial","kafka, franz","philosophy","absurdism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)","subtitle":"Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll","date":"2022-04-18T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-02T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lewis carroll","alice in wonderland","fantasy"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)","subtitle":"Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka","date":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","investigations of a dog","kafka, franz","philosophy","absurdism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/misc/bathroom-epigraphs/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"A collection of bathroom epigraphs","subtitle":"The words of prophets are written on bathroom walls","date":"2022-07-25T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Reading Notes Preface Daisetu Teitarto (D. T.) Suzuki (1870-1966) brought Zen to the West (with a focus on satori, or enlightenment), and fifty years later, Shunryū Suzuki (1904-1971) did similarly, but with less focus on satori. On preparing his students for his death, he said: If when I die, the moment I’m dying, if I suffer that is all\nright, you know; that is suffering Buddha. No confusion\nin it. Maybe everyone will struggle because of the physical\nagony or spiritual agony, too. But that is all right, that is\nnot a problem. We should be very grateful to have a\nlimited body…like mine, or like yours. If you had a\nlimitless life it would be a real problem for you. Introduction Zen mind is a phrase used by teachers to invoke the purpose of Zen in their students: “to make you wonder and to answer that wondering with the deepest expression of your own nature.”\nTo practice Zen mind is beginner’s mind (shoshin), or the “innocence of the first inquiry—what am I”?\nThe beginner’s mind is: free of habits and expectations ready to accept and doubt “the kind of mind which can see things as they are, which step-by-step and in a flash can realize the original nature of everything.” The editing and translation of this book is nuanced: Shunryū tries to convey teachings in terms of the ordinary circumstances of people’s lives, in statements as simple as “have a cup of tea,” which may be accidentally edited out.\nFurthermore, English is a dualistic language, whereas Japanese lends itself more to non-dualistic thinking. This book is divided into 3 sections, which are: Right Practice (pertaining to the body) Right Attitude (pertaining to feelings) Right Understanding (pertaining to the mind) On the relationship between Zen teacher and student: A roshi is a person who has actualized that perfect freedom which\nis the potentiality for all human beings. He exists freely in the\nfullness of his whole being. The flow of his consciousness is not the\nfixed repetitive patterns of our usual self-centered consciousness, but\nrather arises spontaneously and naturally from the actual\ncircumstances of the present. … But in the end it is not the extraordinariness\nof the teacher which perplexes, intrigues, and deepens the student, it is the\nteacher’s utter ordinariness. Because he is just himself, he is a mirror\nfor his students. When we are with him we feel our own strengths\nand shortcomings without any sense of praise or criticism from him.\nIn his presence we see our original face, and the…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind (1970)","subtitle":"Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki","date":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","zen","buddhism","mindfulness"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)","subtitle":"Notes on The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-02-04T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-02-04T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","science fiction","purpose"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat's Cradle (1963)","subtitle":"Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-01-31T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-31T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","science fiction","irony","science","religion"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)","subtitle":"Notes on Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children's Crusade by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2022-08-04T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-04T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","slaughterhouse-five","war","world war ii","time","science fiction","irony"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)","subtitle":"Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-01-28T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-28T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","metafiction","kilgore trout","science fiction","free will","schizophrenia","solipsism","irony"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Currently NAME AUTHOR DATE STARTED The History of Western Philosophy (1945) Bertrand Russell 2022-12-29 The Republic (c. 300 BC) Plato   On Hold NAME AUTHOR DATE STARTED The Case for Christ (1998) Lee Strobel 2022-07-15 The New Testament Various 2022-03-01 Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid (1979) Douglas Hofstader 2022-01-15 Human Behavioral Biology Robert Sapolosky 2021-12-01  To Read: Education AUTHOR TITLE Aristotle Nicomachean Ethics, Book 10 (c. 300 BC) Jean Jacques Rousseau Emile  To Read: Fiction (-1800s) AUTHOR TITLE Dante Alighieri The Divine Comedy (c. 1321) Voltaire Candide (1759) Miguel de Cervantes Don Quixote (1815) Herman Melville Moby Dick (1851) Fyodor Dostoevsky Notes from Underground (1864) Fyodor Dostoevsky Crime and Punishment (1866) Fyodor Dostoevsky The Idiot (1869) Fyodor Dostoevsky The Brothers Karamazov (1880) Leo Tolstoy War and Peace (1869) Leo Tolstoy Anna Karenina (1878) Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Faust (1876) Friedrich Nietzsche Thus Spoke Zarathustra (1883) Charlotte Perkins Gilman The Yellow Wallpaper (1892)  To Read: Fiction (1900-1950) AUTHOR TITLE Marcel Proust In Search of Lost Time (1913-1927) Franz Kafka The Castle (1926) Franz Kafka The Judgement (1913) Franz Kafka Prometheus (1918) Franz Kafka In the Penal Colony (1919) Franz Kafka A Hunger Artist (1922) Franz Kafka Amerika (1927) James Joyce Ulysses (1922) Virginia Woolf Mrs Dalloway (1925) Herman Hesse Siddhartha (1927) Herman Hesse The Glass Bead Game (1943) Aldous Huxley Brave New World (1932) Jorge Luis Borges Fictions (1941) Jorge Luis Borges The Aleph and Other Stories (1945) Albert Camus The Stranger (1942) Viktor Frankl Man’s Search for Meaning (1946) George Orwell 1984 (1949) Ernest Hemingway Islands in the Stream (1949) Ray Bradbury Dandelion Wine (1949) Shirley Jackson The Lottery and Other Stories (1949)  To Read: Fiction (1950-1999) AUTHOR TITLE T.H. White The Once and Future King (1958) Daniel Keyes Flowers for Algernon (1959) Sylvia Plath The Bell Jar (1963) Italo Calvino The Complete Cosmicomics (1965) Thomas Pynchon The Crying of Lot 49 (1966) Maya Angelou I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (1969) Gabriel García Márquez One Hundred Years of Solitude (1959) Gabriel García Márquez Chronicles of a Death Foretold (1981) Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Welcome to the Monkey House (1968) Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Hocus Pocus (1990) Kurt Vonnegut Jr. If This Isn’t Nice, What Is? (2013) Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Pity the Reader: On Writing with Style (2019) Umberto Eco The Name…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Content consumption queue","subtitle":"A note to keep track of what I should read/watch/listen to next","date":"2021-10-04T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-05-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"2023-02-08 mom dying; jesse villain  2023-01-25 dream about something like sneaking into someones backyard and house as a shortcut and the neighbor called us out but we knew the girl who lived next door, they were a korean family and someone was tutoring the boy for 30 thousand dollars,\nwent back to old childhood house, i forgot what happened there but dad was there, at the end of the dream i got into the car and he was threatening to hit me, had his hands at my face and i could feel that feeling in the back of your neck when you’re about to be hit\ni started crying\nkorean family came over but pretended like everything is ok, but wanted them to help  2023-01-13 horrifying dream/nightmare where i thought that i was having a dinner w a professor and other people but it started being creepy and there was someone (guy) who was trying to kill me and there was a dinner with a lot of meat and there were some things like a boat ride and then we fell on the boat into a tunnel and i fell off somehow ended in what was supposed to be my moms house but it looked different, and there was a guy outside who was circling around trying to get in went back to other house somehow and it turns out that they were killing and eating people and the feast with meat was human meat something about it being labeled as an “experience” but it was actually all an act? but couldn’t tell when in it?  2022-11-29 dream about birds and cats and dogs being in a cage and in a metal fence-like hut, it was outside “my apartment” in brooklyn but it looked all different, claire was there, i held the birds (lovebirds) and cat and dogs (black) and took them inside my apartment but i thought that i couldn’t take care of them because too expensive, so i put them back\nclaire took us to her AARC and it was huge, 2 stories, and the couch was SO comfortable it was soft and corduroy and blue and curved in a slight U shape and it was huge\nthen the dream changed to childhood home somehow, dad was there and I saw his face, very clearly\nhe was redecorating the backyard with weird looking trees, I had to climb through a window? something about being named “Sung”  2022-08-17 dream that i was upstairs in mom’s room in childhood house and dad man was outside trying to get in and yelling at me to find the three effects and there was someone else in the room and I had to hide him somehow and also lock the door and hold it closed  2022-08-13 dream that sam and ahran were trying to take me to church on Saturday and we…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/personal/dream-journal/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Dream journal","subtitle":"A log of my more memorable dreams in reverse-chronological order","date":"2021-10-03T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-05-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","dreams","personal","liminality","subconscious"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"notes"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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Mumon’s Poem  The Short Staff Kōan Shuzan held out his short staff and said: “If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nNow what do you wish to call this?” Mumon’s Commentary If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nIt cannot be expressed with words and it cannot be expressed without words.\nNow say quickly what it is. Mumon’s Poem  The Reflected Moon Chiyono studied Zen for many years under Bukkō of Engaku.\nStill, she could not attain the fruits of meditation.\nAt last one moonlight night she was carrying water in an old wooden pail girded with bamboo.\nThe bamboo broke, and the bottom fell out of the pail.\nAt that moment, she was set free.\nChiyono said, “No more water in the pail, no more moon in the water.”","fields":{"slug":"/notes/misc/koans/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"A collection of kōans","subtitle":"Kōans that I find thought-provoking","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","zen","buddhism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Lecture 1: Introduction to Human Behavioral Biology Humans use conceptual “buckets” in order to operate within the world.\nThese buckets allow us to simplify and understand the world, but using this type of categorical thinking comes with some pitfalls: People tend to underestimate differences between two things in the same conceptual bucket (we call two shades of red “red,” but other cultures may call them something different). People tend to overestimate the difference between two things with a boundary between them (we call one color “red” and another “violet,” when in reality they are closer in color than two shades of “red”). When people focus on categorical thinking, they lose out on the bigger picture. No single bucket provides the Ultimate Explanation: they are all necessary for a complete understanding of any system (in this case, biology and behavior). So, we should not fall for thinking that one bucket is the key to the answer. Sapolosky offers three quotes that demonstrate the dangers of falling into a one-bucket mindset: John Watson, the father of behaviorism Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I’ll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select—doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief and, yes, even beggar-man and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations, and race of his ancestors. Egas Moniz, on frontal lobotomies Normal psychic life depends upon the good functioning of brain synapses, and mental disorders appear as a result of synaptic derangements. Synaptic adjustments will then modify the corresponding ideas and force them into different channels. Using this approach we obtain cures and improvements but no failures. Konrad Lorenz, a founding father of ethology and a Nazi propagandist The selection for toughness, heroism, social utility…must be accomplished by some human institution if mankind, in default of selective factors, is not to be ruined by domestication-induced degeneracy. In the remainder of the course, the intellectual challenge will be to not fall into categorical thinking, to continually assume and then abandon each conceptual bucket. We have to realize the following: There are circumstances in which we are like every other animal. One example is the McClintock effect, which is the synchronization of female menstrual cycles when in close proximity. There are other circumstances in…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology","subtitle":"Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology","date":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-16T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","biology","evolution"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/spirituality/nhat-hahn-thich-the-miracle-of-mindfulness/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Nhat Hahn, Thich; The Miracle of Mindfulness","subtitle":"Notes on The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hahn","date":"2022-04-07T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-07T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","buddhism","thich nhat hahn","mindfulness","religion"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)","subtitle":"Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","the trial","kafka, franz","philosophy","absurdism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)","subtitle":"Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll","date":"2022-04-18T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-02T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lewis carroll","alice in wonderland","fantasy"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)","subtitle":"Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka","date":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","investigations of a dog","kafka, franz","philosophy","absurdism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/misc/bathroom-epigraphs/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"A collection of bathroom epigraphs","subtitle":"The words of prophets are written on bathroom walls","date":"2022-07-25T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-22T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Reading Notes Preface Daisetu Teitarto (D. T.) Suzuki (1870-1966) brought Zen to the West (with a focus on satori, or enlightenment), and fifty years later, Shunryū Suzuki (1904-1971) did similarly, but with less focus on satori. On preparing his students for his death, he said: If when I die, the moment I’m dying, if I suffer that is all\nright, you know; that is suffering Buddha. No confusion\nin it. Maybe everyone will struggle because of the physical\nagony or spiritual agony, too. But that is all right, that is\nnot a problem. We should be very grateful to have a\nlimited body…like mine, or like yours. If you had a\nlimitless life it would be a real problem for you. Introduction Zen mind is a phrase used by teachers to invoke the purpose of Zen in their students: “to make you wonder and to answer that wondering with the deepest expression of your own nature.”\nTo practice Zen mind is beginner’s mind (shoshin), or the “innocence of the first inquiry—what am I”?\nThe beginner’s mind is: free of habits and expectations ready to accept and doubt “the kind of mind which can see things as they are, which step-by-step and in a flash can realize the original nature of everything.” The editing and translation of this book is nuanced: Shunryū tries to convey teachings in terms of the ordinary circumstances of people’s lives, in statements as simple as “have a cup of tea,” which may be accidentally edited out.\nFurthermore, English is a dualistic language, whereas Japanese lends itself more to non-dualistic thinking. This book is divided into 3 sections, which are: Right Practice (pertaining to the body) Right Attitude (pertaining to feelings) Right Understanding (pertaining to the mind) On the relationship between Zen teacher and student: A roshi is a person who has actualized that perfect freedom which\nis the potentiality for all human beings. He exists freely in the\nfullness of his whole being. The flow of his consciousness is not the\nfixed repetitive patterns of our usual self-centered consciousness, but\nrather arises spontaneously and naturally from the actual\ncircumstances of the present. … But in the end it is not the extraordinariness\nof the teacher which perplexes, intrigues, and deepens the student, it is the\nteacher’s utter ordinariness. Because he is just himself, he is a mirror\nfor his students. When we are with him we feel our own strengths\nand shortcomings without any sense of praise or criticism from him.\nIn his presence we see our original face, and the…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind (1970)","subtitle":"Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki","date":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","zen","buddhism","mindfulness"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)","subtitle":"Notes on The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-02-04T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-02-04T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","science fiction","purpose"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat's Cradle (1963)","subtitle":"Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-01-31T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-31T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","science fiction","irony","science","religion"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)","subtitle":"Notes on Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children's Crusade by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2022-08-04T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-08-04T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","slaughterhouse-five","war","world war ii","time","science fiction","irony"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)","subtitle":"Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.","date":"2023-01-28T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-28T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","kurt vonnegut","metafiction","kilgore trout","science fiction","free will","schizophrenia","solipsism","irony"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"2023-02-08 mom dying; jesse villain  2023-01-25 dream about something like sneaking into someones backyard and house as a shortcut and the neighbor called us out but we knew the girl who lived next door, they were a korean family and someone was tutoring the boy for 30 thousand dollars,\nwent back to old childhood house, i forgot what happened there but dad was there, at the end of the dream i got into the car and he was threatening to hit me, had his hands at my face and i could feel that feeling in the back of your neck when you’re about to be hit\ni started crying\nkorean family came over but pretended like everything is ok, but wanted them to help  2023-01-13 horrifying dream/nightmare where i thought that i was having a dinner w a professor and other people but it started being creepy and there was someone (guy) who was trying to kill me and there was a dinner with a lot of meat and there were some things like a boat ride and then we fell on the boat into a tunnel and i fell off somehow ended in what was supposed to be my moms house but it looked different, and there was a guy outside who was circling around trying to get in went back to other house somehow and it turns out that they were killing and eating people and the feast with meat was human meat something about it being labeled as an “experience” but it was actually all an act? but couldn’t tell when in it?  2022-11-29 dream about birds and cats and dogs being in a cage and in a metal fence-like hut, it was outside “my apartment” in brooklyn but it looked all different, claire was there, i held the birds (lovebirds) and cat and dogs (black) and took them inside my apartment but i thought that i couldn’t take care of them because too expensive, so i put them back\nclaire took us to her AARC and it was huge, 2 stories, and the couch was SO comfortable it was soft and corduroy and blue and curved in a slight U shape and it was huge\nthen the dream changed to childhood home somehow, dad was there and I saw his face, very clearly\nhe was redecorating the backyard with weird looking trees, I had to climb through a window? something about being named “Sung”  2022-08-17 dream that i was upstairs in mom’s room in childhood house and dad man was outside trying to get in and yelling at me to find the three effects and there was someone else in the room and I had to hide him somehow and also lock the door and hold it closed  2022-08-13 dream that sam and ahran were trying to take me to church on Saturday and we…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/personal/dream-journal/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Dream journal","subtitle":"A log of my more memorable dreams in reverse-chronological order","date":"2021-10-03T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-05-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","dreams","personal","liminality","subconscious"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Currently NAME AUTHOR DATE STARTED The Republic (c. 300 BC) Plato  Should You Believe Wikipedia? Amy Bruckman 2023-09-21  On Hold NAME AUTHOR DATE STARTED The History of Western Philosophy (1945) Bertrand Russell 2022-12-29 The Case for Christ (1998) Lee Strobel 2022-07-15 The New Testament Various 2022-03-01 Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid (1979) Douglas Hofstader 2022-01-15 Human Behavioral Biology Robert Sapolosky 2021-12-01  To Read: Education AUTHOR TITLE Aristotle Nicomachean Ethics, Book 10 (c. 300 BC) Jean Jacques Rousseau Emile  To Read: Fiction (-1800s) AUTHOR TITLE Dante Alighieri The Divine Comedy (c. 1321) Voltaire Candide (1759) Miguel de Cervantes Don Quixote (1815) Herman Melville Moby Dick (1851) Fyodor Dostoevsky Notes from Underground (1864) Fyodor Dostoevsky Crime and Punishment (1866) Fyodor Dostoevsky The Idiot (1869) Fyodor Dostoevsky The Brothers Karamazov (1880) Leo Tolstoy War and Peace (1869) Leo Tolstoy Anna Karenina (1878) Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Faust (1876) Friedrich Nietzsche Thus Spoke Zarathustra (1883) Charlotte Perkins Gilman The Yellow Wallpaper (1892)  To Read: Fiction (1900-1950) AUTHOR TITLE Marcel Proust In Search of Lost Time (1913-1927) Franz Kafka The Castle (1926) Franz Kafka The Judgement (1913) Franz Kafka Prometheus (1918) Franz Kafka In the Penal Colony (1919) Franz Kafka A Hunger Artist (1922) Franz Kafka Amerika (1927) James Joyce Ulysses (1922) Virginia Woolf Mrs Dalloway (1925) Herman Hesse Siddhartha (1927) Herman Hesse The Glass Bead Game (1943) Aldous Huxley Brave New World (1932) Jorge Luis Borges Fictions (1941) Jorge Luis Borges The Aleph and Other Stories (1945) Albert Camus The Stranger (1942) Viktor Frankl Man’s Search for Meaning (1946) George Orwell 1984 (1949) Ernest Hemingway Islands in the Stream (1949) Ray Bradbury Dandelion Wine (1949) Shirley Jackson The Lottery and Other Stories (1949)  To Read: Fiction (1950-1999) AUTHOR TITLE T.H. White The Once and Future King (1958) Daniel Keyes Flowers for Algernon (1959) Sylvia Plath The Bell Jar (1963) Italo Calvino The Complete Cosmicomics (1965) Thomas Pynchon The Crying of Lot 49 (1966) Maya Angelou I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (1969) Gabriel García Márquez One Hundred Years of Solitude (1959) Gabriel García Márquez Chronicles of a Death Foretold (1981) Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Welcome to the Monkey House (1968) Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Hocus Pocus (1990) Kurt Vonnegut Jr. If This Isn’t Nice, What Is? (2013) Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Pity the…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Content consumption queue","subtitle":"A note to keep track of what I should read/watch/listen to next","date":"2021-10-04T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-10-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"notes"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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--- a/page-data/topics/oneness/page-data.json
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-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/oneness/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Found a roommate, and we’re looking at apartments in Central Harlem — the one we’re applying to is amazingly beautiful.\nIncredibly high ceilings, which I feel like is rare for New York, tons of light, a community garden across the street (!), I’m very excited! Went to the BNP Paribas Open at Indian Wells with my mom this past weekend.\nBeing in the stands amongst the crowd is so much more exhilarating than watching on the television.\nFor some reason, I had the preconception that tennis was a “stuffy” sport live — I had the mental image of heads swiveling to the left and right in complete silence so as not to disturb the flow of the players.\nBut in reality, the crowd is invigorating.\nThere were cries of joy, uncontainable gasps of shock (when Andy Murray won via an underhand serve to take the first game of the second set!), and cheers of encouragement being sent towards the players.\nIt reminded me of the oneness of humanity and the emergent powers of camaraderie. Another thought crossed my mind while I was watching Andy Murray v. Carlos Alcaraz in Stadium 2.\nIt was an especially hot day, and the tournament organizers provided everyone with handheld fans to cool themselves down.\nI was observing the crowd across the stadium, with many of them fanning themselves.\nWhile I was watching them, I “zoomed-out” my eyeballs, which is a process that I sometimes partake in that I’ll explain in greater detail in another post, but essentially it amounts to switching the context or attention of one’s perception from singular objects to one’s whole field of vision.\nIn doing so, the crowd across the way turned into one cohesive whole, with the flicking of its fans reminding me of the intricate ticking of some gigantic clockwork, or of the pulsating of an organism, or of blades of grass dancing with the blowing of the wind.\nIt was another reminder of oneness for me. The final thought I had was when I was walking to our seats in Stadium 2.\nI made a point to try to be more aware of all of the people walking by and to take note of their behaviors.\nBut the crowd was like a swarm — there were so many faces, noises, sounds, smells — and I got the same feeling of overwhelming sensory stimulation as I had in LA State Historic Park during the peak of my Crisis, when everything sounded like it was booming and echoing in my ears.\nThe feeling only lasted for a couple of seconds, but it made me appreciate how much filtering of input and information that our brains do for us on a daily…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/12/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 12th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity","date":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tennis","zooming out","the Crisis","oneness"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"oneness"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/philosophy/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/philosophy/page-data.json
index 96f8e75d..79f09b5b 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/philosophy/page-data.json
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/purpose/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/purpose/page-data.json
index 02641eb4..37598d14 100644
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/religion/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/religion/page-data.json
index 3e3a325f..bb67c910 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/religion/page-data.json
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/schizophrenia/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/schizophrenia/page-data.json
index 793a37e1..78922511 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/schizophrenia/page-data.json
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/science fiction/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/science fiction/page-data.json
index 819004fc..25c4525e 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/science fiction/page-data.json	
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/science/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/science/page-data.json
index e1e54191..612522e3 100644
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/slaughterhouse-five/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/slaughterhouse-five/page-data.json
index 9928c9cd..1c8545c1 100644
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/solipsism/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/solipsism/page-data.json
index fc6dca28..2921a1b5 100644
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/songs from the arc of life/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/songs from the arc of life/page-data.json
index 6df47758..8d295cdb 100644
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+++ b/page-data/topics/songs from the arc of life/page-data.json	
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/songs from the arc of life/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"songs from the arc of life"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/songs from the arc of life/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"songs from the arc of life"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/subconscious/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/subconscious/page-data.json
index 66678e72..fd8ad0fc 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/subconscious/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/subconscious/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/subconscious/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"2023-02-08 mom dying; jesse villain  2023-01-25 dream about something like sneaking into someones backyard and house as a shortcut and the neighbor called us out but we knew the girl who lived next door, they were a korean family and someone was tutoring the boy for 30 thousand dollars,\nwent back to old childhood house, i forgot what happened there but dad was there, at the end of the dream i got into the car and he was threatening to hit me, had his hands at my face and i could feel that feeling in the back of your neck when you’re about to be hit\ni started crying\nkorean family came over but pretended like everything is ok, but wanted them to help  2023-01-13 horrifying dream/nightmare where i thought that i was having a dinner w a professor and other people but it started being creepy and there was someone (guy) who was trying to kill me and there was a dinner with a lot of meat and there were some things like a boat ride and then we fell on the boat into a tunnel and i fell off somehow ended in what was supposed to be my moms house but it looked different, and there was a guy outside who was circling around trying to get in went back to other house somehow and it turns out that they were killing and eating people and the feast with meat was human meat something about it being labeled as an “experience” but it was actually all an act? but couldn’t tell when in it?  2022-11-29 dream about birds and cats and dogs being in a cage and in a metal fence-like hut, it was outside “my apartment” in brooklyn but it looked all different, claire was there, i held the birds (lovebirds) and cat and dogs (black) and took them inside my apartment but i thought that i couldn’t take care of them because too expensive, so i put them back\nclaire took us to her AARC and it was huge, 2 stories, and the couch was SO comfortable it was soft and corduroy and blue and curved in a slight U shape and it was huge\nthen the dream changed to childhood home somehow, dad was there and I saw his face, very clearly\nhe was redecorating the backyard with weird looking trees, I had to climb through a window? something about being named “Sung”  2022-08-17 dream that i was upstairs in mom’s room in childhood house and dad man was outside trying to get in and yelling at me to find the three effects and there was someone else in the room and I had to hide him somehow and also lock the door and hold it closed  2022-08-13 dream that sam and ahran were trying to take me to church on Saturday and we…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/personal/dream-journal/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Dream journal","subtitle":"A log of my more memorable dreams in reverse-chronological order","date":"2021-10-03T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-05-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","dreams","personal","liminality","subconscious"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"subconscious"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/subconscious/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"2023-02-08 mom dying; jesse villain  2023-01-25 dream about something like sneaking into someones backyard and house as a shortcut and the neighbor called us out but we knew the girl who lived next door, they were a korean family and someone was tutoring the boy for 30 thousand dollars,\nwent back to old childhood house, i forgot what happened there but dad was there, at the end of the dream i got into the car and he was threatening to hit me, had his hands at my face and i could feel that feeling in the back of your neck when you’re about to be hit\ni started crying\nkorean family came over but pretended like everything is ok, but wanted them to help  2023-01-13 horrifying dream/nightmare where i thought that i was having a dinner w a professor and other people but it started being creepy and there was someone (guy) who was trying to kill me and there was a dinner with a lot of meat and there were some things like a boat ride and then we fell on the boat into a tunnel and i fell off somehow ended in what was supposed to be my moms house but it looked different, and there was a guy outside who was circling around trying to get in went back to other house somehow and it turns out that they were killing and eating people and the feast with meat was human meat something about it being labeled as an “experience” but it was actually all an act? but couldn’t tell when in it?  2022-11-29 dream about birds and cats and dogs being in a cage and in a metal fence-like hut, it was outside “my apartment” in brooklyn but it looked all different, claire was there, i held the birds (lovebirds) and cat and dogs (black) and took them inside my apartment but i thought that i couldn’t take care of them because too expensive, so i put them back\nclaire took us to her AARC and it was huge, 2 stories, and the couch was SO comfortable it was soft and corduroy and blue and curved in a slight U shape and it was huge\nthen the dream changed to childhood home somehow, dad was there and I saw his face, very clearly\nhe was redecorating the backyard with weird looking trees, I had to climb through a window? something about being named “Sung”  2022-08-17 dream that i was upstairs in mom’s room in childhood house and dad man was outside trying to get in and yelling at me to find the three effects and there was someone else in the room and I had to hide him somehow and also lock the door and hold it closed  2022-08-13 dream that sam and ahran were trying to take me to church on Saturday and we…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/personal/dream-journal/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Dream journal","subtitle":"A log of my more memorable dreams in reverse-chronological order","date":"2021-10-03T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-05-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","dreams","personal","liminality","subconscious"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"subconscious"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/tennis/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/tennis/page-data.json
index ba1b4e6d..a13ecd34 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/tennis/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/tennis/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/tennis/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Found a roommate, and we’re looking at apartments in Central Harlem — the one we’re applying to is amazingly beautiful.\nIncredibly high ceilings, which I feel like is rare for New York, tons of light, a community garden across the street (!), I’m very excited! Went to the BNP Paribas Open at Indian Wells with my mom this past weekend.\nBeing in the stands amongst the crowd is so much more exhilarating than watching on the television.\nFor some reason, I had the preconception that tennis was a “stuffy” sport live — I had the mental image of heads swiveling to the left and right in complete silence so as not to disturb the flow of the players.\nBut in reality, the crowd is invigorating.\nThere were cries of joy, uncontainable gasps of shock (when Andy Murray won via an underhand serve to take the first game of the second set!), and cheers of encouragement being sent towards the players.\nIt reminded me of the oneness of humanity and the emergent powers of camaraderie. Another thought crossed my mind while I was watching Andy Murray v. Carlos Alcaraz in Stadium 2.\nIt was an especially hot day, and the tournament organizers provided everyone with handheld fans to cool themselves down.\nI was observing the crowd across the stadium, with many of them fanning themselves.\nWhile I was watching them, I “zoomed-out” my eyeballs, which is a process that I sometimes partake in that I’ll explain in greater detail in another post, but essentially it amounts to switching the context or attention of one’s perception from singular objects to one’s whole field of vision.\nIn doing so, the crowd across the way turned into one cohesive whole, with the flicking of its fans reminding me of the intricate ticking of some gigantic clockwork, or of the pulsating of an organism, or of blades of grass dancing with the blowing of the wind.\nIt was another reminder of oneness for me. The final thought I had was when I was walking to our seats in Stadium 2.\nI made a point to try to be more aware of all of the people walking by and to take note of their behaviors.\nBut the crowd was like a swarm — there were so many faces, noises, sounds, smells — and I got the same feeling of overwhelming sensory stimulation as I had in LA State Historic Park during the peak of my Crisis, when everything sounded like it was booming and echoing in my ears.\nThe feeling only lasted for a couple of seconds, but it made me appreciate how much filtering of input and information that our brains do for us on a daily…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/12/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 12th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity","date":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tennis","zooming out","the Crisis","oneness"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"tennis"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/tennis/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Found a roommate, and we’re looking at apartments in Central Harlem — the one we’re applying to is amazingly beautiful.\nIncredibly high ceilings, which I feel like is rare for New York, tons of light, a community garden across the street (!), I’m very excited! Went to the BNP Paribas Open at Indian Wells with my mom this past weekend.\nBeing in the stands amongst the crowd is so much more exhilarating than watching on the television.\nFor some reason, I had the preconception that tennis was a “stuffy” sport live — I had the mental image of heads swiveling to the left and right in complete silence so as not to disturb the flow of the players.\nBut in reality, the crowd is invigorating.\nThere were cries of joy, uncontainable gasps of shock (when Andy Murray won via an underhand serve to take the first game of the second set!), and cheers of encouragement being sent towards the players.\nIt reminded me of the oneness of humanity and the emergent powers of camaraderie. Another thought crossed my mind while I was watching Andy Murray v. Carlos Alcaraz in Stadium 2.\nIt was an especially hot day, and the tournament organizers provided everyone with handheld fans to cool themselves down.\nI was observing the crowd across the stadium, with many of them fanning themselves.\nWhile I was watching them, I “zoomed-out” my eyeballs, which is a process that I sometimes partake in that I’ll explain in greater detail in another post, but essentially it amounts to switching the context or attention of one’s perception from singular objects to one’s whole field of vision.\nIn doing so, the crowd across the way turned into one cohesive whole, with the flicking of its fans reminding me of the intricate ticking of some gigantic clockwork, or of the pulsating of an organism, or of blades of grass dancing with the blowing of the wind.\nIt was another reminder of oneness for me. The final thought I had was when I was walking to our seats in Stadium 2.\nI made a point to try to be more aware of all of the people walking by and to take note of their behaviors.\nBut the crowd was like a swarm — there were so many faces, noises, sounds, smells — and I got the same feeling of overwhelming sensory stimulation as I had in LA State Historic Park during the peak of my Crisis, when everything sounded like it was booming and echoing in my ears.\nThe feeling only lasted for a couple of seconds, but it made me appreciate how much filtering of input and information that our brains do for us on a daily…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/12/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 12th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity","date":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tennis","zooming out","the Crisis","oneness"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"tennis"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/tension/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/tension/page-data.json
index e54f30d1..aebed153 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/tension/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/tension/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/tension/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am bracing for some inevitable impact;\nand I am in the extremely poor habit of holding my breath when I lie deep — well, if I am honest, even shallow — in thought or action.\nThese and other habits of existential friction often accumulate into piercing headaches, knotted muscles, or other similar psychosomatic afflictions, of which I am unfortunately prone.\nMy theory is that this tension is, above all else, a symptom of a desperate floundering for control: I grasp at everything with such fervor and tightness because of a wretched paranoia of it slipping through my fingers and thus producing an outcome that I can neither predict nor prepare for. So that the pavement forced me to release my iron grip was not an unwelcome acquiescence, but rather a meditation of sorts.\nAs much as I craved the ability to do so, I could not shape each stone in my path to secure myself a smooth ride, nor could I, in sublime anticipation, trade my machine for another whose wheels lock perfectly into each groove and ridge that I may happen to encounter in the road.\nWhen one is faced with such insurmountable turmoil that their very constitution cannot absorb the shock, I mused, the only course of action may be to relinquish the reins of control to the awaiting hands of one’s fate.\nAmor fati, indeed! Then all at once, like the crack of dawn emerging victorious over a pestilent night, these thoughts were overwhelmed by a sense of immense satisfaction — I had suddenly noticed above me the emerald brilliance…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"tension"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/tension/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"This afternoon I embarked on my weekly pilgrimage from my apartment to the Hungarian Pastry Shop.\nI glided along the northern edge of Central Park on my bike, enjoying how the rough contours of cobblestone beneath my wheels jostled the frame — so much so that I had to loosen my usual chokehold grip on the handlebars, lest my brain rattle violently against my skull.\nI was pleased by this feeling not because it left any soothing impression on my arms or legs (quite to the contrary), but because it imposed upon me a reminder of how I should try to operate in this world. For various reasons, I hold a concerning amount of tension in my body:\nwhenever I write with a pencil or pen, I grip the barrel so firmly that my hand begins to cramp far too quickly and a permanent writer’s bump has grown on the left side of my middle finger;\nI tense my shoulders in any circumstance, even when carrying out a task of as little consequence as lifting a feather;\nmy teeth and jaw are often clenched as if I am bracing for some inevitable impact;\nand I am in the extremely poor habit of holding my breath when I lie deep — well, if I am honest, even shallow — in thought or action.\nThese and other habits of existential friction often accumulate into piercing headaches, knotted muscles, or other similar psychosomatic afflictions, of which I am unfortunately prone.\nMy theory is that this tension is, above all else, a symptom of a desperate floundering for control: I grasp at everything with such fervor and tightness because of a wretched paranoia of it slipping through my fingers and thus producing an outcome that I can neither predict nor prepare for. So that the pavement forced me to release my iron grip was not an unwelcome acquiescence, but rather a meditation of sorts.\nAs much as I craved the ability to do so, I could not shape each stone in my path to secure myself a smooth ride, nor could I, in sublime anticipation, trade my machine for another whose wheels lock perfectly into each groove and ridge that I may happen to encounter in the road.\nWhen one is faced with such insurmountable turmoil that their very constitution cannot absorb the shock, I mused, the only course of action may be to relinquish the reins of control to the awaiting hands of one’s fate.\nAmor fati, indeed! Then all at once, like the crack of dawn emerging victorious over a pestilent night, these thoughts were overwhelmed by a sense of immense satisfaction — I had suddenly noticed above me the emerald brilliance…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/05/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"May 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color","date":"2022-05-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-06-25T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tension","flow","beauty","color"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"tension"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/the Crisis/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/the Crisis/page-data.json
index 7cee606c..3121d6a4 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/the Crisis/page-data.json	
+++ b/page-data/topics/the Crisis/page-data.json	
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/the Crisis/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":4,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about it, but my cognitive pathways were blocked. The Crisis somehow unclogged these pipes. This all culminated in a moment of awareness and revelation, the seeds of which had been planted throughout my whole life. I experienced feelings of lucidity and control over self, whereas prior to this, I felt as though I was moving through life as a zombie. I’m also thinking about the desire for truth. I sometimes burn with the desire to know the truths of the universe: what was the beginning of it all? What will be the end? Are we hurdling towards some cosmic teleological attractor? Is the desire to know what is fueled by one’s existential dread and a need to know what comes after death? Is there hope for salvation? Is there universal truth? Is there something everlasting and wholly immutable? In Logicomix, they mention that logicians tend towards madness. This makes sense, when one realizes that we’ve built our reality upon sand. Does a rock on which to build our house even exist? The (likely) undecidable nature of this question is enough to drive one insane. I’ve also been thinking about thoughts. I’ve recently realized how much of my cognition relies on visual or spatial constructs: it’s as if there is a visual “overlay” upon most concepts that I hold in my mind. For instance, when I think about months, I envision a calendar, and this calendar has a specific circular orientation (I’ll draw this later). When I think of weeks, I envision a calendar week, which is why my “week” begins on…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/03/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"March 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times","date":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the Crisis","cognition","for the good times"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found a roommate, and we’re looking at apartments in Central Harlem — the one we’re applying to is amazingly beautiful.\nIncredibly high ceilings, which I feel like is rare for New York, tons of light, a community garden across the street (!), I’m very excited! Went to the BNP Paribas Open at Indian Wells with my mom this past weekend.\nBeing in the stands amongst the crowd is so much more exhilarating than watching on the television.\nFor some reason, I had the preconception that tennis was a “stuffy” sport live — I had the mental image of heads swiveling to the left and right in complete silence so as not to disturb the flow of the players.\nBut in reality, the crowd is invigorating.\nThere were cries of joy, uncontainable gasps of shock (when Andy Murray won via an underhand serve to take the first game of the second set!), and cheers of encouragement being sent towards the players.\nIt reminded me of the oneness of humanity and the emergent powers of camaraderie. Another thought crossed my mind while I was watching Andy Murray v. Carlos Alcaraz in Stadium 2.\nIt was an especially hot day, and the tournament organizers provided everyone with handheld fans to cool themselves down.\nI was observing the crowd across the stadium, with many of them fanning themselves.\nWhile I was watching them, I “zoomed-out” my eyeballs, which is a process that I sometimes partake in that I’ll explain in greater detail in another post, but essentially it amounts to switching the context or attention of one’s perception from singular objects to one’s whole field of vision.\nIn doing so, the crowd across the way turned into one cohesive whole, with the flicking of its fans reminding me of the intricate ticking of some gigantic clockwork, or of the pulsating of an organism, or of blades of grass dancing with the blowing of the wind.\nIt was another reminder of oneness for me. The final thought I had was when I was walking to our seats in Stadium 2.\nI made a point to try to be more aware of all of the people walking by and to take note of their behaviors.\nBut the crowd was like a swarm — there were so many faces, noises, sounds, smells — and I got the same feeling of overwhelming sensory stimulation as I had in LA State Historic Park during the peak of my Crisis, when everything sounded like it was booming and echoing in my ears.\nThe feeling only lasted for a couple of seconds, but it made me appreciate how much filtering of input and information that our brains do for us on a daily…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/12/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 12th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity","date":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tennis","zooming out","the Crisis","oneness"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!\nThings are moving so fast, but I’m really grateful that everything is working out so well.\nMy flight is next Wednesday, and I can hardly believe it! Finished reading A Wind in the Door recently.\nI’m trying to revisit books that meant a lot to me as a kid. “No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.”  — C.S. Lewis  And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview.\nFor example, a recurring concept in the book is the relativity of size: the protagonists visit organelles smaller than mitochondria and observe phenomena on the scale of galaxies.\nBut in each of these experiences, there are the same principles and patterns that repeat themselves across time and space.\nThe hierarchy in A Wind in the Door goes: farandolae → mitochondria → human → planet → galaxy → universe.\nIt reminds me of my Crisis revelation of how things are nested into each other like matryoshka (Russian nesting) dolls.\nAlso, I’m sure that this book influenced this dream that I had that can be found in my dream journal: In the beginning, I was at what appeared to be a space station of sorts. Shuttles ebbed and flowed from the terminal, but I didn’t know where they were coming from, or where they were heading. A shuttle stopped in front of me, and I had the inexplicable urge to board it. The shuttle’s interior looked like an airplane’s, and I took a window seat. As soon as I sat down, the shuttle took off. It shrunk down to less than the size of an atom. The next thing I knew, it entered one of my own cells. I looked outside, and I saw that there was a whole universe inside of this cell. Tiny planets and stars littered the vast emptiness, and a double helix threaded the dark space together. … and this reminds me of The Universe in a Single Atom by the Dalai Lama. A Wind in the Door also contains messages about the interconnected nature of things.\nOne of the characters references this proverb: For want of a nail a shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; for want of a horse the rider was lost; for want of a rider the message was lost; for want of a message the battle was lost; for want of a battle the war was lost; for want of the war the kingdom was lost; and all for the want of a horseshoe nail. … and this reminds me the Game of Life, chaos theory, and Tolstoy’s integral metaphor from War…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 14th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity","date":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","childhood","the Crisis","interconnectivity"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"the Crisis"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
+{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/the Crisis/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-10-11"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":4,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I find my thoughts racing, resulting in my inability to sleep. I’m thinking about my Crisis: At the core of the event was the realization that I had built my life on a bed of sand, and it crumbled when the tides of uncertainty came rushing in. I think that I gave myself electroshock therapy, which sounds insane to write out, but it truly felt as if my nervous system was being reprogrammed: I felt shocks down my legs and arms and the nerve endings at the tips of my thumb and index finger turned black. Sensory stimulus afterwards, especially sounds and music, felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. As a result, a depressive fog that has loomed over me for years and years was lifted. In the months leading up to the climactic event, I had incessant feelings of “strangeness” — something was amiss. I knew certain concepts and themes were important (e.g. Gödel’s incompleteness theorems) and was attracted to them, but I just couldn’t connect the dots. I’d try to write about it, but my cognitive pathways were blocked. The Crisis somehow unclogged these pipes. This all culminated in a moment of awareness and revelation, the seeds of which had been planted throughout my whole life. I experienced feelings of lucidity and control over self, whereas prior to this, I felt as though I was moving through life as a zombie. I’m also thinking about the desire for truth. I sometimes burn with the desire to know the truths of the universe: what was the beginning of it all? What will be the end? Are we hurdling towards some cosmic teleological attractor? Is the desire to know what is fueled by one’s existential dread and a need to know what comes after death? Is there hope for salvation? Is there universal truth? Is there something everlasting and wholly immutable? In Logicomix, they mention that logicians tend towards madness. This makes sense, when one realizes that we’ve built our reality upon sand. Does a rock on which to build our house even exist? The (likely) undecidable nature of this question is enough to drive one insane. I’ve also been thinking about thoughts. I’ve recently realized how much of my cognition relies on visual or spatial constructs: it’s as if there is a visual “overlay” upon most concepts that I hold in my mind. For instance, when I think about months, I envision a calendar, and this calendar has a specific circular orientation (I’ll draw this later). When I think of weeks, I envision a calendar week, which is why my “week” begins on…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/03/05/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"March 5th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times","date":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-03-05T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the Crisis","cognition","for the good times"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found a roommate, and we’re looking at apartments in Central Harlem — the one we’re applying to is amazingly beautiful.\nIncredibly high ceilings, which I feel like is rare for New York, tons of light, a community garden across the street (!), I’m very excited! Went to the BNP Paribas Open at Indian Wells with my mom this past weekend.\nBeing in the stands amongst the crowd is so much more exhilarating than watching on the television.\nFor some reason, I had the preconception that tennis was a “stuffy” sport live — I had the mental image of heads swiveling to the left and right in complete silence so as not to disturb the flow of the players.\nBut in reality, the crowd is invigorating.\nThere were cries of joy, uncontainable gasps of shock (when Andy Murray won via an underhand serve to take the first game of the second set!), and cheers of encouragement being sent towards the players.\nIt reminded me of the oneness of humanity and the emergent powers of camaraderie. Another thought crossed my mind while I was watching Andy Murray v. Carlos Alcaraz in Stadium 2.\nIt was an especially hot day, and the tournament organizers provided everyone with handheld fans to cool themselves down.\nI was observing the crowd across the stadium, with many of them fanning themselves.\nWhile I was watching them, I “zoomed-out” my eyeballs, which is a process that I sometimes partake in that I’ll explain in greater detail in another post, but essentially it amounts to switching the context or attention of one’s perception from singular objects to one’s whole field of vision.\nIn doing so, the crowd across the way turned into one cohesive whole, with the flicking of its fans reminding me of the intricate ticking of some gigantic clockwork, or of the pulsating of an organism, or of blades of grass dancing with the blowing of the wind.\nIt was another reminder of oneness for me. The final thought I had was when I was walking to our seats in Stadium 2.\nI made a point to try to be more aware of all of the people walking by and to take note of their behaviors.\nBut the crowd was like a swarm — there were so many faces, noises, sounds, smells — and I got the same feeling of overwhelming sensory stimulation as I had in LA State Historic Park during the peak of my Crisis, when everything sounded like it was booming and echoing in my ears.\nThe feeling only lasted for a couple of seconds, but it made me appreciate how much filtering of input and information that our brains do for us on a daily…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/12/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 12th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity","date":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tennis","zooming out","the Crisis","oneness"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Signed the lease for my NYC apartment today!\nThings are moving so fast, but I’m really grateful that everything is working out so well.\nMy flight is next Wednesday, and I can hardly believe it! Finished reading A Wind in the Door recently.\nI’m trying to revisit books that meant a lot to me as a kid. “No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.”  — C.S. Lewis  And in revisiting this book, I’ve realized how much it probably influenced me and my general worldview.\nFor example, a recurring concept in the book is the relativity of size: the protagonists visit organelles smaller than mitochondria and observe phenomena on the scale of galaxies.\nBut in each of these experiences, there are the same principles and patterns that repeat themselves across time and space.\nThe hierarchy in A Wind in the Door goes: farandolae → mitochondria → human → planet → galaxy → universe.\nIt reminds me of my Crisis revelation of how things are nested into each other like matryoshka (Russian nesting) dolls.\nAlso, I’m sure that this book influenced this dream that I had that can be found in my dream journal: In the beginning, I was at what appeared to be a space station of sorts. Shuttles ebbed and flowed from the terminal, but I didn’t know where they were coming from, or where they were heading. A shuttle stopped in front of me, and I had the inexplicable urge to board it. The shuttle’s interior looked like an airplane’s, and I took a window seat. As soon as I sat down, the shuttle took off. It shrunk down to less than the size of an atom. The next thing I knew, it entered one of my own cells. I looked outside, and I saw that there was a whole universe inside of this cell. Tiny planets and stars littered the vast emptiness, and a double helix threaded the dark space together. … and this reminds me of The Universe in a Single Atom by the Dalai Lama. A Wind in the Door also contains messages about the interconnected nature of things.\nOne of the characters references this proverb: For want of a nail a shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; for want of a horse the rider was lost; for want of a rider the message was lost; for want of a message the battle was lost; for want of a battle the war was lost; for want of the war the kingdom was lost; and all for the want of a horseshoe nail. … and this reminds me the Game of Life, chaos theory, and Tolstoy’s integral metaphor from War…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 14th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity","date":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-14T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","childhood","the Crisis","interconnectivity"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"the Crisis"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/the trial/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/the trial/page-data.json
index 298b816d..115b2497 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/the trial/page-data.json	
+++ b/page-data/topics/the trial/page-data.json	
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/the trial/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":3,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"","fields":{"slug":"/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)","subtitle":"Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","the trial","kafka, franz","philosophy","absurdism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Thinking more about The Trial today.\nI was listening to “Mystery of Iniquity (Unplugged)” by Ms. Lauryn Hill while on a drive, and it reminded me very strongly of the institution of the court in K.’s trial.\nHere are some of the lyrics: Jesus, if this is not masterful lyricism, then I don’t know what is.\nSome versus that strike me as particularly relevant to The Trial: The more money you pay.. the further away solution And the defense isn’t making any sense // Faking the confidence of escaping the consequence Expert witness (the paid authority) // Made a priority to deceive the majority // Of disinterested peers // Dodging duty for years //Hating the process // waiting to be returning to their careers The truth is obsolete // Only two positions: // Victimizer or Victim // Both end up in destruction trusting this crooked system The Revolving Door // Insanity every floor // Skyscraping, paper chasing // What are we working for? I was looking at my eyes in the bathroom of Coffee Connection, and I realized that they have the same shape as the eyes on the cover of my edition of The Trial… ☹ reminds me of A telling me that I have “crazy eyes”… ☹  Saw something very dystopian-reminiscent today:  What the f? This billboard FORCES you to look at it, since it extends halfway across the freakin’ street.\nHow is this legal? This is one of those LED/digital billboards that have been popping up everywhere as of late. The ad before this one was BRIGHT blue and yellow and was extremely distracting on the road — could you imagine what this would look like at night?\nHow terrifying is it that advertising agencies and urban planners or whoever is responsible for this atrocity would perpetuate consumerism a manner that jeopardizes the safety of drivers?\nThis is horrifying to me. Other random thoughts: saw a black butterfly with white winged tips today while playing ball with Darla, reminds me of catching butterflies in childhood and how the bushes seemed so tall then","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/01/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 1st, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the trial","kafka, franz","ms. lauryn hill"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"the trial"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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I was looking at my eyes in the bathroom of Coffee Connection, and I realized that they have the same shape as the eyes on the cover of my edition of The Trial… ☹ reminds me of A telling me that I have “crazy eyes”… ☹  Saw something very dystopian-reminiscent today:  What the f? This billboard FORCES you to look at it, since it extends halfway across the freakin’ street.\nHow is this legal? This is one of those LED/digital billboards that have been popping up everywhere as of late. The ad before this one was BRIGHT blue and yellow and was extremely distracting on the road — could you imagine what this would look like at night?\nHow terrifying is it that advertising agencies and urban planners or whoever is responsible for this atrocity would perpetuate consumerism a manner that jeopardizes the safety of drivers?\nThis is horrifying to me. Other random thoughts: saw a black butterfly with white winged tips today while playing ball with Darla, reminds me of catching butterflies in childhood and how the bushes seemed so tall then","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/01/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 1st, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill","date":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","the trial","kafka, franz","ms. lauryn hill"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Found out from the director of the Research Alliance that I got the position!!! NYC bound, baby!\nI’m extremely excited, but also a little nervous — NYC seems like a huge city (LA is no doubt much larger, but it’s shrunk by my access to a car) and I’m not quite sure how to get my stuff across the country. But I’m certain I’ll figure things out! Finished reading The Trial by Franz Kafka today. A plot recap for myself: Arrest in K.’s room → talk with Frau Grubach → talk with Fräulein Bürstner → appearance in court → encounter with washlady → visit to law offices → two guards and the flogger in the maintenance room → visit from K.’s uncle and visit to the lawyer → conversation with the painter → visit to lawyer for his dismissal, Block the merchant → cathederal → the ending Some initial notes and questions before I go back to revisit the quotes I marked: themes of pride, ego, shame, doubt, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and transaction in opposition to love, faith, and unconditional acceptance can be read multiple ways, but I think it is more complex, existential, and metaphysical than a condemnation of bureaucracy resonates with my Crisis and in general, the torment of the human psyche paranoia throughout the novel reminds me of the day following the peak of the Crisis and how my own mother was scaring me, how I was analyzing/reading so far into her actions and words to the point that everything she did seemed so foreign and cold and calculating and transactional, when I just desperately wanted/needed comfort and assurance that things would be okay the two guards at the end are like manifestations of cognitive dissonance and indecision the ending also reminds me of “For the Good Times” by Al Green: when presented with the whirling chaos of life and the nonsensicality of it all, what can one do but resign one’s head and hope for a tender embrace? I’m currently listening to “Louange à l’Éternité de Jésus” from Quartet for the End of Time (performed by Yo-Yo Ma on his album Songs from the Arc of Life), and I’m thinking of how this would be a perfect song to accompany the ending of the novel from when I listened to it: slowing down, inevitability, ominous, like the ticking of a clock from wikipedia: Jesus is considered here as the Word. A broad phrase, “infinitely slow”, on the cello, magnifies with love and reverence the eternity of the Word, powerful and gentle, “whose time never runs out”. The melody stretches majestically into a kind of gentle, regal distance. “In…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/09/30/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"September 30th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts","date":"2021-09-30T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-01T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","life update","the trial","kafka, franz","the Crisis","mother","father","songs from the arc of life","capgras"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"the trial"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/page-data/topics/thich nhat hahn/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/thich nhat hahn/page-data.json
index 71dfd195..2a769719 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/thich nhat hahn/page-data.json	
+++ b/page-data/topics/thich nhat hahn/page-data.json	
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/time/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/time/page-data.json
index 14b42c22..dff1b514 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/time/page-data.json
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/uncertainty/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/uncertainty/page-data.json
index 3884aac6..692860eb 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/uncertainty/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/uncertainty/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/uncertainty/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I wonder if birds ever feel despair as us humans do. Do they experience loneliness? Is there ever a moment in a bird’s lifetime when they feel outcast by their fellow feathered folk and they can’t find a single thing — nary a single branch — in this world to lean or rest upon? What do they do in those moments? How do they go on? Or are they contented with searching the skies for yet another seed to peck at? This notion sounds ridiculous, but I wonder if our experiences (birds, humans) are more similar than one may initially imagine. This morning, I saw a female sparrow (well, they aren’t really sparrows, but I’ve forgotten the correct name for them) nip at the feathers of a male, vying for his attention. A bird’s equivalent of flirtatious pursuit, I presume. It made me dream about the microcosm of the bird’s love life — on their scale, are there gestures as subtle as a blush, a stolen glance, or a light caress on another’s shoulders? Do they exist, only to be imperceptible to the naïve human’s eye? I spent a bit of time attempting to recall the word for the study of putting oneself in the animal’s shoes (or rather, hide? perhaps this is too grotesque), and after a few moments of contemplation, the word flashed into my mind. Ethology. This spark of cognition made me question how it is that we experience these types of “revelatory” thoughts. What happens in the brain when we attempt to recall something that is on the tip of our tongue? How do we suddenly come to connecting the dots? In this particular instance, I knew that the word began with the letter “E,” and that it was the title of a lecture video on human behavioral biology that I am currently watching. I knew that one such word that fit into this category was “Endocrinology,” but I knew that it wasn’t what I was searching for. But the harder I tried to remember, the more the word seemed to evade me, until I decided to put it on the back burner of my mind. I entrusted the task to my future self, thinking “it’ll come to me later,” and not five seconds had passed until it popped into my brain. But what had happened? I wasn’t actively thinking about the word. My mind had already jumped to another object of consideration. What was my brain doing without me knowing? It’s clear that there are an uncountable number of cognitive processes that occur simultaneously in our brain, a vast majority of them outside of the realm of conscious perception. It reminds me of what Thich Nhat Hahn mentions in The Sun My…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/10/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 10th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness","date":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-10T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","cognition","loneliness","uncertainty"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"uncertainty"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/war/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/war/page-data.json
index 677651ed..ab965376 100644
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/world war ii/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/world war ii/page-data.json
index 601e68ca..97418e03 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/world war ii/page-data.json	
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/youth/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/youth/page-data.json
index 8d28e9a5..75ae3ee0 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/youth/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/youth/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/youth/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"I was walking from the Christopher Street station to the gym this morning when I came across a parade of children being chaperoned to school by their parents.\nI began to daydream about being their age, if only for a day, if for nothing else than to relinquish myself of the overbearing weight of self-knowledge and consciousness.\nLiving in oblivion sounded quite appealing at the time.\nBut in a moment of clarity and foresightedness, I caught my wistful thinking as it was tumbling towards self-indulgence: I thought of a scenario in which, in twenty years time, I may very well be crossing the path of someone my own age (a ripe twenty-two) on the street.\nWhat if I were to think in that moment, “I wish I could be that age once more, to enjoy the frivolousness and levity that accompanies young adulthood”?\nHow foolish would I be then?\nBetter not to wist, and to instead wist. A conundrum that I am contemplating today is the problem of habituation with respect to eating food.\nIt’s an unfortunate side effect of human physiology that your taste buds habituate to the flavor of the food that you’re eating.\nWell, perhaps it’s not a mere side effect: I can imagine the havoc that I would wreck on my body if I never habituated to the flavor of sweets, for instance.\nHowever, I still think it quite unfortunate that in the course of eating a daily meal, the actual tasting of it gets diminished over and over again: sometimes when I eat, I end up barely tasting the food at all.\nIs there a way to prevent this phenomenon from occurring?\nWe have palette cleansers and the like, but I wonder if there’s a way to avoid this desensitization with the mind alone.\nIs this a battle where willpower can triumph over the body? The reason why I’m interested in the answer to this question is that this situation seems to me to be a microcosm of the myriad of ways that desensitization plagues our lives.\nHow much of the richness of life are we missing merely because we are accustomed to the way that things are?\nWhat of the miraculous nature of existence, its taste and truth and suchness, are we forgoing because of our iniquities and the faults in the human constitution?\nHow can we expand our minds and our hearts and savor each and every moment of our lives? A slight tangent, but this line of thought reminds me of this quote that I came upon while reading the Wikipedia page on praxis: Wisdom is always taste—in both Latin and Hebrew, the word for wisdom comes from the word for taste—so it’s something…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2022/04/14/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"April 14th, 2022","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence","date":"2022-04-14T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-05-06T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","youth","habituation","attention","cognitive dissonance","alice in wonderland"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"youth"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
\ No newline at end of file
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/zen/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/zen/page-data.json
index ccb608c4..decc6808 100644
--- a/page-data/topics/zen/page-data.json
+++ b/page-data/topics/zen/page-data.json
@@ -1 +1 @@
-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/zen/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":2,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Buffalo in the Enclosure Kōan Goso said: “When a buffalo goes out of his enclosure to the edge of the abyss, his horns and his head and his hoofs all pass through, but why can’t the tail also pass? Mumon’s Commentary If anyone can open one eye at this point and say a word of Zen, he is qualified to repay the four gratifications, and, not only that, he can save all sentient beings under him.\nBut if he cannot say such a word of Zen, he should turn back to his tail. Mumon’s Poem  The Short Staff Kōan Shuzan held out his short staff and said: “If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nNow what do you wish to call this?” Mumon’s Commentary If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.\nIf you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.\nIt cannot be expressed with words and it cannot be expressed without words.\nNow say quickly what it is. Mumon’s Poem  The Reflected Moon Chiyono studied Zen for many years under Bukkō of Engaku.\nStill, she could not attain the fruits of meditation.\nAt last one moonlight night she was carrying water in an old wooden pail girded with bamboo.\nThe bamboo broke, and the bottom fell out of the pail.\nAt that moment, she was set free.\nChiyono said, “No more water in the pail, no more moon in the water.”","fields":{"slug":"/notes/misc/koans/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"A collection of kōans","subtitle":"Kōans that I find thought-provoking","date":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2022-04-17T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","zen","buddhism"]}}},{"node":{"excerpt":"Reading Notes Preface Daisetu Teitarto (D. T.) Suzuki (1870-1966) brought Zen to the West (with a focus on satori, or enlightenment), and fifty years later, Shunryū Suzuki (1904-1971) did similarly, but with less focus on satori. On preparing his students for his death, he said: If when I die, the moment I’m dying, if I suffer that is all\nright, you know; that is suffering Buddha. No confusion\nin it. Maybe everyone will struggle because of the physical\nagony or spiritual agony, too. But that is all right, that is\nnot a problem. We should be very grateful to have a\nlimited body…like mine, or like yours. If you had a\nlimitless life it would be a real problem for you. Introduction Zen mind is a phrase used by teachers to invoke the purpose of Zen in their students: “to make you wonder and to answer that wondering with the deepest expression of your own nature.”\nTo practice Zen mind is beginner’s mind (shoshin), or the “innocence of the first inquiry—what am I”?\nThe beginner’s mind is: free of habits and expectations ready to accept and doubt “the kind of mind which can see things as they are, which step-by-step and in a flash can realize the original nature of everything.” The editing and translation of this book is nuanced: Shunryū tries to convey teachings in terms of the ordinary circumstances of people’s lives, in statements as simple as “have a cup of tea,” which may be accidentally edited out.\nFurthermore, English is a dualistic language, whereas Japanese lends itself more to non-dualistic thinking. This book is divided into 3 sections, which are: Right Practice (pertaining to the body) Right Attitude (pertaining to feelings) Right Understanding (pertaining to the mind) On the relationship between Zen teacher and student: A roshi is a person who has actualized that perfect freedom which\nis the potentiality for all human beings. He exists freely in the\nfullness of his whole being. The flow of his consciousness is not the\nfixed repetitive patterns of our usual self-centered consciousness, but\nrather arises spontaneously and naturally from the actual\ncircumstances of the present. … But in the end it is not the extraordinariness\nof the teacher which perplexes, intrigues, and deepens the student, it is the\nteacher’s utter ordinariness. Because he is just himself, he is a mirror\nfor his students. When we are with him we feel our own strengths\nand shortcomings without any sense of praise or criticism from him.\nIn his presence we see our original face, and the…","fields":{"slug":"/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind (1970)","subtitle":"Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki","date":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2023-01-26T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["notes","lectures","zen","buddhism","mindfulness"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"zen"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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diff --git a/page-data/topics/zooming out/page-data.json b/page-data/topics/zooming out/page-data.json
index bf299b9a..dff684c3 100644
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-{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-topic-tsx","path":"/topics/zooming out/","result":{"data":{"site":{"siteMetadata":{"title":"a cozy space","lastUpdated":"2023-05-26"}},"allMarkdownRemark":{"totalCount":1,"edges":[{"node":{"excerpt":"Found a roommate, and we’re looking at apartments in Central Harlem — the one we’re applying to is amazingly beautiful.\nIncredibly high ceilings, which I feel like is rare for New York, tons of light, a community garden across the street (!), I’m very excited! Went to the BNP Paribas Open at Indian Wells with my mom this past weekend.\nBeing in the stands amongst the crowd is so much more exhilarating than watching on the television.\nFor some reason, I had the preconception that tennis was a “stuffy” sport live — I had the mental image of heads swiveling to the left and right in complete silence so as not to disturb the flow of the players.\nBut in reality, the crowd is invigorating.\nThere were cries of joy, uncontainable gasps of shock (when Andy Murray won via an underhand serve to take the first game of the second set!), and cheers of encouragement being sent towards the players.\nIt reminded me of the oneness of humanity and the emergent powers of camaraderie. Another thought crossed my mind while I was watching Andy Murray v. Carlos Alcaraz in Stadium 2.\nIt was an especially hot day, and the tournament organizers provided everyone with handheld fans to cool themselves down.\nI was observing the crowd across the stadium, with many of them fanning themselves.\nWhile I was watching them, I “zoomed-out” my eyeballs, which is a process that I sometimes partake in that I’ll explain in greater detail in another post, but essentially it amounts to switching the context or attention of one’s perception from singular objects to one’s whole field of vision.\nIn doing so, the crowd across the way turned into one cohesive whole, with the flicking of its fans reminding me of the intricate ticking of some gigantic clockwork, or of the pulsating of an organism, or of blades of grass dancing with the blowing of the wind.\nIt was another reminder of oneness for me. The final thought I had was when I was walking to our seats in Stadium 2.\nI made a point to try to be more aware of all of the people walking by and to take note of their behaviors.\nBut the crowd was like a swarm — there were so many faces, noises, sounds, smells — and I got the same feeling of overwhelming sensory stimulation as I had in LA State Historic Park during the peak of my Crisis, when everything sounded like it was booming and echoing in my ears.\nThe feeling only lasted for a couple of seconds, but it made me appreciate how much filtering of input and information that our brains do for us on a daily…","fields":{"slug":"/journal/2021/10/12/"},"frontmatter":{"title":"October 12th, 2021","subtitle":"Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity","date":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","lastupdated":"2021-10-12T00:00:00.000Z","topics":["journal","tennis","zooming out","the Crisis","oneness"]}}}]}},"pageContext":{"topic":"zooming out"}},"staticQueryHashes":["712016698"]}
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diff --git a/topics/absurdism/index.html b/topics/absurdism/index.html
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->absurdism</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->absurdism<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/">Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/">Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)</a></h3><small>2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/investigations of a dog/">investigations of a dog, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/absurdism/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->absurdism</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->absurdism<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/">Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/">Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)</a></h3><small>2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/investigations of a dog/">investigations of a dog, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/absurdism/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/topics/alice in wonderland/index.html b/topics/alice in wonderland/index.html
index d89cd272..bf353acd 100644
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\ No newline at end of file
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diff --git a/topics/attention/index.html b/topics/attention/index.html
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@@ -106,4 +106,4 @@
 
   setTheme(preferredTheme || (darkQuery.matches ? 'dark' : 'light'))
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->attention</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->attention<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/14/">April 14th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-06<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/youth/">youth, </a><a href="/topics/habituation/">habituation, </a><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/attention/">attention, </a><a href="/topics/cognitive dissonance/">cognitive dissonance, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/attention/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->attention</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->attention<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/14/">April 14th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-06<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/youth/">youth, </a><a href="/topics/habituation/">habituation, </a><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/attention/">attention, </a><a href="/topics/cognitive dissonance/">cognitive dissonance, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/attention/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/topics/autobiographical/index.html b/topics/autobiographical/index.html
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->cognitive dissonance</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->cognitive dissonance<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/14/">April 14th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-06<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/youth/">youth, </a><a href="/topics/habituation/">habituation, </a><a href="/topics/attention/">attention, </a><a href="/topics/cognitive dissonance/">cognitive dissonance, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/cognitive dissonance/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/topics/dreams/index.html b/topics/dreams/index.html
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index c907d6c9..f408ca1e 100644
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post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/cognitive dissonance/">cognitive dissonance</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/color/">color</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/dreams/">dreams</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/evolution/">evolution</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/fantasy/">fantasy</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/father/">father</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/flow/">flow</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/for the good times/">for the good times</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/free will/">free will</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/habituation/">habituation</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/impermanence/">impermanence</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/interconnectivity/">interconnectivity</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/investigations of a dog/">investigations of a dog</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></h3><small>3<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></h3><small>14<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz</a></h3><small>4<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/kilgore trout/">kilgore trout</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut</a></h3><small>4<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/lectures/">lectures</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/lewis carroll/">lewis carroll</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/life update/">life update</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/liminality/">liminality</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/loneliness/">loneliness</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/meta/">meta</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/metafiction/">metafiction</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/mindfulness/">mindfulness</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/mother/">mother</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/ms. lauryn hill/">ms. lauryn hill</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></h3><small>14<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/oneness/">oneness</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/personal/">personal</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/purpose/">purpose</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/schizophrenia/">schizophrenia</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/science/">science</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction</a></h3><small>4<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/slaughterhouse-five/">slaughterhouse-five</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/solipsism/">solipsism</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/songs from the arc of 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alphabetically</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-18 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/attention/">attention</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/autobiographical/">autobiographical</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/beauty/">beauty</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/biology/">biology</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism</a></h3><small>3<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/capgras/">capgras</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/childhood/">childhood</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/cognitive dissonance/">cognitive dissonance</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/color/">color</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/dreams/">dreams</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/evolution/">evolution</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/fantasy/">fantasy</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/father/">father</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/flow/">flow</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/for the good times/">for the good times</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/free will/">free will</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a 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-->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/lewis carroll/">lewis carroll</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/life update/">life update</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/liminality/">liminality</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/loneliness/">loneliness</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/meta/">meta</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/metafiction/">metafiction</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/mindfulness/">mindfulness</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/mother/">mother</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/ms. lauryn hill/">ms. lauryn hill</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></h3><small>14<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/oneness/">oneness</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/personal/">personal</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/purpose/">purpose</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/schizophrenia/">schizophrenia</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/science/">science</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction</a></h3><small>4<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/slaughterhouse-five/">slaughterhouse-five</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/solipsism/">solipsism</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/songs from the arc of life/">songs from the arc of life</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/subconscious/">subconscious</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/tennis/">tennis</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/tension/">tension</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis</a></h3><small>4<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial</a></h3><small>3<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/thich nhat hahn/">thich nhat hahn</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/time/">time</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/uncertainty/">uncertainty</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/war/">war</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/world war ii/">world war ii</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/youth/">youth</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/zen/">zen</a></h3><small>2<!-- --> post<!-- -->s</small></div><div><h3><a href="/topics/zooming out/">zooming out</a></h3><small>1<!-- --> post</small></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. 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diff --git a/topics/investigations of a dog/index.html b/topics/investigations of a dog/index.html
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diff --git a/topics/irony/index.html b/topics/irony/index.html
index fd15c147..8ef4773a 100644
--- a/topics/irony/index.html
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->journal</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->journal<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/23/">December 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-23</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/29/">December 29th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-29</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/11/23/">November 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-11-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-11-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-11-23; eleven lines</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/13/">April 13th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-13<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-13<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/dreams/">dreams</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/05/05/">May 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-05-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-06-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/tension/">tension, </a><a href="/topics/flow/">flow, </a><a href="/topics/beauty/">beauty, </a><a href="/topics/color/">color</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/31/">December 31st, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-31</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/10/">April 10th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-10<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-10<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition, </a><a href="/topics/loneliness/">loneliness, </a><a href="/topics/uncertainty/">uncertainty</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/03/05/">March 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition, </a><a href="/topics/for the good times/">for the good times</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/14/">April 14th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-06<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/youth/">youth, </a><a href="/topics/habituation/">habituation, </a><a href="/topics/attention/">attention, </a><a href="/topics/cognitive dissonance/">cognitive dissonance, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/17/">April 17th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-08<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/impermanence/">impermanence</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/01/">October 1st, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/ms. lauryn hill/">ms. lauryn hill</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/12/">October 12th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-12<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-12<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/tennis/">tennis, </a><a href="/topics/zooming out/">zooming out, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/oneness/">oneness</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/14/">October 14th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/childhood/">childhood, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/interconnectivity/">interconnectivity</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/09/30/">September 30th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-09-30<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/mother/">mother, </a><a href="/topics/father/">father, </a><a href="/topics/songs from the arc of life/">songs from the arc of life, </a><a href="/topics/capgras/">capgras</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. 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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->journal</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->journal<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/23/">December 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-23</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/29/">December 29th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-29<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-29</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/11/23/">November 23rd, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-11-23<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-11-23<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-11-23; eleven lines</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/13/">April 13th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-13<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-13<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/dreams/">dreams</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-13; a dream; guilt about eating meat</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/05/05/">May 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-05-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-06-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/tension/">tension, </a><a href="/topics/flow/">flow, </a><a href="/topics/beauty/">beauty, </a><a href="/topics/color/">color</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-05-05; a tense grip; a divine scene; semantics of color</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/12/31/">December 31st, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-12-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-12-31</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/10/">April 10th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-10<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-10<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition, </a><a href="/topics/loneliness/">loneliness, </a><a href="/topics/uncertainty/">uncertainty</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/03/05/">March 5th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-03-05<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition, </a><a href="/topics/for the good times/">for the good times</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-03-05; thoughts on the Crisis; thinking about thoughts; For the Good Times</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/14/">April 14th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-06<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/youth/">youth, </a><a href="/topics/habituation/">habituation, </a><a href="/topics/attention/">attention, </a><a href="/topics/cognitive dissonance/">cognitive dissonance, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-14; youth and longing; habituation; tasting life; attention; a dissonant existence</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/17/">April 17th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-08<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/impermanence/">impermanence</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-17; two encounters; impermanence and beauty</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/01/">October 1st, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/ms. lauryn hill/">ms. lauryn hill</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/12/">October 12th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-12<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-12<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/tennis/">tennis, </a><a href="/topics/zooming out/">zooming out, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/oneness/">oneness</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-12; BNP Paribas Open; zooming out; oneness of humanity</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/14/">October 14th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-14<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/childhood/">childhood, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/interconnectivity/">interconnectivity</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-14; A Wind in the Door; relativity; interconnectivity</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/09/30/">September 30th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-09-30<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/mother/">mother, </a><a href="/topics/father/">father, </a><a href="/topics/songs from the arc of life/">songs from the arc of life, </a><a href="/topics/capgras/">capgras</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2023/10/10/">October 10th, 2023</a></h3><small>2023-10-10<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-10<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/journal/">journal</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-10-10</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/journal/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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@@ -106,4 +106,4 @@
 
   setTheme(preferredTheme || (darkQuery.matches ? 'dark' : 'light'))
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->kafka, franz</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->kafka, franz<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/">Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/">Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)</a></h3><small>2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/investigations of a dog/">investigations of a dog, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/01/">October 1st, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/ms. lauryn hill/">ms. lauryn hill</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/09/30/">September 30th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-09-30<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/mother/">mother, </a><a href="/topics/father/">father, </a><a href="/topics/songs from the arc of life/">songs from the arc of life, </a><a href="/topics/capgras/">capgras</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/kafka, franz/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->kafka, franz</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->kafka, franz<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/">Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/">Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)</a></h3><small>2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/investigations of a dog/">investigations of a dog, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/01/">October 1st, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/ms. lauryn hill/">ms. lauryn hill</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/09/30/">September 30th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-09-30<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/mother/">mother, </a><a href="/topics/father/">father, </a><a href="/topics/songs from the arc of life/">songs from the arc of life, </a><a href="/topics/capgras/">capgras</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. 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diff --git a/topics/kilgore trout/index.html b/topics/kilgore trout/index.html
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->kilgore trout</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->kilgore trout<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></h3><small>2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/metafiction/">metafiction, </a><a href="/topics/kilgore trout/">kilgore trout, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/free will/">free will, </a><a href="/topics/schizophrenia/">schizophrenia, </a><a href="/topics/solipsism/">solipsism, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/kilgore trout/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->kurt vonnegut</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->kurt vonnegut<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)</a></h3><small>2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/purpose/">purpose</a></small><p>Notes on The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)</a></h3><small>2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony, </a><a href="/topics/science/">science, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)</a></h3><small>2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/slaughterhouse-five/">slaughterhouse-five, </a><a href="/topics/war/">war, </a><a href="/topics/world war ii/">world war ii, </a><a href="/topics/time/">time, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children's Crusade by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></h3><small>2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/metafiction/">metafiction, </a><a href="/topics/kilgore trout/">kilgore trout, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/free will/">free will, </a><a href="/topics/schizophrenia/">schizophrenia, </a><a href="/topics/solipsism/">solipsism, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. 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diff --git a/topics/lectures/index.html b/topics/lectures/index.html
index 97ce0f4c..bbbddd55 100644
--- a/topics/lectures/index.html
+++ b/topics/lectures/index.html
@@ -106,4 +106,4 @@
 
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->liminality</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->liminality<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/personal/dream-journal/">Dream journal</a></h3><small>2021-10-03<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/dreams/">dreams, </a><a href="/topics/personal/">personal, </a><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/liminality/">liminality, </a><a href="/topics/subconscious/">subconscious</a></small><p>A log of my more memorable dreams in reverse-chronological order</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/liminality/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/topics/notes/index.html b/topics/notes/index.html
index dcddf70e..1b442d37 100644
--- a/topics/notes/index.html
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@@ -106,4 +106,4 @@
 
   setTheme(preferredTheme || (darkQuery.matches ? 'dark' : 'light'))
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->notes</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->notes<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/misc/koans/">A collection of kōans</a></h3><small>2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/zen/">zen, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism</a></small><p>Kōans that I find thought-provoking</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/">Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology</a></h3><small>2022-04-16<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-16<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lectures/">lectures, </a><a href="/topics/biology/">biology, </a><a href="/topics/evolution/">evolution</a></small><p>Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/spirituality/nhat-hahn-thich-the-miracle-of-mindfulness/">Nhat Hahn, Thich; The Miracle of Mindfulness</a></h3><small>2022-04-07<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-07<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism, </a><a href="/topics/thich nhat hahn/">thich nhat hahn, </a><a href="/topics/mindfulness/">mindfulness, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hahn</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/">Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/">Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)</a></h3><small>2022-04-18<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-02<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lewis carroll/">lewis carroll, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland, </a><a href="/topics/fantasy/">fantasy</a></small><p>Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/">Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)</a></h3><small>2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/investigations of a dog/">investigations of a dog, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/misc/bathroom-epigraphs/">A collection of bathroom epigraphs</a></h3><small>2022-07-25<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></small><p>The words of prophets are written on bathroom walls</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/">Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner&#x27;s Mind (1970)</a></h3><small>2023-01-26<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-26<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lectures/">lectures, </a><a href="/topics/zen/">zen, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism, </a><a href="/topics/mindfulness/">mindfulness</a></small><p>Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)</a></h3><small>2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/purpose/">purpose</a></small><p>Notes on The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)</a></h3><small>2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony, </a><a href="/topics/science/">science, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)</a></h3><small>2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/slaughterhouse-five/">slaughterhouse-five, </a><a href="/topics/war/">war, </a><a href="/topics/world war ii/">world war ii, </a><a href="/topics/time/">time, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children's Crusade by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></h3><small>2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/metafiction/">metafiction, </a><a href="/topics/kilgore trout/">kilgore trout, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/free will/">free will, </a><a href="/topics/schizophrenia/">schizophrenia, </a><a href="/topics/solipsism/">solipsism, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/">Content consumption queue</a></h3><small>2021-10-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></small><p>A note to keep track of what I should read/watch/listen to next</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/personal/dream-journal/">Dream journal</a></h3><small>2021-10-03<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/dreams/">dreams, </a><a href="/topics/personal/">personal, </a><a href="/topics/liminality/">liminality, </a><a href="/topics/subconscious/">subconscious</a></small><p>A log of my more memorable dreams in reverse-chronological order</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. 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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->notes</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->notes<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/misc/koans/">A collection of kōans</a></h3><small>2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/zen/">zen, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism</a></small><p>Kōans that I find thought-provoking</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/lectures/sapolosky-robert-human-behavioral-biology/">Sapolosky, Robert; Human Behavioral Biology</a></h3><small>2022-04-16<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-16<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lectures/">lectures, </a><a href="/topics/biology/">biology, </a><a href="/topics/evolution/">evolution</a></small><p>Notes on Robert Sapolosky's lecture series on human behavioral biology</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/spirituality/nhat-hahn-thich-the-miracle-of-mindfulness/">Nhat Hahn, Thich; The Miracle of Mindfulness</a></h3><small>2022-04-07<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-07<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism, </a><a href="/topics/thich nhat hahn/">thich nhat hahn, </a><a href="/topics/mindfulness/">mindfulness, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hahn</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/">Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1800s/carroll-lewis-alice-in-wonderland/">Carroll, Lewis; Alice in Wonderland (1865)</a></h3><small>2022-04-18<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-05-02<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lewis carroll/">lewis carroll, </a><a href="/topics/alice in wonderland/">alice in wonderland, </a><a href="/topics/fantasy/">fantasy</a></small><p>Notes on Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-investigations-of-a-dog/">Kafka, Franz; Investigations of a Dog (1922)</a></h3><small>2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/investigations of a dog/">investigations of a dog, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on Investigations of a Dog by Franz Kafka</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/misc/bathroom-epigraphs/">A collection of bathroom epigraphs</a></h3><small>2022-07-25<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-22<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></small><p>The words of prophets are written on bathroom walls</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/essays/spirituality/suzuki-shunryu-zen-mind-beginners-mind/">Suzuki, Shunryū; Zen Mind, Beginner&#x27;s Mind (1970)</a></h3><small>2023-01-26<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-26<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/lectures/">lectures, </a><a href="/topics/zen/">zen, </a><a href="/topics/buddhism/">buddhism, </a><a href="/topics/mindfulness/">mindfulness</a></small><p>Notes on Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryū Suzuki</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)</a></h3><small>2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/purpose/">purpose</a></small><p>Notes on The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)</a></h3><small>2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony, </a><a href="/topics/science/">science, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)</a></h3><small>2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/slaughterhouse-five/">slaughterhouse-five, </a><a href="/topics/war/">war, </a><a href="/topics/world war ii/">world war ii, </a><a href="/topics/time/">time, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children's Crusade by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></h3><small>2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/metafiction/">metafiction, </a><a href="/topics/kilgore trout/">kilgore trout, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/free will/">free will, </a><a href="/topics/schizophrenia/">schizophrenia, </a><a href="/topics/solipsism/">solipsism, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/personal/dream-journal/">Dream journal</a></h3><small>2021-10-03<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/dreams/">dreams, </a><a href="/topics/personal/">personal, </a><a href="/topics/liminality/">liminality, </a><a href="/topics/subconscious/">subconscious</a></small><p>A log of my more memorable dreams in reverse-chronological order</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/personal/content-consumption-queue/">Content consumption queue</a></h3><small>2021-10-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-10<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/notes/">notes</a></small><p>A note to keep track of what I should read/watch/listen to next</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/notes/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/topics/personal/index.html b/topics/personal/index.html
index 1e045138..dc4aec4e 100644
--- a/topics/personal/index.html
+++ b/topics/personal/index.html
@@ -106,4 +106,4 @@
 
   setTheme(preferredTheme || (darkQuery.matches ? 'dark' : 'light'))
 }()
-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->personal</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->personal<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/personal/dream-journal/">Dream journal</a></h3><small>2021-10-03<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-25<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/dreams/">dreams, </a><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/personal/">personal, </a><a href="/topics/liminality/">liminality, </a><a href="/topics/subconscious/">subconscious</a></small><p>A log of my more memorable dreams in reverse-chronological order</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/personal/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/topics/philosophy/index.html b/topics/philosophy/index.html
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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->science fiction</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->science fiction<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-the-sirens-of-titan/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; The Sirens of Titan (1959)</a></h3><small>2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-02-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/purpose/">purpose</a></small><p>Notes on The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)</a></h3><small>2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony, </a><a href="/topics/science/">science, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-slaughterhouse-five/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)</a></h3><small>2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-08-04<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/slaughterhouse-five/">slaughterhouse-five, </a><a href="/topics/war/">war, </a><a href="/topics/world war ii/">world war ii, </a><a href="/topics/time/">time, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Slaughterhouse-Five, or The Children's Crusade by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></h3><small>2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/metafiction/">metafiction, </a><a href="/topics/kilgore trout/">kilgore trout, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/free will/">free will, </a><a href="/topics/schizophrenia/">schizophrenia, </a><a href="/topics/solipsism/">solipsism, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. 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diff --git a/topics/science/index.html b/topics/science/index.html
index 5c50894e..31f97930 100644
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   setTheme(preferredTheme || (darkQuery.matches ? 'dark' : 'light'))
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->science</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->science<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)</a></h3><small>2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony, </a><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/science/">science, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/science/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->science</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->science<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-cats-cradle/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Cat&#x27;s Cradle (1963)</a></h3><small>2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-31<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony, </a><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/science/">science, </a><a href="/topics/religion/">religion</a></small><p>Notes on Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/science/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/topics/slaughterhouse-five/index.html b/topics/slaughterhouse-five/index.html
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diff --git a/topics/solipsism/index.html b/topics/solipsism/index.html
index daf68a0e..ee013e48 100644
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->solipsism</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->solipsism<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></h3><small>2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/metafiction/">metafiction, </a><a href="/topics/kilgore trout/">kilgore trout, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/free will/">free will, </a><a href="/topics/schizophrenia/">schizophrenia, </a><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/solipsism/">solipsism, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/solipsism/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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+    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->solipsism</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->solipsism<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-10-11</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1950-1999/vonnegut-kurt-breakfast-of-champions/">Vonnegut Jr., Kurt; Breakfast of Champions (1973)</a></h3><small>2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-01-28<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/kurt vonnegut/">kurt vonnegut, </a><a href="/topics/metafiction/">metafiction, </a><a href="/topics/kilgore trout/">kilgore trout, </a><a href="/topics/science fiction/">science fiction, </a><a href="/topics/free will/">free will, </a><a href="/topics/schizophrenia/">schizophrenia, </a><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/solipsism/">solipsism, </a><a href="/topics/irony/">irony</a></small><p>Notes on Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/solipsism/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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diff --git a/topics/songs from the arc of life/index.html b/topics/songs from the arc of life/index.html
index f5421bdf..9016f8da 100644
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index 2363a608..5022c911 100644
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diff --git a/topics/the Crisis/index.html b/topics/the Crisis/index.html
index 5916bd02..2372fbb7 100644
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@@ -106,4 +106,4 @@
 
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->the trial</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->the trial<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/notes/books/novels/1900-1949/kafka-franz-the-trial/">Kafka, Franz; The Trial (1915)</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-17<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/notes/">notes, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/philosophy/">philosophy, </a><a href="/topics/absurdism/">absurdism</a></small><p>Notes on The Trial by Franz Kafka, translated by Breon Mitchell</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/10/01/">October 1st, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/ms. lauryn hill/">ms. lauryn hill</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-10-01; more thoughts on The Trial; connections to Mystery of Iniquity by Ms. Lauryn Hill</p></div><div><h3><a href="/journal/2021/09/30/">September 30th, 2021</a></h3><small>2021-09-30<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2021-10-01<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/life update/">life update, </a><a href="/topics/the trial/">the trial, </a><a href="/topics/kafka, franz/">kafka, franz, </a><a href="/topics/the Crisis/">the Crisis, </a><a href="/topics/mother/">mother, </a><a href="/topics/father/">father, </a><a href="/topics/songs from the arc of life/">songs from the arc of life, </a><a href="/topics/capgras/">capgras</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2021-09-30; life update; finished The Trial; other random thoughts</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. 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diff --git a/topics/time/index.html b/topics/time/index.html
index fa5d4943..8118f4e2 100644
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index c991a503..55c34e02 100644
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-    </script><div id="___gatsby"><div style="outline:none" tabindex="-1" id="gatsby-focus-wrapper"><div><ul class="sc-dkzDqf kUhyaw"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></ul><div class="sc-gsnTZi hRjGel"><div></div> <div></div><div></div></div><nav class="sc-bczRLJ hjlEAG navigation"><ul><li><a href="/">Home</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/topics">Topics</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/essays">Essays</a></li><li><a href="/notes">Notes</a></li><li><a href="/journal">Journal</a></li><li> | </li><li><a href="/about-me">About Me</a></li><li><a href="/about-this-site">About This Site</a></li></ul></nav></div><main class="content" role="main"><header><h1>Topic:<!-- -->uncertainty</h1><p class="subtitle">Collection of posts on the topic `<!-- -->uncertainty<!-- -->`</p><p class="pageinfo">2021-09-27 ○ last updated: <!-- -->2023-05-26</p></header><article><div class="page-content"><div><h3><a href="/journal/2022/04/10/">April 10th, 2022</a></h3><small>2022-04-10<!-- --> ○ last updated: <!-- -->2022-04-10<!-- --> ○ topics:<!-- --> <a href="/topics/journal/">journal, </a><a href="/topics/cognition/">cognition, </a><a href="/topics/loneliness/">loneliness, </a><a aria-current="page" class="" href="/topics/uncertainty/">uncertainty</a></small><p>Journal entry for 2022-04-10; a bird's love life; cognition; a slight descent into madness</p></div></div></article></main><footer class="sc-hKMtZM hYZRff footer">© <!-- -->2023<!-- -->,<!-- --> <a href="https://lee-janice.github.io">a cozy space</a>. Built with<!-- --> <a href="https://www.gatsbyjs.org">Gatsby</a>.</footer><div class="theme-toggler"><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:17px;bottom:25px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Dark mode</label><label style="float:right;position:fixed;right:5px;bottom:5px"><input type="checkbox"/> <!-- -->Modern mode</label></div><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0"/></div><div id="gatsby-announcer" style="position:absolute;top:0;width:1px;height:1px;padding:0;overflow:hidden;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);white-space:nowrap;border:0" aria-live="assertive" aria-atomic="true"></div></div><script>window.goatcounter={no_onload:true,};</script><script async="" data-goatcounter="https://lee-janice.goatcounter.com/count" src="https://gc.zgo.at/count.js"></script><script id="gatsby-script-loader">/*<![CDATA[*/window.pagePath="/topics/uncertainty/";window.___webpackCompilationHash="8f5eb21dde37be9bced3";/*]]>*/</script><script id="gatsby-chunk-mapping">/*<![CDATA[*/window.___chunkMapping={"polyfill":["/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js"],"app":["/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js"],"component---src-pages-404-tsx":["/component---src-pages-404-tsx-86cde0e5807eac6e7ef5.js"],"component---src-pages-essays-tsx":["/component---src-pages-essays-tsx-2d9b0803b283f003f65b.js"],"component---src-pages-index-tsx":["/component---src-pages-index-tsx-e6e81d6fc43f8c5e3abd.js"],"component---src-pages-journal-tsx":["/component---src-pages-journal-tsx-9dfb94ecc30535a61fe4.js"],"component---src-pages-notes-tsx":["/component---src-pages-notes-tsx-a65d8c7cd8d89f8803ed.js"],"component---src-pages-topics-tsx":["/component---src-pages-topics-tsx-096b4185459071657fd8.js"],"component---src-templates-booknote-tsx":["/component---src-templates-booknote-tsx-c553d8e3614c05356454.js"],"component---src-templates-month-tsx":["/component---src-templates-month-tsx-0d8cadf546bf6fcea9df.js"],"component---src-templates-post-tsx":["/component---src-templates-post-tsx-e7308c3965a31cf3bf39.js"],"component---src-templates-topic-tsx":["/component---src-templates-topic-tsx-d020b4f4a6ec115ebc84.js"],"component---src-templates-year-tsx":["/component---src-templates-year-tsx-a1f6b560a3ffb03faf6c.js"]};/*]]>*/</script><script src="/polyfill-b0d8ae0c6bc1b7693580.js" nomodule=""></script><script src="/app-efc28b034853e4b97f47.js" async=""></script><script src="/framework-bee3621b0a6710185965.js" async=""></script><script src="/webpack-runtime-484c3fe9ce0c2fec05c6.js" async=""></script></body></html>
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